"You know it's time to get up when you've got cold butt cheeks. Nothing worse. Goddamnit, I married you, the least you can do is lay across my ass and make 'em warm. Nothing else is working. (fiercely demanding) Warm my bottom, woman! Okay, I'm sorry. (whining pathetically) I don't like a cold bottom."
or click here
By this point, I was feeling a moral imperative to cover Adam's exposed ass. I got out of bed, picked up the blanket, walked around to his side of the bed, and laid the blanket very gently on top of him...
or click here
Before transcribing, I just want to mention here that, generally speaking, I do not use the word "bottom" among adults. I was merely quoting Adam.
For those who are only reading, just imagine that "(laughing)" is added in at every line.
|ADAM:||Ah! What'choo doing? What are you doing?!|
|KAREN:||You- You've just been talking on and on about your cold bottom! You've been-|
|ADAM:||Go away! It's not cold, it's airing.|
|KAREN:||You- Adam, listen to me-|
|KAREN:||You even said, "I married you, the least you can do is lie across me and warm my bottom." And I started to feel so bad, that I finally decided to come cover your- cover your ass.|
|ADAM:||You decided to wake me up.|
|ADAM:||You attacked me with the blanket.|
|KAREN:||Adam, why would I- why would I ever wake you up when you're talking and I want you to keep talking?|
|ADAM:||No, my bottom's not cold, I like to air it. It has a mass so great, it gets so hot anyway.|
|KAREN:||Adam, I'm trying to tell you-|
|ADAM:||Listen baby, come- I love you and I'm sure you had the best of intentions, but you woke me up.|
|KAREN:||Well, I didn't know what to do. You just kept going on and on about it.|
|ADAM:||I go on and on about lots of things, most of the time you ignore me.|
|KAREN:||But this time- I mean, this one seemed relevant to real life. I looked over and saw that it was in fact exposed. And then I started to feel so bad. You said, "I don't like having a cold bottom," and so I came to cover it because I was worried about you.|
|ADAM:||That I'd get hypothermia of the ass?|
|KAREN:||I didn't like you sounding so distressed.|
|ADAM:||Oh, but baby, you threw the blanket on top of me.|
|KAREN:||I laid it- You perceive that, but I actually laid it very gently.|
|ADAM:||Oh, I felt like I was attacked by a heavy flat thing.|