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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20120711

Jul 11 2012

"Bras: they're like... booby traps."

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"Listen up, people. Sasquatch has been in my sock drawer again, and now he's somewhere lose in the bathroom. So I'm setting up a six-foot perimeter fence, and someone bring me my clippers. He's mine this time."
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And the reveal:


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RECORDING: ...And someone bring me my clippers...
ADAM: What was—?
KAREN: Sasquatch. Bigfoot.
ADAM: Why does he want to shave him?
KAREN: Well, that's the whole thing about Bigfoot, he's hairy all over.
ADAM: Why does he want to shave him?!
KAREN: I think there's a more important question.
ADAM: A six-foot perimeter fence isn't a very big area.
KAREN: I know. That's why when you said it, I was thinking maybe it's a tiny, miniature Sasquatch.
ADAM: Littlefoot.
KAREN: Yeah, Littlefoot.
ADAM: He's been in his sock drawer, and now he's somewhere in the bathroom. Now, our bathroom's not very big—
KAREN: Exactly.
ADAM: Teenyfoot.
RECORDING: So, I'm setting up a six foot perimeter fence...
KAREN: A six-foot perimeter—That's, basically, this big (holds fingers up).
ADAM: That's not a six-foot perimeter.
KAREN: Oh, six-foot, not six-inch. But that's still just about this big (holds arms up).
ADAM: No. A bit bigger than that.
KAREN: Six-foot PERIMETER—
ADAM: Yes?
KAREN: That's a foot-and-a-half on each side.
ADAM: It's Microscopicfoot!
KAREN: (chuckles)
ADAM: Maybe he needs his clippers 'cause he's gonna shave the floor rugs to chase Microscopic Sasquatch out.
KAREN: Maybe he has teeny teeny tiny clippers.
ADAM: So how would he know if he's been in the sock drawer? If he's so small.
KAREN: Maybe he leaves slime.
ADAM: From what part of his body would Sasquatch, even Microscopic Sasquatch, leave slime?
KAREN: Oh! Oh! Okay, maybe he's microscopic, but he's actually got kind of long hairs. He's basically like a little fuzz ball. Maybe he sheds his hairs.
ADAM: If these hairs are small, right, then they could be really itchy.
KAREN: Yeah. That could be it. Whenever his socks are itchy, he knows Sasquatch has been in there... What was he doing in your sock drawer, though?
ADAM: There are certain things I keep in my sock drawer that I like to keep to myself.
KAREN: I'm the one who puts all your socks away after laundry, I know what's in there.
ADAM: Now you're just going to make out that you do all the domestic chores around here, and that's not exactly the truth now, is it?
KAREN: I do the laundry.
ADAM: IS IT?
KAREN: I do the laundry.
ADAM: I hope you haven't been recording any of this.
KAREN: Who said I haven't?
ADAM: Oh, you bitch.

13 comments:

  1. Had a good chuckle today!

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  2. While your conversation was hilarious, I think STM was talking about a [6-foot] [perimeter fence] rather than a [6-foot perimeter] [fence] - as in, a 6' tall perimeter fence...

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    1. ^ Totally agree on both counts :)

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  3. I'm still loving the pun...booby traps. Too good.

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  4. OMG! the booby trap comment is just pure genius. Make sure it makes it onto a T-Shirt

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  5. The Bra one as to be a t-shirt. That's hysterical.

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  6. When STM said clippers, I assumed nail clippers. Like, maybe bigfoot had really long toe nails that were wrecking STM's socks, so STM wanted to take care of them.

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  7. Definitely a perimeter fence that's 6' high, although... isn't Sasquatch supposed to be like 8 feet high? Still, I know how he can hide in the bathroom... disguised as a really big hair clog in the tub.

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  8. I agree with Anonymous@03:04 - Sasquatch has been wearing STM's sock and poking through the toes. And if you set up a 6-foot perimeter fence around the bathroom, he could only come out a distance of 6 feet, thus making it easy to restrain him and clip the offending toenails. Simple!
    (And the booby trap is BRILLIANT!)

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  9. The booby-trap joke is a good one, but it was used in Who Framed Roger Rabbit in 1988. Who could forget Jessica's cleavage?!

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  10. The booby trap one needs to be on shirts!

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  11. Nice talk, I will try thi. LOL

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