Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100702

July 2 2010

"Of course I think about your family. I think about them all the fucking time! Christ it's depressing."

 or click here
"I've got a horrible urge to catch tuna in your stockings. Sustainably, of course."
 or click here
"Here's an avocado salad. There's danger camouflaged in the green."
 or click here
__________

Karen's notes: Please God, don't let my mom read the blog today.

Mom, if you are reading, Adam loves you, and he is not talking about my family in reality. For god's sake, the man talks about zombie guinea pigs. He's not well!

As for the avocado salad, it may be useful to know that Adam is allergic to avocado. If he ate one, his head would swell up and explode. I almost broke off the engagement when I found out, but because I am such a forgiving person, I have instead learned to live with this character flaw.


42 comments:

  1. Ha! I almost wish I were allergic to avocados. It might have stopped my avocado-obsessed family from forcing me to try them every single time they were in the house. Even as an adult, I've tried to like them, but they are just not for me. It's a flaw with which I've come to terms. Still waiting for my friends and family to do the same. :)

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  2. I too wish I was allergic. Although then I couldn't have burritos. That would suck.

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  3. however we have now learned that STM is eco friendly...could there be a nice guy under all that arseyness?

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  4. That wasn't a sign of eco-friendliness, it was a display of cynicism. And given the size tuna can reach (up to around 70st/1000Lbs/450kg) I think the suggestion of using your stockings to catch one should really be taken as an insult, Karen!

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  5. Is STM catching a tuna with your stockings or catching one that's in your stockings. One is to be applauded, the other deserves a slap.

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  6. Sorry about the avocados Karen - yikes, don't know what I'd do if my man were the same! lol
    I have only recently discovered my love of, or really addiction to, guacamole dip - best snack idea Ever! ;)

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  7. This morning it's a toss-up for who is funnier, but I think Karen wins!

    I would feel the same way about avacados...

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  8. I agree, I think Karen was quite funny with the comments!!! Kudos to Karen YAAAAAY!!! lol

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  9. Anonymous@11:16

    ...or catching tuna whilst wearing her stockings? Hey, it's the open ocean, nobody's around to judge...

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  10. The one about avocado is just hilarious! "Danger camouflaged in green." hahaha :D

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  11. he did admit the other day that he's not well (he was clucking like a chicken and asked that you call 9-9-9.)
    Maybe he's trying to catch the elusive fish INSIDE the pair of panty hose...

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  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. Maybe the first STM ramble refers to sacking a employee? STM may not want to sack the person because they are starting a new family. But then that implies that STM has a soft side.. awww that's nice :D

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  14. Sustainably, of course.
    brilliant timing.
    Karen, you're as funny as he is.

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  15. Now I have this scenario playing out in my head! It begins with Adam, resplendent in his captains attire, and his wife' stockings! He cuts an odd figure, casting gear for the mighty Tuna from the deck of the good ship "Scrotum"! A worthy craft, no doubt, and the pride of Her Majesty's Fleet!

    Then it all goes horribly wrong! From out of the deep flies a generous bowl of guacamole! Launched no doubt by that cunning tuna!

    With a platter of tortilla chips, and a side of sour cream it flies towards our hero! He throws up his hand to shield, but TOO LATE!! His head swells up and explodes!

    Zombie Guinea Pigs swarm over the sides of the brave vessel to do their worst, and the tuna swims off cackling with murderous glee!

    Perhaps a bit of cannabis will sort these strange scenarios playing out in my head! It can't be worse than the Thorazine!

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  16. For some reason, I wasn't thinking of STM catching a tuna -- as in the fish itself -- in your stockings, but rather the chunked, packed in water/oil tuna you get in a can! xD I could hear him say "oooh, it's all flaky..."

    I love avocados and I would probably cry if I could not have them anymore. :(

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  17. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer2 July 2010 at 18:08

    - depressing to think that one thinks of the family all the time who is not depressing at'all...ok, all is well when it was 'not' dreamy well, now with that smoothed outta the way then, theres;

    - catchin' tunasized Tuna! in a stocking without the horribly-slimin'-wrigling-part-vision is a fish stocking in disguise, net or not,
    STM must be thinking the likes of marine conservation and future fish populations or wickedly confused fishinn' for a battered whack- attack, either way, something smell mighty fishy today!

    - green mushamess any way one looks at it. sometimes good, other times, Not.

    it's true, there is danger in them greens, camouflaged fatigues one... or can fatigue one from a plateful of yummy stuff; overboard, if overly bored to avocado it out...so in pictures...a safer bet.

    http://www.google.ca/images?q=avocado+tree&rls=com.microsoft:en-ca:IE-SearchBox&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7ACAW_en&redir_esc=&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=univ&ei=MxsuTIqVCMyBnQfm4JHpAw&sa=X&oi=image_result_group&ct=title&resnum=1&ved=0CCcQsAQwAA

    Av a cod, doo instead, fishin for a appy oliday, your way :]

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  18. karen you are indeed a patient and kind person. my allergy to latex is NOTHING compared to an allergy to *gasp* avocado! why you didn't run screaming when you found out this heinous hidden secret is beyond me. imagine. . . no avocado on salads? you must love him beyond all measure. :)

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  19. Karen, I can't stand avacodos either, but my hubby likes them. Tomatos too... I will still buy them, I just won't eat them.

    But then I like things he won't eat either. Just makes the time I get them more of a treat and I relish in those meals when he is not around. It's a trade off either way.

    The first one though is a total Hoot! Mine gave me a Christmas card one of the first years we were together. It said something about "having to spend time with your psycho freakin family!" I still have it and crack up every time I read it. If my family only knew...

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  20. My ex hated avocados - named guacamole 'nasty green stuff', and wrinkled his nose at my fresh taco salad with chopped avocado.

    My attitude? MORE FOR ME>

    (he hated chocolate too - I suspect THAT turned out to be the dealbreaker....)

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  21. Avocado is evil. All y'all can have it.

    If I'd said that thinking about my ex husband's family "all the fucking time" was depressing...I would have meant every word, awake or asleep. Seriously. Those people really were a disturbing bunch...

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  22. Heres A bit of History: In the 1960s, Los Angeles became the entry point for sushi chefs from Japan seeking to make their fortune in the United States. The Tokyo Kaikan restaurant then featured one of the first sushi bars in Los Angeles. Ichiro Mashita, a sushi chef at the Kaikan, began substituting avocado for tuna (toro) and after further experimentation, the California roll was born...

    avocado - tuna corrolation?

    none the less, no California Rolls for STM, sushi would be a bit of a roll of the dice in this scenerio if fish is on the menu- in mind, at least for these well received morsels; starting to make my mouth water. gotta go. nori inside-out.

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  23. i am deathly allergic to avocados, too!!! among other things.

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  24. If you put an avocado seed in a container of water with the little end facing up, you will get a nice smelly mess to throw away in about three weeks!

    I've tried it several times, and that's what I always wound up with!

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  25. "If you put an avocado seed in a container of water with the little end facing up, you will get a nice smelly mess to throw away in about three weeks!"

    Right, must try it..

    Chris

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  26. you people really have weird allergy reactions.. All we get here is bad hives from seafood. With a fever, at its worst :-P How do someone becomes 'deathly allergic' to something as harmless as an avocado? :-?

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  27. ...same way you become deathly allergic to other things...?

    Some things that I am allergic to do nothing more than give me a simple rash. Others (like jasmine) close off my airway and make it literally impossible for me to breathe, others cause my throat to swell and make it literally impossible for me to swallow, while others do other things to my body that are dangerous enough to kill me if I don't seek immediate medical treatment.

    I suppose it all depends on the substance and what it does to the individual's body, but something that is perfectly harmless to one person, such as jasmine or morphine or an avocado or a bee sting or a peanut, will kill another.

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  28. I'm very fond of peanuts myself, however my body isn't. Every now and again though I'll think "ah go on just one" which results in me using my Epi pen and a trip to the docs for the once over and a warning not to do it again, like last time.

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  29. Where's today's stuff? :(

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  30. Please upload today's quotes! We love to start our day with your blog!

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  31. Yes, we do love them! They are badgertastic and even if there are too many whiskers, this is a must looked at website!

    Kay

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  32. Hope you are all ok xx
    Rochelle

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  33. Hope you are all okay and well. I too notice there's no quotes today (Saturday, July 3/10).

    Kim from Canada

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  34. Oh Dear God, he didn't cluck like a chicken overnight did he?

    Oh, & I'm pretty much allergic to everything. Yep. Everything. I can eat about 10 foods & need a gas mask to leave home. Not kidding.

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  35. Oh Karen... Adam... Come hither our friends!!!

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  36. Actually, Karen, I like your comment about your unwell hubby. May I suggest that your comment goes on a t-shirt?

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  37. We're all freaking out like junkies without a fix! Hope y'all are OK - Karen, Adam and sprogs. <3

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  38. Is everything okay over there? The lack of post is so unusual that its actually quite scary! I do hope you are alright.

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  39. Hope you guys are okay! Sending up prayers in case anything's wrong!

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  40. I agree with "Grace Alexander" except change "sprogs" to kids, Molly, family.

    I second Anonymous's at 5:16 and 8:08 too!

    It's strange how much you come to care for strangers through a missed post; but it is out of the ordinary and being a caring human naturally, I am quite concerned that something happened to one of you or family or friends...long rambling shorter, hope you all are okay and are like camping or something with no reception.

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  41. It's not a character flaw; it just means more for you!!!!

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