"Walking on water, and turning water into wine. Yayyyyy! I like magic tricks."
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My apologies to all the Christian folks out there.
"I'm the best present you've ever had. A perfect love package. Handle with care."
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"I can honestly say that from the state of your kids, you must have one fucked up ugly vagina."
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"Oh, it's a sad sad sad day when gumming someone pushes you down the social pecking order."
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"That's a sheep! I don't care how hard you kick it, it's never gonna be a cloud… Kick it again. Huh, huh. Funny."
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"And so the moral of the story is, don't be upset when people think of you as a mucus-filled vaj-sack. Because they will."
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"That marmoset stole my earring! We are NOT carrying on until that bitch gives it back… Well, actually, it looks quite cool when it wears it. Mmm. New romantic marmoset, I like it."
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"Scissors. I need to find scissors. Gotta cut the yellow wire. Yellow. Shit, red wire! It's the red one, red... Fuck it, it's the green? Oh, suck this, I'm going home, you deal with it!"
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"Sex with you is like an autopsy, and you're the cadaver."
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"Oh, humanity. You can go suck my fat hairy balls. I made you and I can break you whenever I want. See that? That's free will too, you know. I created that too."
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"You're just like an itch that I'd love to scratch… with a fucking chainsaw."
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This pleasant little number will be my last real-time post for a couple of weeks. We're leaving tomorrow for Costa Rica to volunteer at a sloth sanctuary for two weeks! But do not despair, for I've pre-scheduled posts from my nest-egg of STM gems. I'll miss you guys!
"It's not bullshit. It's mancrap. It means whenever I use it, I'm right."
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Adam so wishes this were true...
"Ice cream cake. Mmm. Love to the power of— I've just come in my pants. New pants, please!"
or click here"Stop throwing dinosaurs everywhere! It's gonna take me forever to get the pterodactyls down from the wardrobe. Oh, you messy little velociraptors."
What I find most amusing about this is that Adam has never had ice cream cake in his life. It's not such a thing here in the UK. But he is anticipating his first taste of what can only be a perfect combination with great excitement.
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"Well, thank you very much for taking me out of my happy place, you pus-gargling cock-turd."
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"Everybody kneel on your swimming towel. It is time to pray to the omnipotent baby squid. (chanting) Squidyyyyyy. Squidyyyyyy."
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And we had this in the middle night, as I sat up to get our restless little beagle settled:
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| ADAM: | Where are you going? |
| KAREN: | I'm putting Molly under the covers. |
| ADAM: | Okay, put Molly under the covers. Then I get ten more points worth of your attention. |
| KAREN: | (pets his head) |
| ADAM: | That's not ten more points. |
| KAREN: | I don't know what we're talking about. |
| ADAM: | Neither do I. I think I'm involved in a dream. |
| KAREN: | Yeah. |
| ADAM: | Damn it. Go back to sleep quick, that was a good dream! |
| KAREN: | Go, go! |
