"It's all lumpy. Hmm. Lumpy. Let's make it smooth. Lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lumpy lump— Bugger! Bollocks and dammit! We're gonna have it lumpy. I can't be arsed."
or click here"You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna make turd biscuits. It's like a shit sandwich, but for kids."
Hey Americans, "can't be arsed" = "can't be bothered"
or click here"Although I like cherry and lemon and meringue and key-lime— mmmm, yes— and pecan, generally I'm not a big pie person."
or click here"Why can't I have birthday pie instead of birthday cake? I want birthday pie. Much nicer. A big fuck-off pie."
And a couple of minutes later,
or click here
And the reveal!
or click here
| KAREN: | You said, "You know what I'm gonna do?" (laugh) Okay: "You know what I'm gonna do? I'm going to make a turd biscuit. It's like a shit sandwich, but for kids." |
| ADAM: | Is that— a shit sandwich being a bad thing sandwiched between two nice things? |
| KAREN: | Like how you're supposed to tell people who work for you that they have to improve something? |
| ADAM: | Yeah. When you tell your kid they have to do better. |
| KAREN: | Except that, if you think about it, cookies— biscuits— it's all mixed together as one thing. |
| ADAM: | (confused muttering that I can't possibly transcribe, then...) Oh yeah. |
| KAREN: | So I wonder how that changes how you tell your children. |
| ADAM: | Oh, they can't digest it, it all gets mixed up with them anyway. Unless you make it into a turd biscuit sandwich. |
| KAREN: | Like a turd oreo. |
| ADAM: | Yeah. New flavor! |
omg lol a turd oreo! I knew there was a new flavor! now I can tell my BF that when he has a bad time at work its just a Turd Oreo not a s#!+ sandwich!! thanks!! keep blogging, Poops and giggles from washington state lol
ReplyDeleteand yay first comment i ever post and its first on the page! I have accomplished something! (finally lol)
ReplyDeleteAnd then a bowl of vomit to wash it all down, eeuuuuugh!
ReplyDeleteI can't possibly imagine how much better life would be if I got to wake up laughing every morning like Karen and Adam. As it is, reading STM is one of the first things I do in the morning, and it almost never fails to make my day.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually my birthday today, and I everyone thinks I'm weird because I always have birthday pie instead of birthday cake. I'm loving this awesome coincidence. Thanks, STM!
ReplyDeleteBirthday pie is tradition in my family. Whatever kind of pie I want... usually I choose chocolate chiffon. :)
ReplyDeleteI am a bit of a cake hater, pie is much more preferable. Though ice cream cake (that only has cookie crumbles and not yucky cake)is amazing. My Mother sometimes still bought cake claiming that it wasn't about me. Such a nice loving Mother. :P
ReplyDeleteAdam must have been hungry in the middle of the night!
ReplyDeleteMy day always starts off great with STM and his nightly nuggets of wisdom.
Life is a shit sandwich my friends! The more bread you have, the less shit you eat!
ReplyDeleteI laughed that he says he's not a pie person yet has a list of 5 pies that he likes (not just 1 but 5).
ReplyDeleteWhy have I never thought about birthday pie before? And thanks for reminding me to get a new pillow.
ReplyDeleteWow... I absolutely love your blog. This seriously brightens my day :-)
ReplyDeleteI've had birthday pie! It's fabulous.
ReplyDeleteI have birthday pie every year. Beats birthday cake hands down!
ReplyDeleteI so agree about birthday pie being better than cake. The utmost is birthday ice cream pie. Yum! Turd oreos are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteBirthday pie - a great idea!
ReplyDeleteNext, someone should revive the old Yankee custom of pie for breakfast..... 7@=e
Yeah birthday pie! That's what I have too, mainly because years ago, two younger siblings birthdays are days before mine, and they always had their little friends over for cake (didn't like the friends because I, as the oldest, would have to babysit them all, but that's another rant). By the time my day came around, no one, including me, wanted cake. Birthday pie rules!
ReplyDeleteCould STM have possibly meant an American biscuit as opposed to a British biscuit? American biscuits are more sandwich like.
ReplyDeleteI almost always have pie on my birthday - because it usually falls around Thanksgiving and it was easier for Mom to make another pumpkin pie then a cake. I still love pie more!
ReplyDeleteLMAO!!! This is great stuff! As always, love the reveal!
ReplyDeleteHaha, it wouldn't surprise me if Oreo made a turd biscuit xD
ReplyDeleteMaybe Adam watched Spinal Tap? The phrase 'shit sandwich' is a definite quote... ^^
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ruDdcd8G-g
I love how he says lumpy lumpy lumpy...buggers!
ReplyDeletelol, made me actually laugh ;D
No posts? I hope everything is ok.
ReplyDeleteu guys ok? no posts.. Kinda worried.......
ReplyDeleteHope y'all are okay...nothing in two days is scary...hope it's just internet down again and nothing serious...
ReplyDeleteWorried. Hope all is well.
ReplyDeleteI am also worried. It's very unlike you to not post everyday, and 2 days in a row... I hope you are both OK.
ReplyDeleteSame here! I saw the Facebook post for yesterday but there's nothing new there. I hope everything is ok.
ReplyDeleteHope the two of you are just taking the weekend off! we miss our daily dose of STM.
ReplyDeleteI hope silence means the book publishers and movie makers are making offers.
ReplyDeleteYour posts may be being swallowed by an internet monster...I keep seeing updates on twitter, but not on the blog!
ReplyDelete2 days in a row with no posts? I hope nothing is wrong with you or Adam or the children.
ReplyDeleteHope everything is alright guys!
ReplyDeleteI decided to follow this blog because it's SO funny!!!!
ReplyDeleteAfter two days of no posts, we're getting really worried!! I hope you guys are all okay!??
ReplyDeleteAndrea may possibly be on the right track, we shall see, it's happened before, besides, not to worry so much, there's always a response as time permits, i think we should relax, all. Keep the spirit as it progresses in it's path as a site for sore eyes, via web or hootsuite or other, a time to flip back the pages for refreshing re-laughs is a nice, meanwhile back at the stables.
ReplyDeleteHow are we supposed to entertain ourselves without STM? Poor us ;-) I hope you guys are ok.
ReplyDeleteHope everything's okay. We need STM back.
ReplyDeleteC'mon, Adam! With a list like that, you have to be a pie guy!
ReplyDeleteAs for birthday pie, why not? In my sister's family, they gave up on birthday cake because the kids didn't like it. They got their favourite dessert (cheesecake or lemon meringue pie) instead. Great tradition!
Somebody needs to bang the gong and wake Adam and Karen up!! ;o)
ReplyDeleteWow, Karen and Adam, do you see how many of us depend on you every day? Hope it just lets you know that we all like you. Also hope everything is ok...
ReplyDeleteWow! Two days yet! See? Its true what they say about mountain air!
ReplyDeleteLOL! Turd oreos... I've been gone for two days and thought there'd be a couple posts when I got back. Hopin' everthing's alright over there! :)
ReplyDeleteMy 9 year old has been telling me for about 6 months now that he wants a pie for his birthday instead of a cake (he had doughnut at his party last year)
ReplyDeleteOMG! I had a Great Aunt Bert who used to torment her kids my makeing them chicken shit biscuits. Outstanding!
ReplyDeleteWe're gonna have it lumpy. The lumpier the better. I like my porridge lumpy with plenty of milk on it.
ReplyDelete