Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100824

Aug 24 2010

"Before you begin, I'd just like to make it clear that I don't have the energy for a fake conversation."

 or click here
"I'm in a totally zen-like state… Can't you tell how fucking zen I am?!"
 or click here
"Shoot the wig! Shoot it! Don't let it get up again. Oh, that's the third rabid toupee we've had this week. Something wrong. Very wrong."
 or click here

27 comments:

  1. Don't you mean "rabid" toupee?

    Although, I've seen a few hairpieces that could have passed for rabbits...

    Heh heh, 'hare'piece.

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  2. "Before you begin, I just want to make it clear that I don't have the energy for a fake conversation."
    That should be put on T-shirts :) hehehehe

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  3. Rayjay - Ah, yes, that does make much more sense. I changed it. Thanks.

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  4. Could the last one be a reference to the Simpsons episode 'Treehouse of Horror IX'? In one story, 'Hell Toupee', the culmination comes as the police shoot a living wig that is trying to escape.

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  5. I agree with STM that toupees should be shot, and if you miss and hit the person, then that's fine to. If you're so insecure about a bald spot that you wear an ugly piece of fake hair, then you deserve that.

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  6. Of all of STM's quotes so far, I think the one I'd most like to have on a t-shirt is "I'm in a totally zen-like state… Can't you tell how fucking zen I am?!"

    Followed as a close second by the fake conversation one. Two gems today!

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  7. Rabid toupees, huh? That would explain many things! Including that thing on Donald Trump',s head that looks like it climbed up there and died!

    Yes, something is wrong! So very, very wrong!

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  8. "Before you begin, I just want to make it clear that I don't have the energy for a fake conversation."

    I would like to point out that STM says 'like' and not 'want'. I've listened to it a couple of times now and it's definitely not 'want'.
    (But I don't doubt your otherwise excellent transcribsion skills).

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  9. This reminds me of the Simpsons Halloween episode where Homer gets possessed by an evil toupee, which ends up getting shot repeatedly.

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  10. Absolutely LOVE all of these!

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  11. I would like to add my vote for "Zen" and "fake conversation" to be available on products. Pleasepleaseplease.

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  12. Just as James, I thought about The Simpsons, Treehouse of horror. The one where Homer gets Snakes hair. XD

    Perny

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  13. The ad just to the left of this comment box is for...... You guessed it! Wigs! How weird!

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  14. my ad is for hair transplants XD

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  15. I LOVE looking at what GoogleAds turns up every day! -Karen

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  16. Enjoy STM every day!! Thank you for sharing. *Must* have a shirt or a bag with the "fake conversation" quote on it. Please?!?

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  17. I just found your blog. It's so hilarious. I was laughing outloud at work today and everyone was looking at me funny. Thanks for sharing. It's great!

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  18. With a ringtone, you'd have people wondering if it's the caller or the phone that doesn't have the energy for a fake conversation!
    If I didn't live in the dark ages with no ring tone options, I'd be clamoring for this one.

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  19. I suggest a more humane solution: just bombard it with hairspray until it's immobilized..... 7@=Q

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  20. I rather like the idea of a rabbit toupee - the hare club for men! ;-)

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  21. I can see the "fake conversation" on coffee mugs sitting on cubicle desks all across the English-speaking world...

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  22. With the first comment on the "fake conversation" it sounds like he's doesn't want you instigating his talking at night or something like that.

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  23. I'm voting for the "fake-conversation" tee shirt as well!! How great to just get that out of the way, right up front!

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  24. Is there any chance of a "zen" card?

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  25. Haha, this is hilarious!

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  26. In a bizarre coincidence, I wrote a poem in July called, "Don't Fuck with my Zen". Just thought I'd pass that along (I posted it here - http://elkindisguise.blogspot.com/2010/09/poetry-purge.html - in September after getting back from a summer on an isolated island. It's the last poem in the post).

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