Mar 31 2010

"Wow. If you really think that was a good idea, maybe your mum should rethink having YOU was a good idea."

"Who's eating popping candy? I hope you brought enough for everybody. I like big bags. Pop your fucking head off!"
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Karen's notes: Adam was silent last night. These are some that I've stashed away for such days.

Completely irrelevant plug: I PROMISE not to make a habit of using this space to promote things unrelated-- and I ask your pardon in advance-- but this is too close to my heart for me to let it go by completely unmentioned. If you live in the Boston area, you might want to check out the amazingly cool show that my brother wrote and directed. It's described as a "punk cabaret fairy tale," and has been getting a nice bit of press. It opens next week. Details here: www.performancelaboratory.com.

Mar 30 2010

(Poor little Molly the dog is chewing on her foot)

"Nibbling. Stop your nibbling. Always with the nibbling. Nibble my fucking fist! That'll stop your nibbling. Can't nibble with no teeth."

"Damn you lentil gods. Banish thee and your evil produce!"

"Thunder... Thunder- Thundercats are cool. Except for the little ginger one. There's always the ginger one."

 or click here

I assume he's talking about this one:



And in response to requests, here's Molly the little beagle:

Mar 29 2010

"Listen to you? I'd rather listen to the sound of me sucking out the juices of a corpse through its anal sphincter. Harsh, but true."

 or click here

"Hey, who put my elbows on backwards?! That's not fucking funny!"

"Yeah, take a gooood look. Keep looking. Makes you feel sooooo goooood."

"Damnit, I'm gonna be late. I've run out of nipple glue! Always at the worst times."

 or click here

At this point, Adam rolled over, snuggled up, put his arm around me, and crooned:

"Arse chunder chunks."

And then, after a violent coughing fit:

"Mexican banditos!"

Mar 28 2010

"Scientists in the future will completely struggle to work out how you were ever classified as an intelligent life form."

"Give me a pope on a rope any day, not shit on a string."
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Karen's note: Adam didn't talk last night, these are from my collection of honeymoon leftovers. On the nights that he talks a lot, I've started keeping a couple back so I have something for you all on his silent nights.

Mar 27 2010

"Bacon sandwich. It's delicious. I want it now. Meet bacon rage."

"Smug fucking chameleon, with it's googly oogly eyes. Stick it in front of the TV. That'll fuck it up."
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Karen's note: I think Adam would have said more, if he hadn't been woken up by the huge THUD of my computer falling on the floor. My apologies!

Shameless merchandise plug: We had lots of requests for "cake o'clock" stuff, so there are now t-shirts, aprons, mugs and more. We also added "direct line to god", "pony for sale", and others.

There are a bunch of new ringtones as well, but the shop is having technical problems fulfilling orders to the US. They tell us it will be fixed soon. In the meantime, feel free to go to the ringtone shop to hear some bonus audio. Listening is free!

Mar 26 2010

"Tiny tiny tadpoles. Millions of the wriggly little buggers. Don't give 'em feet yet! Too soon."

"Yeah, I want a bike with 128 gears. Fuck off, I'm not gonna ride it, schmuck. I wanna BRAG about it."

"No emails? Is it working? Don't you want to speak to me? (whines pathetically) Communication paranoia!"

"Oh, put the phone down... No, you put it down first.... No, you... Just put the arse-rimming pig-fucking mother-shit fuck phone down! Jeeesuuuusssss... Whatever."

 or click here

Mar 25 2010

[the dog is scratching her ear, making a ticking sound] "Tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick..." [singing] "I'm the driver of the train." [then forcefully] "I don't like your face, get off my train! Don't you shake your head, get off my train. Piss off, I don't want old people. They're just sooo slooow."

"It's cake o'clock! All day long."

 or click here

"You got a shirts for hippos? Hippo shirts. Yes. Hippo sodding potty mouths. With shirts on. Perfect!"

 or click here

Mar 24 2010

"Mango-munching monkeys. Crazy swinging creatures."

"I'm totally too bad-ass for tango. Cha cha cha!"

 or click here

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Karen's note: About four years ago, I volunteered at an animal sanctuary in Brazil. I had a special monkey that I took care of, named Kurma, and he LOVED mango. If I gave him mango in his dish, he would ignore the rest of his food. I have lots of pictures of him with mango all over his face.

Mar 23 2010

"Today is a good day. I like today. Today, I feel good. Today, I'm going to tell you, you're a cum stain and your presence in my life is nothing. Today is a good day."

"That goat's mad. Don't pick his beard. Don't pick his beard, I said! Ohhhh, now your ass is his."

"Noisy munchkins. Always making noise, those little buggers. Got to keep them under control. Use a hammer. Bash them on the head! Now they're quiet."

"Don't pick me last. No, please. Oh, you bastard! Now I'm not going to play... I know I'm sulking. You can fucking suck my fat one."

Mar 22 2010

"Sure you can have my phone number. It's like having a direct line to God. But better. Because I answer."
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Karen's note: Although no one can complain that the quality isn't there, we're just not getting the quantity we want out of Adam in the last few days. I think it's time to try out cheese before bed.

So, here's a bonus leftover from honeymoon.
__________

"Is there something scratching in here? Shhhhh. Scratching things, everybody stop! Everybody stop! I've got to listen to the scratching things. Stop scratching, YOU! Stop scratchiiiing... Thank you... You're the scratchy thing, you're the scratchy thing. Cock off!"

 or click here

Mar 21 2010

"I could have sworn you put the bed here. Why am I laying in all this shit? You moved the bed! You moved the bed. Don't ever move the bed again."

"There's only one thing that comes as close as being as fantastic as me, and that's my reflection. All hail the beautiful mirror. Wow."

Mar 20 2010

"Yeah, cause, crampons are absolutely unsuitable for tap dancing. Potentially bloody, in fact. A total waste of fucking time."

"You, sir, are the used sock on a teenager's floor. Nothing more."
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Karen's note: Crampons are those spikes that mountain climbers attach to their shoes to dig into the ice. Yeah, not so great for tap-dancing.

Mar 19 2010

"Little hands can't manhandle. No. They can only minihandle. Oh, pity those little digits."

"Oh, tea me up, baby. I love a good cuppa char."

"You are the perfect candidate for post-natal abortion. Got it?"
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Karen's notes:

cup of char = cup of tea, Adam tells me.

I've put 8 new quotes up in the US t-shirt shop, including "can do attitude" and "that manatee is going down." I'll catch up on the UK t-shirts and mugs by tomorrow. Links to all in the left-hand column.

Mar 18 2010

"I want to see the piglets. Let me see the piglets. Why can't I see the piglets? Ohhhh, piglets! ...Fuck they stink! I want to go home now. Stinky fucking piglets."

 or click here

__________

Karen's notes: No talking last night, so that one's a honeymoon leftover. And here are the park's piglets (which Adam had heard lots about, but not yet had an opportunity to visit when he said this):

Mar 17 2010

"I need a book. A big book. And the loo. Happiness."

"I'm sorry, but, you can take your can-do attitude and fuck it 'til it's raw. Can you do that? Can you?"

"Those brown sharks are worrisome. Bobbing in the river. They give me the willies."

"Need room. Spread my wings."
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Karen's notes:

loo = toilet

Also, that last one was said during a late-night battle for space and duvet (comforter).