Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100125

Jan 25 2010

"So many little people. Pet them on the head. pet pet pet pet pet...."

122 comments:

  1. This may be my favorite!...although it's REALLY hard to pick just one!

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  2. I like the duck one the best! Rofl

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  3. So funny. This should be a T-shirt!

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  4. So much merchandise. Buy it without thinking. buy buy buy buy.

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  5. Thank you for making this site...and airing it all, period...I thought I was the only person who said stuff in thier sleep and thier wives made fun of them for the utter nonsense...

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  6. Souldn't read these on class, laughing wouldn't be a good thing here... I can so see this on a shirt of a tall person! Too bad I'm a short one. :D

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  7. Bwahahahaha! Can't wait to use this one ;)

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  8. I'm absolutely addicted! A girlfriend of mine told me about seeing Adam on TV and sent me the link and I just can't stop reading....and laughing. So glad you guys decided to share these!

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  9. LOL, his subconscious(never could spell that so if it's wrong oops, if it's right, disregard this side note lol) seems to have a thing for little people; wonder if he(you) means like midgets, dwarfs, etc. or children? anyhoo, I'm rambling cause I am tired (it's 3:27 here in Saskatchewan, Canada)! Happy sleep talkin' Adam! and (hopefully) happy sleeping Karen! ;-)

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  10. Oh man, you guys should put up audio of ALL of them! I thought just reading them was hilarious, but actually HEARING them almost brought me to tears laughing.

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  11. I is one of those little people. Just don't pet me on the head.

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  12. I wish the audio would work for me :-( Oh well, reading them is funny too!!!

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  13. Please don't let him do this in real life. I am 5 foot nothing and I completely loathe being petted on the head!!

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  14. OMG!!! This is so hilarious! I laughed till I cried, passed a kidney stone and posted it as my facebook status.

    Please keep making stuff up at every opportunity about pirates, hamsters, dwarves, zombies and anything else you think might flog a few t-shirts!

    Love from Vancouver

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  15. I don't care if the quotes are made up. As someone with little or no imagination, I find that reading random made-up quotes has me in tears of laughter. I am incapable of making up such phrases myself, therefore the two advertising execs who run this site deserve to sell all the merchandise in the world. God bless you, you beautiful brave heroes.

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  16. Hi, Karen and Adam! This site has been bringing me much joy. This is so great -I woke up with a Urinary Tract Infection and this is getting my mind off of the pain until 8 AM where I can go to the local Clinic. So, you are doing more good than you know....thanks. :D

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  17. roflmbo... how nice that he wants to pet them.. I am sure they appreciate the sentiment lol..

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  18. This is easily the greatest webpage ive ever been too. I'm at the point where if im not near a computer i check it from my phone. =) Thanks for all the laughs, you guys are awesome

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  19. I love this site. Always guaranteed to make me cry with laughter.

    My favourite is "I haven't put on weight, your eyes are fat" lol

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  20. LOL at the person sharing a UTI. wtf?
    This site is absolute gold! Provides much entertainment at work!

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  21. 'So many little people' would make a great shirt for all those tall people out there.
    Still following your site daily, it is a great source of laughter.
    Regards
    Philippa - Melb

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  22. Anthony, Birmingham UK25 January 2010 at 12:45

    My brother put me on to the sayings of Sleep Talkin' Man last week. I've told everyone I've spoke to since!

    Absolute genius!!!!!! Please don't stop!

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  23. Karen S-L,

    Okay, you have to imagine this... Remember the post where someone sleeptalked and said something like, 'the midgets are throwing babies, when you go in the room,just grab some babies and midgets and you'll be alright'? Okay, now visualize Adam wading into the fray, towering over all of them, and saying that line and petting the midgets on their heads.

    I laughed at the line, and then had that image pop in my head, and then just keeled over laughing.

    I think that one of the nicest side bonuses of this site, is that we also get some other people's gems. I can't help but giggle at the 'training to be Batman' one that was posted as well.

    Cheers.

    PS - no disrespect, I'd find it funny having a midget sleep talk about tall people, as well.

    PPS - maybe the little people are the oompa loompas. ;)

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  24. After spending the whole night sick and not being able to sleep, this one quote just made everything better...bravo!

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  25. lol this is great. I do indeed pet little people on the head.

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  26. My parents died last night and my wife has just been diagnosed with inoperable bowel cancer. However, after reading this site I couldn't give a fuck about them anymore. I have tears of laughter streaming down my face. Please, please keep making these quotes up.

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  27. It is nice to know I am not the only wife out there who listens to her hubby talk in his sleep. I was certain that my hubby was crazy when he taught me how to build speakers in his sleep. Now, I know he is not alone, and neither am I. This is so fun! Thank you for posting this stuff.

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  28. You site has become part of my morning routien, along with checking email. Seeing that you are 7hrs ahead of me, I know there will more than likely be something posted when I wake up. Keep em' coming Adam. :) Poor poor Karen! I hope you take naps in the day so you can catch up on your sleep debt. lol

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  29. Love the quotes, envy the imagination (subconscious or not)...fanfreakingtastic!!
    P.S. Adam/Sydney, my wife (all four foot eleven inches of her) says, "Watch you don't get a finger bitten off!)

    A & K - thanks for the chuckles.

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  30. Christy from Kansas25 January 2010 at 14:31

    LOVE it!!! Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! I needed it!!

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  31. Hahahaha! My friend pasted me this link yesterday... i was having a really rotten day but this sure made everything brighter! It makes me wonder what kind of dreams he's having, some things are so bizzare! I love it! You definitely tapped into a great market with this one, keep dreamin', Adam. Literally :-)

    Love from Newfoundland (but living in Alberta)

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  32. Love this! It's Badgertastic!

    I linked to you on my own blog today. It was hard to type with the tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.

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  33. Perfect for a T-shirt...for tall people. XD

    I'm probably one of the small people~ But I like pets =W=;

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  34. Absolutely Wonderful!! My morning dose of Sleep Talkin Man made even my bad Monday morning turn into laughter. Thanks so much. There is no better gift to give to the world than a good laugh. Keep it coming. Colorado, USA

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  35. He likes little people as this is not the first time he's mentioned that. Too funny.

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  36. My husband talks in his sleep and it's always hilarious. Last week he started yelling "If I'd know the heater worked on rainbows, I'd never have bought the stupid thing!"

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  37. Nya ha ha ha ha

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  38. Soooo disappointed, I had already ordered the duck t-shirt before you included the rest of the quote about the swing! I'd exchange it but I'm not paying for shipping twice from Canada to UK... :-(

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  39. funnnnyyyyy...lol
    do you ship to jamaica??

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  40. Absolutely hysterical! We couldn't make it through one quote without bursting out laughing. When my wife and I read Adams' utterings to my Mom, she laughed so hard she nearly had an asthma attack.

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  41. I have laughed until the point it hurts. I read the lines to my husband in the evening before he goes to bed.

    But I have a sleep talking husband, too. Well not really sleep talking, but sleep singing. He's a beautiful singer in real life but the songs he lets out in the middle of the night it's all I can do to keep my chuckling down to not wake him. I wish I had a way to record him.

    I think he would put Weird Al and Ray Stevens to shame.

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  42. That's another good one!! LOL
    I seriously wonder what he is dreaming when he says these things(I can't imagine what it's like to be you wondering ALL the time).
    I see you got new merchandise besides t-shirts :D
    Off to take a look!

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  43. Oh my goodness, I just got turned on to this site today...so I was able to go all the way back reading day after day of the ramblings. I've been told I talk in my sleep, and have woken myself up a few times talking. Wish I had thought of blogging it!
    This stuff is so freaking funny I actually peed my pants a little from laughing so hard. I had to shower before I could come back and finish reading!!!

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  44. I love this blog site, keep it up

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  45. Keep them coming - bloody brilliant! Last night my hubby said 'What's that? What is it (shouting)? Oh it's gone now'. I asked him what it was and he replied 'I don't know, just a wombat'.

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  46. He is damn right!
    So many little people...

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  47. Love your site! My husband is on the local SWAT team and sometimes he fights thugs in his sleep. Fortunately, I have only been slugged once. :) I wrote a story entitled "Sleep Walkin' Man" about him peeing in the hall. It's on our blog: irrationalfamily.blogspot.com

    Keep up the great work! Kind regards!

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  48. I live in Haiti, and thanks to this blog I couldn't care less about my dead family or my ruined home. You are better than God himself.

    Please, please, please keep inventing these phrases. With God's wishes you will sell more merchandise and fill your sweet bank accounts.

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  49. audio is the best...it's the accent that makes it all far too funny! :-) *love*

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  50. Kathryn in Texas25 January 2010 at 18:36

    I wonder if the little people are midgets or if this just another example of his subconscious ego coming out like the other night! lol I just found this site and nearly died with laughter reading it. The duck quote is my fave. I only wish we could see what he was seeing in these dreams. The words are funny enough, the images must be badgertastic!

    P.S. I can't tell if this Haiti person is being sarcastic or not, but I hope they're serious in saying that this site brings them some glimmer of joy...some is better than none.

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  51. Yes, I am very serious about the Haiti Earthquake. If you asked me to choose between the two, I would say my life would be worse without this site than it would be if the Earthquake hadn't killed my family.

    May God bless those who wrote this site, and may he grant you lots of money from your made up phrases printed on T-shirts and mugs.

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  52. The guy from Haiti underestimates the power of this site. The "made up phrases" as he calls them, are so funny they could well bring his family back to life. I grant there is a possibility that the phrases are made up, but even so, at least they are trying to bring dead people back to life, and not just trying to get money and publicity from writing a blog in which they make up random phrases and pretend they were from a sleeping man.

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  53. I'd say people who doubt the integrity of this site are evil. I don't care if the quotes are made up, in fact it would be even better if they were (but they aren't) because it would show the skeptics that we can laugh at anything, and it doesn't have to be true. We are better people than they are, because we don't express doubt. Life would be much better if people like them just shut up.

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  54. Amen Hooray_Henry!
    Who cares if its real or not? Personally, given the things I've shouted in my sleep*, I can believe that he says these things. He's got a bit of a potty mouth, but its totally funny!

    *how do I know I shouted in my sleep? Well I woke up hearing myself saying stupid things. Mostly I'm yelling Hello though, so its not nearly as funny as his :)

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  55. I've just spent the last hour reading up on Adam's nocturnal ramblings - my husband is quite alarmed as he found me snorting and weeping with laughter. BADGERTASTIC? Honestly, I haven't enjoyed myself this much in ages. In a world filled with daily doses of wretched news, you guys are a much needed bright spot. Thanks so much!

    With love from Texas :)

    PS - Please, oh please - can we have "We haven't got a plank. Just fucking jump" on a t-shirt?

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  56. Hey you guys! If you like Cute Overload (which I love too) you should check out icanhascheezburger.com. Got many comments about my t-shirt...

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  57. I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THIS. BADGERTASTIC!
    Honestly brightens my day, and makes me laugh so hard I snort. lol
    I <3 YOU GUYS! Thanks for sharing with us!

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  58. Take the entire canon of Norman Wisdom, Max Wall, Charlie Chaplin, Morecambe and Wise, Homer Simpson, Hale and Pace, John Belushi, Jim 'Nik Nik' Davidson and the Chuckle Brothers, put them altogether, brew in a marinade of pure comedy goulash for three weeks AND YOU"RE STILL NOWHERE NEAR THE LEVEL OF COMEDY of The Sleep Talkin Man!

    Seriously - Badgertastic?? Amazing!

    Something about a duck -ROFL

    I hate Mondays?! Oh, hang on - that was Garfield

    Anyway, please keep making this shit up. Consider this an order in perpetuity for anything Adam says, awake or asleep, to be printed on a T-shirt and shipped out to me ASAP

    Thanks

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  59. This made me laugh so hard. My boyfriend is a bit taller than me. He is 6'4 to my 5'11. He loves to pat me on the head. Please keep blogging all of his sleep musings!

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  60. If you do read this, then well done.
    It takes a lot for me to follow someone.

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  61. To the angry Anonymous person above:
    Err aren't most comedy acts made up for our amusement..? I myself have bought merch from shows such as The Mighty Boosh and Inbetweeners. The merch was added to the site by public demand and so what if a bit of money is made in the process, it's no crime!

    The couple writing this blog never claimed to have the power to make people brighten people's day, they say themselves it was just for their friends and family originally, but a good laugh does everyone good and soon spreads.

    I don't care if it's an elaborate joke, I love all the quotes and if something like this makes you angry enough to insult the people of Haiti or people with deceased parents then you are obviously an emotionally stunted individual.

    Roll on tomorrow morning! My fave is the starfish and his cree-py cree-py legs :) xxx

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  62. I love absolutely every single one of these.
    I wish you would put up audio for them all!

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  63. Maybe it's a mix of English and French? Then it means: Fart on their heads! Fart, fart, fart

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  64. I absolutely LOVE this one! Tooooo funny!

    For those who aren't sure of the authenticity... you've never lived with a sleep talker. My boyfriend spouts the most random things at night...

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  65. I agree Kristy. I was a sleep talker/walker as a child and I would hold complete nonsense conversations with myself, waking my sister all the time. Drove her crazy!

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  66. why cant ihear the audio? :( and btw soooooooofunny my fav is the dumpling and noodles one

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  67. Long ago I managed to record some of my wife's semi-conscious ramblings (on MiniDisc yet), they were so funny. This site's quotes are brilliant, definitely a lot like my wife's, only funnier and there are more of them (my wife doesn't really talk when asleep, only as she falls asleep while talking), and they don't really depend on knowing the person himself.

    So IMO either it's 100% genuine or 200% genius-level writing and marketing, and Occam's Razor points squarely at the former. :)

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  68. If laughter really is the best medecine, imagine how healthy all of us are thanks to K&A!

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  69. awww thank you everyone for your amazing comments, yes even you Anonymous from Haiti (although slightly tasteless). right, it is time i went to bed and got to work!!

    night night everyone.

    adam

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  70. I have been known to sleep talk and it get strange I am told ... Keep up the good work!

    Dream the Good Dream,

    Nikki

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  71. Karen,

    It may be tasteless to say your site is better than having my dead Haitian family back, but you also think random quotes including the words cock, shit and cunt are hilarious. Mind you, so did I when I was a wanky student, but then I guess advertising execs are wanky students for ever.

    I hope you can think of some more quotes to add tomorrow. I'm sure that will all be so funny. Just as if you were making them up. How about something about an otter, or maybe a wanking penguin?

    Btw, please send me 10,000 of your wonderful T-shirts.

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  72. Anonymous from Haiti, say what you like. Tomorrow we will see some cracking quotes, and I have already informed the wife to put towels and paper down on the floor because I am pretty sure I am going to shit and piss like a king when I read them. That's how funny it is, so funny I start vomiting. So just shut up you pig. Badgertastic is better than God.

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  73. My husband is so boring. All he does is farts and snores. Your blog is the highlight of my day. I might use a few of these lines on the wankers I work with.

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  74. You now have a whole slew of fans in Columbus, Ohio, USA. Badgertastic!

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  75. dear anonymous from haiti (allegedly), i am not sure if it was clear but i (adam) wrote that last comment, not karen.

    secondly, you do sound awfully familiar. in fact you use the exact same terms as someone who has commented in the past.i must admit, for someone who so obviously hates the blog you seem pretty unable to simply ignore its existence. Which, considering the vast array of other attractions the internet has to offer makes your interest all the more intruiging really.

    adam

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  76. I am Addicted!!! I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants! I am a sleeptalker too, but nothing compared to Adam.
    Badgertasically Done!!!

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  77. Great reply Adam-- exactly!!!

    GO away anonymous person. Since you're in Haiti (allegedly) aren't there other more pressing matters at hand than stalking this blog??

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  78. Hahaha, so simple, yet so funny.

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  79. Wow! I just found out about this site this week. And im definitely going to check out this site everyday now to see what brilliant thoughts Adam keeps coming up with while he sleeps. My favorite quotes are the ones about the kittens and the pirates. ".....My boat. My rules." OMG! this is hilarious!! :)

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  80. The Tax Collector A26 January 2010 at 00:41

    Well, Anonymous poster above me, I found this site LAST NIGHT! W00T!

    But anyways, Adam is ridiculously funny. When he's asleep. Of course. You never know, he might start muttering stuff about bestiali[censored].

    G'day. this is a bloke known as A, one of The Tax Collectors, coming here to kill you worthless human beings with our tax collection.

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  81. This is just the most amazingly funny wonderful collection of things anyone has ever said in the history of the world. I laughed til I cried.

    Look out! Marshmallows!

    Thank you for giving me such a sore diaphragm.

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  82. Can this possibly be serious? I can't believe it!

    Then again, my cousin once woke up in the middle of the night muttering about an engine that needed to be turned on.

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  83. This is just too funny. I wish my Mom sleep talked so we could understand her. Every morning I share the child appropriate ones with my kids. They get to giggling so hard! It sends them off to school with a smile on their face. When they are being poky all I have to say now is "Hurry or we'll be late for the pogo ballet!" and they hurry it right along. Thanks!

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  84. My boyfriend is 6'8" he needs this on a t-shirt. NEEDS it.

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  85. Hmmmm: maybe a hypnotherapist might be able to help Adam recover some of these dreams.....then you could submit them to www.slowwave.com, and have them illustrated.

    Subconscious crossover heaven!

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  86. I just found out about this blog on Cute Overload and it is awesome! When did you realize your husband was a goldmine of hysterical nuggets?! My Dad is a big sleep walker/talker...we call him "mission man". I've heard him say things like "a shark that big could swallow a man whole!" followed by a snap of his fingers. In his sleep!

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  87. This site is great, makes me laugh when I need one, thank you! My little boy (now 7) talks in his sleep too, and I thought all the things he is saying were random (like get the jellyfish, they're all over! MOM!!! AAAAGGGHHHH!!!) I gather this was after having watched Sponge Bob before bedtime.....till I read these! so funny! =)

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  88. My British husband and I both just laughed till we cried too. Know why? Because I'm pretty sure we're married to the SAME man!

    Mine doesn't talk so much in his sleep, but it all sounds like shit he'd say!

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  89. Hello from Greece. It's my first time ever in your blog and i loved it. Keep up the good work. If you want check out my blog: http://cyglobe.blogspot.com

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  90. That guy has issues to be pretending his in Haiti....as it's obvious that he is not. ("Wanky students" is hardly a Haitian expression)

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  91. U under 5'7, in America they called those type MIDGETS too. It's okay for women to be called such but not men!

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  92. Should PET the ones with small/tiny/petite attitudes such as urs. Exaggerated everything that is not necessary!

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  93. U think u should need an operation to change u to a different type? Seems like u used women n more than anybody i know

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  94. ROTFLMAO!!! XD

    I bet he was dreaming that he was at a trip to china.
    Or at Willy Wonka's factory.

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  95. The Anonmyazz is trying to be funny by sarcastically exaggerating what he sees as others' gullibility. Somehow he's got real ego-involved in trying to discredit K&A, and denigrate everyone who loves the quotes.

    A troo luzer.

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  96. muy bueno
    ------------------------------
    otorongueando.blogspot.com
    ------------------------------

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  97. Couldn't stop laughing!! Great way to end the day
    My girlfriend also talks in her sleep, last thing she said was "Thats f**king disgusting" although when I quizzed her about what was disgusting she had no idea!!! I have to becare I don't become an insomniac myself...Love this site thanks for posting.

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  98. Oh - for heaven's sake - it's just a blog - read it/don't read it. Buy a t-shirt/don't buy a t-shirt. If it offends you - DON'T READ IT!

    And if you have a personal agenda with Karen and Adam - take it to a more appropriate environment...which is not this space!

    This blog makes me laugh...

    Thank you

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  99. Hi, Adam and Karen-Thank you so much for sharing this (for lack of a better term) Sleep-Tourette's phenomenon with the world! The audio is so much fun--we hope you'll put up more! You have made us laugh so much!
    Cheers-
    Vikki, Henry and Jordan DeVries

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  100. Pure Comedic Gold! Also as I am sure that no one else has said this, "Hello from Orem, UT." Yes now you can say that even a Mormon follows your blog. Thats a pretty good feat considering there are only 13 Million of us and as good portion of us live in third world countries or places without internet that is bold feat indeed. Keep up the good work. My rambling is done now.

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  101. I found this website about a week ago and I have come back everyday since! I absolutely LOVE the randomness of it all! Can't wait to read more!

    and to Anonymous: Seriously, why would you joke about what is happening in Haiti? Get some class. There are some lines you just don't cross.

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  102. I love it. LOVE IT.
    If this gets on a tshirt, I'm getting it.

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  103. One of the nicest things here is how much fun you are generating. Yes, there is always a troll or two who has to make noise, but we don't have to listen to them. It is not only just so funny what Adam says, it is equally a pleasure to share this earth with so many folks with great senses of humor.

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  104. haha. im a little person..... mii frnds sooo pet me on the head lol (:

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  105. absolutly awesome!! my brother has a few things to say whn you try to wake him from sleep but none as awesome as this! keep it going no matter what!!

    Chris
    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

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  106. By little people do you mean physically smaller people, such as midgets? I think you are expressing feelings or views that many people keep to themselves.Your actions and words are based on human impulse. I am sure that other people have had the same impulse that you have had. Or by saying "little people" are you referring to people lower in social status or power? By petting them on the head you are asserting your position of power over them. Again this is a reaction based on desire and impulse. I am sure many other people in the world have had the desire to "pet the little people".

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  107. Fucking love it - made my day, pek pek pek pek!!!

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  108. pleease put this on a shirt! xD

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  109. "So many little people. Pet them on the head. pet pet pet pet pet...."

    Too funny! I would definitely buy this on a shirt, coffee mug, or a mousepad.

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  110. so funny!!!!!!!!
    This my favourite)))

    "pet pet pet pet" ahahaha)))

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  111. I wish this was on a t-shirt in tall sizes as my boyfriend is 6 foot 8 inches and he always gets asked the ridiculous question "So how's the air up there?" . And his response is "I don't know how is it down there by my ass?". He would get a kick out of this.

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  112. hahha oh this is hilarious I love these. I have been cracking up for the last hour. Bless you for having the ingenuity to blog about it! keep on postin :) blessings <3

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  113. BTW I am a very short person >.< 4ft 10in I get patted on the head, It is very annoying. Don't pet the little people......

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  114. OMG this is the best one i think it is hilarious i love this guy he is awesome.

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  115. Thanks for the effort you took to expand upon this post so thoroughly. I look forward to future posts.
    There are various sea vessels involved in shipping to jamaica. It may include box boats or container ships, bulk carriers, tankers, ferries, cable layers, dredgers and barges.

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