Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100112

Jan 11 2010

"Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep."

"Yeah, keep looking. It doesn't get any better than this."

"Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I'm telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination."

"You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

[hand tangled in my hair, massaging my scalp] "I'm stuck. I'm stuck. Your pubes! You got to shave."

"Butter... nut... squash. I like those words."


Karen's note: Adam really brightened up my insomnia at 5 am. And I even got that little head massage!

The t-shirts are definitely going live today, so keep an eye on the left-hand column, guys.

126 comments:

  1. You should post audio. Im thinking this is BS!

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  2. I love it! So funny! Do you ever talk to him? Ask him questions?

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  3. I've never tried to interact with him. Perhaps that's the next step....

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  4. Anonymous, even if it was, it's still funny as hell! I love it! This is the highlight of my night!

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  5. You even got a head massage? Nice! YOu should try waking him up with a air horn!

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  6. Can we make a T-shirt out of "STOP THE PANTHER!" please please pretty please???

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  7. thanks for feeding my insamnia. Great stuff. Always look forward to seein new stuff on here.

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  8. "Your Mums at the Door again. Bury me, Bury me Deep"

    Love it!! Basically, what most men around the world would like to say during the day!!

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  9. just found this blog today through collegehumor.com.
    Great stuff, and for what it's worth I don't think this is BS, I've heard of lots of cases of bizzare somnambulism.
    Have you heard of Dion McGreggor? He was one of the most prolific somnambulists, there's an entire album of him talking in his sleep. He actually tells whole bizarre stories, with different voices and mannerisms. The album was recorded by his roommate. It's available for download, but as I don't want to get in trouble for piracy, I won't link it. You can find it pretty easily online though.

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  10. Thanks this was very good.

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  11. not BS. audio? read the FAQ's. also, as to the BS, there are plenty of recorded instances of people doing much more than talking in their sleep. why is this so hard to believe?

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  12. I think you are right when you say that it seems a bit too intimate to post the audio of your husband. I agree, plus it is funnier written by his wife, and you would have a barrage of people saying it was someone pretending to be asleep. I think the way you have it set up is perfect, and I have no doubt that you are telling the truth. I lived with a man who sometimes talked in his sleep and said odd things clear as a bell, and apparently I have been known to talk as well. I've kept my boyfriend up all night a few times. I think it's great that you post his words.
    It's quite brilliant.

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  13. I haven't read enough to know whether you guys are in the US or England at the moment, but did you know you're in todays London Metro Paper??

    http://theridiculant.metro.co.uk/

    :) xx

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  14. Really funny!
    My wife talks endlessly too!
    Her last one was: "Stop stomping on the floor! You are walking hard on the floor to prove you are an alien but you are not!.... Mandals..."- and I asked her: "What are those?", she answered: "sandals for men"...
    Then when I usually ask questions and it is too complicated she states: "Mmmmm.... I don't know..."

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  15. Thanks everyone, especially for all the support.

    We DID just see it in the Metro. In fact, I sat next to someone on the tube and watched him read it. It was soooooo cool!

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  16. You guys are legends! Adam for president!

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  17. Love it! Tears from laughing! To funny to make up, so it must be real! Has he got a brother?

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  18. I am so glad I found this! I can only hope my future husband can be this amusing in his slumber.

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  19. 'go be pretty somewhere else':P
    genius.
    I just read every single post on this blog and it's hilarious.
    love it.
    though I wonder if you get any sleep at all...

    http://littleprincesssophie.blogspot.com

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  20. I'm glad he likes Butter...Nut...Squash. =)

    ~Jess

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  21. Wow. put me on the list for Husband wanted: Must talk and be witty in his sleep. LMAO

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  22. I was going out with a guy that kept shouting Mohawk in his sleep. I thought it was funny as f*** but to have it all the time must just be fantastic.

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  23. Bwaaahahaha.....ohhhh....spit my coffee all over the monitor! So, funny! Bravo!

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  24. you should do what textsfromlastnight does where you're able to make a shirt with whatever quote you want.

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  25. Finally I found something good on the Internet! Thank you so very much, my searching days are over.

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  26. This is awesome! I was feeling down when I started work this morning, and a friend sent this to me to cheer me up. I've been cracking up ever since (not good when I'm talking to clients)!
    Can I suggest having these on hooded sweaters as well?! "Yeah keep looking. It doesn't get any better than this!"

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  27. my husband never says anything:(
    i got gypped!!!

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  28. Post audio or video for proof please...

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  29. my english husband once rolled over as i slipped into bed, he looked me in the eyes and said in a slightly defeated voice "that's the problem with project management" then he woke up.
    i was laughing out loud at some of the gems your brit has come up with.

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  30. AS someone else mentioned it's in today's Metro, which is how I knew about it.

    I have sent this link round to so many people today, and have washed all my makeup off laughing at it!! Absolute genius ;-)

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  31. You should really try to speak with him, I was told I'm talking in the sleep too, and am responding to questions. (Un)Fortunatly I'm only mumbling my answers :D

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  32. Haha, that's so funny! :) My sister always talk in her sleep too, used to be great fun when we were kids. I gave you a +1 on StumbleUpon by the way! :D /SoundQwist

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  33. "Why is this so hard to believe?" Some people won't believe you are taking a crap until you shit in their mouths. Then they'll complain about the taste.

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  34. What a crock of absolute fictious nonsense. You bleed the gullible sheep dry!

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  35. Does your husband happen to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm, because the "pretty, pretty, pretty..." quote sounds like Larry David's trademark phrase? Love the site...

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  36. My grandfather is a prolific sleep-talker, and more often than not there are mannerisms to accompany his stories. If you're not too loud, you can sometimes have a very weird conversation with him.

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  37. Hee hee - love it! My man has come out with a fair few gems himself such as 'Strawberry postcards' and 'I'm happy with lots of i's in it'.' Makes me giggle no end!

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  38. heh-heh my post got deleted, people. I wonder why that was?

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  39. My friend Tanya talks crazy in her sleep. It's certainly not BS. I stayed at her house one night and she yelled "Get the flowers out of the bed!"

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  40. Audio needed because 1] im not laughing and 2] its BS!!!

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  41. absolute genius! please, please don't stop!! :D

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  42. I really like this blog. It's understandable that you wouldn't want to post audio as well. Even if it isn't true, it's still hilarious- so.. I don't care about the lack of evidence.

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  43. Don't let the hate twats get you down, this blog consistently is the highlight of my day.

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  44. My wife is a sleep talker and speaks complete nonsence very clearly. I believe everything you are doing here and love it! Try talking back to him or asking him questions about what he just said. I had a full conversation with my wife about unicorns going extinct because they were ugly and mean. She likes unicorns in real life. Keep up the good work! (Colorado, USA)

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  45. I want to change my t-shirt vote to 'yeah, keep looking, it doesn't get any better than this'

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  46. I love reading Adams nightly blips since my wife pointed out this blog to me. But after seeing all these calls for audio proof my take on that is, to not go down that path as it would ruin my imagination. And to those readers that doubt that this blog is based on real occurences I'd like to say take it or leave it. This blog is a highlight in my day. Please continue this fun.
    And I would love to get my hands on one of those shirts with the 'duck' quote.

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  47. i get a real kick out of reading these. looking forward to the t-shirts! when will the first ones be ready for the public do you think?

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  48. I am the only one who find this slightly disturbing?

    This man is obviously saying what he is thinking during the day.....then dreaming about it and talking about it-and you think this is funny?

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  49. I'm guilty of talking in my sleep but nothing like this. or so I've been told.......(-:

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  50. Mrs. Psycho tells me that I say enjoyably cryptic things in my sleep. I have never heard her do the same, but I have on occasion enjoyed hearing her soft and steady snoring.

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  51. I have had tears running down my face reading this. I can totally believe it. Had a room mate who used to talk in her sleep, she used to reply as everyone in the conversation. My ex also talked but very rarely. I even asked him a question while he was doing it and he replied. To have that almost every night would be awesome tho. Keep it up, definately brightens my dreary days.

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  52. I don't think you're the only one who finds it disturbing. There are annoying comments from lots of readers like you. While your dreams may just be a replay of your daily thoughts, that's not true of everyone. The unconscious is a mysterious and fascinating thing, and it's completely plausible that Adam would have crazy dreams like these and be completely normal and mild-mannered when awake.
    I'm also humored by the repetitive "this is fake" and "how could you think this was funny" comments. Seriously, go read someone else's blog if you don't like this one. Clearly there are lots of people who do enjoy it. Myself included. Thanks, Karen :) I think the dreams are cathartic for him, the laughter is cathartic for me.

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  53. so friggin funny.......the higlight of my day. hands down.

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  54. Yes, please go read another blog if you don't think this is funny or real. No one cares what you think, anyway! Everyone is just enjoying this fully and getting a great laugh. What's it matter? Some people!

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  55. Ugh these people shouting "FAKE" are just annoying. Are you *that* jealous that someone is getting attention that you have to convince yourself it couldn't possibly be real?

    I mean really, who could make this stuff up?

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  56. I was just led to this site yesterday. I find this completely hilarious whether or not it's real. I can beleive it's real. When I was younger at a friend's sleep over, a girl nearly kept us up all night giggling with the weird ramblings in her sleep. Anyways, this site is great, and I've shared it with my friend and my sister and I'll probably share it with more people sooner or later!

    On another note: My sister said she would buy a shirt with the first quote on today's post.

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  57. Steve, you are my hero.
    Best.quote.ever.
    Must remember that line.

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  58. I'd like to thank K&M of a Boston radio morning show for posting this blog on their web-site. I am at work on my lunch break reading this blog for the first time and I am laughing out loud while my co-workers think I've gone bonkers. Too funny!

    Mihal from Massachusetts

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  59. Does he take Ambien???

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  60. Congrats again on the success of this! I posted it to my Facebook profile so hopefully even more people will get to enjoy the hilarity.

    Please ignore the doofuses of the world who clog internet-space with negativity, cynicism, and pure unadulterated poop. I believe your words aren't invented, and I like reading about your funny world! Keep up the great work!

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  61. Nope, no Ambien. I hear that Malaria pills give people really crazy dreams, but he doesn't take those, either.

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  62. LMAO!!! I thought I was random when i talk in my sleep :)

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  63. ya know my five year old says crazy things i n his sleep.. not inappropriate for his age, but just crazy... last night it was "i'm trying to crawl over there"... and he was dead asleep so... who kows.. but this stuff cracks me up

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  64. My wife talks on and off in her sleep. If I ask her a question, she will usually answer me. Sometimes we can go on for quite a while and she never has any memory of it, but I have to work hard not to wake her up laughing when it happens.

    GG

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  65. I soooo want to use that pretty comment next time I'm in a gay bar and the pretty boys are annoying me! (I'm gay, so i can say that!)

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  66. I would say don't post audio or video, because you know the naysayers are just going to bash that as well. Some people just aren't happy unless they're pissing in somebody's Cheerios. In fact, all the negative comments are starting to get pretty redundant. Maybe consider leaving them out all together. I enjoy this site and they detract from that enjoyment.

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  67. Thank you for posting these, they're great! My husband talks every once in a while in his sleep. His latest and best yet was "cellphones are todays forgeries... i'm making brackets out of thin air here." Had me laughing and thinking all night, trying to figure out if there was any sense in what he was saying.

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  68. "pissing in somebody's Cheerios" I love that!

    About leaving out negative comments: I don't delete any comments unless they are irrelevant to the site (Spam, or nonsensical rubbish, for example). I suppose it's a free country, and people are entitled to express those views, and if I deleted them all, it would feel like I was being dishonest in some way.

    But I so appreciate all of you who are defending us. It makes us feel great!

    -Karen

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  69. My brother and sister-in-law both talk coherently in their sleep, and have been known to have conversations with each other.
    I once witnessed this, as my brother woke up, and stopped talking to her...she said, "Oh, so now you're not talking to me? Asshole!" It was hilarious!
    Thanks for the laughs Karen, good luck with the shirts!

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  70. A few years back, my wife went through a bout of sleep-talking. One night she appeared to wake, only to shout at me - "STOP PUTTING FRUIT IN THE FUCKING STEREO!" before calmly putting one of her pillows in the bedside drawer and going back to sleep.

    She remains convinced it never happened, insisting that I must have put the pillow in the drawer.

    Sleep-talking is a fascinating, and frequently hilarious subject. Thanks for a great blog!

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  71. Oh wow, I was wondering how you listened to everything Adam says. Insomnia? Do you not sleep at all? His comments are really funny!

    Sophia
    Check out my blog!
    http://apoetscircus.blogspot.com/

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  72. this is Hilarious! I sleep talk (apparently) and i have to say mine are generally as weird as this...has led to many funny conversations!! keep posting! great to know not the only sleep talking brit out there!!

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  73. My fiance talks in her sleep, too. Everything comes out in clear conversational voice until I ask her enough questions to wake her up, in which case I get a groggy "Huh... wha?"
    This stuff is great. Haters gonna hate. Keep doing what you're doing.

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  74. I found this yesterday through blogs of note and you had me in tears (of laughter) for much of the day. Thank you for this blog. I've passed on the address to practically everyone I know.

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  75. My question is, does he talk like this when he's awake? Or rather less swears?

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  76. These are great :D

    My missus sometimes talks in her sleep, coming up with things like:

    [in theatrical whisper] "I know what's making the cats skittish... it's the bombs!"

    [In a sarcastic tone] "Well I'm a hairy.. F**king... Sagittarius." (she's a Taurus)

    and whilst looking at me in terror "Have you always been human?"

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  77. i think i just laughed harder than i have ever laughed! this is great- i'll definitely be back for more :)

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  78. That was great! I laughed so hard I couldn't catch my breathe.

    Congratulations on your "Blog of Note" Award. After just this post, I'm a follower. Can't wait for more.

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  79. Hahahah!!!
    The hair massage one was just too hilarious!! XD

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  80. Great idea, incredible that this has never been done before. Is your husband as witty when he is awake? Apparently I sing in my sleep. Must get my wife to start recording!

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  81. In our house, there are two little girls and a dad who all sleep w/at least one eye partially open, and all three talk in their sleep. It's quite creepy, as you could have a conversation with someone who looks and sounds awake, except for the fact they don't make any sense!

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  82. Devlin J Fautore13 January 2010 at 16:14

    I just got here and although this is funny it's likely not real.

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  83. Does Adam's comment about "Your Mom" at the door reflect what he really thinks when your mom calls?

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  84. Great, except when you were getting a nice head massage it sounds like Adam was dreaming about massaging something else...

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  85. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  86. What goes on in his head!!!??? The man is a pure genius !!!

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  87. I think the people who think it's not real have never heard anyone sleep talk before...because if they had then they would know they usually say pretty weird and funny things!

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  88. I read it on a Turkish newspaper today, it is really funny :) If I were him, I would be afraid to sleep :)

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  89. Soooo Funny... I still have tears in my eyes.... Keep it up as you are making many people smile/laugh etc. And to those who mock, who cares if it's real or not, it's making people happy and in this day and age is a much needed thing. Will definitely come back for more.

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  90. This has made my day! I have tears in my eyes from these comments. Its absolutly genius!! Well done for coming up with the idea to share this with everyone!!

    I saw the article in The Sun this morning, so I had to have a look!!

    Please keep posting Adams sleep comments!!

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  91. My sister talks in her sleep. She even responds if you talk to her. But she makes it fit in with what she's dreaming. Eg "Bow down to the king!" "What? Why?" "Don't question me you insolent fool! Bow down or be beheaded!"

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  92. Aaahahaa, I love this! Great job... I laughed my ass off because of those funny sentences, awesome!
    Funny husband :P

    Especially love this one:

    "You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

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  93. "You're pretty. pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty.... [long pause] Now fuck off and be pretty somewhere else. I'm bored."

    Thanks to this sentence I've remembered how I was nice with a boring boring girl who wanted only my penis:

    "I wouldn't go to bed with you even I was your sheet"

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  94. I wanna sleep with your husband!

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  95. You remarked that some of the comments your husband makes couldn´t possibly come from him...such as "asswipe" and "doofus".....I think it´s obvious that Hunter S. Thompson is speaking through your husband as he sleeps!!!

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  96. You've got to post audio. who cares if it's intimate?! The whole of london read about it in the standard! Gotta prove it's legit! Otherwise it's just a couple high typing out some funny things!!!

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  97. Nay Kay ....They dont have to post audio, and they care that its intimate, and they dont have to prove anythings legit. Its funny.....why cant we all just accept this blog for what it is?!!!

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  98. How is posting audio going to prove anything? You'll just think that's faked too! Just found this site yesterday - hilarious!! You totally brightened up an otherwise gloomy day - thanks!! x

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  99. Hi Karen... That's cool. So you're awake all night long just to record it.
    Your blog is written on our local online news.

    http://www.detikinet.com/read/2010/01/15/083026/1278940/398/blog-ocehan-tidur-nge-hits-di-internet

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  100. lmao I just read this the sydney paper and i must say "awesome" stuff! still cant stop laughing!!!

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  101. Were you leaning over him and playing with him and shit?

    Because I'd be saying some of this shit, rough stuff and all, if MY lover were leaning over me and poking me and shit.

    Half awake? Conscious and subconscious both hatin your guts. With none of the filters of society, and no knowledge of relationship, you get a wall of straight up "Leave me the fuck alone".

    Squeeze the life... For real!

    Don't fuck with me while I'm sleepin!

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  102. I sleep talk and walk. I am not witty sadly but more agressive or anxious. On a number of occasions I have gone downstairs to my husband in the lounge and said things like - "The big light has covered the small light - we're all going to die". As soon as he starts interacting with me I usually wake up and go back to bed as if nothing has happened.

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  103. That Ears Voice Bad Combination line is prime candidate for TShirt. For on the back, so you can turn your back to someone particularly annoying.

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  104. I had to have a look at this after the article in The Sun (hey, that rag's good for something after all) and now I'm checking you out every day for Adam's latest words of... erm... wisdom. I'm not ashamed to say I laughed until I nearly puked! "Your voice, my ears. A bad combination" - what a brilliant saying, makes me want to pick a row with someone just so I can use it! Like JerryM said, it'll look great on one of your T shirts.

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  105. You guys are crazy! My bro in law just put me onto this and i'm addicted, can''t wait for the next installment, no pressure Adam! lol.

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  106. Hey, I agree with trying to talk to him. I used to talk in my sleep and my boyfriend would ask me questions and talk to me. Often my answers would not make sense he said and have nothing to do with the questions he was asking me but apparently they were absoutely hilarious. I've done the same with him the rare times I've caught him sleep talking. You should defiantely try it!

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  107. Everyone in my extended family talked in their sleep when I was growing up. If you got up during the night you could hear someone asking and then getting an answer from another room and then a chit chat ensued, or a monologue. It seldom made any sense. According to their partners my brothers do still talk in their sleep, as do most of their children.
    The mind and its need for sleep is an interesting matter.

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  108. Laughed myself to tears...

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  109. Your first comment of the night is exactly what I say to my wife when my mother-in-law comes over.

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  110. Oh, I love it! It just brightened my work afternoon, especially the third comment. Thank you for sharing. :)

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  111. This is so great! I think I'm going to borrow his "go be pretty somewhere else" quote for my students when I get frustrated with them! I'm laughing my head off!

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  112. dont listen to the trolls and keep posting!

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  113. Nightly tee shirt fodder. Nice racket!

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  114. lol what i find funny is the people complaining that its fake and also the ones defending that it's not fake, come on people! everyone is entitled to an opinion, don't get so worked up over this because if eveyone liked the same things in the world it would be shit.

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  115. Andrew1982;
    Problem with the critics is that many/most are implying or outright alleging that this is money/attention-getting fraud.

    Such bad-mouthers need more than, "Yeah, whatever!" responses.

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  116. i'm a new follower... just want to let you know i believe this is real. before my husband was treated for sleep apnea, i used to lie awake listening to his ramblings. our kids thought he could speak alien.
    love your blog.

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  117. he cqn bury me deep any day 8====>

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  118. I love your blog. I'm married to a sleep talker. He cracks me up. He will start going off on someone and then stop suddenly and snore. Its awesome. I just hope he is going to end up like Adam and say extremely funny stuff all the time. :)

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  119. i sleep talk as well the last one i said that i know was vampires...............oooooooooo..........no vampires!

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  120. my brother thinks its really annoying when i sleep talk,move etc.

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  121. I really like your site. I am hitched to some rest talker. He or she splits me personally upward. He'll begin heading away upon somebody after which cease all of a sudden as well as snore. It's amazing. I simply wish he or she will wind up such as Adam as well as state very humorous things constantly.

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