Incidentally, that's pretty accurate. Adam departed company from his first marriage with nothing but a few changes of clothes and his set of Global kitchen knives. Literally.
I drug our old '83 Ford van out of the woods (where its been sitting for five years!), and rebuilt the entire fuel delivery system, half the electrical system, and fixed the heater. Now it runs like a sewing machine. It looks a lot better since I scrubbed the many years worth of crud off of, and out of it. Bartered some racing engine work for a fresh set of tires too.
After that it was on to the '93 Ford Taurus, (which I gave my wife as a valentines Day gift nine years ago), to straighten out the electronic fuel injection, which involved a new Idle Air Control, new Mass Airflow Sensor, and new Oxygen Sensors, (which Ford put in the most inaccessible FUCKING place you can imagine!). Then I cleaned out the seventeen years worth of gunk out of the throttle body, cleaned all the electrical connections, evicted the lively tribe of field mice, fixed the horrific mess they made of the wiring, and re-flashed the Engine Engine Control computer. Now it runs like a sewing machine.
Done with two of the cars I went on to my ever faithful, and long-suffering Husqvarna 372 chainsaw which cuts the wood that heats my house. I rewarded it for it's many years of tireless service with a fresh piston, fresh rings, rebuilt carburetor, fresh bar, fresh chain, and a thorough cleaning.
I will now go on strike! I will suffer no more grease, and my knuckles will bleed no longer! I will sit my fat ass in front of the television, and play video games, so fuck who doesn't like it! Afterward, I will, indeed seek out the illegal, the immoral AND the fattening, and of them all, I shall partake, and make no apologies for doing so!
I will attend to the 4000 emails, which have been piling up in inbox, and then I will find something dangerous to do, involving a motorcycle, while someone holds my beer!
All of these things I will do, and more just as soon as a wash the cats! One of our resident skunks, (who eat the rattlesnakes), was rudely challenged by two of the resident tom cats. She taught them the error of their ways, in the manner for which skunks are equipped!
Now I have a five gallon bucket of tomato juice, two angry cats, and it's 2:00 AM. Welcome to my world!
On a lighter note, I read all the rest of the previous STM pronouncements, and I'm at a loss as to how STM could kn ow so well the manners of The American Opossum, or as they are known around here "possums". They have a nasty habit of defecating on you as you walk under the trees they happen to be in.
The possum is also the most hideous of creatures, and I doubt The Devil Himself could create an uglier beast, or one with fewer redeeming qualities.
A few changes of clothes and some knives? Thats just disturbing and unfair.. Here in sweden we divide everything fifty fifty and most people dont even need an attorney.
Adam's priorities are spot on - I love my Global knives...
ReplyDeleteThis makes me wonder - was STM around in the first marriage, or is it something that you bring out of him? :)
ReplyDeletehttp://randomramblingsfromjeb.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteI would kill for a decent set of kitchen knives... with the kitchen knives I have now, if necessary.
ReplyDeleteSorry - ignore that, I just read the FAQ... :)
ReplyDeleteI drug our old '83 Ford van out of the woods (where its been sitting for five years!), and rebuilt the entire fuel delivery system, half the electrical system, and fixed the heater. Now it runs like a sewing machine. It looks a lot better since I scrubbed the many years worth of crud off of, and out of it. Bartered some racing engine work for a fresh set of tires too.
ReplyDeleteAfter that it was on to the '93 Ford Taurus, (which I gave my wife as a valentines Day gift nine years ago), to straighten out the electronic fuel injection, which involved a new Idle Air Control, new Mass Airflow Sensor, and new Oxygen Sensors, (which Ford put in the most inaccessible FUCKING place you can imagine!). Then I cleaned out the seventeen years worth of gunk out of the throttle body, cleaned all the electrical connections, evicted the lively tribe of field mice, fixed the horrific mess they made of the wiring, and re-flashed the Engine Engine Control computer. Now it runs like a sewing machine.
Done with two of the cars I went on to my ever faithful, and long-suffering Husqvarna 372 chainsaw which cuts the wood that heats my house. I rewarded it for it's many years of tireless service with a fresh piston, fresh rings, rebuilt carburetor, fresh bar, fresh chain, and a thorough cleaning.
I will now go on strike! I will suffer no more grease, and my knuckles will bleed no longer! I will sit my fat ass in front of the television, and play video games, so fuck who doesn't like it! Afterward, I will, indeed seek out the illegal, the immoral AND the fattening, and of them all, I shall partake, and make no apologies for doing so!
I will attend to the 4000 emails, which have been piling up in inbox, and then I will find something dangerous to do, involving a motorcycle, while someone holds my beer!
All of these things I will do, and more just as soon as a wash the cats! One of our resident skunks, (who eat the rattlesnakes), was rudely challenged by two of the resident tom cats. She taught them the error of their ways, in the manner for which skunks are equipped!
Now I have a five gallon bucket of tomato juice, two angry cats, and it's 2:00 AM. Welcome to my world!
On a lighter note, I read all the rest of the previous STM pronouncements, and I'm at a loss as to how STM could kn ow so well the manners of The American Opossum, or as they are known around here "possums". They have a nasty habit of defecating on you as you walk under the trees they happen to be in.
The possum is also the most hideous of creatures, and I doubt The Devil Himself could create an uglier beast, or one with fewer redeeming qualities.
Oh yea! Good call on "Grand Theft Divorce"!
WTF
ReplyDeleteNice article, thanks for the information.
ReplyDeleteA few changes of clothes and some knives? Thats just disturbing and unfair..
ReplyDeleteHere in sweden we divide everything fifty fifty and most people dont even need an attorney.
Stoney, this is great, but UPDATE YOUR BLOG MAN!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! Pretty much describes my divorce too!
ReplyDelete