Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20091222

Dec 21 2009

"My snorkle! My snorkle! Judge won't like it if I don't have my snorkle! You PLANT it... Don't want baby snorkles."

"I'd like to tell you what a wonderful person you are. But that would make me a septic gash of a cunt who quite frankly had no concept of right or wrong."

"Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"

"Awesome. Teddy bears bungie jumping."

69 comments:

  1. These are all brilliant. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Perhaps the snorkle is a condom? Don't want the judge (you or other woman) to be mad, we don't want babies...?

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  3. I wouldn't use that cheese grater in the kitchen anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hmm maybe snokle is another woman... judge is his wife...

    and well she deffo wouldnt like it if he had babies with someone else?

    ReplyDelete
  5. where is there any video of this hilarity? this is instantaneously classic

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  6. By the way, on this night, we were going to family court the next day to fight for holiday visitation with Adam's kids. So, interesting about the judge.

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  7. I think the snorkle is his penis and he doesn't want any more sons. at least not with another woman

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  8. BTW septic means american person

    ReplyDelete
  9. BTW septic in England means some thing that is infected / filled with pus...

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"

    That's my favourite STMism.

    ReplyDelete
  11. a septic gash of a cunt.. bloody hell.. i can't even think of that when i'm awake..

    love the blog btw.. it's so brilliant cause i can relate to the british language.. i keep pissing myself of laughter! keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  12. When I dream of the life I dream of having, I say this to anyone who even vaguely pisses me off: "I'd like to tell you what a wonderful person you are. But that would make me a septic gash of a cunt who quite frankly had no concept of right or wrong."

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just discovered this blog and I think the whole building heard me laugh hysterically when I read "Have you got a cheese grater?"

    This is a MAGNIFICENT and superbly ORIGINAL blog!!

    Trev

    ReplyDelete
  14. That is so funny! I broke out with laughter!

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  15. Too funny! To all the people out there who think it's fake, you obviously have never had the pleasure of living with a sleeptalker. My cousin (a garage door installer) once burst into my bedroom after a night of drinking demanding to know where his door sections were! When I told him he was sleeping, he got irate, stomped down the hallway and slammed the door. I told him about it the next morning and he was mortified! Keep it up, this has been the highlight of my day!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Completely fake. I live with a sleep talker/walker. This is not real. How interesting that they are trying to profit by this scam. Another ruse by more of this "I'm a star , glory hog, I should be paid for nothing" generation. OF course this comment will never be posted.

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  17. real or not its funny and original

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  18. My hsband talks in his sleep as well and he frequetly refers to pink animals. Its really funny.

    ReplyDelete
  19. It's totally real. I have bouts of these too occasionally. I once got up to look in my parent's closet. When they asked me what I was doing I told them I was looking for some water.
    It's totally possible to talk like this in your sleep.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Real or not..they won't get rich as elton john doing this..so what is it to you?!

    BTW...I Love It!!!!! Really funny stuff!! =D

    ReplyDelete
  21. This blog is great! Keep it up, Karen!

    Chris, you're completely fake and I don't believe YOU exist. Be gone.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Totally agree with Anonymous of 23 January 2010 12:74. My Aunt sleep talks. One time she was totally out and she just suddenly said "One, two, three, GO!" We asked her about it later and she said she had a dream that her daughter dropped a grape and she was making said daughter go pick it up. I totally love this blog, by the way. Thanks to both Karen and Adam for sharing STM with the world.

    ReplyDelete
  23. This seems so real! I married a sleep talker and have had my own bouts of sleeptalking. One night I told my roommate in college "I CANT! There is NO Room. All the back doors are full of dead animals and there is no room for your bike"

    My husband one time got out of bed, walked over to my side of the room and stood in front of the window that was closed with the shade and the curtain both closed. I asked him what he was doing and he responded "Trying to figure out who is shooting at us" When I asked him to come to bed he turned aburtly and said "NOT UNTIL I KNOW FOR SURE".

    I am telling you, sleep talking/walking is very very real and crazy

    ReplyDelete
  24. The itchy ball grater is a classic.... you need that one on shirts....
    You should tell Baobao to shove his shoe collection up his ass sideways.... that would be entertaining!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I scream in pain. I'm a girl and I was almost about to role on the floor in pain.

    ReplyDelete
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