Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20130204

Feb 4 2013

"The bagels have declared independence. The bakery is up in arms! There's a giant flour cloud enveloping everything. Don't trust the macaroons."

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And our discussion concerning those untrustworthy macaroons:


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ADAM: What’s wrong with macaroons?
KAREN: I can answer that so easily. Generally, macaroons have coconut in them, and are repulsive. So they are NOT to be trusted.
ADAM: It’s not their fault, they’re made that way.
KAREN: You could say that about anybody.
ADAM: You can’t distrust—
KAREN: You can say about anybody that who they become, that they’re a product of their experiences and environment, but that’s still who they are.
ADAM: That’s not a product of their experiences and environment, that’s their ingredients. That’s their DNA.
KAREN: Exactly, the same as people!
ADAM: No, it’s not the same as people at all. It’s not fair to say you can’t trust them ‘cause of who they are, or what they are.
KAREN: I’m just saying, that doesn’t change that you can’t trust them. Perhaps you can say, it’s not their fault that they were made that way, they didn’t choose to be made that way, but that’s still how they are.
ADAM: Well, you know, I tend to agree that I find macaroons disgusting. But I wouldn’t say they’re distrustful. I just don’t want to hang out with them.
KAREN: Do you know what? They are, because they look like they’ll be nice, but then you eat them and they’re disgusting. They’re dishonest.
ADAM: It’s not their fault. They don’t realize they are being dishonest. They just see themselves as quite an attractive, cakey biscuit. You need to give ‘em a break. You need to give macaroons a break. I’m not saying you should try them and like them. I’m just saying, you know what, leave them alone. They’ve got their own little corner of the bakery, no one’s bothering them, there are people who love them AND trust them. I think you just need to give ‘em a break.
KAREN: Sleep Talkin’ Man obviously understands what I’m talking about.
ADAM: Well, it may be because of the Republic of Bagel, that they’re, you know, the macaroons are starting to get a bit uppity and want their own independence. And that’s just gonna cause complete chaos.
KAREN: Oh, they can HAVE their independence.

86 comments:

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  2. That's it-- my new band name is Cakey Biscuit and the Uppity Macaroons! We shall kick coconutty ASS in the name of ROCK!

    Your Pal,

    Storm

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    Replies
    1. That's actually a pretty catchy band name. I approve. :)

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  3. I love the heavy, panicky breathing as STM is watching the bakery revolt.

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  4. Can we just talk about the fact that a Briton and an American are debating the relative merit of a claim for independence?

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  5. I'm a baker and this post seriously made my day! I <3 STM!

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  6. And now, nobody can get into the bakery......

    because the Bagels changed the lox...... 7@=Q

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    1. IZ DIS TRUE MUH NIGGA? WE'LL SEE TOMOROWW HUEHUE

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    2. thank god not. but all the money is gone, the gods know where. I dont't need fake friends and whores around me ;) and I didn't want to touch money which is covered in shit, and I'm not blaming one person, the responsibility is shared. yes, you read it correctly, ten grand e's or hundred grand k's. your move :)

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    3. ENGLISH LANGUAGE POLICE5 February 2013 at 16:54

      not grand, but grand-grand. six oh's. no ho's. :3 YOUR MOVE

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  9. Ahh but what about -almond- macaroons. I'm with you all the way on vile coconut, but an almond macaroon is a thing of joy :)

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  10. I have never tasted a macaroon. They're something I never came across in NZ, and I consequently mistrust them on the basis that if the were nice, settlers would have bought them over with the other recipes for baked goods.

    I like the mental picture of the bagel war for independance. And now I want a toasted sesame seed bagel. Mmmm. Hot buttered bagel toast. With scrambled eggs and a rasher of crispy bacon.

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  13. "Macaroons being untrustworthy" is a bit of a half-baked idea, isn't it? Bdum-tsh.

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  14. There is definately a great deal to learn about this subject.
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  15. LOL literally at "changing the lox" Good ONE!!!! STM (and the people who love him) make my day

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  16. I beg and beseech you guys, PLEASE SET THESE COMMENTS FOR MODERATION? The bad/weird English in these Spambots does my migrainey head in, and they also soil your beautiful page with their spammy evil. And there's SO MANY OF THEM! Please, if you do as I ask, I shall make the appropriate sacrifice of innocent lentils-- by FIRE!

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  22. Thats just like cherry bakewells. They are untrustworthy too. They look all inocent like a tasty cupcake with a cherry, and then you bite into one and BOOM bakewell strikes again!

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  23. Karen sounds like a racist when they're talking about people...

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  24. Poor macaroons

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  28. Haven't been reading for a while, saw the bookmark on my screen and hopped over here.

    Still hysterical.

    Thank god, you're all anti-coconut. It's often a lonely position. Let the coconuts hang out on the beaches.

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