Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100312

Mar 12 2010

"Me, fat? Think again, titty-fuck. I taught my muscles to be in a zen-like state of relaxation. Permanently."

"Ah, glass. My nemesis. One day, I shall beat you."

"Hmm, linguini on the ceiling! It adds a certain texture. Interesting... Just don't use penne. Or those crappy twisty ones."

(said in a cute sing-song) "Pee-po... Pee-po... Pee-po." (now with angry forcefulness) "You are SO gonna play my game, otherwise I WILL poke out your eye and skull-fuck you. Okay?"

 or click here

"She's got my leg! She's got my leg! I'm not a hopper, I'm a jumper! Give me back. Don't like it."
__________

Karen's notes:

Glass - I should mention here that Adam is a bit, shall we say, accident-prone. For example, he habitually slams his forehead on windows while trying to look out at something. Our garden door is perpetually littered with oval-shaped smudge marks. When I told Adam about this one in the morning, he admitted to me that, at his job yesterday, he smacked his forhead into the window, in front of everyone.

"She's got my leg!" - Our little dog Molly had actually settled herself across Adam's legs under the covers, and had him pinned.

47 comments:

  1. The first one deserves a tshirt!!! Love it :D

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  2. Guys, I think we'd better play his game, a'ight?

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  3. The "poke out your eye" bit sounds like a quote from Full Metal Jacket, to wit:

    "Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!"

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  4. "Titty-fuck" has to be one of the funniest insults I've ever heard.

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  5. Andy, wow, I love films and I missed that reference, however I did say to Karen this morning I was sure there was a similar line in a film - to be honest, I thought it was Beetlejuice. How wrong I was.

    Still haven't seen FMJ, think I will now.

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  6. I love the glass one. I can just imagine him admitting to you that he did that yesterday! Can we have more of "the reveal" audios please?

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  7. I mentioned this while you were away, but, can you try to gather all the audio up and post them on the side panel with the rest of it? I love to listen to them when I am in a bad mood. they make me giggle.

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  8. Sounds like he's saying 'peep-bo', as in 'peek-a-boo', rather than 'people'? Which kind of fits, as it *is* a game... What do you think?

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  9. Anna, will speak to karen about your request, she is the keeper of the blog.

    as for the 'game' quote, i have no idea what was being said. the whole thing is kinda spooky!

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  10. Love, Love LOVE the audio today! I literally lol'd on that one...especially the nicey-nice "okay" after the forceful demanding you're gonna play my game etc.
    awesome quotes today!

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  11. Luvly... seems elephants were long-term inspiring creatures.
    Cheers from Chile

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  12. Seriously, I can not tell you how much joy your site brings me. Thanks for sharing this with everyone.

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  13. It just struck me that Adam's nocturnal personality has come characteristics in common with a person with aphasia and personality changes due to a stroke. I would be very curious to see which parts of Adam's brain are active when he's sleep talking, as compared to when he's conscious.

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  14. Jackie, I agree. Adam is either a unique case and therefore is a scientific and medical marvel who should definitely be studied. Or he just makes up quotes and puts them on the net for a laugh.

    But would he ever agree to be studied by researchers whilst asleep? What do you think?

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  15. I too have hit my head on the window trying to look out at something. Glad to know I am not the only one who gets thwarted by windows (other than birds =)
    Melanie in Canada

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  16. I still have my favourites, but these have gotta be some of the best ones yet :D Never ceases to make me laugh.

    Poly ^x^

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  17. peep-oh is a game my parents and grandparents played when I was very little (I'm 40). Popular in the midlands, UK.

    You put your hands over your face and open them to reveal a silly expression while saying "peep-oh".

    Luckily they never said the the last bit to me when I was a toddler :)

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  18. LOL! I read this blog every day! adam, you poor man, living a life in your dreams. never sure what your gonna say. but I guess this is good for karen, because if he ever cheated, he would spill in his sleep right!

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  19. As a fellow klutz I must agree that glass is evil!
    All of today's quotes are fantastic!
    While I can’t choose a favourite I must say the “I taught my muscles to be in a zen-like state of relaxation. Permanently." Is truly inspired!
    I introduced my brother to your blog yesterday he said his co-workers thought he was completely nuts he was laughing so hard, mission accomplished!
    Sherri (Canada)

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  20. 2nd guy here, and glass is his nemesis, which makes sand his nemesis as well i suppose (Glass, sand=2 again)also wed better play the game, which is peo-ple divided in 2 1 2
    peo-ple

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  21. ok the comment didn't work out as i hoped but o well, and unfortunately instead of the normal 2 comments i only have enough material for 1 comment...

    Wait, is this my 2nd comment??? Yay i do have enough materials! :) :) :) :)

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  22. Hi Karen I was wondering if we could get some shirts with the quote. "Awesomeness now has a name. Let me introduce myself." ?

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  23. WOW. "Peo-ple" is rather...amazing. :)

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  24. Love the "peo-ple" one! Awesome!

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  25. I stole the glass one for my facebook. It's a common joke among my family and friends that glass is my nemesis - I have put both of my hands through plate glass windows (the first time requiring multiple hours of surgery, lots of physical therapy, and about 70 stitches, ROFL) and glass and I do not generally get along very well! I saw that one this morning and all but fell out of my chair laughing!

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  26. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer12 March 2010 at 17:16

    Linguini art is on the auction block today...feel the texture...you'll be paid
    handsomely for it ---

    but, IF you use anything else...that'll be big fat wet 'n juicy kisses plus Wet Noooodles and an eye poke at you,
    - sooo watch out peek-a-boo Peo ples...

    one might have to peek through the holes in your fingers with his slippery slap.slobbing,
    but luckily it's through through the glass from the other side of his store...storaged,

    which adds to the noggin motifs he's already made therefore, he could beat down on your door with more art to shatter you with, or even shower you with, nemesis you with...
    - if he gets down and dirty with his fierce expressionalisms, however slimy,

    it seems, linguistically linguini-eed,
    comes from the eye of the beholder to distinguish here

    as yesterday's adam-sleeps-in-the-box dream sequence continuation may be occurring, having one springy ninja leg hopper is not enough...he wants to

    jump through this looking glass --- the window to his world ...with his mind of steel in dreamland...actually. . .

    turns out...it was only a game now, run along, run along...as he is fattening up more permanent mindful tales for us to relax with,

    first, from our muscle tension state
    secondly, to giddy-go-lucky,
    t---owards states of calm,
    and lastly...this being some rollercoaster ride ...
    from ^heights^ to the dreamy-
    falling axe! another Axe attack...finale

    - i dream as i Be; that's Me, Me, Me--- and He-hee ...makes the rule on this j:o)y.boat . . .

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  27. Long-time reader, first time poster. My mother and I love sharing these and laughing about them, but today my comment's a bit more serious.

    Adam, have you ever been tested for depth-perception issues? I am forever bumping into things, windows are some of the worst since I have no point of reference for them. I suffer from amblyopia, and it causes a near-total lack of 3D vision.

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  28. Adam, do you feel like a lab rat yet? Everyone seems to want you studied for some reason or another. What is it about people that makes them take something benign and want to analyze the hell out of it? It seems very intrusive to me. Personally, I find all of this amusing and have no desire to have you probed or analyzed. Cheers!

    Kristal (Texas)

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  29. As soon as I stumbled across the site, a couple months ago, I showed a bunch of my sorority sisters, and now we get a kick out of reciting your quotes across the dinner table and sending them in texts followed by the "STM" acronym. I check it every morning now :)
    Thanks for all the great laughs!

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  30. Anonymous, what's benign about this. It is amazing, outstanding even, and would be very, very valuable to research, not least for medical science. Far less intrusive than posting your thoughts on a website for the whole world to see!!

    Adam appears to be an rare case, and as someone who works in scientific research I know that such cases are invaluable. Adam appears unique, and therefore could help us understand consciousness and the brain.

    Of course, it could all be made up.

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  31. Can;t hear the audio :(

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  32. I was recently introduced to your blog, and get a daily laugh from it. I have a 3 yr old son who talks in his sleep and even plays with phantom toys. Thanks for the laugh
    Kerry

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  33. does anyone else love how cheerful Adam sounds when he says "okay" at the end of todays audio? This has made my Friday!! Thanks Karen and Adam for bringing joy, whether on purpose or not.

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  34. yes i do kinda feel like a lab rat. but a willing one.

    i do have slight depth perception issues, self-editing issues, self-conscious issues. basically lots of issues about the self. then again, who doesn't . so hey, i don't feel too different from anyone else!!

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  35. Titty-fuck? Hmm something different lol.

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  36. I am so thrilled to find your site. I've been saying weird things for years and keep a little book of them. I will enjoy looking at more of these and reading what you have to say about them. So nice to meet a kindred sleeper! Meanwhile, here's a something from my own sleep, said with glee: Lots of jaunty red rabbits plunging everywhere! Rachel

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  37. Oval-shaped smudge marks? BWAHAHAHA I died laughing.

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  38. WHOO okay adam calm down i'll play your game

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  39. Giggling away, as always! It's so funny that some of these things have continuity - didn't he want to dangle the porkchops from the ceiling? LOL at "those crappy twisty ones"! (I like those)

    Here's glass again, getting a bad name. Though now I understand that better, what with the oval-shaped smudge marks. snort!

    And ditto to everyone who said "ok ok I'll play your game!" Quite menacing, and a tad psycho with the bright little "ok?" at the end.

    I think my biggest laugh of all today was that Adam really owes it to medical science and to humanity to have himself wired up for research.

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  40. That was a tad touchy as i too tend to possess this uncanny ability to knock myself or bump into glass or for that matter any objects in my near radius...For one moment I thought zombies had got your leg!

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  41. "I taught my muscles to be in a zen-like state of relaxation. Permanently."


    Brilliant, brilliant explanation!

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  42. See I went a totally different way with the glass comment. I too have endeavored to overcome my "glass attacks" but I have a case of the dropsies. You hand me a glass of water, tea, beer, whatever and I WILL proceed to drop it in spectacular fashion. My room mates have learned not to serve me glassware because we were spendin way to much on beer. But, I've only smacked my head once on a glass window! Go figure.

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  43. ShaBean's Roommate #1 here - She's lying, she runs into the glass doors to the back yard at least twice a week. There's a permanent face impression in the doors now!

    Karen, around here, we almost envy you that you only have to deal with the sleep talking! ShaBean's a sleepwalker and she's very busy when she goes to sleep!

    You guys are great! Keep it coming!

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  44. HEY! Sliding glass doors don't count! Besides, at least I can make it out the front door without smacking my face with it!

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  45. ShaBean, Adam;
    try to get the mental equation going: little reflection light bits hanging and moving in midair mean GLASS.

    For now, anyway. I'm sure non-reflective glass will soon be perfected and take over. Then you're frakked!

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  46. Brian;
    My Niece is on the same wavelength as you. She "helpfully" put some stickers on the glass doors yesterday to keep me from walking into them anymore. Damn, outsmarted by a 9year old. How Humiliating...

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