Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100806

Aug 6 2010

"It's all lumpy. Hmm. Lumpy. Let's make it smooth. Lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lump— Bugger! Bollocks and dammit! We're gonna have it lumpy. I can't be arsed."

 or click here

Hey Americans, "can't be arsed" = "can't be bothered"
"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make turd biscuits. It's like a shit sandwich, but for kids."
 or click here
"Although I like cherry and lemon and meringue and key-lime— mmmm, yes— and pecan, generally I'm not a big pie person."
 or click here

And a couple of minutes later,
"Why can't I have birthday pie instead of birthday cake? I want birthday pie. Much nicer. A big fuck-off pie."
 or click here

And the reveal!


 or click here

KAREN: You said, "You know what I'm gonna do?" (laugh) Okay: "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to make a turd biscuit. It's like a shit sandwich, but for kids."
ADAM: Is that— a shit sandwich being a bad thing sandwiched between two nice things?
KAREN: Like how you're supposed to tell people who work for you that they have to improve something?
ADAM: Yeah. When you tell your kid they have to do better.
KAREN: Except that, if you think about it, cookies— biscuits— it's all mixed together as one thing.
ADAM: (confused muttering that I can't possibly transcribe, then...) Oh yeah.
KAREN: So I wonder how that changes how you tell your children.
ADAM: Oh, they can't digest it, it all gets mixed up with them anyway. Unless you make it into a turd biscuit sandwich.
KAREN: Like a turd oreo.
ADAM: Yeah. New flavor!


49 comments:

  1. omg lol a turd oreo! I knew there was a new flavor! now I can tell my BF that when he has a bad time at work its just a Turd Oreo not a s#!+ sandwich!! thanks!! keep blogging, Poops and giggles from washington state lol

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  2. and yay first comment i ever post and its first on the page! I have accomplished something! (finally lol)

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  3. And then a bowl of vomit to wash it all down, eeuuuuugh!

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  4. I can't possibly imagine how much better life would be if I got to wake up laughing every morning like Karen and Adam. As it is, reading STM is one of the first things I do in the morning, and it almost never fails to make my day.

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  5. It's actually my birthday today, and I everyone thinks I'm weird because I always have birthday pie instead of birthday cake. I'm loving this awesome coincidence. Thanks, STM!

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  6. Birthday pie is tradition in my family. Whatever kind of pie I want... usually I choose chocolate chiffon. :)

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  7. I am a bit of a cake hater, pie is much more preferable. Though ice cream cake (that only has cookie crumbles and not yucky cake)is amazing. My Mother sometimes still bought cake claiming that it wasn't about me. Such a nice loving Mother. :P

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  8. Adam must have been hungry in the middle of the night!

    My day always starts off great with STM and his nightly nuggets of wisdom.

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  9. Life is a shit sandwich my friends! The more bread you have, the less shit you eat!

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  10. I laughed that he says he's not a pie person yet has a list of 5 pies that he likes (not just 1 but 5).

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  11. Why have I never thought about birthday pie before? And thanks for reminding me to get a new pillow.

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  12. Wow... I absolutely love your blog. This seriously brightens my day :-)

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  13. I've had birthday pie! It's fabulous.

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  14. I have birthday pie every year. Beats birthday cake hands down!

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  15. I so agree about birthday pie being better than cake. The utmost is birthday ice cream pie. Yum! Turd oreos are hilarious!

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  16. Birthday pie - a great idea!

    Next, someone should revive the old Yankee custom of pie for breakfast..... 7@=e

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  17. Yeah birthday pie! That's what I have too, mainly because years ago, two younger siblings birthdays are days before mine, and they always had their little friends over for cake (didn't like the friends because I, as the oldest, would have to babysit them all, but that's another rant). By the time my day came around, no one, including me, wanted cake. Birthday pie rules!

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  18. Could STM have possibly meant an American biscuit as opposed to a British biscuit? American biscuits are more sandwich like.

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  19. I almost always have pie on my birthday - because it usually falls around Thanksgiving and it was easier for Mom to make another pumpkin pie then a cake. I still love pie more!

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  20. LMAO!!! This is great stuff! As always, love the reveal!

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  21. Haha, it wouldn't surprise me if Oreo made a turd biscuit xD

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  22. Maybe Adam watched Spinal Tap? The phrase 'shit sandwich' is a definite quote... ^^

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ruDdcd8G-g

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  23. I love how he says lumpy lumpy lumpy...buggers!
    lol, made me actually laugh ;D

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  24. No posts? I hope everything is ok.

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  25. u guys ok? no posts.. Kinda worried.......

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  26. Hope y'all are okay...nothing in two days is scary...hope it's just internet down again and nothing serious...

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  27. Worried. Hope all is well.

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  28. I am also worried. It's very unlike you to not post everyday, and 2 days in a row... I hope you are both OK.

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  29. Same here! I saw the Facebook post for yesterday but there's nothing new there. I hope everything is ok.

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  30. Hope the two of you are just taking the weekend off! we miss our daily dose of STM.

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  31. I hope silence means the book publishers and movie makers are making offers.

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  32. Your posts may be being swallowed by an internet monster...I keep seeing updates on twitter, but not on the blog!

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  33. 2 days in a row with no posts? I hope nothing is wrong with you or Adam or the children.

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  34. Hope everything is alright guys!

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  35. I decided to follow this blog because it's SO funny!!!!

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  36. After two days of no posts, we're getting really worried!! I hope you guys are all okay!??

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  37. Andrea may possibly be on the right track, we shall see, it's happened before, besides, not to worry so much, there's always a response as time permits, i think we should relax, all. Keep the spirit as it progresses in it's path as a site for sore eyes, via web or hootsuite or other, a time to flip back the pages for refreshing re-laughs is a nice, meanwhile back at the stables.

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  38. How are we supposed to entertain ourselves without STM? Poor us ;-) I hope you guys are ok.

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  39. Hope everything's okay. We need STM back.

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  40. C'mon, Adam! With a list like that, you have to be a pie guy!
    As for birthday pie, why not? In my sister's family, they gave up on birthday cake because the kids didn't like it. They got their favourite dessert (cheesecake or lemon meringue pie) instead. Great tradition!

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  41. Somebody needs to bang the gong and wake Adam and Karen up!! ;o)

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  42. Wow, Karen and Adam, do you see how many of us depend on you every day? Hope it just lets you know that we all like you. Also hope everything is ok...

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  43. Wow! Two days yet! See? Its true what they say about mountain air!

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  44. LOL! Turd oreos... I've been gone for two days and thought there'd be a couple posts when I got back. Hopin' everthing's alright over there! :)

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  45. My 9 year old has been telling me for about 6 months now that he wants a pie for his birthday instead of a cake (he had doughnut at his party last year)

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  46. OMG! I had a Great Aunt Bert who used to torment her kids my makeing them chicken shit biscuits. Outstanding!

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