Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100121

Jan 21 2010

"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty fucker."

"The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that fucking stain?... Oh bollocks."

"I do like your eyes. Mmmm-hmmm. Shoved up your fucking ass so I can see the shit you create. Bye-bye!"

__________

Karen's note: We are not sure whether the stain is related to the snail-fiddling. We do have two water snails, by the way. Wanda and Maggot.

Yup, we're on for The Today Show, Friday, around 8:00. And they'll have audio!

112 comments:

  1. I live in the UK and ordered a bag from the US website. It arrived very quickly and with current exchange rates it's actually cheaper tp order through the US than from the UK website !

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  2. Hope you add the marshmallows quote to the merch at some point. I love that one!

    Congrats on your upcoming US appearance!

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  3. This is the only site that makes me laugh until I cry everytime I read it! Thank you!

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  4. I am suprised Adam knows about it. May be be is reading out the scripts he composed in his sleep so that he can impress you and the world.

    Otherwise he should have by now talked about the many women he slept with!

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  5. LMFAO @ "Snail fiddling"

    Keep em coming STM! :)

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  6. I reading this blog from Sweden and I just wanted to say that I LOVE it!

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  7. In his rants Adam sounds a bit like the great Doctor of Gonzo Hunter S. Thompsom.

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  8. The snail fiddlin' quote made me laugh so much! :D

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  9. I'm going to have to start keeping an eye on our water snails....

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  10. Hehe- has anyone made the badgers a croquembouche for their birthday?

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  11. Haha another daily dose of laughter!!

    Karen will you be putting the quotes on ladies vests or long sleeve tops?? I'm not a tshirt person but would love to wear one of these quotes another way!!

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  12. How about bumper stickers?

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  13. OMG! someone's molesting the snails!!!

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  14. I do want to add vests (that's tank tops, for those of you in the States) and long-sleeved shirts. Maybe I can get those up today or tomorrow.

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  15. lol... too great!
    i really REALLY want my hubby to start sleep talking now!

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  16. just wanted to say i check the site every morning and it really makes the start of the day a lot more fun! Thanks.

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  17. How do you fiddle a snail??????? Hilarious! Keep it up I'm wetting myself on a dqaily basis with this blog. Love you both.

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  18. LOL!

    Maybe "Snail Fiddler" should be on a shirt?

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  19. You guys are now the first thing I do in the morning when I get to work and having to explain why I'm pratically wetting myself when I should be working is difficult! Have shared you with everyone I know, I laugh so much I give myself an asthama attack. Snail fiddling - classic :)

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  20. This couple work in advertising and web design. What a surprise they've manage to get a lot a whole load of publicity about their website.

    Oh, and they're rolling out even more merchandise.

    Some of you folks are so gullible. It's FAKE!

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  21. Here's a mashup... Sleep Talking Man v's David Cameron:

    http://www.sleeptoryman.com

    Some quotes are surprisingly apt.

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  22. I highly doubt its fake. I talk in my sleep and will even answer complicated math questions and get them right. Just because you don't believe its real doesn't mean you have to bring down everyone else that's enjoying it!!

    Keep up the fun Karen and Adam you are making people laugh!

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  23. AuntKris, just because you WANT to believe it's real doesn't mean it is real. Lots of people talk in their sleep, but the quotes posted on this blog are fake, and do not resemble any kind of realistic pattern of behaviour. Saying "I talk in my sleep too" does not mean this blog is real!

    Its clearly fake, and newspapares have even been reporting it as a fake blog.

    I think people need to get up to speed rather than getting sucked in by a clever marketing ploy.

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  24. Amazing! And um annon... they HAVE audio ya dumb fecker!!

    Love the snail figging, but my favorite one is about the stain, made me giggle and the perv in me just started splashing in the gutter!

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  25. My brother used to sleep talk some nights, he used to say stuff like " can i have that, give me that " and " around the corner.... " hahaha it was kinda funny , once he even said " pass me it, pass me something to drink " whilst i was drinking from a bottle of coke, i used to stay up late at night and he'd go to sleep.

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  26. LOL! Sometimes it sounds like he's getting out all the frustrations he's experienced through the day that he just couldn't say anything.

    "snail fiddling" LOL!

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  27. This is the most brilliant word play I have ever heard in the english language. Extremely inspirational however weird that may sound.
    Loving every sentence, keep it going please!

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  28. Rose, what would audio prove? Ya dumb fecker.

    They are a clever couple of advertising execs who saw the success of "thingsmydadsays" and turned it into "thingsmyasleephusband says". No doubt they'll be after book deals, movie deals and advertsing deals as we speak.

    There is always a gullible audience out there. Balloon boy anyone?

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  29. Belated Congratulations on the Blog of Note! This is the funniest blog I've come across. Much recognition to the lonely badger; I think the panther, tiger, and python are gonna get jealous.

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  30. snail fiddling? snail fiddling? This stuff is gold you should write a book about it, oh wait, that's what this is! lol!

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  31. Omygosh this is hilarious! Totally makes my morning. :)

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  32. I'd love to see the 'butt cheeks ahoy!' on underwear! Oh, and 'sigh of a ninja' would be great too.

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  33. To all of you who insists it's a fake.

    So what?! Even if it were fake, it's still hillarious and it's not like you have to buy any of the merchandise. Do you usually stop to wonder how whatever is on your t-shirt came to be there? Do you even care? Lighten up, please!

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  34. yah, .. hilarious, but leaning towards the fakie...

    neways, its still a fun read and having just found it... will check in from time to time so plz keep up the comedy!

    dont care if its fake or not, still makes me laugh...

    enjoy the day peeps!

    petro.

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  35. i hope you record the video and post it here on your site (the tonight show). we don't have it here... in dubai...

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  36. As always, thanks to everyone for supporting us. We try to have a positive attitude concerning those who don't believe the blog is real. Who knows, maybe if I were reading it as an outsider, I would doubt as well.

    To angelofsith: I just put up "Butt Cheeks AHOY", and "sigh of a ninja" is there, too!

    To Mel: That's exactly what we think, that he is so even-keeled and balanced because he gets this nightly catharsis!

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  37. I dont' care if it's fake or not. It's brilliant if it is, and it's hysterical in any case. To cranky Anonymous: stop reading if it bothers you so much!

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  38. Call me perverse, but "The stain, the stain. How am I going to explain that fucking stain?... Oh bollocks." on a pair of knickers would really do it for me!!!

    There is so much I'd like to say to the blinkered twats who insist this is fake, but I can't be arsed... After all, no-one's pretending that he's the new messiah, just a bloke who says hilarious things in his sleep! Keep it up guys, I have never laughed so much in all my life! xx

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  39. I believe it's real, my roomate talks in his sleep, too. sometimes I hear him when he's napping on the couch and ocassionally I can hear him shouting in his sleep through the walls. He takes on a completely different personality in his sleep too, he often sounds very ghetto. I heard him last week scream "Fuck that! We're going to KFC, ho! Wooo!" This phenomenon is definitely real.

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  40. Oh, so if you simply take the word of a couple of advertising execs its fine, but if you actually don't believe something without evidence then you are blinkered!??

    The thing is, any wanky student can say random things in the pub and amuse other wanky students who think it's "dead surreal". A website with random phrases is not interesting, they made up the stuff about sleeptalking to make it different. It worked.

    I just wonder how far they go on based upon this made up nonsense. Advertising beds or ear plugs perhaps? Oh yes, who says fraud doesn't pay?

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  41. Why not sell pajamas, too? Seems so obvious! :)

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  42. Wow.

    Found you through Blogs of Note and got totally sucked in. Can't believe this stuff is for real!

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  43. Karen and Adam thanks for a good laugh this morning.

    The other great part of this blog turns out to be critics that can only be critical about this blog by staying anonymous. How convenient to accuse out of the dark with no sources other than:

    'Its clearly fake, and newspapares have even been reporting it as a fake blog.'

    I suggest that next time you try to convince folks around you that you speak the 'truth', that you use a spellchecker and identifier of who you are.

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  44. DVR all set and ready to record Today show Friday morning (we're in greater Los Angeles). Thanks for making us laugh!

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  45. I think bumper stickers are a GREAT idea!

    Adam, you are a LEDGEND!!! Im a care worker and i've told one of the ladies (who has dementia) all about this site and your hilarious rants in your sleep, i went in to her this morning, and the 1st thing she said to me was 'badgertastic'!!! its totally made my day that she's remembered something, and it was that expersion!!! THANK YOU

    xxxx

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  46. Well ge if you follow the links they have the ACTUAL AUDIO playing on one of the youtube links. So srtick a cock in ur bum and rotate annon

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  47. personally, I believe it. Sleep talking isn't uncommon. But I couldn't care less if its thought up by a person who is awake. That would put it in the league of comics like Spike Milligan. What would be the problem?

    The phrases make thousands of people laugh everyday, (probably hundreds of thousands?)

    Any plans for mugs? stationary? birthday cards?

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  48. Wow, kind of makes me wish my husband would sleep talk....although he sleep farts. Does that count?

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  49. U are so NASTY!

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  50. Can we get the simple t-shirts added to the UK site for "I've got a badger, a dog, a cat, and a sack." please? Looks like only the original design is up there, although both designs are on the US site?

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  51. Everyone that is convinced it's fake is most likely jealous they haven't ever had an original idea fake or not it's hilarious

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  52. Yes, I would agree that snail fiddling is not an occupation to be proud of. Slug fiddling on the other hand...

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  53. I talk in my sleep & have done since I was a child. I have carried on conversations with my family members for long periods while sitting up with my eyes open (yes, still sleeping).... So did my old roommate at college. We would take turns staying awake to hear silly stuff the other one would say.

    It is too much fun to have some party-pooper come down on you like that one Anonymous does!

    Keep it up Adam & Karen....
    If you make a buck out of it, way to go! Good thinking!

    A laughing, fellow-sleep-talking Canuck.

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  54. Love your work Adam. It's like reading extracts of Carl Jung's Red Book edited by Ricky Gervais.

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  55. Love the site and the shirts - but badger is mispelt on the shirts in the US store - sorry if heaps of people have already pointed that out...

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  56. I don't believe it

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  57. OMG, I almost peed my pants...too hilarious! Even if he were fully awake, the chat is a frickin' RIOT!!

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  58. OMG!! Just saw you both on ABC WorldNews. You are both awesome & gorgeous! Was the audio they played really Adam?? It was great!

    I had thought hearing the audio would take away from the imagination one puts on it..but no! I still cracked up!

    Beatriz from NJ

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  59. note cards! I want a set of notecards with some of these sayings and the story on the back to explain it.

    thx for all the laughs.

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  60. Fantastic! I found your blogpage by a chance and I'm so glad I did. You guys made me laugh so much the tissues had to come out. I'll be telling all my friends to check this out. Whether real or fake, keep it going... We all need a good laugh! Thank you xxx

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  61. Dear Adam and Karen....I have dealt with depression for years. And it has been especially black lately....until I saw you on the News. Adam...Thank you for your hilarious sleep blirts. And Karen thank you for posting them. You have made me laugh and given me something to look forward to. P. from Paris, TN, USA

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  62. Dear anonymous, (who posted at 00:36) "I have dealt with depression for years", thank you so very much for your incredibly touching message, you can't imagine how much the sentiment means to us.

    thank you

    adam and karen

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  63. I saw you on the news. Im from new orleans. And I looked you rightttt up. Good goin' seriously. Who the hell talks like this in their sleep. I'd tell you to see a psyche doctor. But you've GOT TO BE raking it in right about now. and Im seriously thinking about getting boxers that say I'm not fat, your eyes are fat. I...am a model of corse. AND i added you on facebook. Keep on truckin'. Yall really have quite the pot of gold...right there sleepin' in the sack.
    Rock on, skrate from New Awlens. Love Pennylane

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  64. I must say I'm alarmed at some of the content of his verbalizations. He is expressing a lot of hostility and bravado- what is causing him to assume such a bold and challenging posture while asleep? And fake or not, references to squeezing life out of someone yet professing love for them, veiled references to the person who took his hand in marriage, etc., suggest serious conflicted feelings. As the spouse, I'd insist on counseling to ensure my own safety. Sorry, but the cases of the "loving husband" suddenly harming his wife are disturbingly on the increase.

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  65. Btw I know how you feel amonymous 00.36. I am clean and sober after 100 days, prievioused by 5 years of adiction to dope, 36 suicide attempts. All too unserious, and I got to admit, I don't do much these days, like a big chicken. But this shit really made me laugh where it counted. I don't have enough of that. But I LOVE this. and WILL be showin' the few friends I got these days.

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  66. You are awesome man I hope this rolls on forever, watch the news on the haiti earthquake before you go to sleep, that would be classic... oh we must wait for the dust to settle!

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  67. You've reached Japan now too! via an American TV news prog.

    Lovely! :-)

    I once had a girlfriend who, asleep, suddenly sat up in bed and said, "Have you put the marmelade out?"
    Wondering where this was going, I said, "No, why? but she sank back to the pillow and continued to sleep without another peep.

    I still wonder what she was thinking...

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  68. Hhhaa,love this blog man

    Dont forget to follow me back in makeyourpoem.blogspot.com

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  69. Thank you for creating this blog! Reading the daily update melts my stress away (if only for a few minutes).

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  70. Great site! Im from Missouri. I saw you on the news and had to check the website out. Funny stuff!

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  71. My friends won't shut up about this blog so i came to see what all the commotion was about. Two suggestions.
    If this is real, Sleep Talkin' Man may very well be the funniest man in the realm of sleep, please open a comedy club with a bed and a mic stand.

    If this is fake, please use your spare time to make the quotes more entertaining.

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  72. Hey annon, I dont even care if it is fake its still funny!! Stop being such a dumbarse!! It brings humor into the world. As for the merchendise, YOU dont have to buy it!! I love this page and I dont mind buying the shirts, bloody funny!! All my friends will want one!!

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  73. My husband walks and talks in his sleep. I have shared his many stories with friends for years. Most recently, he woke me up and made me get out of bed to help him look for the baby duckies in the room. He wanted me to help catch them and get them back into bed. If I argue with him or ignore him he gets upset and talks about how mean I am. So this time I helped him scoop up invisble duckies and putthem to bed. Once we got them all (huh?) . . . It was okay to go back to sleep.

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  74. Funny sleeping man....a little embarrassment
    Quick thinking woman....Free
    A world of smiling people....Priceless!!

    Karen and Adam
    Thanks for all the laughter!!! hilarious!
    Having a family of four who all talk in their sleep, I can relate. My daughter was 6 when she started singing loud and clear a few minutes before she would wake up, still does to this day at 17. I wish now I would of taped my husband but then again maybe not, he might do the same to me :)
    Whether someone thinks it's true or not, it doesn't matter, there are more people getting joy out of it then people complaining.

    Sweet dreams you guys!!
    From a Canuck (Canadian)

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  75. I live in the USA and saw your clip "Sleep Talkn' Man" on our net work ABC. I have never laughed so hard! My husband tells me I talk in my sleep but he can't understand it. My daughter told me I did it for a long time last night. I wish I culd view the funny clips but they tell me I have to live in the UK. It is worth moving there for sure! Thanks for the laughs.
    Sincerly,
    Joan Stahl
    josephenedat@aol.com

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  76. Thank you so much for having this blog. I saw in on the World News segment and haven't laughed so hard in years. I had to find it online to see some more great lines. Thank goodness he has such an awesome sense of humor about it. My boyfriend sometimes talks in his sleep, but its never long enough or often enough for me to do this. But many times have I also held the hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud! Don't worry about the negative nellies. There will always be people with no humor or always looking for a negative. You guys are the bomb! Badgertastic! Lol!:)

    Stacie - Huntington Beach, CA

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  77. OH, Adam and Karen,
    I do remember last night my daughter heard me scream "The Dog". Just thought I would tell you folks. BTW for all of you who think it's fake, I know it is real as I talk in my sleep too.
    Joan Stahl
    josephenedat@aol.com

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  78. Thank you, thank you for your amazing comments. Karen and I are really touched and so pleased that we have created so much laughter and hilarity in your lives. It truly is an unexpected gift.

    Thank you all once again for your support and please, stay in touch.

    Adam

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  79. Thank you SO MUCH for this blog! I don't think I've EVER laughed this much. The people in the apartment below me called to see if I was OK!

    Adam's utterances are every bit as funny as those of a friend of mine on acid. He recently made the following observations:

    "Boobies explode when they ski." "I was just IN that bowl!" "My tooth feels sudden fear."

    Thank you for all this fun! Cheers,

    Cathie in Colorado

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  80. You made it all the way to New Zealand on our prime time news! I never laughed so hard in ages. I'm an 'active sleeper' too - I swear, get out of bed, wake my husband up insisting he finds a mystery pool of cat sick and am currently pulling the bed rails apart. All while asleep. The cat now has to sleep outside as I threw her across the room once announcing 'I've found the cat'. Things have certainly got worse since I got pregnant with the twins; my husband lived in fear of me whacking him all night while asleep for a bit there. Now I just yell stuff like 'shit tofu' at 0300 when everyone is asleep. It's so nice to know that I'm not alone!!

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  81. I have NEVER laughed so much in my entire life!!!! Thank you so much for putting this in a blog. I will subscribe to check in for more hilarity.

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  82. Snail fiddling? Thats GOT to be a first and theres SO many in the world to fiddle with? By the way, what does Adam eat before he goes to bed at night? ROFLMFAO!

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  83. I forgot to mention this earlier but once when I was younger I had crawled into bed with my parents and in the middle of the night bolted upright and sang "and a partridge in a pear treeee" then layed back down....I was asleep the whole time. I still get picked on for it.

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  84. way to go anonymous grumpy person......i'll just colour you jealous :-)

    I frankly wouldn't give two hoots if it did turn out to be fake - it's still the funniest thing i've seen in a long while so good luck to Adam and Karen.
    Victor Borg said "Laughter is the shortest distance beween two people" so thank you for making the world a smaller, more gigglelicious place.

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  85. Awesome! Thanks for doing the 'butt cheeks ahoy!' underwear, just need to get them on the UK shop. ;)
    I can't see the 'sigh of a ninja' ones though.

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  86. i think you can get The Tonight Show on showtime if your living in Dubai. on the show comedy channel usually, though i don't know how up to date it is.

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  87. too funny, i cant wait for the audio...

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  88. I just saw you on the Today show and had to come online and see for myself. You guys are great...and now will be a reagular part of my life. I too sleep talk, and walk,,,so I see Im not alone. XX

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  89. we saw you on ABC news in the US. My daughter found the blog and started laughing uncontrollably and said I want a T-shirt. it is capitalism (and the american dream) at it's best, to make money at this. to the anonymous ass who continues to want to bring people down, you must be a commie. who the hell cares if it's fake. By the way I think coffe mugs would be great.

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  90. Thank you so much for creating this blog. I swear, a little bit of pee came out when I read through :) You really should do a range of big mugs, you know how it is in England with the tea. I'd buy 4 that's for damn sure!

    And please people, if you don't like it or think it's fake, go somewhere else. There's just no need to be a prick about it!

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  91. This blog is my new favourite blog. I read all of it this afternoon, and now I'm back (at 3am, with sympathy insomnia) to read it again.

    For the mentally ill out there, I'm one of you. I can see the funny side of being crazy, and I blog about it at http://felicitybloomfield.wordpress.com . Come talk to me, if you like.

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  92. This is amazing....

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  93. 7 days after discovering this place, it is still the most consistently funny thing I read on line. Utter joyous hilarity.

    "I do like your eyes..........." maybe the best yet!

    You guys just rock!

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  94. I simply love you guys! Just want to let you know this brings hilarious amounts of joy and laughter into other peoples lives :D I check for updates every day, and im never let down. Thank you so very very much for the glorious amounts of pure joy!

    Greetings from Norway

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  95. I write as a hobby and LOVE some of his lines. My husband talks in his sleep only when he's thoroughly exhausted. My all time fav is when he looks at me and says, "I can't believe I'm talking to an inanimate object" i.e. the light fixture.

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  96. thank you thank you thank you for your amazing messages and support. this has been an amazing roller coaster and and we are so glad you are enjoying yourselves.

    take care

    adam

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  97. haha... I remember waking up to the sound of my sister laughing a few years back, I had asked her "why the cat food was soooooo sponge-y?"

    .....and I thought THAT was random.

    this blog made my day. :-)

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  98. This is the first time I came to your site. I laughed SO hard! I had tears streaming down my face. My poor husband, also an English man, watches me sleep all the time because I say weird stuff and get up and run around the house while I am asleep. He has threatened to get a voice recorder for me.....maybe he should. I love it! can't wait to see what you say next!

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  99. I just have to tell you people that this is usually a pretty sad day for me as I lost my dear Mom on this day 6 years ago but today... I stumbled upon STM & laughed till my sides hurt! I thank you SOOO much for brightening a day that holds so many painful memories! I'll check this blog daily now! :)))

    Lori, Wisconsin US

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  100. OMG I am literally crying laughing. Karen, how do you not just burst out laughing when he does that? This blog is great! Keep it up!

    Sara, Georgia US

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  101. Great blog guys!!!I am crying from laughter!!!!!!!

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  102. I don't know what is more funny- the things you post from Adam or the comments from people around the world! Fake or not, who cares. I talk in my sleep especially while overly tired, and have made my poor father search for snakes behind my door- and my current roomate hear me giggle for no good reason. My latest was "I'm done being nice! Keep it up or I will get Ceasar in here!" (I don't know anyone named Ceasar)...
    I don't blame you one BIT for selling the merchandise, it's easy enough to set that up! If you both have a web/marketing background- hell, use it! These days we all need to make a little extra money- AND get a healthy dose of laughter! Plus I just adore all of the British slang- Ya'll keep that up! :)
    Giggling in Virginia USA

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  103. My son (13) often talks in his sleep and shouts random things such as "Sit on stanley. . .quick sit on stanley!" we dont know any person or pet called stanley! he's hilarious! he also has me wandering around my room or his looking for bizzare missing objects. its so funny but tiring too! lol x

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  104. Oh, my gosh. I just found your blog on ebaums and it is the best yet. xD Snail fiddling...

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  105. Your blog is hilarious! i love it

    check out mine at www.lifeaftercollege3.blogspot.com if you want!

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  106. Am I the only one reminded of Macbeth? "Out, damned spot! out, I say!" Something seems pretty suspect about that "stain..."

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  107. I was reminded of it, too Mrs. Waddell. Immediately!
    e_e Karen you better watch out!

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  108. Each year has been so robust with problems and successes and learning experiences and human experienes that a year is a lifetime at Apple. So this has been ten lifetimes.

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