Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100126

Jan 26 2010

"Baby poo. Baby food. Just warm it up. Throw it on the floor. You don't need the baby... Stupid. Shite. Poo."

"Babies don't bounce. They don't bounce! Shame. It'd be much more fun if they bounce."

"I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can't take the weight."

"Come back. Come back. Come baaaaack."

"Tick tock tick tock... Everybody's waiting. It's time for me to shine."

__________

Karen's note: That last one, I was doing a kakuro puzzle on the computer next to Adam, so lots of mouse clicking.

We had just gotten the wonderful news last night that a good friend is pregnant, so perhaps that explains the baby theme? I don't know how she'd feel about him wanting to use her impending child as a basketball, though....

86 comments:

  1. OMG!!! I don't know which one to pick as the funniest. Yes I do, the sit down one - Rude, but funny! Bouncing babies...a little disturbing lol.

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  2. I love the babies don't bounce, that's gonna be my new status on Myspace today :)

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  3. Actually, got a question...Mrs. Karen, how do you not burst out laughing and wake him up when he says some of this stuff?!? ...or do you lol.

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  4. Have you ever tried talking to him and steering him into situations? I imagine that would result in some very interesting responses.

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  5. I love the third one! It's so snarky!

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  6. It seems like everyday you get another 1,000 followers...your husband's sleep talk continues to be the highlight of my blog checking.

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  7. I love this blog. It provides epic comic relief on a daily basis!

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  8. I was going to comment: You sure there isnt something you need to tell us? wyhen i read the two baby quotes, but il let you of the hook since i did read your comment about yur friend being pregnant :)

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  9. I'd try the subconscious influence thing, to see where it goes! But at the same time, it is awesome as it.

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  10. Please don't try to influence him, its perfect just the way it is.

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  11. I agree with the last comment: if I tried to influence him, I'd feel like I was muddying the blog somehow.

    To answer Kimmie B: I do lie there laughing, often with my hands clamped over my mouth!

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  12. I would think that now he is so aware of his sleeping talking that he be doing it less or making it up?? The publicity may have destroyed his natural talent!?? no? yes?

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  13. oh, this is just too funny. I haven't laughed at ablog this hard since strongbad emails. hopefully the hater trolls will find something better to do than whine and sound like envious children.

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  14. Ahhh yes, good old Baby-basketball!

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  15. your husband does not suffer from low self-esteem issues, if you hadnt noticed, or been told before.

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  16. who would have known how much entertainment you'd have in life from marrying this man. what about his mom or bro. if he shared a room, did they have any interesting stories?

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  17. Bouncing babies! Love you both. You bring joy everyday.

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  18. i think you ought to try some other noises on him besides the keyboard, and see what we get.

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  19. My bro says funny stuff in his sleep, too. I used to walk by his room when we were kids & hear him mumbling something random, and I'd poke into his room and try to steer him in a funny direction ... sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't (but when it did, it sure amused me!).

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  20. I don't think you'll be asked to babysit anytime soon ;-)

    But "I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can't take the weight." strikes me as both hysterical and insulting (as I'm trying to lose weight).

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  21. It's no wonder this has become such a cultural phenomenon... These nightly ramblings are truly hilarious. I'd imagine you could make a tidy sum off the t-shirts and coffee mugs. The whole "I think you should sit down..." rant reminds me of me and my father cracking jokes on each other. I hope to see this one on a shirt soon, as cheeky as it is. Thank you for deciding to turn this into a blog. Cheers!

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  22. I love this blog, you guys rock. Whenever I log on to my blog, this is the first thing I check.

    I gave you the Honest Scrap award on my blog : http://teeny104.blogspot.com/2010/01/blog-award.html

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  23. Sleep Talkin' Man is baby-hating fatist! lol

    I wonder what he was calling to come back???

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  24. These are great, as always! I seem to especially enjoy the ones where he's responding to something going on, like you clicking on the computer, though. His time to shine, indeed. Seems all the attention is inflating his ego. Not that it seemed to need help, judging by earlier posts as well. : )

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  25. this is too flippin funny.. I would never sleep listening tohim and going HUH???

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  26. I wonder if the 'sit down' one isn't actually about someone overweight, but a pregnant woman?

    Since there is a bit of a baby theme, and swollen ankles are often an issue with pregnant mothers, maybe he's talking to a pregnant woman?

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  27. Thank you for the good morning laugh. Glad to know babies don't bounce =) One has to really wonder what Adam was dreaming about...

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  28. Hilarious!!! It sure would be better if babies bounced. Fewer injuries. Now I have this picture of cute bouncing babies. Oh you have a sleeping comic don't you.

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  29. Your blog is my new favorite website to visit everyday. It's like Christmas morning, wondering, "What will Karen post this morning!!" To date, my favorite post was about the flaps being on fire. I used it as a Facebook status and people thought I was going off the deep end! Love it! Looking fwd to becoming a long time follower!

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  30. too much publicity is gonna ruin his creative subconscious
    unfortunately

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  31. LOL The bouncing babies comment totally cracks me up!!! It would make a great tshirt, I think.

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  32. LOL I love the last one! Thank you guys for sharing these with us, they make my day. Lots of love to you both.

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  33. I have to say, I find the google ads on each specific post page really amusing. I guess it tries to find key words in the psot to figure out what would be relevant. On this page, it's all baby products. Ha! Little do they know....

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  34. This blog is hilarious, keep it comin :) !!!!

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  35. awww... love the baby poo....

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  36. all kinds of awesome!! When my husband talks in his sleep it's about computer file formats and review deadlines. PUTs me to sleep. Except for the time he shook me awake to go close the 'staircase oven.' Whatever that is....

    ps. thanks for the audio ... it's so much funnier with the accent

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  37. How in the world do you sort though all of that audio? I mean, if you keep it on all night, there must be so much dead time.

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  38. One time my brother was talking in his sleep. I asked him about a noise in his closet. He mumbled then said "Its a tie rack. Put your head in get a tie." It was so funny. He woke up confused a few moments later not knowing why we were, one standing around his bed and two lauging.

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  39. i agree with kimmieB i was reading your blog last night and i woke up my hubby cause i was laughing so hard i don't know how you do it :)

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  40. Favourite quote? "I'm here! I know, I brighten the room. Everything's better." Great for a t-shirt!
    But today's "time to shine" is a close second.

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  41. I almost choked reading this and laughing so hard. He sounds like my husband at night!

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  42. oh come on...
    this is funny stuff. hilarious. but come on...
    i sleep talk and almost everyone in my family sleeptalks. we have taped ourselves and eachother many times. there has been funny quotes but... come on...
    this is impossibly consistantly funny. this is a sleeptalking version of the house m.d.
    this is a carefully created character.

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  43. Thank you guys so much. Its rarely I see so many outstanding quotes that I laugh convulsively. You make blog-surfing so interesting. In fact its taking over from Farcebook in my favourite sites list.
    I feel for Adam though - having his "private" ramblings publicised so much.

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  44. It's seems like ur is all over the internet and toward everyone....Isn't that more funny??? should ur be on utube too instead of other people?

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  45. Greetings from Detroit!

    Sleeping Adam sounds like a character from a Guy Ritchie movie! (And, I do mean that as a compliment.) Thanks for the laughs, Adam and Karen. You both just keep my friends and I in stitches! I look forward to more nightly wisdom.

    Cat

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  46. The baby don't bounce quote rocks. Thank you both for making this public. I love your blog.

    Justus

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  47. just found your blog, very very funny. my fav shove your eyeballs up your ass so you can see what shit you create. classic

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  48. are you prego?

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  49. I am really curious -- do his parents have any stories of him talking in his sleep as a kid?

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  50. Ye gads, woman! You're living with a bloody fookin' sociopath! Run! RUN! ~ (•8-0

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  51. goog...
    -----------------------------------
    otorongueando.blogspot.com
    -----------------------------------

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  52. ya know, baby poo smells like pocorn for about a month after their birth. at least, breast fed babies.

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  53. I love this blog, its the highlight of my day. Ive literally just cried laughing at the 'your ankles cant take the weight' one. The babies one is funny but not something I can share with my sister who's baby is due in 2 weeks lol

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  54. I just saw this on the today show. They reported that The wife records all his ramblings.. I see she writes it all down, but can we hear it for ourselves? Does she not post the audio

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  55. Mark & Josie26 January 2010 21:37

    As Adam incorporates sounds into his sleep talking, perhaps it would be worth reading him a story whilst he's asleep (in the timeframe he normally starts chatting).

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  56. That's so interesting that he uses days events in his dream world-I totally agree with Mark&Josie!! Try reading him a story and see how that affects his talking LOL

    Congratulations to your friend!!

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  57. La revolución de pacotilla26 January 2010 22:56

    Estoy increíblemente divertida en la colección divertida de las cosas increíblemente divertida. Es muy gracioso.

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  58. I just started following you guys, and I already fell in love with this blog. I was reading all your other posts last night and was busting up laughing. My sister was mad at me because I wouldn't shut up!
    Anyways, thanks for making my day once again!

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  59. I'm new to your blog and I have to say it's the single funniest thing I've read in a long time. I was reading all the posts the other night and I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. I can't wait for the next post.

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  60. well another day has past, another couple of press interviews, nose to the grindstone with the day job, walk Molly (the dog), make supper, news crew come round for interview on german tv.

    it is now midnight. karen and i have just gotten into bed and we are reading through your emails, messages and comments. i think this will keep me going until at least 1!! not good.

    anyway i just want to say how thrilled i am you all spend the time to comment. it is so fantastic to hear you laugh and share the laughter with others.

    thank you all for your dearest support. good night.

    sleep well

    adam (a tired but happy stm)

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  61. I loved the bouncing baby one. lol.

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  62. omg you so have to put the bouncing babies one on tshirts! Thank you so much for the laughter! But I sure don't think I could do what you're doing! Fantastic job!

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  63. he was definitely dreaming about babies. I'm trying to reconstruct his dream, but its pretty hard to decipher! bouncing babies lol

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  64. once i walked outside 2 my garage in winter and sat on a buck then screamed and went to bed

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  65. What about that scene from "Son of Flubber?" That had a bouncing baby in it.

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  66. I love this. All my friends do too! I wish I had nighttime experiences that were this much fun!! LOL! It must be a British thing...:)

    From your friends in the Good Ol' US of A!!

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  67. Jeff in Florida27 January 2010 03:05

    This is perhaps the first site on the web that almost made me pee myself laughing.

    Karen/Adam don't pay any attention to the trolls and haters who think your blog is fake. By the way, you notice they're almost always "anonymous"?

    I know you're legit because my wife said in her sleep (when she was an assistant manager at a pharmacy) "If they can't get you at one end of your life, they'll get you at the OTHER end of the aisle!", smacked her lips a few times, rolled over and started quietly snoring.

    And one time I semi-awoke to her pushing me off her because I was trying to bite her face. "Why were you biting me?!?" she said. "Because you were stabbing me with your EYES!" I replied, and then actually woke up. Wow.

    Keep posting. I'll keep laughing

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  68. My favourite today was the third one, which I read early this morning. Then, at lunchtime today (it's Wednesday afternoon in Australia), I was on the escalator behind a very large woman with smallish ankles....I almost started walking backwards so she wouldn't hear my sputtering giggles as I tried to get the STM quote out of my head and work out how I could possibly explain my behaviour if called upon to do so. Oh, the pain!!!

    Cheers, Annette

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  69. Oh my God ... the second baby one ... so wrong, yet so hilarious! Thank you for doing this! I actually discovered the blog through Steve's (fizzylimon on Youtube) video about it!

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  70. Ohhhh... I wish I hadn't discovered this blog while at work. Now I'm sitting here with my face red from trying to stifle my laughter, grinning like a fool. This is going to have to be an after-work check, where I can laugh my ass off freely! You guys are way too great.

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  71. I know there are haters out there that think this is all a fabrication (including you, George Stephanopolous) but, sincerely, it doesn't matter if it is or isn't. This is hilarious. I grin stupidly everytime I read a new one. Now my husband and I just quote a favorite line and we both crack up. I tell him to have a Badgertastic day at work. He tells me it's "My boat, my rules."
    Please don't stop. Everyone, buy a T Shirt to make all the media attention worth their hassle.

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  72. i love how these that go on while he's conscious recur during sleep! so funny!

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  73. things, not these! woops!

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  74. Just had a highly stressful day & needed to laugh...so came here! Have always enjoyed the quirky British humor, this just gives it a whole new twist:-) Thanks for making me laugh when I really was more likely to cry. Please keep it up cause I'm going to need regular laughs for the next while! Plus I've got more friends I need to share this wonderful blog with.
    Thanks again,
    Kittie

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  75. These quotes are hilarious, but best heard with a British accent. I get my husband to repeat them (Brummy). You're so lucky, all my husband did in his sleep was snore. I used to record the snoring and play it back to him, not nearly as funny.

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  76. Wow, you deleted my comment.

    Now I know that a) you really are full of shit.

    and b) you read the comment and felt guilty enough to delete it.

    I'll say it again, I don't know whats more hilarious, the fact that these idiots are believing this rubbish, or the fact that you think it's awesome enough to keep posting.

    THIS IS A SHAM!

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  77. I can't believe you guys ruined babies! That was a personal comedic sanctuary of mine and now it's just another premeditated chapter in the book of STM, chewed up, and spat out by the five second attention spans of the general public.

    Do old people, vegetables, african wildlife and obscenities, but please stay away from babies.

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  78. ...i think i've just heard my guru . . .

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  79. Now that the humor-impaired, the grudge-monkeys and the Subconscious Police have vented their spleen, have a good night, Adam!

    And if you run into any Wiccan ferrets armed with glue guns, tell them to go bother someone else..... 7@=e

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  80. I would LOVE to hear the baby food & baby bouncing stuff with audio. Consider it?

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  81. "Personal comedic sanctuary"? What shite. If your sense of humor is so fragile that it has walled off sanctuaries of safety, perhaps a padded room is safer for you than the internet.

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  82. "tick tock" is just one syllable shy of being a haiku!

    the babies one actually IS a haiku!

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