"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."
"Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"
"Get stuck in."
"Please just walk away. I don't want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I'll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!"
"You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You'll need your energy for cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh."
[yelled upon waking] "COCK HUNTER!"
Karen's note: This was all early in the morning. The batteries had run out on the recorder, so it was like the old days, I was furiously typing, trying to keep up. I'm pretty sure that's the "clapping" that Adam was referring to. So, meanwhile, I'm still typing my brains out, and he's going "Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhh."
Also, just after he shouted "COCK HUNTER" and woke up, he looked at me with fear in his eyes and said, "um, did I just shout cock hunter?" It's been worrying him ever since.
Good morning! you guys give me a better start than a strong cup of coffee!
ReplyDeleteHave a nice one :)
Please, somebody make make a movie entitled "Cock Hunter".
ReplyDeleteOMG. My brother has found a kindered spirit in STM! Sometimes when he sleep talks I say something back and he replies.
ReplyDeleteHim: Cousins...
Me: Which cousins?
Him: The ones we wanted to kill! Worms.
Me:...
Him: I need to do my homework.
my friend posted your blog on facebook and I can honestly say this is one of the most entertaining things I've read in the longest time :) I hope your husband keeps it up for awhile now. I do enjoy my entertainment
ReplyDeleteLegs time!- that is so so funny! This blog id the funniest thing ive ever seen!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! You need to make a video. ;P
ReplyDeleteI have to say. I'm bound to visit daily...great stuff...my best friend did utter one time while sleeping.." Are you sure you don't want to use that bath tub...it seems to be the most invisible"...Dreamland sounds facinating...I hope your hubby never develops insomnia...we will all be sad...
ReplyDeleteI love this blog, makes me laugh so much!
ReplyDeleteOnce when I was staying with my mum and a teammate in a hotel before a volleyball game, my teammate and I carried on a complete conversation about going to Hawaii in our sleep. My mother said it was hilarious...
ReplyDeleteTeammate: Where should we go?
Me: Hawaii
Teammate: Why there?
Me: Warmer than here, damn.
Teammate: Cold here.
Me: What about the game?
Teammate: Screw it....
Apparently this went on for like 15 minutes. My mum got tired of writing it all down. The funny thing is we were in Southern California in July and it was 110 degrees Fahrenheit...
this is the best blog! sooo funny! 'Everybody get your legs' hahaha
ReplyDeleteThis is the best thing I've stumbled upon on Blogger. AWE-FREAKIN-SOME
ReplyDeleteEntertaining as this blog is and how outrageous some of the night-time comments of your husband, I think, and you are, of course, quite entitled to disagree, or even tell me to 'go away' in the strongest terms, that what happens in anyone's bedroom should stay there.
ReplyDeleteTo be quite honest, this blog makes me feel very uncomfortable.
Best regards to you both.
This entire fantasy reads like a subpar Young Ones script. Either you're incredibly selective about what you post (because it's not going to be 100% lulz every time he closes his eyes), or you're hoping for a big reveal that will get you some kind of fame/writing contract. If you actually put some effort into it you could potentially come up with something amusing, but as it is you're coming off as a seventeen year old who's just had their first taste of Alexei Sayle.
ReplyDeleteI have a new hero!!
ReplyDeleteJust read through all the posts in one go. I have laughed so hard I have given my self a ( very treatable ) asthma attack !!!
ReplyDeleteSooooooo worth it !!!
My wife used to talk rubbish in her sleep but unfortunately seems to have stopped. I still tease her about 'Oh No! Not the penguins!'
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't sound to me as if your husband knows about this blog. Which could be a big problem for you both, especially him. I hope that's not a real photo of him. Did you know that the www is, um, world wide? and public?
ReplyDeleteThere are quite a few sleep talkers in my family, so this seems plausible to me. I don't think my mom ever said anything in her sleep that wasn't really zany.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has had entire conversations with people in her sleep, some fairly normal, but usually kinda off in some way.
I'm more of a sleep mumbler, so no lulz from me, sadly!
Okay I've read the FAQs now, you sit together and listen to the recordings so I assume he also knows about the blog and is cool with it. The comments he makes are priceless. It would just suck if he didn't realise they were going online. But if he wants to see one of the tshirts walking past him... then he must know about the blog. Right?
ReplyDeleteCan't wait till he starts mouthing off about his wife or maybe starts talking about his girlfriend...then there might be a final end to these shanaigans. Just because there is a recording doesn't necessarily make it a fact. This seems to follow in with the "shit my dad says"....just trying to ride the money train....
ReplyDeleteLol i absolutely LOVE this made my day lol
ReplyDeleteJeez some people.. you know if you don't think its real, go read something else!
ReplyDeleteIve enough first hand experience of the things people can do in their sleep to believe this is real. My mum used to talk about stuff, sadly I really can't remember much but one recurring theme was the 'cheese factory' which concerned her greatly. Most of what she said was proper words and sentences, just nonsensical stuff/hilarious stuff, often quite aggressive as well.
We also used to have to chase her down the street because she was capable of unlocking the front door (even if she had to get the keys from somewhere else and put the right key in!) and going outside, from there she would either try to get in her van!!! or try to get into other peoples houses.
I have also had semi sensible conversations with several friends before realising they are totally asleep - one friend lit and smoked a cigarette in her sleep!
Anyway I am loving this, keep it up!
The husband is aware - Karen has mentioned this in other posts.
ReplyDeleteLove love LOVE this blog.
I now have the Deerhunter music going round my head, along with an altered version of the early part of the film...
ReplyDeleteMom used to be very concerned that we were throwing spaghetti around the house when she was asleep!
ReplyDeleteWow - I now read this 1st thing when I get up and I dread the morning when he hasn't sleeptalked!
ReplyDeletePLEASE ignore any nasty and disparaging messages - you are providing something hilarious here and its such an original idea.
Thanks so much and happy snoozing.
Fucking hilarious! I woke up extra early this morning to see what he's said today! I love you guys! Keep it going! This is a way to brighten my day even when my heart has been broken! Thank you!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteCan't wait till he starts mouthing off about his wife or maybe starts talking about his girlfriend...then there might be a final end to these shanaigans. Just because there is a recording doesn't necessarily make it a fact. This seems to follow in with the "shit my dad says"....just trying to ride the money train....
------------------------------------------
Oh sure because EVERYONE knows the real money is in internet blogging! Bollocks. Lighten up ya panty.
This is the source of all my facebook statuses for the foreseeable future :)
ReplyDeleteLegs time?!? What happens when it's NOT legs time? Nobody has legs? Lol!
ReplyDeleteSTM is great! Keep it up!
STM is just awesome. Totally my new addiction. Thanks for the laughs!
ReplyDeleteTotally awesome reads! Thanks for the laughs
ReplyDeleteis this the British version of "Shit My Dad Says" on Twitter?
ReplyDeleteDoes your husband know that all of his uncontrolled thoughts are being read by everyone on the internet.
ReplyDeleteHi im jessica im new to the blogging world and was just snooping around i was wondering if u cud help me promote my blog
ReplyDeletethanks!
heres my link
http://jessicanoonan-life.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2011-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=2
STM is fantastic, and I think the people who make disparaging remarks are merely jealous of the goldmine of posts you hace coming from your, frankly, adorable husband each night. Keep it up it made me laugh so much. REad the positive comments and bin the negative, they are just sad people with no concept of joy.
ReplyDeletemy ex had parasomnia, where he would talk or get up, seemingly awake, but not. nothing quite THIS funny happened when i was sleeping with him, but i do remember one time he sat straight up, thought he was driving a car, and was very upset because he had to figure out what kind of car it was so he could tell his boss. he works at Enterprise, which is a car rental agency. it took me a few minutes to convince him he wasn't at work, and then he went right back to sleep.
ReplyDelete:-D i kinda love this blog now. def adding it to my favorites!
Besides tshirts, a daily desktop calendar would be great! This stuff is a great way to start your day! Freakin Hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteThis is WAY better than my friend whose ex husband didn't sleep talk...he wet the bed.
ReplyDeleteWetting the bed, not a funny blog.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletei love you wife
ReplyDeleteand sleep talkin man
Hilarious!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever.
ReplyDeletehow do u manage to get any sleep next to him? id be laughing and laughing all tru the nite. love the blog!!!
ReplyDeletehaha I wonder what kind of dreams he has
ReplyDeleteseriously you would question that after hearing "COCK HUNTER", wouldn't you?
I'm so glad I clicked on this from the "blogs of note." Seriously, have not stopped laughing. I wouldn't get any sleep if this were my husband. It's just too funny!
ReplyDeleteI read some of your older posts, and all I can say is... OMG!
ReplyDeleteAwesome Blog!
Liseanne
http://calicofiasco.blogspot.com/
http://theobservances.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteoh my god these are AMAZING!
ReplyDeleteI think Adam has Sleep Tourette's. ;}
ReplyDeletethis dude has serious issues
ReplyDeleteFor what it's worth - I think the disparaging comments are always the funniest. Uncomfortable with it? Don't like it? Think it's made up? Jolly good. Now piss off.
ReplyDeleteThis is fab and I salute you, and Adam. Long may he shout in his sleep. Oh, and this is much funnier than the Young Ones.
My husband has an alter-ego when he sleeps as well (normally a quiet super polite guy), not just talking, but sometimes jumping out of bed & freaking me out. Now I'm SO happy to find out I'm not the only wife who puts up with it, this just really encouraged me to just see the humor in it, and possibly record it as well for future laughs. Too bad he's so embarassed of it! THANKS again for the awesome blog!!!
ReplyDeleteThis blog is awesome, and for all the uptight people with the negative comments, they need to get a sense of humor, as long as your husband is cool with it this just an AWESOME BLOG! Plus, look at the nifty community of sleeptalkers you have created, people now have a place to feel at home with their crazy stories!
ReplyDeleteLegs time! Everybody get your legs!
ReplyDeleteLOL
http://listonic.pl/justynaaaa/choinka
ReplyDeleteWhen I found you guys yesterday, I read everything. I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you; it's been a long time since I laughed so hard.
ReplyDeleteI have to say thank you. I now have random things to post as my status on facebook. =]] oh and i guess i give out phone numbers in my sleep..
ReplyDeleteLOVE your blog! Kelly at www.whatupduck.com
ReplyDeleteYou have another convert, now where's this RSS thingy...
ReplyDeleteYou guys have no idea how wonderful your comments make us feel. Thanks so so so much for taking the time. The internet is a beautiful thing.
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm going to put a page together of OTHER people's sleep-talking stories, so keep them coming!
One more thing: we're hoping the t-shirts will be ready to go by Tuesday!
ReplyDeleteI love you guys! lol
ReplyDeleteDoes your husband even know you blog about him? haha
Well it's good to know the Oompa Loompa's are doing something up there.
ReplyDeleteThat's quite amusing. You now have one addition to join your fan wagon!
ReplyDeletehaha this is funny! I have a friend who talks in his sleep and one time he said he eats children for breakfast! lol
ReplyDeleteThis blog is brilliant. I'm brand new to the world of blogging and already I've found a gem. I showed this blog to my boyfriend to stop him complaining about my night time chatter.
ReplyDeleteSo far the only night musings of mine he can currently remember are:
"Nothing is covered in potatos!"
"Frying pan ... FRYING PAN"
And the rather spookly prophetic ...
"Beware the pregnant lady" - said whilst unknowingly five weeks pregnant.
Keep them coming.
Hilarious blog! Can't get enough!
ReplyDeleteI am laughing my a$$ off at this blog!!! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI am loving your blog. I have learned all sorts of new insults...lol. It's great! Thanks for the laughs. Keep it coming.
ReplyDeleteHe usually shouts an animal species before waking! I love this blog very much. =)
ReplyDeletethis is too funny, could easily be real dopamine defficiencies, parasomnia etc. but frankly I don't care if it's real or fake it's making me laugh and brightens my day so.. LONG LIVE THE SLEEP TALKING MAN!!
ReplyDeleteI just found this site on Buzzfeed, and can safely say this is the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time.
ReplyDeleteHaha I love this.
ReplyDeleteMore night-time musings from my partner:
ReplyDelete"I don't care who stole the car!"
"I like your pants."
"Arrrgh! It's all so red!"
"You don't have to pay."
I lurrrrve "Legs time". PLEASE never stop writing this blog, I have genuinely never laughed so much at a blog before I found this :D
I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. My sides hurt! This is fabulous!
ReplyDeleteMy family's favorite from my dad:
ReplyDeleteDad: It's slappy hour.
Mom: What the hell is slappy hour?
Dad: When the two and a half temptations sing and dance.
He then got up and tried to pee on the wall.
I have so enjoyed this blog. I found it due to a post on FB. To the nay sayers I have two words and I quote, "fuck and off!" Capish?
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you were spotlighted as a Blog of Note! Freakin' hilarious!! :):):)
ReplyDeletePoor Adam--he's clearly up the stream of consciousness without a paddle
ReplyDeleteHas Adam tried to make his dreams lucid? I try to remember to look at my hands in my dreams, reminding myself before I go to sleep. Maybe that will stop the torment.
ReplyDeleteThis is probably THE funniest thing I've ever read.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh.
emmaodettebarnett.blogspot.com
I lived with a guy for a few years who used to talk in another language,creepy. The thing was he didn't know another language!
ReplyDeletewww.gla5.com
ReplyDeleteHonestly, love this! I have a sleep-talking husband as well, but he never says anything as hilarious as anything on this blog. Oompah loompas!
ReplyDeleteOne time, my husband woke up to me saying repeatedly and insistantly:
ReplyDelete"Take it...TAKE IT...Come ON, TAKE IT!"
I had lifted a heavy picture off the wall above our bed and although I was lying down, I was holding it up and over to him (I guess I was redecorating in my sleep)
It was years before we agreed that I could hang another picture over the bed!
(hey, this is going on MY blog!) LOL!
Oh, My, Word!
ReplyDeleteHysterical!
This has the ring of truth to me, when I was younger, my sister would discuss her dreams at the breakfast table. We would sit there, jaws on the table, wondering what kind of weird creature had replaced our sibling. Her stories had the same strange, almost logical, flavor to them.
Pure awesome!
ReplyDelete@Non-workingmonkey,
ReplyDelete"Don't like it? Think it's made up? Jolly good. Now piss off."
Perfect! Took the words right out of my mouth!
Undoubtedly the most entertaining blog I've come across in many a moon. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteMy uncle once exclaimed in his sleep. "Give that man a fur-lined banana!"
ReplyDeleteSusie Sharp
Shaker Heights, Ohio USA
susiewyk@hotmail.com
Pure awesome! Give the video!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteTG4 blog of note....love love love it....i will forever post in FB...maybe even a tweet or 2 - hillarious!
ReplyDelete"Cock Hunter"...lol. sounds like a new HBO series
ReplyDeleteI know i talk while sleeping but nobody understands it..it is gibberish language
ReplyDeleteI used to talk in my sleep and my EX-husband would ask me questions to find out if I was telling the truth during the day. He never said he caught me in a lie, but that was just dumb luck.
ReplyDeleteYpu need to get this on tape and maybe you will win on americas funiest videos....
ReplyDeleteHave you given any thought to posting the audio on the blog, too?
ReplyDeleteThis is some seriously hilarious shiz! Phenomenal blog! Thanks for the laughs! We'll be back to see what else he comes out with!
ReplyDeleteThankyou, just thankyou
ReplyDeleteGreat blog congratulations on Blog of note.
ReplyDeleteWhat will the T-shirts be like?
ReplyDeleteHow hilarious, I wouldn't be able to sleep if my hubby was this funny in his dreams!! love it
ReplyDeleteaio交友愛情館,視訊美女,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊美女聊天,視訊聊天室,視訊網愛俱樂部,視訊美女mybank,視訊美女觀看免費,視訊美女一對一
ReplyDelete視訊聊天交友,視訊聊天lover99,視訊聊天交友網,視訊聊天一對一,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊66k,免費視訊美女,免費視訊交友,免費視訊聊天網,免費視訊mat
Hillarious! This is such an insight into the wierd crap we all dream. It is so funny because it is so true when you are with a sleep talker you lie there and think how hysterical it all is and you are desperate to tell someone or to hit them!
ReplyDeletehttp://myothershoes.blogspot.com/
this blog totally makes my day
ReplyDelete"Please just walk away. I don't want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I'll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!"
ReplyDeleteThe most awesome one I've seen sofar.
Your husband watches porn. You know how I know? Google, "Cock Hunter, Brazzers". It was a new episode done last week.
ReplyDeleteFrigging EXCELLENT!!
ReplyDeleteThis is going to keep me entertained for hours!
Ha ha!! B xx
omg so funny :) Should post the recordings haha
ReplyDeleteOh dear this is hilarious!!! And I agree, some recordings would be awesome
ReplyDeleteWonderful! I've been having a really rough time lately, and this was the first laugh I've had in days, and it was a big laugh! People walking by were looking at me funny. Thanks so much for posting these!
ReplyDeleteAnd don't listen to the haters. I'm sure STM could come up with pleanty of colorful ways to insult them...
thank you for sharing such hilarious moments. I truly enjoy reading your blog!
ReplyDeletewow,crazy unrealistic sounding sleep talking!
ReplyDeleteloves it!
www.patrickcourtney.blogspot.com
Fashion|Food|Art|Lifestyle
to all those who think this is a money-scheme or a lie or something:
ReplyDeletewhy would anyone make something like this up? how could they? it's all too cheshire cat.
it's funny. thanks.
For all the non-believers:
ReplyDeleteAs someone who pretty much never talks in my sleep (as far as I know) and doesn't really know anyone who does (coherently), I can see why you would be doubtful. But one time I was extremely tired and was sleeping in the car while my mom was driving, with the directions to where we were going in my hand. She asked for them and I told her I didn't know where they were, getting louder and more frustrated the more she asked, to the point where I was waving my hand with them around yelling "I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE"
She grabbed hold of my arm and shook me until I woke up, and I have absolutely no memory of the incident, and this is from someone who doesn't regularly sleep-talk whatsoever. So think what you want, but it certainly is (physically) possible. Furthermore, if is IS made up, Karen is obviously quite creative. I don't see the point in hating :P
Okay - it's official. Your hubby is the new replacement for Simon Cowell on American Idol! It's in his DNA or he wouldn't say have that wild stuff in his sleep (a time that the "other than conscious mind" is at work). Auditions should be coming up soon.
ReplyDeleteJust checking but isn't cock hunter on clebrity big brother (UK) at the moment...
ReplyDelete...or even celebrity...
ReplyDeleteI love it! First time reader, probably life time reader.
ReplyDeletePS - He's always right it seems. Oompa Loompas really don't sing in heaven.
You really need to make videos of this. I don't care too much about all the rest, but I absolutely NEED to see a youtube montage of *wakes up* "Cock Hunter!" *wakes up* "Stop the panther!" *wakes up* "Bright lights!" and so on. OMG that would be so awesome.
ReplyDeletePlease do an oompa loompa shirt!!!
ReplyDeleteToo funny! Love the blog - discovering it as a Blog of Note made my day.
ReplyDeleteJust discovered this blog through a friend who stumbled across it! It is fantasitc I have not laughed so much for ages!!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the sleep talking Adam!!
N xxxx
Believe it or not, but there actually was a skit several years back called the Cock Hunter by a drama troup down in Tallahassee.
ReplyDeleteJust to add to the chorus of well-wishers, I like the blog. My wife also sleep talks - she's usually not as silly as your husband, but it is a fascinating phenomenon. It is funny how fantasies about aggression come out, or how they try to make "sleep jokes."
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I'd suggest is start editing out the really banal ones.
This is bloody hilarious, when i first read it all i was in floods of tears laughing, keep up the good work! loving it!
ReplyDeletei think i find it so hilarious because sometimes my fiance talks in his sleep.
utterly brilliant! i have book marked the page and cant wait to read more hahaha
all the best to you both!
P.s Dont change any of it ;)
ReplyDeleteooohhhhh - that clapping one is my favorite of all of them!
ReplyDeleteYou guys are awesome. My husband talks in his sleep but the funniest thing he has said was "Its not so much a purse as it is a bag... its just got so much material." He said this during the first night we ever spent together (well the first night sleeping anyway haha.I know, too much information.) I was immediatly worried that he might be secretly homosexual.
ReplyDeleteThis site is great. It brightened up my gloomy day. Thank you so much, Keep posting. I hope you guys make a lot of money off this because making people laugh is a great service!
Thanks so much. Jennifer Farren ~ Wilmington, North Carolina.
Oh, Cock Hunter. I think that beats the time I woke up screaming "THE MONKEY MADE ME STEAL IT!! THE MONKEY MADE ME STEAL IT!!!"
ReplyDeleteIf you don't have a Monkey Power t-shirt you MUST make one!
ReplyDelete"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much." Another great one for a t. Too hilarious!
We need a "Cock hunter" t-shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious! Had to post one as my facebook status! Brilliant idea!
ReplyDeleteOk, I laughed until I cried (at work, mind you) about your last line re: cock hunter. Did I just shout cock hunter? Ok, i'm crying again! Stop!
ReplyDeletehHoly shit,... i've never laughed so hard in my life at that one... I'm not exaggerated I couldnt breathe and I was crying all the same time...
ReplyDeleteHow do i hear more audio?
replica bags prada additional reading k8m77j8j95 replica bags supplier visit the site q7r44p4t14 replica louis vuitton bags replica bags from china free shipping u5m11a0f32 replica bags cheap gucci replica handbags r7p41h9g55 replica bags blog
ReplyDelete