"Oh, thank you for inviting me to dinner. I would rather drink the contents of a week-old enema. Maybe we'll have coffee."  ...

"Why don't you close your eyes. See that? That's how many friends you have. Yeah, you can cry. I would. Next!"   or cli...

"Fuck! If I don't get to the mother fucking flower show, I'm gonna fucking kill someone!"   or click here __________ K...

"Shhh. I'm joining the ninja choir. We have to harmonize in silence. So shush."   or click here This was about 9:10. I kne...

"Oh for pity's sake, man. It's banana, banana, mushroom, banana, no apples! No apples! What the fuck are you playing at? Oh, Je...

( sort of singing ) "Do re mi... fucking so la ti do, arsehole."   or click here "I need warblers. Not Wombles, warblers! Y...

From the nest-egg, saved for this special day: "Jesus needs me. If I don't believe, he don't exist."   or click here (...

"Your voice has that haunting melody of whale song… without pitch or tone. Painful. Fucking painful."   or click here __________...

"I will not do emails. No. I'm computer eliterate."   or click here "You've got ping pong all wrong. You pong inste...

WEDNESDAY REWIND: STM on Artistic Expression "I made snot pictures. I sneeze in my gallery, all day. Lots of different colours. Making...

"One... two... four... It's one. Oh, bollocks! Three arseholes in my life, there's three! Uch, I'll never get this right......

"Awful! Awful awful awful. Too much to carry, and not enough credit. The world sucks."   or click here "Come on! Jump into ...

"God, I can read your mind. I see blank pages, more blank pages— oh, cute kitty! Oh, lovely little kitty— more blank pages... God, you...

"Am I turning into a unicorn? Am I? Only, I'm not into the horn. I could be a unic. Like, unique. Yeah."   or click here ...

"Don't ask me what time I'm gonna call. I'll fucking call whenever I want. Kisses!"   or click here "Mind the d...