Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts. Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)
Karen's notes: Wow. What a night. I put four more aside, if you can believe it. This nears Adam's record of eleven in one night.
What you hear at the end of that last one is Adam waking up in great pain, having gotten his hand stuck between the slats of the headboard. He has made me feel extremely guilty for finding his injury amusing.
Here's something mildly interesting: Adam has an important meeting today with a client. And he had an important meeting on Wednesday, having chattered his head off Tuesday night. A pattern, perhaps?
Merch update: Nope, I was wrong, the ringtone shop has NOT sorted out their US delivery issues. I'll be using a new shop starting later today.
Added later: Ok, I have officially given up on that ringtone shop. Here is the link to the new one, with 14 new ringtones!
Karen's notes: Well, I guess after Adam's impressive performance the night before last, he needed a night off. These are from the stockpile.
Merch update: Our ringtone shop has finally worked out their issues with delivering to the United States. It's ringtones for everybody again! And I'll be adding about 15 more later today, including "great day." There will even be a bit of never-before-heard audio there, so you might want to go over for a listen, even if you have no interest in buying.
Added later: The ringtone shop is having ANOTHER technical problem, which prevents me from putting up the 15 new ones. But, there are 26 classics up there now!
"What's the time? Goddamit!... What's the time? Fucking shite!... What's the time? Great, now I'm gonna be fucking late. Next time answer me the first time. Titty fuck!"
Karen's notes: A special treat today - all the audio!
I was just getting back into bed from the bathroom when Adam asked, "What's the time?" I couldn't figure out if he was awake or asleep, that being, of course, the logical question to ask upon waking unexpectedly. Not that he usually swears like that when awake but, you know, no one really likes waking up in the dead of night. He kept asking, and I was suspended in confused silence, waiting for a sign. Once he got to "now I'm gonna be fucking late," my confusion evaporated.
When he said "arse bags," I thought, "did he just say arse bags?" And then, as if hearing my silent question, he made himself perfectly clear. By that time, I was starting to lose it, as you can hear.
Those of us who grew up in the 80s certainly know what weebles are. "Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!" Does that ring a bell? For you young 'uns out there, this is a weeble. You smack them, and they pop right back up!
To fully understand what he was saying, you need to remember that, in the UK, "jelly" = jell-o.
By the time he got to "crosshairs of my love," he had rolled over and had his arm around me. When he ended with "Bitch," I broke down laughing. He woke up, hearing a gasping sounds and feeling my body shake, and asked me with great concern why I was crying.
Karen's notes: These are saved from last night. Sometimes, when there are a bunch in one night that have killer audio, I just have to put some aside for a night he doesn't talk. That way, everyone can appreciate each more fully.
"We need a bigger boat. This one is just so rockety wibble. Ahhh. It's wobbling again. It wibbles and it wobbles. Make it stop. Ugh. I've gone green. Please make it stop, please! Well, thank you.
Karen's notes: I can explain that first one. I had insomnia and was bored. So, in an experiment to see how I could affect Adam's sleep talking, I started wiggling to shake the bed slightly. You can imagine how guilty I felt when it resulted in him apparently getting seasick and begging for it to stop. Oops. Bad wife.
As for his joyful birthday celebration, he actually woke himself up yelling "where are my presents." Just in time, too, because I was having trouble holding in my laughter.
Karen's notes: "Lion" was shouted upon waking, in response to me caressing Adam's shoulder lovingly. I must admit, though, I was doing it on purpose, knowing he would yell out the name of some creature or another.
Merch update: For those of you in the UK, I have finally gotten the UK shirt shop caught up on products. Sorry 'bout the lag
"Never before have I had the opportunity to ride one of these wonderful creatures. I'm gonna take it slow, and make it last all day. Mmmm-hmmm. I love saddling up my hamster."
"To think your mum and dad were sober when they decided to have you. It beggars belief."
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Karen's notes: Remember two days ago, when I said it was a whole night of STM at his meanest? These are the other awful things he said. Who IS this man in my bed?!
To my great astonishment, yesterday's quote was a massive hit! It broke the record for "likes" on Facebook, it was retweeted like crazy, and there were so many shout-outs for merch, I had to oblige. It's on shirts, mugs, and mousepads now.
AND, the US shirt shop is doing a special for Mother's Day: free shipping on women's apparel. Use coupon code MAY1.
"You really are life's wet patch. An embarrassing little stain that no one wants to admit to.... or sleep on."
"God, you whine like whale song. But a lot less erie and beautiful and more, well, fucking annoying. Fuck off you FUCK FUCK. Dick fuck! Can you tell I don't like you?"
"You over there, you're going to be my friend today... I don't know about tomorrow, let's just get through today, arsehole."
__________
Karen's note: Ummm... I just don't know what to say about these. What a jerk! There was even more-- I put a couple aside for a night Adam doesn't talk-- and they were all horrible. And yet, Adam wakes up cheerful and delightful. Or perhaps this is WHY Adam wakes up cheerful and delightful.
Karen's notes: I had recorder issues last night. Adam was chattering away for a while before I looked over and realized that the batteries had died in the night. I changed them and caught these, but I was pretty gutted over whatever I had missed. Something about leathery toad soup.
Karen's note: For you Americans out there, yes, zebra is pronounced with a short e sound in the UK. And it's used a lot, because an English "zebra crossing" is a US "cross walk" (black and white stripes, get it?). Thus, embarrassingly, that is how I have come to pronounce it as well.
Audio update (please, god, let it be the last one): A few people were still have trouble. So, just to be safe, I added a backup link to the audio. Anyone who can't see the player should definitely be able to use that.
Karen's notes: Sounds like Adam spent the evening in a playground... for amputees?
Audio update: ARGH!
I finally decided yesterday to put up two players for each clip, one the worked on all web browsers, one for iPhone peeps. After implementing it on loads of past posts (which took forever), I discovered that the iPhone one was causing all sorts of problems. So I had to take it back down.
iPhone users, I will keep looking for something for you guys.
For those who have been missing out on the audio all along, I have applied the new player to the "Audio" page, which has all the clips that have ever been put up on the blog.
Karen's note: Get it? Double death! 1) Cheese (lactose intolerant), and 2) Garlic (vampire man)! Ok, I needed Adam to spell it out for me this morning.
Shameless merch plug: Finally got the new shirts, mugs, and mousepads in! I had to include "Beware the werepig" at the last moment. Still need to get the UK shirt shop up-to-date.
Audio update: I'm still working out the best way to put up audio. I'm testing some players on the FAQ page. If you want to help, go over there and let me know which ones are working for you.
Karen's notes: Yes, you heard right, Werepig-- a distant relative, I assume, of the werewolf. I would really love for someone to draw me a picture of a werepig.
I love how that last one ends up sounding like a public service announcement.
Added later: the audio player I had been using suddenly seems to be having a problem. I've replaced it with a Google one temporarily. Hopefully, that will work for everyone. If so, I'll replace the code for all the audio clips later. If you can't see/play the audio clips above, please let me know in the comments, and tell me what browser you are using.
Added later later: I'm still looking for a way to embed audio that will work for everyone. In the meantime, I've put in links to open them in your own media players.
