Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts. Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)
(as I slide back into bed) "Oh, tremors! Quick, under the table! Leave the goldfish though. Little shit. Let him suffer. Thinks he's all high and mighty 'cause he's got a castle."
Karen's notes: Thanks to everyone for my wonderful birthday wishes yesterday!
To our eighteen goldfish, I wish to say: Don't feel bad, little guys. Daddy wasn't talking about you. Daddy loves you.
Adam knows where the power boat reference came from: He had his kids in Camden Market yesterday, and they all (him included) went crazy for a huge toy power boat.
ps - I went back and added the "lego" audio from two days ago.
Karen's notes: You would think that on my birthday, Adam would give me something really juicy, right? But you know what I got? A whole lotta nuthin! I had to dip into the nestegg again.
These are both from a couple of weeks ago. Personally, I love that second one, how he giggles at the word buttocks. What is he, like, nine?
All of the following occurred around 3 in the morning. I was already awake when it got going, as I'm in one of my insomniac phases. It began like this:
"Going to husband school. Yeah. Always having to do better. The teacher's a bitch and there's no chance of graduating."
And then, Just as I've settled back in, he whispers in my ear:
"Shhh. I can smell you. I hear through my nose."
(That was just too quiet for the recorder to get.) This is about the point where I'm hyperventilating, trying to keep my giggles under control.
Shortly after this, I feel Adam wrestling with the headboard. Yes, we had another episode of him getting his hand caught between the slats. It was a silent struggle, no biting ponies this time, but he woke himself up nevertheless. Here's a bit of the "reveal":
Karen's notes: This one's easy. We watched a nature program on Saturday about hippos. Along with learning how it is possible for them to fit the entire top half of a man in their mouths, we also learned all about how they communicate by humming and grunting through their nostrils. Thanks, Discovery channel!
Merch update: New t-shirts and mugs! You'll find "fashion assassins", "tap dancing hamsters", "crosshairs of my love" and "arseholes unite" along with all the classics.
Also, buy 4 shirts, get the 5th free! The US shop is doing a special right now, so find four friends or colleagues who want shirts and keep the free one for yourself! (yes, of course I'm joking, you moral people). US $ customers, use code MAYSHIRTS, Canadian $ customers use CADMAYSHIRTS.
ps- for those UK customers who feel shafted, we're really sorry, these specials are all done by Spreadshirt, not us. Write and tell them how you feel!
Karen's notes: That last one is my personal favorite in a while. It's all about the audio.
These happened around 3:30 in the morning. A few hours later, about 10 minutes before the alarm was to go off, I wanted to see if I could get more out of him, so I started making little noises. Adam's eyes suddenly popped open and he said in his most accusing voice, "Were you humming at me? You bloody well were, weren't you!" I tried to play it off, but I was totally busted. Experiment fail.
"You give me stress, anxiety, days filled with woe. I give you, I don't know, a kick in the fucking balls. I think that kind of makes it fair. Arsehole."
"Shoot the fucking cellist. Pompous cunt with his oversized violin."
"I have succumbed to temptation! Mankini or body wax? Decisions, decisions..."
Karen's notes: Does it occur to anyone else that if one chooses to wear a mankini, one should ALSO get a body wax? Choosing between these options doesn't strike me as the best plan.
Added later: Ah! Someone made a comment that may have shed light on STM's difficult decision. They read it differently than I heard it, but I think they may be correct: "I think the waxing one was the choice between a "Mankini wax" or a whole body wax. Like women have a "Bikini wax"." That does make a lot more sense. Thanks, MsM!
Karen's notes: Poor Adam has a terrible cold/flu. Sick = no sleep = no sleep talking. I hope he gets better soon. He has a responsibility to amuse us!
These are from the stockpile. That second one I've been waiting to share for a long time. It's from our honeymoon. Nice, right?
Added later: Some people, after reading that last one, have expressed concern for my feelings. Don't worry, everyone! Adam and I are very secure in our feelings for each other, and I don't ever worry that his subconscious self is talking to me.
Karen's notes: These were from Saturday morning. We'd already woken up, I'd blogged, Adam decided to have an extra little snooze, and started blabbing.
Because I can only assume that the first one makes at least a few people cringe as much as it makes me cringe, I want to let you all know, yet again, that Adam awake is a very sweet, good-natured, non-violent guy.
As for Captain Fluffer, I had to explain the term "fluffer" to Adam. For those who aren't familiar, I suggest Wikipedia.
"When I grow up, I want to be respectful of my parents. Of all the wonderful things they've done for me.... Yeah right. Pffffft. Just give me presents."
Karen's notes: Just before we went to sleep last night, we were researching working farms to take Adam's children to on holiday. That might explain those first two. I should also mention that Farmer Barleymow was a character on some creepy-looking cartoon from Adam's childhood. Here he is on his tractor:
As for that last one, I want to take this awkward opportunity to say that Adam's parents are lovely people, and he loves them very much.
"Arseholes of the world unite! And fuck off together."
"Your silence says a lot. Mainly, you haven't got the intellect to say something mildly witty. Or intelligent. Or anything of substance. You are, by definition, a fuck-up."
Karen's notes: Another quiet night for Adam. Clearly, we need to set up "important meetings" for Adam every day. These are some of the leftovers from last night.
Added a bit later: Adam fell back to sleep after I posted, and chattered away! I'll save those for the next silent night.
