Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100129

Jan 29 2010

"No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

"You know, it's a human race. And you lost."

"You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

Posted by Karen Slavick-Lennard at 07:12

83 comments:

  1. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 07:17

    I'm turning over in stitches!!! OUCH!!!!

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  2. SamiJane61329 January 2010 at 07:19

    This might be my favorite one!

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  3. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 07:32

    The last one. :D

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  4. Katrina29 January 2010 at 07:38

    You lost. LOL

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  5. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 07:49

    GOLD!!!
    (oh,I'd love to hear the audio for those pearls...)

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  6. lenchen29 January 2010 at 07:51

    Puppy slipper????? That's hilarious.....

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  7. adam29 January 2010 at 08:00

    hahaha brilliant!!!

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  8. Jill29 January 2010 at 08:02

    lmfao

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  9. KelleBelle29 January 2010 at 08:12

    Does he ever remember what he's dreaming about to come up with these gems? And is he this funny while he's awake?

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  10. Rosie29 January 2010 at 08:43

    I want puppy slippers!

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  11. Carlo Vaccari29 January 2010 at 08:45

    [sarcasm]I REALLY needed that 'seeping anal gash' imagery in my head.[/sarcasm]

    Anyways, absolutely HILARIOUS as usual.

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  12. A Daft Scots Lass29 January 2010 at 08:47

    That is hysterical. anal gash...another great Tee

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  13. Sproglet29 January 2010 at 08:52

    Seeping Anal Gash.....Omigosh!!

    Love love love

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  14. Kathryn29 January 2010 at 08:56

    As hilarious as ever :o) 'Puppy slippers' is a brilliant one....!! Thank you for posting these - it really does brighten up my morning!

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  15. Unknown29 January 2010 at 09:37

    Bad puppy!! I'll never look at my slippers without giggling ever again!! What we will ever do for good value entertainment if Adam stops sleep talking? I don't even want to think about it...

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  16. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 10:07

    That must be a very ugly dog
    "more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just"

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  17. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 11:17

    Karen,

    I noticed you deleted your own post where you said this blog was the new Santa. Hmmmm? I think you said a bit more than you wanted to there. I guess you don't want to admit the whole truth and blow the book deal eh?

    Remember, you haven't fooled us all. ;:

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  18. It Worked For Me29 January 2010 at 11:27

    I don't think that comedians, with hours of work put into their routines, could come up with some of the gems your husband comes up with. Priceless!

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  19. loopy29 January 2010 at 11:44

    when i was a little boy i always thought about a human race... like a triathlon, or the olympics, but i never put it onto paper. that one wwas definately my favorite so far.

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  20. William29 January 2010 at 11:45

    This is the best set yet. Absolutely hysterical.

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  21. Dawn29 January 2010 at 11:50

    OMG, "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." HAS to go on a t-shirt.

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  22. Unknown29 January 2010 at 11:58

    roflmbo.. I LOVE this wake up call every morning just perfect seriously

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  23. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 12:27

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gra3KgJZ5K4 Any relation?

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  24. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 12:54

    Hilarious, as always! And the audio is working for me now. Thank you so much!

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  25. Sammie29 January 2010 at 13:28

    I wonder why he is always so synical in these dreams -whatever the reason, it's very funny and I enjoy it!

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  26. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 13:39

    This site makes me happier than anything else inthe world. Thankyou for sleeptalking Adam! It brightens my day everytime without a doubt

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  27. Mischi29 January 2010 at 13:46

    Hahahaha, puppy slippers

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  28. DumpkinPumpkin29 January 2010 at 13:47

    "No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

    Poor puppy lol

    "You know, its a human race. And you lost."

    I could see my o/h saying that.

    "You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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  29. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 13:55

    When I'm having a bad day I come and read this blog, and it makes me feel better. Thanks guys!

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  30. Tavdy29 January 2010 at 14:05

    I love the last one. Adam can out-bitch the most catfight-hardened queen quite literally in his sleep!

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  31. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 14:13

    Human Race! VERY T-shirt worthy!!!!

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  32. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 14:27

    totally agree with the above comment. and pooooooor puppy!

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  33. Evil Dahlia29 January 2010 at 14:31

    Man, he's got some great material! I can't believe the stuff he comes up with!! Absolutely brilliant, and hysterical to boot!

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  34. Karen Slavick-Lennard29 January 2010 at 14:33

    I covered poor little Molly's ears on that first one. Slippers, indeed!

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  35. The Harris Herald29 January 2010 at 14:36

    My husband and I get a kick out of these! I don't care if there are skeptics out there who think these aren't true, Adam's sleep talking is hilarious!

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  36. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 14:47

    the visual the last one left me won't go away. thanks a lot adam!

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  37. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 14:49

    Tank tops--you should really add cute tank tops for us girls who don't do T-shirts. :)

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  38. ohsostrange29 January 2010 at 15:09

    'It's a human race. And you lost.' should be added to the store list. That's a classic.

    I wish I was half as clever awake as this guy is asleep.

    Did you ever see those Shakespearean insult coffee mugs? You should do that sort of thing. he's so prolific you could put out a new mug every January, covered with his most popular phrases of the previous year. Forget little web sales--every gift shop in America would want to carry them.

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  39. shen_nanigans29 January 2010 at 15:11

    Oh puppy, you're done for...

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  40. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 15:35

    I don't really care if he sleep talking or not this is pure funny. Brilliant

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  41. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:01

    Hysterical stuff. Really hysterical. Now comes my tiny party pooper - Having a hard time believing he does this nearly every night - Mmmmmmmmm.

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  42. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:11

    LOL Puppy slippers
    I get the human race

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  43. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:12

    I threatened to turn my cat into mittens! Only when he's bad

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  44. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:14

    <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

    ...you're only just more attractive than a seeping anal gash lost in a human race that makes you into puppy slippers...

    No puppy! Bad puppy!...it t'was only a dream

    ...good puppy...now, dream a little dream

    wuff, wuff...mea...oow!

    more, more , more!

    s'nore s'more

    g'nite

    :)

    <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

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  45. Sarah29 January 2010 at 16:18

    it is truly hard to breathe, i am laughing so hard going through all of these. what a colorful vocabulary he has!! some of the things he says in the middle of the night, i wish i could say to my boss :D

    please keep these coming!! and more audio clips? those are always a treat!! :)

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  46. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:28

    Yesterday my 6-month-old mini mutt chewed up my eyeglasses and chewed a plate-sized hole right in the center of my bed quilt. Puppy slippers are sounding really good right about now. :p

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  47. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 16:52

    his sentence structure is better than mine when I'm awake!

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  48. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 19:10

    who cares if this is true or not? if he's sleep talking or making this #$# up as he goes? it's plain ol' funny - and we could all use a little more of that in our lives (I teach high school - believe me!) if someone manages to make a little money off it - power to them.

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  49. Blaize29 January 2010 at 20:30

    HAAHAH! I love the puppy slippers one!! XD

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  50. Linz29 January 2010 at 20:32

    hahahaha now i know what to say to my dog when he eats my shoes!

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  51. Unknown29 January 2010 at 20:47

    It is a VERY good thing I'm all alone today because I just YELPED reading this bit: "You know, its a human race. And you lost."

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  52. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 21:04

    What's wrong with all of the audio? : (

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  53. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 21:20

    For the sleep talking: OMG! LMFAO!

    For the latest Anonymous: try updating your QuickTime - that's what I had to do...

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  54. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 21:23

    "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." HAS to go on a t-shirt!

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  55. Elphaba29 January 2010 at 21:29

    OMGOMGOMG that's HILARIOUS! I just started following, and I almost died of laughter when I started reading these!!!

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  56. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 22:16

    Do you have a dog?

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  57. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 22:19

    You must add more sound recordings!!

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  58. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 22:46

    Funny I can't wait till I can buy a t'shirt. I'm getting the one with the pirate quote or duck one I'm not sure there all so funny. The first time I read this blog I about died laughing I couldn't stop. Don't care if this is made up or not regardless if he's saying this in his sleep Its halarious and genious lol. I do believe someone would say this off the wall stuff in there sleep for once I asked "wheres the bathroom button" in my sleep and countless times my mom has said some pretty off the wall stuff in her sleep as well.

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  59. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 23:25

    Puppy Slippers. That is the only thing that made me laugh today. THANK YOU

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  60. Anonymous29 January 2010 at 23:35

    the best ones yet!!!!

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  61. Disgruntled Bear29 January 2010 at 23:45

    Linked to you from my blog. Yours is badgertastic!

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  62. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 00:06

    Gotta have "human race" on a T!!!!

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  63. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 00:16

    Oh my gosh! I don't care if it's true or not true, you'd sort of have to be a comic genius to come up with things soooo random every single day (or almost).

    I'm just trying to picture someone, anyone saying "seeping anal gash".... not happening.

    Hilarious! Love you guys!

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  64. Michael Riley30 January 2010 at 00:52

    "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." Wetting myself as I type this. Great stuff!!

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  65. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 01:33

    "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." LMFAO!!!! I can't believe this stuff sometimes! I come here EVERY DAY just to see what he said. This is TOO funny!

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  66. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 02:06

    You people are wonderful. I'm glad you've turned your husband's musings into a public service.

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  67. Amy30 January 2010 at 03:14

    LMAO! Only just slightly more attractive than an anal gash. That's awesome!

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  68. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 03:35

    LOL thats so funny.I have a dog to!

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  69. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 03:37

    You made my day Adam

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  70. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 04:13

    I want the Human Race one on a t-shirt, but I would love it with the first line on the front and the "and you lost" on the back...lol.

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  71. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 05:02

    I had a boyfriend once who talked in his sleep. Instead of being funny, though, he would get philosophical:

    "Life is about why it happens so late, not early."

    That was the only one I managed to get up and write down. The other times he talked in his sleep, I never could remember it in the morning.

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  72. Anonymous30 January 2010 at 05:07

    hello santa

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  73. Carol30 January 2010 at 11:39

    Hi, I'm a girl from Sweden, I just wanted you to know that you're quite known here in Sweden as well. :)
    And I really love to read all the rude things Adam says in his sleep!
    It really makes my day. :D

    Lots of love, Carol. :)

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  74. Anonymous31 January 2010 at 00:16

    The human race one is old ... been around for years!

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  75. Ari31 January 2010 at 18:04

    This stuff is gold. Hi from Chicago!

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  76. Anonymous2 February 2010 at 00:12

    Woah did you ask him if you could have a puppy? I'm sure that If you did there would be even more dog stuff.

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  77. Brian H5 February 2010 at 05:12

    Re gash: I wondered when Adam would respond directly to the Anonymous troll!

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  78. Grammar Nazi5 February 2010 at 06:45

    Edit: "it's a human race."

    His, hers, its;
    He's, she's, it's.

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  79. Anonymous7 February 2010 at 15:37

    Love the human race bit - SO T-shirt worthy!

    And P.S. real or fake - it still makes me laugh. (I choose to believe it's real.)

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  80. Suecae Sounds15 February 2010 at 09:24

    Puppy slippers. I think Mr. Burns might help you with that one!

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  81. rebecca25 March 2011 at 10:59

    bloghatter

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  82. Fifa 14 Coins28 March 2014 at 06:08

    Woah do a person request him or her in the event that you might have the pup? I'm certain when a person do presently there will be much more canine things.

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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

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