"Fuck it. I'm gonna build a fetish costume for my chicken."   or click here "If you knew what was on my mind, you'd...

"If you look at me again, I'm gonna bugger your fucking eyeballs and eat them, so you stare at my shit."   or click here ...

"Hey! Hey. You killed my velociraptor, dickhead. That's so unfair. You do realize how hard it is to find one of those round here, d...

"Give me a C! Give me a U! Give me an N! Give me a T! What'dya get? You. Pathetic wank stain."   or click here All he need...

"I'm a fucking goose, dickhead! Duck, indeed."   or click here "I bet you wish you could wear a onesie and look this go...

"I could go find somebody who could surgically remove that stick from up your arse. Or, you could just chill the fuck out, Batman. Choo...

"I'm no doctor, but I swear it's bacterial vaginosis. Your crotch smells like onion soup. Next, please!"   or click here...

"You're undiluted brilliance, awesome to a point of purity. You're— oh, sorry, I was projecting. You're an arse."   ...

"Go on, cry mother-fucker. I'm gonna dip my dim sum in your tears."   or click here We did, in fact, have dim sum for dinn...

"Why don't you call back later, and we'll see whether we can get the world to revolve around you."   or click here ...

"It'll suck to be a moose. You just can't play Pong."   or click here And the reveal!   or click here For those w...

"Listen to me: What's the point in you dieting? You're gonna lose all that weight and realize you're still fuckin' ugly...

"The shit that comes out of your mouth is like vaginal discharge. Embarrassing and unpleasant, and also a sign of something possibly se...

"Guinea pigs make terrific drinking buddies. Just don't eat them!"   or click here "Don't! Oh. Don't EVER try t...

"What a great way to start the day, talking about dog farts and placenta."   or click here That fascinating declaration was fr...