Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20110629

June 29 2011

"God is good. God is great. But I'm fucking mega-awesome! ...Fuck nuts."

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"I speak the truth. I am the superhero of words. Sentences are my weapons. I'll fuck you up with my oral armor."
 or click here

And then there was this:


 or click here
STM: Sp— Spider... Spider!... Oh, spider. (lifts his right hand, and violently smacks his left hand, which is resting on his chest)
ADAM: Ow!
KAREN: Oh, Baby? (laughs hysterically)
ADAM: It hurts!
KAREN: (continued hysterics)
ADAM: When I'm hurt, your not meant to laugh! You're meant to be concerned and show me sympathy.
KAREN: (a stab at sympathy) Oh.
ADAM: Oh? That's rubbish.
KAREN: Here (rubbing his battered hand).
ADAM: (pathetically) Oh-ho. There was a spider on my chest.
KAREN: But it was your hand.
ADAM: I didn't know that at the time.
KAREN: That would be a HUGE spider.

15 comments:

  1. I've seen someone slap themselves in the face, play the "drums" & slap their knee while sleeping and couldn't hold back the laughter eachtime.

    "when I'm hurt you're not meant to laugh" has to be on a shirt---- please :)

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  2. Once again I find myself debating which was funnier, the stm quotes or the reveal. Love that oral armor...but the whole reveal is hilarious!

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  3. The second one needs to go on a mug!

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  4. That second one would make a great gift mug for the editors, grammarians, writers, and teachers of the world.

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  5. Gee, STM, you'd think God would get some credit for putting you here and creating awesomeness in the first place.

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  6. According to my wife, at three-o-clock this morning I said the following:

    Rat shit bat shit dirty old twat,
    Sixty nine assholes tied in a knot,
    Hurray lizard shit,
    FUCK!

    I don't know why I'm channeling George Carlin at three AM. I don't know why I'm shouting out his infamous cheer in my sleep! My wife thinks it might be because I turned fifty-four years old this Monday, and i'm getting crazier with age!

    I think it might be because I need a bit of cannabis! Ahh! Cannabis!

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  7. Here in North Carolina we have Wolf Spiders that live in caves. I've seen some that are the size of a desert dish! Here's a link to a picture of one, "http://tinypic.com/r/zu4ifm/7"

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  8. Oh my God, those were briliant today! :D The second one needs merchandize. A lot.
    And the first would be great, too, but I think without the fuck nuts.

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  9. I think the "Fuck nuts" makes it amazing!!! hahahaha Oh stm. I've been reading stm for a few years now, but I never get bored!

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  10. "fuck nuts" was ok.... though I kinda prefer my term.... "nut knocker".... refers to being gay. you know 2 gay men.... that's all I'll say.

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  11. When I was a child here in southwestern Colorado, you could occasionally see tarantulas the size of dinner plates squashed on the highways. I was always creeped out that they were so huge. But you never see them any more. I guess urban development drove them farther out of town, which is at least one good thing urban development has done here.

    When I went to college, there was a black tarantula the size of my fist on the door to my apartment when I came home from class one day. It was quite the problem. I couldn't bring myself to get close enough to kill it, but I also couldn't call my less arachnophobic friends for help without getting into the apartment. I waited for it to move, but it never budged. Finally, an hour later, the dudes next door came home, and removed it for me. They put it in a butter tub and froze it in their fridge. When they threw it out at the end of the year, they swear it walked away after it thawed. *shudder*

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  12. Could God create a person so fucking mega-awesome, that even God is less fucking mega-awesome than them?

    It's the STM omnipotence paradox... fucknuts.

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  13. oh I had a good one this morning.... went for a walk and reached down to my hip to wipe my hand. Lo and behond I felt something stab my hand. well I jerked it away only to discover a huge freaking spider (the size of my hand) carrying a baige ball I can only assume was it's egg sac. to say the least it and that ball got squished into oblivion on the side of the road.
    and I thought mondays where bad.... this is just saturday. *shiver*

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