"God is good. God is great. But I'm fucking mega-awesome! ...Fuck nuts."
or click here"I speak the truth. I am the superhero of words. Sentences are my weapons. I'll fuck you up with my oral armor."
or click here
And then there was this:
or click here
| STM: | Sp— Spider... Spider!... Oh, spider. (lifts his right hand, and violently smacks his left hand, which is resting on his chest) |
| ADAM: | Ow! |
| KAREN: | Oh, Baby? (laughs hysterically) |
| ADAM: | It hurts! |
| KAREN: | (continued hysterics) |
| ADAM: | When I'm hurt, your not meant to laugh! You're meant to be concerned and show me sympathy. |
| KAREN: | (a stab at sympathy) Oh. |
| ADAM: | Oh? That's rubbish. |
| KAREN: | Here (rubbing his battered hand). |
| ADAM: | (pathetically) Oh-ho. There was a spider on my chest. |
| KAREN: | But it was your hand. |
| ADAM: | I didn't know that at the time. |
| KAREN: | That would be a HUGE spider. |
I've seen someone slap themselves in the face, play the "drums" & slap their knee while sleeping and couldn't hold back the laughter eachtime.
ReplyDelete"when I'm hurt you're not meant to laugh" has to be on a shirt---- please :)
Once again I find myself debating which was funnier, the stm quotes or the reveal. Love that oral armor...but the whole reveal is hilarious!
ReplyDeleteThe second one needs to go on a mug!
ReplyDeleteThat second one would make a great gift mug for the editors, grammarians, writers, and teachers of the world.
ReplyDeleteGee, STM, you'd think God would get some credit for putting you here and creating awesomeness in the first place.
ReplyDeleteHere in North Carolina we have Wolf Spiders that live in caves. I've seen some that are the size of a desert dish! Here's a link to a picture of one, "http://tinypic.com/r/zu4ifm/7"
ReplyDeleteI think the "Fuck nuts" makes it amazing!!! hahahaha Oh stm. I've been reading stm for a few years now, but I never get bored!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a child here in southwestern Colorado, you could occasionally see tarantulas the size of dinner plates squashed on the highways. I was always creeped out that they were so huge. But you never see them any more. I guess urban development drove them farther out of town, which is at least one good thing urban development has done here.
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to college, there was a black tarantula the size of my fist on the door to my apartment when I came home from class one day. It was quite the problem. I couldn't bring myself to get close enough to kill it, but I also couldn't call my less arachnophobic friends for help without getting into the apartment. I waited for it to move, but it never budged. Finally, an hour later, the dudes next door came home, and removed it for me. They put it in a butter tub and froze it in their fridge. When they threw it out at the end of the year, they swear it walked away after it thawed. *shudder*
oh I had a good one this morning.... went for a walk and reached down to my hip to wipe my hand. Lo and behond I felt something stab my hand. well I jerked it away only to discover a huge freaking spider (the size of my hand) carrying a baige ball I can only assume was it's egg sac. to say the least it and that ball got squished into oblivion on the side of the road.
ReplyDeleteand I thought mondays where bad.... this is just saturday. *shiver*
Karin, Adam - Love your escapades. Is this still going on today (April 2018)? Your sleep talkin habits. Maybe it is time to buy melatonin uk and get yourself some well deserved sleep without waking up. Good luck to your family.
ReplyDeleteRegards
The Melatonin Man :)
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