20100113

Jan 12 2010

"I'm baking pillows. Burn them slowly, keeps them fluffy! Mmmmmm, pillows."

"Potato bags. I can't find my potato bags. I need them! [desperately] Who's got my potato bags? Oh, fuck it! I'll have to use something else."

"Dogs' scrotums. They stretch."

"Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling."


Karen's note: After we listened to the recording, Adam turned to me and said, "I've never had pork chops."

156 comments:

  1. haha, this has to be one of the most random things i've read ina while.

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  2. I have the same problem with my potato bags, always losing them. Wait, what's a potato bag?

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  3. Haha, maybe he watched Scrubs before, they were recently talking about pork chops, I think.

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  4. any chance the potato bags quote is going to go on a shirt?
    it made me laugh so hard.

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  5. A lentil basher who's never had pork chops? Now that's unbelievable.

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  6. Any chance you could post one small audio clip so we could hear his voice? I have a feeling this would get exponentially more hilarious (if that's even possible) if I could hear a nice english man's voice saying these bizarre quotes!

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  7. January 12th is my birthday, and therefore I was so excited to read the newest posts!

    Did you need the potato bags to put the finished pillows in? Because, as we all know, you need to store them safely in order to sell them for a reasonable-but-not-to-cheap price.

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  8. Happy F*@cking Birthday.

    Love

    Sleep Talkin' man (Really!)

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  9. Potato bags? hahah
    I think I woke up my dog laughing XD

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  10. hahaha.. keep it going! cracks up me a lot, esp during a stressful day at work.

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  11. I never felt this problem with potato bags.

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  12. I can't breathe from laughing so hard.

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  13. Please check out my blog post today. It's about you!

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  14. After reading through every 'hilarious' comment...I have a couple of serious questions.
    1. Are you a vegetarion (the wife), and your husband is not?
    2. How's your relationship as it sounds like he has a lot of built up resentment?

    Good stuff though!

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  15. Is it only me who finds this all a bit contrived.

    Almost as if, shock horror it is all made up.

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  16. I am in the office crying with laughter. This site will be saved to my favourites! Does he swear like that when awake or is it sleep tourettes? LOL

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  17. This is comedy genius! Our whole office has been laughing out loud. I fear I may have damaged something. This will now be the first place I come when turning on my computer - far more important than catching up on the news on the BBC!

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  18. This is insane!!!! I love it!!!! I actually laughed out loud at all of this... And to those who suspect fraud, it's funny, so who cares?!?!

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  19. This blog is AWESOME. I wish I was half this witty when I was awake.

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  20. To clarify, the reason I asked my questions before.

    I'm married to a vegetarian and I have a lot of supressed resentment towards her for various things she's done...and I'm sure that if I could record things I say at night or what I think every time I see her eating, getting dressed or hear her talking - the resulting blog would be very similar to this one!

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  21. Apparently I oncve said "I'll have the prawns please" in my sleep, but this is a million times more wonderful.

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  22. Hahahahahaha, Just read through all of these and love it!!! BEST Quotes EVER!

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  23. Thanks, everyone!

    To answer Pablo's question, neither of us are vegetarians (although, if I lived by my beliefs and wasn't kind of a hypocrit, I would be).

    As for the appearance of pent-up resentment, let's just say that Adam and I have faced an above-average number of challenges in the last two years (not against each other, that is, but together), so he's had a lot of reason for stress. I think some of what comes out is a function of that, and is the reason that he handles it all so well in waking life.

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  24. I have just found out about this today and it's simply the best thing i've ever read, in fact that's it, i've decided, i'm going to take my next holiday in your husbands brain, it looks like the most fun place on earth!

    Thank you so much for putting these up, pure genius!

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  25. So, Adam professed to never eating a pork chop before, but was strangely silent regarding stretching dogs' scrotums. Interesting! :)

    Keep up the good dreams!

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  26. Hi, is it possible to make a RSS feed of the daily quotes? That would be cool...

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  27. Be a good wife. Make him some pork chops tonight....Mmmmm...pork chops and apple sauce...

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  28. Haha, this blog is hilarious, got told about it yesterday. Love it

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  29. I love the part about the pillows!

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  30. Hey,
    heard of your blog on 98fm (Radio Dublin, Ireland)this morning and almost crashed the car. Hilarious.... Couldn't stop laughing all day...
    Thanks for making my day brighter :-)
    All the best

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  31. oof can barely breathe!
    am new to blogger and am sorely disappointed this blog hasnt been in my life longer!

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  32. Does he remember any of the dreams?

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  33. Y'know I was just sitting here drowning in self-pity,
    when I came by this site.
    I'm a sucker for random things. I mean.
    I'm pretty random myself.
    I just started laughing to hard I couldn't breathe for a couple minutes.
    This is hilarious. I really needed that laugh.

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  34. Heard of this through Dave on 98fm and thought i'd have a look. Ny other half randomly spouts word vomit in his sleep too but man this is too funny...little bit o pee from laughter I must admit.
    Do you get to sleep at all with him talking??
    Anyhow, love it, cheered me up. :D

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  35. These are recorded!?!? Please post!

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  36. Potato bag pillows? If so, you've burned them all! Try dog scrotums. They stretch, I hear.

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  37. cool. check out my blog.
    http://wwpauljd.blogspot.com/

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  38. I don't get why all of these people are making such a big deal out of this being "fake". Going out of your way to post such hatred is petty, and honestly a LOT of us don't care if it is fake! Regardless it is hilarious, gives people something to smile about, and seems to provide entertainment for the vast majority of people who have voiced an opinion!

    I personally believe it is real, having experienced similar "sleeptalking" firsthand by others. They too crack me up, and I've often thought about keeping a record of it. So keep on hating on this blog if you must, but it seems pretty silly to go through all of the effort to discredit it. We love it!

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  39. Hehe...reminds me of an experience I had. I was up, walking around, not really awake and demanding that my wife tell me where the 'cable balls' were so I could see what time it was. She still gives me crap about it.

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  40. Having previously eaten pork chops is not a prerequisite for using them in a decorative fashion. Hang them from the ceiling! I smell an Art direction Oscar.

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  41. I once woke myself up shouting 'flannel!' no idea why. LOVE this blog :)

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  42. I just found this blog yesterday, and I have come back several times just to laugh again and again. I will be making it a part of my daily "read."

    Thanks so much for sharing, it really brightens my day. Also, everyone I have already shared it with feels the same!

    Thanks!

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  43. Thanks Karen S-L for responding! I completely understand the "handling everyday" comment. I'm a very easy-going level-headed person...but bit by bit it all creeps up.

    I sent a close friend of mine the link to this blog and after laughing a lot the next thing he said to me was "Are you sure they're not your (mine) outbursts, it sounds like you!" :)

    Keep up the good posts and all the best!

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  44. Play us the recordings!

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  45. He's right though. Pork chops do tend to be the most satisfying...

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  46. http://www.superpages.com/yellowpages/C-T-Shirts+Wholesale+&+Manufacturers/

    Which States, and manufactures in here u have dealt with that are best?

    Love you sweetie. Sorry i hurt you so much.

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  47. That's ridiculous.
    Everyone has had pork chops and liked them. Except vegetarians and we all know what will happen to them.

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  48. This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've seen. I've been reading this first thing every morning when I get up. It's the best way to start my day... Thanks!

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  49. Does your husband remember his dreams? Does he ever tell you the context of his ramblings?

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  50. Ha Ha!!! This is fantastic!!! I had a really bad day today, but this put the biggest smile on my face!!! Can't wait to read more!!! Val xx

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  51. this is genius. I do prefer my pork chops only after having been dangled properly from the ceiling. :-)

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  52. This stuff is amazing and hilarious!

    My boyfriend hums in his sleep mostly, but one time, when he fell asleep on the couch watching a movie I got him to talk about the jetsons.

    Him: *humming*
    me: what's wrong?
    him: *mumbles incoherently*
    me: what did you say?
    him: sprockets and cogs...they're both the same thing, why are they competitors? *laughs* either way Jetson's f**king fired...

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  53. Thank you! A freind sent me this link, and I just burned the last hour of work reading and telling everyone I know. I am an Office Manager and I put quotes on an eraserboard on my front door, rotating them weekly. They're usually philosophical, from the Dalai Lama, or MLK...something inspirational or to make a person think. Sleep Talkin' Man, you are totally going to take over now!

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  54. Hilarious! I sleepwalk and talk - this stuff is totally believable! Does he ever scream? I tnd to do that or wake up laughing uncontrollably (like crying with laughter!)

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  55. Just discovered this blog via Plime, and I have to say that it's one of the funniest blogs I have ever read.

    And for those of you who are saying it's fake, doesn't that just mean that she's a very talented writer if she comes up with all these on her own?

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  56. He must be quite the talker in his sleep. What fun! :)



    - Ollie
    olliecrafoord.se

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  57. He didn't say that he'd had the pork chops. He wanted them to hang from the ceiling. Objet de art?

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  58. Just wanted to let you know I wrote about you on my site :)

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  59. eugh... the dog thing.

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  60. Hahaha, a went a couple of blogs back and absolutely lost it at this one:

    "Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"

    So simple. So ridiculous.

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  61. God, I love this blog. When I first read it I nearly peed myself laughing. Keep it up! And get some sleep yourself, too! :b

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  62. Love the blog. I thought my sense of humour was getting a bit warped, when I couldn't breath and had to read them in short spurts....but nice to read others comments that have had similar reactions.

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  63. Oh my god this stuff is hilarious. Your husband is quite creative! And a grumpy bastard in his sleep too. And childish. Quite interesting actually!

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  64. I do love those stretchy dog scrotums.

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  65. Just found your blog and love it. And you've made me damn glad - once again - that I'm not a vegan.

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  66. I must say, nice t-shirts, if you ever need a better quote though, that's actually what I do! I work for www.rushordertees.com

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  67. he sounds scary , the dog stretching scrotum has me worried lol maybe he thinks he is on a farm and needs a spud sack. As for the pork chops hmmmmm porrrk chops I don't know but I'm hungry now.

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  68. You should put an audio clip! It would amaze all of us, because his sleep-talking is just unbelievable! Do it: audio-clip!

    - your local food blogger: www.saraghargozlou.blogspot.com

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  69. Of course you have to get the pillow quote printed on a pillow case. You just have to.

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  70. P.S. The Sleep Talking Man's mid-sleep comments are Hallmark worthy, don't you think? I am going to pick which one's go into future cards that I send to people...good material :)

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  71. Oh, just read about STM on ninemsn - a news website in Australia - went to your blog and had a belly laugh like I have not had in ages! Thanks STM - look forward to coming back for more laughs... Cath, Sydney

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  72. i find dogs scrotum's stretchy too

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  73. Love your husband's ramblings. Although I can understand that you are not able to sleep through this.

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  74. LOL your blog is so funny! My husband is also a sleep talker and has come up with such gems like
    "I'll have a number 2 with no onion and pickle" which woke me up so I asked "do you want cheese on that" he woke up and said "why are you talking about cheese at 3am?"

    "Spatula on my legs, eggs!" (in the morning he told me he was in a Broadway musical...)

    "Leave me alone, I'm training to be Batman!"

    LOVE it that I am not the only wife silently in tears from laughing so hard

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  75. I don't think it's fake....

    But I'm just curious why the quotations have escalated so in numbers?

    Are you quoting things that he has said on some occasion earlier? Or are you only quoting things which he actually said the previous night?

    Also, does he always talk in his sleep? Does it happen each night?

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  76. Man this is hilarious! maybe you should see a doctor about this? but then this blog wouldnt be here so dont!! ive added you to my fav blogs so keep it up!

    http://theshiningmonkey.blogspot.com/

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  77. It kinda sounds like your hubby might have multiple personalities lol or ... needs an exorcist. Funny nonetheless.

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  78. This site is GOLD....pure literary GOLD. I have not laughed so hard in ages....does your husband know you are sharing his ramblings with the world :P

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  79. lol funny...my mum used to sometimes talk in her sleep and she said some really weird things lol

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  80. Funniest posession ever!
    The exorcist would laugh his balls off

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  81. Too funny! My hubby talks in his sleep too and says things that make absoulutely no sense just like many of your posts! And there I sit in the middle of the night rolling in laughter alone till he wakes and I can share it with him! In tears some nights it's so funny. So yes I can relate to this and believe as mad as some of it sounds that it is true!

    Aussie wife who's been there!

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  82. We think you're hilarious!! we heard about you today in Melbourne Australia and we have added you to our favourites. Truly funny, thanks for the laughs

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  83. This is absolute bullshit, just proves how gullible people are.

    Oh what a surprise, now you sell t-shirts, who says there is no incentive to make this stuff up?

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  84. I like the way she tries to make the quotes seem random, but can't resist adding punchlines to the end. In doing so it makes it so obvious that its fake. Trying TOO hard I'm afraid. This thing will burn out very rapidly. You've Jumped the Shark!!

    Haha, now make up a funny quote about Jumping Sharks for your husband to say in his sleep!

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  85. Just herd about this in the sun newspaper wile at work, I can't see me doin any work for a wile now as I've just pissed in my pants.
    My mate once said in his sleep
    "if you cut a crows tounge in half it can speak English, my neighbours got one"

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  86. hahahaha farrrk my stomach muscles are hurting so bad...best laugh in ages...can't wipe the grin off my face

    to all you negative bs (unts...stop wasting your precious time then...get a life! no one likes a negative little prickle. you're all just jealous that these guys are going to get rich making people feel great and you didn't think of it first

    now suck my stretchy bag!!!

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  87. ahh the beauty of randomness that only the subconscious can come up with!

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  88. This is the most hilarious blog I have ever read (and I read a lot)!

    See you tomorrow.

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  89. Oh my god i have never laughed so much i wish i could come and sit in the corner of your room and listen, i have forwarded your blog to everyone i know it is awesome, keep up the good work. vicki x

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  90. I saw this on The Sun Newspaper website and I cant remember the last time I laughed so much!! Everyone in my office is sore with laughing!! Love it

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  91. Delete that last comment. That is completely unacceptable.
    And Mickey, thanks so much for blowing that shit wide open. Whew. You're like a human lie detector. Amazing. Now piss off.

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  92. Hey! my bloke is JUST THE SAME! last night he said there were hobgoblins in the bedroom and when I asked him how he knew they were hobgoblins, he said (in a God, you're stupid tone of voice) 'because they have shiny boots!' it makes me laugh so much when he does it.

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  93. I saw this in The Sun newspaper too and had to have a look, so funny can't stop laughing!

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  94. Hilarious! I have read all the entries and STM seems to become wittier as his fame grows.. Fake? Either way you have to be pretty damn creative to think this up. You're like the Susan Boyle of bloggers -a world sensation!

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  95. Why is it that when people are doing good, there are always the negative jealous voices that are trying to ruin a good thing.... As a sleep talker, I believe this to be 100% true, but if it is not- WHO CARES!!!! In times like the world is going through, a blog that has solely entertainment purposes, and that lightens up people's mood... THAT is a goldmine!!! So you negative voices out there... if you are so positive this is fake, stop reading and switch back to cnn news that tells you about all the negative stuff going on in the world. The rest of us, we are going to continue enjoy the pure geniousness this is and go through our day with a smile on our faces!!!

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  96. Saw this in the Daily Mail and laughed so much, it hurt. Loving it! Kirstin.

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  97. hey check it out, this blog made it in one of the Australian news sites: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/999751/sleep-talking-husband-becomes-online-hit



    http://itworksifyouplugitin.blogspot.com/

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  98. I love all the things Adam says and, quite frankly, all the haters out there would NEVER be satisfied. They keep asking for audio, but if she posted audio, they'd call THAT fake and ask for video. They'd then call THAT fake. It's never-ending.

    I digress, though. Keep up the good work, Karen! That trusty recorder is good as gold. :]

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  99. I don't get how people are saying this is fake. My wee brother used to say random stuff just like this in his sleep all the time! It woke me up and I used to write it down too. He just didn't say funny stuff every single night, and because he was quite young there was no swearing.

    I love the T-shirts btw but not the quotes in the bubble. Also I think it should be a nicer colour. And the girlie T-shirts could have e.g. a kitten for the kitten quote, with girlie writing and stuff.

    But otherwise: keep it coming! I laughed a lot today, so thanks!

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  100. Guys, this is genius. Pure and simple.

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  101. Don't ever fabricate these, we'll all be able to tell! Keep 'em coming!

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  102. Read about this in the Daily Mail.. best thing I've read in AGES!
    SO funny, passed it on to a friend at work and we were both laughing hysterically... LOVE it!
    x

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  103. Hi there ms. Wife... I think it would be great if you could note down the time too, for every sentence, so that we would know what's the interval between one and other? Thank you!
    BTW, you're way too brave, ma'am. I would have left him on the 2nd week of interrupting my sleeptime. LOL

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  104. This is the funniest blog I have read ever!! I'd had a pretty crap day, but I've been in hysterics reading this. I dont particularly care if it's fake or not, it's still funny. Don't let the negative people get you down, you've brought so much laughter to so many. Keep em coming.

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  105. Where's today's update? I'm going through DT's...I need my Sleeptalkinman fix!!!

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  106. Heh, my hubby does the same thing and I started a blog for it about 3 years ago, too. He'll actually have full-out conversations with me while he's sleeping. If you'd like, check it out!

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  107. Its been a very long time since Ive had one of those tears in my eyes, can hardly breathe, pains in my sides, need to go pee quickly kind of belly laughs but STM did that for me, so thank you very much.
    Absolutley hilarious, the site is now stored in my Favourites for my daily fix!
    BTW,I was the one who told Dublins 98fm about your site.

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  108. My husband says the strangest things in his sleep as well. Maybe not as bizarre as dog testicles, but my personal favorite-

    'No! Don't throw away the crepes!'

    In his defense- I do make killer crepes.

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  109. You really ought to set up an RSS feed. I never remember to keep up with blogs, even when they're goldmines like this one, but I'm good about checking my RSS reader daily. :-)

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  110. reading this lot has made my night

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  111. I have a gift blog. Think I'm going to feature your shirts, since I happen to know a lot of people with sleep disturbances (including my boyfriend, who has awakened mid-sleepwalk, in underwear, in a fancy hotel hall).

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  112. Absolutely loved this, will be passing your site on to friends!! p.s. saw the article in the sun so had to have a look!!

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  113. fantastic blog, a laugh a day! Keep 'em comming!!

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  114. This is hilarious and as a sleeptalker who's married to a man who both walks and talks in his sleep I find it totally believable. I'm also quite relieved to find out that it's not just us who say bizarre things while sleeping! Please keep sharing them with us!

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  115. I have tears from laughing at this blog! Great idea...can't wait to come back for more!

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  116. Wow thats fantastic, your husband should go into comedy :)

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  117. This is 100% fake.

    Nobody says such coherent and witty retorts in their sleep, to make it even more obvious, she makes sure they have nice little punchlines, so they each read like a nice funny quote. Nothing random or disjointed at all, but nicely quotable, just as if you were making them up sat at your PC!!

    They are nothing at all like any of the examples people are quoting as "proof" that this is real. It isn't real, its fake, and if its fake then its no longer funny, because anyone, and I mean ANYONE, can make a post about a Dog's scrotum on the net. The key is finding a unique selling point to get people to take notice. She found the USP, and people bought it!

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  118. This is brilliant. To let you know you are really global, I am reading this in New Zealand and will tell our friends about it.
    For those doubters -
    1. who cares
    2. It reminds me of my Granded who used to do this, mostly about work and using the F word a lot.
    Keep it up

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  119. Haha, it reminds me of someone making this stuff up and pretending their husband said it in his sleep!

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  120. My son talks in his sleep -- usually complaining about his older sister. On Christmas Eve he sat straight up and said "Erica, Steal third...ha ha ha."

    It's just a funny fact of life and I hope his future wife has a sense of humor like you!

    Q

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  121. This is the best thing on the interwebs! Love it!

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  122. Yeah, because mumbling "Erica, Steal third...ha ha ha" is just the same as saying: "I'd rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that's just my opinion. Don't take it personally."

    People, stop being so gullible. You seriously think anyone has said anything like that whilst asleep?

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  123. I had a friend who said "I can't move now because I stung you guys with this". And another who sat up in her sleep and started rambling about lobsters and magazines.

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  124. Karen, The Sun website has done an article on you! Check it out! http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2806514/Sleep-Talkin-Man-a-viral-hit.html

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  125. Only PRETEND to be nice whenever something SERIOUS happened. Not nice in general. People only need u for sharing a hamburger, nts in bed, nothing else. U have no knowledge. Groce! Don't take shower in a mth! Never see the dentist! Never brush ur teeth! Who wants to be near u? Everything about u is a LIE?

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  126. I personally find that bulls scrotums are a better replacement for potato bags when you are out or just can't find them. Oh, and by the way I discovered pillows do not work the same as marshmallows. Also, the dangling pork chop trick work the same as smoking a ham?

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  127. Is Adam a vegetarian? He seems to talk/bash meat a lot, lol!

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  128. My boyfriend talks like this in his sleep. Its SUPER annoying and I can never sleep well. How do you coupe?

    Scared me when he screamed something about Sabotaging the sleeping arrangements.

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  129. would love to hear the audio!

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  130. I haven't laughed this hard in ages! My gut hurts.

    I can't wait for tomorrow's installment. I'm emailing this around to everybody so they can try not to kill themselves laughing at work.

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  131. Great blog! I've got a friend who does this, it's quite entertaining reading them like quotes. Can't wait to hear what he says next...in his sleep that is. :)

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  132. My middle son once sat up in bed and screamed out "When I've had it! Farted! And went on to the next Chinese checkstand!"
    He then laid back down and started snoring.
    His bedroom door was wide open and there were three of us passing in the hall and we all saw it..to this day he doesnt believe he said it.

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  133. So so hard not to wake everyone up laughing this morning while reading this!! Best start to the day ever. I used to sleep talk when I was teenager, I woke up once and said "the flutes. the flutes are in my shoes" then made a flute-playing action and went straight to sleep again. I've never played a flute in my life.

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  134. Is this man such an avid fan of "dangling" when awake?

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  135. OOoh I love the RSS Feed idea!!!

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  136. this is fake. even if it isn't fake it's still not funny, just.. gross and stupid

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  137. Thanks for sharing your husband ramblings-love'em love'em love'em-keep 'em coming!!!

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  138. first time here - looks as if some think this is made up but I know I have talked in my sleep and I have heard others doing it.
    I must say I've never know anyone who talks as often as it appears Adam does.
    But I don't care it's a great blog idea.

    "Dogs' scrotums - do you own a dog? I'm hoping the answer is no.

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  139. Followed a link through Facebook.. recently had abdominal surgery *a big one* and should NOT have come here.. omg. I Hope I didn't split my stitches! I'm afraid I'm gonna have to link this to all my friends! I'm in Canada; so you know how far this is reaching!
    GOod job; fake or not; I do not care.
    FUNNY
    That's freaking funny!

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  140. I love this! My ex used to talk in his sleep. He would say some of the weirdest, nonsense stuff! I totally believe the stuff he's saying is for real because I had to deal with a sleep talker for a few years!

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  141. never had porkchops o.O ?????????????

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  142. This date has to be my favorite one. The comments are hilarious!

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  143. So, he DIDN'T say: "I've never stretched a dog's scrotum"?

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  144. This site is amazing! SO funny :)
    P.S. You are seriously missing out never having had pork chops :p

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  145. Don't you just love those stretchy dog scrotums? My dog's scrotum can stretch up to 3x its normal length. Amazing, eh? XD I also just love how desperate he sounds when he realizes that he's lost his potato bags. Wait, maybe potato bags = scrotums...? Either way, this crap is mad funny.

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  146. This is without a doubt one of my favorite entries! SO funny! Thank you for sharing! :)

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  147. My ex told me, quite seriously (and in his sleep, of course), that if you turn a Pokemon (that kids cartoon show) upside down and shake it, it's eyes would fall out.

    I love the desperation in Adam's voice when he can't find his potato bags. Hilarious!

    So to those who pooh-pooh the site and say that someone couldn't possibly form coherent sentences, etc, in their sleep, there are plenty of supporters. Are we ALL making it up??

    Bec

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