May 30 2012

"This is not my box. No. Not my box. It doesn't even look like my box. It's your box. This is not my box! (whining pathetically) My box is missing. I CAN'T FIND IT!… Hello? Hello? Is this the home for missing boxes? I've lost my box. Have you got my box? Where's my box?"

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Poor thing. It just really makes you want to find him any box at all, doesn't it?

And here is the reveal:

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RECORDING:	Is this the home for missing boxes?
KAREN:	Aw.
RECORDING:	I've lot my box. Have you got my box?
ADAM:	We'll never know if they had his box.
KAREN:	It's so sad!
ADAM:	It'd be funny if they ask him to describe it.
KAREN:	It's light brown, it's cube-shaped—
ADAM:	Yeah.
KAREN:	—made of cardboard.
RECORDING:	I've lost my box. Have you got my box? Where's my box?
ADAM:	He's given up on his box.
KAREN:	I don't think so.
ADAM:	Yeah. The truth of the matter is he probably left his box outside in the rain, and now it's paper-mache.
KAREN:	Aww.
ADAM:	Yeah.
KAREN:	But he could make a pretty mask out of it then.
ADAM:	But he wants a box.
KAREN:	Oh my god, I have a brilliant idea! He could take it and use it to make a paper-mache box!
ADAM:	... No.

May 28 2012

"Mother's Day. Father's Day. Disgruntled-I-Don't-Give-A-Fuck-Just-Give-Me-A-Day-Off-Work-for-FUCK'S-SAKE Day! Breakfast in bed, please."

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"Yeah it's me! So, give me a smile you piss-licking bitch!"

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May 25 2012

"Hey! Eat my organic fist, you fucking hippie."

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"Fucking kites. They make me wanna puke with their fluttery tails and their sudden crashing-down-to-earth ways. No kites. No no no no..."

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May 23 2012

"Shhhhh! Why can't you midgets talk more fucking quietly?! I hate small talk."

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Ugh. Now that is the sort of pun I'd usually hear from my dad.

"I'm an advocate for hermit crab politics."

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Anyone have any theories about this one?

May 21 2012

"Look at your boyfriend. Now look at the potato. Now look back at your boyfriend. Who's sad now, bitch!"

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"Sexy, sexy llama llama llama llama llama. Sexy llama llama llama. Sexy llama! Fuck off, duck, he's mine! Yeah. Sexy llama llama llama."

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I believe this song, well-loved by Adam, may have something to do with this quote:

May 18 2012

"I'm a big dose of lovin'. Take twice daily."

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"Pay attention when you clean the toilet! Malteasers aren't the only floaters."

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May 16 2012

"No, I'm not a god. I'm a king. No one knows who God is. But a king, a king gets to wear a mother-fucking crown! And a big-ass cape. Yeah."

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And here is how Adam woke himself up. I should mention that my mom and step-father are visiting, and were sleeping in our extra bedroom down the hall.

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STM:	COCK SOUP!
KAREN:	giggles
ADAM:	God, I hope no one heard anything.
KAREN:	giggles some more
ADAM:	Was it bad?
KAREN:	Do you know what you yelled?
ADAM:	I only got the "oup", so god knows what it could be. Was it bad? Oh god, it was, wasn't it?!
KAREN:	Well, you yelled, "cock soup."
ADAM:	... I don't want that with dumplings.

May 14 2012

"I swear, if I ever have to listen to you, I'll claw my ears off, and fill the bloody gaping holes with decaying afterbirth."

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A lovely birthday wish to me. Thanks, STM!

May 11 2012

"Speaking of birth control, you're looking especially repellent today."

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"Do they know it's Friday in space? Do aliens look forward to the weekend? Hmmm, things to think about."

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May 9 2012

"God judges you. Well, I judge God. This week: not bad! Still messing up in the Middle East, though. Sort it out."

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"Mascara for midgets. Power to the little people!"

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May 7 2012

"Damn that frigid monkey cheese!"

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"Fucking unicorns. 'Oh, I've got a horn!' So fucking obnoxious. You're just a horse with a party hat, dickhead."

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And the reveal...

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KAREN:	I like that you, um, call a unicorn a dickhead... OH! I didn't even—! I only meant that I thought it was funny for you to call a unicorn a dickhead, I didn't even think about the—
ADAM:	—the horn.
KAREN:	Yeah! Do you think he did? Do you think it's accidental?
ADAM:	He's certainly as clever as I am, and I would have straight away... (dropping the bravado) No, I think it's completely accidental.

May 2 2012

"I'm not smiling at you. No, this is my I'm-taking-a-satisfying-shit smile."

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Sorry about the late postings this week, folks. I'm in the States to see my brother's latest amazing show. This means that Adam has to record himself, then upload the audio file in the morning and send it to me. It's always fun to pop into the mp3 to see what awaits me!

Speaking of my brother's show, if you're in the Boston area, go see 28 Seeds. Use the promo code ERB and you'll get the tickets for half-price. If you want to read a review of it before deciding, here's one.