You said, "Where are your horses now, hmm? 'Four pedestrians of the apocalyse' sounds pretty lame, fuck turds."
ADAM:
Four horsemen, of the apocalypse.
KAREN:
Yeah. What is it? Is it a movie?
ADAM:
No, darling, it's biblical.
KAREN:
I... don't... know... I don't know about... I knew it enough to figure out what you were saying, but, I don't really know what it is.
ADAM:
I believe they represent famine, pestilence, something else, something else. They ride over the earth as a sign of the apocalypse.
KAREN:
Ohhhhh. Four pedestrians of the apocalypse... they just walk around.
ADAM:
The apocalypse happens slowly.
KAREN:
Yeah.
ADAM:
I wonder if they use each other's first names. 'Cause, when you're on a horse and your riding quickly across the skies, you don't have to talk to each other. But, when you're walking...
KAREN:
Like when you get stuck walking alongside someone for a really long time—
ADAM:
You have to talk to them.
KAREN:
You have to, like, ask about each other's kids...
ADAM:
"How're you doing, Clive?" "Hrm."
KAREN:
And then they have to start talking about sports, did you see that game...
ADAM:
"What was he thinking? Trying to run the ball into the net?" "Oh, that's the Arsene Wenger philosophy, I'm afraid." (chuckles to himself)
I was going to suggest Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Excellent book. It helped me to dress as War for my friend's 21st which was on 6.6.06 :o)
If you think about it, the world has had three of the four pedestrians of the apocalypse around for some time. Wars and Death all over. Somalia has war, famine and death. I wonder if summer mosquitoes count as Pestilence? Or Asian lady bugs?
@Redneck - I'd stay away from Piers Anthony, personally. I noticed more and more of his books were promoting sexual relations between grown men and underaged girls. Like the last of his Immortals books where the ghost who's been through out most of the series becomes God. They decided that a 40 year old man with a 16 year old girl is "Okay if they really love each other."
I mean, I'm all for May/Decembers - but only if she's got some maturity behind her. Like a 30 year old with a 60 year old.
And I say that instead of starting on Discworld, Karen and Adam ought to just write a movie script based on that conversation. Alan Rickman can play Death, Patrick Stewart can be War, Hugh Grant Pestilence, and just for fun, Patricia Rutledge can be Famine! (Hey, everyone portrays famine as being super duper skinny, but I think the other way around makes more sense - famine comes after Famine eats everyone's food.)
I can just see it now - they're walking along, Death has been whining about how everyone hates him because, well, he's Death, and the whole image of him as a skeleton in a hooded robe.
Famine: "Oh would you shut your yap already? At least some people welcome you as a friend. Me, everyone hates. And have you seen how they always paint me as some - male Kate Moss on crystal meth? Not that I wouldn't mind being thinner, mind you, but NOOOOOOO - His/Her Lordship up there has to go and make me cause famine by eating everyone's food supply! I've been trying to regain my girlish figure for three millennia now!"
Death: WEIGHT DOENS'T COME INTO IT. MY STEED HAS CARRIED ARMIES. MY STEED HAS CARRIED CITIES. YES, HE HATH CARRIED ALL THINGS IN THEIR DUE TIME. BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO CARRY YOU THREE.
War: Why not?
Death: IT'S A MATTER OF THE LOOK OF THE THING.
War: It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it, the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.
@Anon - Thanks. Though I probably wrote it too American. Needs some British treatment. Do Brits even say "yap"? I can just see it though - God decides it's time to put an end to humanity because He/She is sick and tired of how we've messed things up, pollution, war, reality tv - but an angel who likes the world decides to slow things down by stealing the Horsemens' horses.
And for the record, I've only ever read one Pratchett book and frankly, hated it. It was a Discworld (which I keep wanting to type Discoworld) version of The Phantom Of The Opera. I hated the fact that the fat girl who wanted to be a singer ended up having to give up her dream to become a witch. As both a fat girl and an aspiring singer, that pissed me off. She shouldn't have to give up her dreams just because a couple of witches bugged her to! Plus the Phantom should've loved her, not the skinny tone deaf chick with "stage presence."
So if I unintentionally copied Pratchett, then I must be psychic or something because I haven't even read the plots for his books since.
JamiSings, I suspect you'd like 'Equal Rites' more then. The girl do get her way in that one. :) (Haven't read the parody on the Phantom of the Opera yet).
Personally I've so far liked the ones with Rincewind the most, but I'm also quite fond of Death.
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This is amazing.
ReplyDeleteFamine, Pestilence, War, and Death.
ReplyDeleteThey're not much without their pretty colored horses, though, it's true.
Do you guys watch The IT Crowd?
ReplyDeleteSTM, and Adam for that matter, need to start reading some Terry Pratchett books....
ReplyDeleteAgree with Kezz. You SO need to start reading Discworld. There's a joke with the 'pedestrians of the apocalypse'. :P
ReplyDeleteAnd how could you forget War and Death? Tch, tch.
I was going to suggest Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. Excellent book. It helped me to dress as War for my friend's 21st which was on 6.6.06 :o)
ReplyDeletePiers Anthony also did a series of books, one per horseman and a few others thrown in for measure.
ReplyDeletebrilliant. love it.
ReplyDeleteI knew who the four horsemen were, but I had to google Arsene Wenger
ReplyDeleteIf you think about it, the world has had three of the four pedestrians of the apocalypse around for some time. Wars and Death all over. Somalia has war, famine and death. I wonder if summer mosquitoes count as Pestilence? Or Asian lady bugs?
ReplyDeleteOh please tell me that's going on a shirt!
ReplyDeleteSome of the best lines ever!
ReplyDelete"I wonder if they use each other's names." You cracked me up.
John here from Washington DC
I'm betting Clive is probably the horseman of War. lol.
ReplyDelete@Redneck - I'd stay away from Piers Anthony, personally. I noticed more and more of his books were promoting sexual relations between grown men and underaged girls. Like the last of his Immortals books where the ghost who's been through out most of the series becomes God. They decided that a 40 year old man with a 16 year old girl is "Okay if they really love each other."
ReplyDeleteI mean, I'm all for May/Decembers - but only if she's got some maturity behind her. Like a 30 year old with a 60 year old.
And I say that instead of starting on Discworld, Karen and Adam ought to just write a movie script based on that conversation. Alan Rickman can play Death, Patrick Stewart can be War, Hugh Grant Pestilence, and just for fun, Patricia Rutledge can be Famine! (Hey, everyone portrays famine as being super duper skinny, but I think the other way around makes more sense - famine comes after Famine eats everyone's food.)
I can just see it now - they're walking along, Death has been whining about how everyone hates him because, well, he's Death, and the whole image of him as a skeleton in a hooded robe.
Famine: "Oh would you shut your yap already? At least some people welcome you as a friend. Me, everyone hates. And have you seen how they always paint me as some - male Kate Moss on crystal meth? Not that I wouldn't mind being thinner, mind you, but NOOOOOOO - His/Her Lordship up there has to go and make me cause famine by eating everyone's food supply! I've been trying to regain my girlish figure for three millennia now!"
War: "You had a girlish figure?"
@JamiSings That's brilliant!
ReplyDeleteDeath: WEIGHT DOENS'T COME INTO IT. MY STEED HAS CARRIED ARMIES. MY STEED HAS CARRIED CITIES. YES, HE HATH CARRIED ALL THINGS IN THEIR DUE TIME. BUT HE'S NOT GOING TO CARRY YOU THREE.
ReplyDeleteWar: Why not?
Death: IT'S A MATTER OF THE LOOK OF THE THING.
War: It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it, the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.
(from Sourcery, by Terry Pratchett)
@Anon - Thanks. Though I probably wrote it too American. Needs some British treatment. Do Brits even say "yap"? I can just see it though - God decides it's time to put an end to humanity because He/She is sick and tired of how we've messed things up, pollution, war, reality tv - but an angel who likes the world decides to slow things down by stealing the Horsemens' horses.
ReplyDeleteAnd for the record, I've only ever read one Pratchett book and frankly, hated it. It was a Discworld (which I keep wanting to type Discoworld) version of The Phantom Of The Opera. I hated the fact that the fat girl who wanted to be a singer ended up having to give up her dream to become a witch. As both a fat girl and an aspiring singer, that pissed me off. She shouldn't have to give up her dreams just because a couple of witches bugged her to! Plus the Phantom should've loved her, not the skinny tone deaf chick with "stage presence."
So if I unintentionally copied Pratchett, then I must be psychic or something because I haven't even read the plots for his books since.
It's rumored the horses have split for Hollywood, and are trying to cash in on the "My Little Pony" craze.
ReplyDeleteApparently, they've renamed themselves Brouhaha, Peckish, Sniffles and Bye-Bye....... 7@=Q
Such clever fellow readers!! @JamiSings and @LA/wts :-D
ReplyDeleteJamiSings, I suspect you'd like 'Equal Rites' more then. The girl do get her way in that one. :) (Haven't read the parody on the Phantom of the Opera yet).
ReplyDeletePersonally I've so far liked the ones with Rincewind the most, but I'm also quite fond of Death.
When the Four Pedestrians Of The Apocalypse come, I vote we throw the SPAMMERS at them first.
ReplyDeleteHaha another classic. Nice IT crowd reference.
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