Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100129

Jan 29 2010

"No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

"You know, it's a human race. And you lost."

"You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

83 comments:

  1. I'm turning over in stitches!!! OUCH!!!!

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  2. This might be my favorite one!

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  3. GOLD!!!
    (oh,I'd love to hear the audio for those pearls...)

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  4. Puppy slipper????? That's hilarious.....

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  5. hahaha brilliant!!!

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  6. Does he ever remember what he's dreaming about to come up with these gems? And is he this funny while he's awake?

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  7. [sarcasm]I REALLY needed that 'seeping anal gash' imagery in my head.[/sarcasm]

    Anyways, absolutely HILARIOUS as usual.

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  8. That is hysterical. anal gash...another great Tee

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  9. Seeping Anal Gash.....Omigosh!!

    Love love love

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  10. As hilarious as ever :o) 'Puppy slippers' is a brilliant one....!! Thank you for posting these - it really does brighten up my morning!

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  11. Bad puppy!! I'll never look at my slippers without giggling ever again!! What we will ever do for good value entertainment if Adam stops sleep talking? I don't even want to think about it...

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  12. That must be a very ugly dog
    "more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just"

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  13. Karen,

    I noticed you deleted your own post where you said this blog was the new Santa. Hmmmm? I think you said a bit more than you wanted to there. I guess you don't want to admit the whole truth and blow the book deal eh?

    Remember, you haven't fooled us all. ;:

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  14. I don't think that comedians, with hours of work put into their routines, could come up with some of the gems your husband comes up with. Priceless!

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  15. when i was a little boy i always thought about a human race... like a triathlon, or the olympics, but i never put it onto paper. that one wwas definately my favorite so far.

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  16. This is the best set yet. Absolutely hysterical.

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  17. OMG, "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." HAS to go on a t-shirt.

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  18. roflmbo.. I LOVE this wake up call every morning just perfect seriously

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  19. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gra3KgJZ5K4 Any relation?

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  20. Hilarious, as always! And the audio is working for me now. Thank you so much!

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  21. I wonder why he is always so synical in these dreams -whatever the reason, it's very funny and I enjoy it!

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  22. This site makes me happier than anything else inthe world. Thankyou for sleeptalking Adam! It brightens my day everytime without a doubt

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  23. "No puppy! Bad puppy! Make you into puppy slippers."

    Poor puppy lol

    "You know, its a human race. And you lost."

    I could see my o/h saying that.

    "You're more attractive than a seeping anal gash. But only just."

    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

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  24. When I'm having a bad day I come and read this blog, and it makes me feel better. Thanks guys!

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  25. I love the last one. Adam can out-bitch the most catfight-hardened queen quite literally in his sleep!

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  26. Human Race! VERY T-shirt worthy!!!!

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  27. totally agree with the above comment. and pooooooor puppy!

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  28. Man, he's got some great material! I can't believe the stuff he comes up with!! Absolutely brilliant, and hysterical to boot!

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  29. I covered poor little Molly's ears on that first one. Slippers, indeed!

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  30. My husband and I get a kick out of these! I don't care if there are skeptics out there who think these aren't true, Adam's sleep talking is hilarious!

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  31. the visual the last one left me won't go away. thanks a lot adam!

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  32. Tank tops--you should really add cute tank tops for us girls who don't do T-shirts. :)

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  33. 'It's a human race. And you lost.' should be added to the store list. That's a classic.

    I wish I was half as clever awake as this guy is asleep.

    Did you ever see those Shakespearean insult coffee mugs? You should do that sort of thing. he's so prolific you could put out a new mug every January, covered with his most popular phrases of the previous year. Forget little web sales--every gift shop in America would want to carry them.

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  34. I don't really care if he sleep talking or not this is pure funny. Brilliant

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  35. Hysterical stuff. Really hysterical. Now comes my tiny party pooper - Having a hard time believing he does this nearly every night - Mmmmmmmmm.

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  36. LOL Puppy slippers
    I get the human race

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  37. I threatened to turn my cat into mittens! Only when he's bad

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  38. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

    ...you're only just more attractive than a seeping anal gash lost in a human race that makes you into puppy slippers...

    No puppy! Bad puppy!...it t'was only a dream

    ...good puppy...now, dream a little dream

    wuff, wuff...mea...oow!

    more, more , more!

    s'nore s'more

    g'nite

    :)

    <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

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  39. it is truly hard to breathe, i am laughing so hard going through all of these. what a colorful vocabulary he has!! some of the things he says in the middle of the night, i wish i could say to my boss :D

    please keep these coming!! and more audio clips? those are always a treat!! :)

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  40. Yesterday my 6-month-old mini mutt chewed up my eyeglasses and chewed a plate-sized hole right in the center of my bed quilt. Puppy slippers are sounding really good right about now. :p

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  41. his sentence structure is better than mine when I'm awake!

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  42. who cares if this is true or not? if he's sleep talking or making this #$# up as he goes? it's plain ol' funny - and we could all use a little more of that in our lives (I teach high school - believe me!) if someone manages to make a little money off it - power to them.

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  43. HAAHAH! I love the puppy slippers one!! XD

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  44. hahahaha now i know what to say to my dog when he eats my shoes!

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  45. It is a VERY good thing I'm all alone today because I just YELPED reading this bit: "You know, its a human race. And you lost."

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  46. What's wrong with all of the audio? : (

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  47. For the sleep talking: OMG! LMFAO!

    For the latest Anonymous: try updating your QuickTime - that's what I had to do...

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  48. "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." HAS to go on a t-shirt!

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  49. OMGOMGOMG that's HILARIOUS! I just started following, and I almost died of laughter when I started reading these!!!

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  50. You must add more sound recordings!!

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  51. Funny I can't wait till I can buy a t'shirt. I'm getting the one with the pirate quote or duck one I'm not sure there all so funny. The first time I read this blog I about died laughing I couldn't stop. Don't care if this is made up or not regardless if he's saying this in his sleep Its halarious and genious lol. I do believe someone would say this off the wall stuff in there sleep for once I asked "wheres the bathroom button" in my sleep and countless times my mom has said some pretty off the wall stuff in her sleep as well.

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  52. Puppy Slippers. That is the only thing that made me laugh today. THANK YOU

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  53. the best ones yet!!!!

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  54. Linked to you from my blog. Yours is badgertastic!

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  55. Gotta have "human race" on a T!!!!

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  56. Oh my gosh! I don't care if it's true or not true, you'd sort of have to be a comic genius to come up with things soooo random every single day (or almost).

    I'm just trying to picture someone, anyone saying "seeping anal gash".... not happening.

    Hilarious! Love you guys!

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  57. "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." Wetting myself as I type this. Great stuff!!

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  58. "You know, it's a human race. And you lost." LMFAO!!!! I can't believe this stuff sometimes! I come here EVERY DAY just to see what he said. This is TOO funny!

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  59. You people are wonderful. I'm glad you've turned your husband's musings into a public service.

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  60. LMAO! Only just slightly more attractive than an anal gash. That's awesome!

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  61. LOL thats so funny.I have a dog to!

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  62. You made my day Adam

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  63. I want the Human Race one on a t-shirt, but I would love it with the first line on the front and the "and you lost" on the back...lol.

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  64. I had a boyfriend once who talked in his sleep. Instead of being funny, though, he would get philosophical:

    "Life is about why it happens so late, not early."

    That was the only one I managed to get up and write down. The other times he talked in his sleep, I never could remember it in the morning.

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  65. Hi, I'm a girl from Sweden, I just wanted you to know that you're quite known here in Sweden as well. :)
    And I really love to read all the rude things Adam says in his sleep!
    It really makes my day. :D

    Lots of love, Carol. :)

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  66. The human race one is old ... been around for years!

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  67. This stuff is gold. Hi from Chicago!

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  68. Woah did you ask him if you could have a puppy? I'm sure that If you did there would be even more dog stuff.

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  69. Re gash: I wondered when Adam would respond directly to the Anonymous troll!

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  70. Edit: "it's a human race."

    His, hers, its;
    He's, she's, it's.

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  71. Love the human race bit - SO T-shirt worthy!

    And P.S. real or fake - it still makes me laugh. (I choose to believe it's real.)

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  72. Puppy slippers. I think Mr. Burns might help you with that one!

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  74. Woah do a person request him or her in the event that you might have the pup? I'm certain when a person do presently there will be much more canine things.

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