Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100110

Jan 9 2010

"Oompa loompas don't sing in heaven. They tidy up the clouds."

"Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"

"Get stuck in."

"Please just walk away. I don't want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I'll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!"

"You can stop clapping now if you want. Really. You'll need your energy for cheering me later. Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhh."

[yelled upon waking] "COCK HUNTER!"


Karen's note: This was all early in the morning. The batteries had run out on the recorder, so it was like the old days, I was furiously typing, trying to keep up. I'm pretty sure that's the "clapping" that Adam was referring to. So, meanwhile, I'm still typing my brains out, and he's going "Shhhhhhhh. shhhhhhh."

Also, just after he shouted "COCK HUNTER" and woke up, he looked at me with fear in his eyes and said, "um, did I just shout cock hunter?" It's been worrying him ever since.

140 comments:

  1. Good morning! you guys give me a better start than a strong cup of coffee!
    Have a nice one :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Please, somebody make make a movie entitled "Cock Hunter".

    ReplyDelete
  3. OMG. My brother has found a kindered spirit in STM! Sometimes when he sleep talks I say something back and he replies.

    Him: Cousins...
    Me: Which cousins?
    Him: The ones we wanted to kill! Worms.
    Me:...
    Him: I need to do my homework.

    ReplyDelete
  4. my friend posted your blog on facebook and I can honestly say this is one of the most entertaining things I've read in the longest time :) I hope your husband keeps it up for awhile now. I do enjoy my entertainment

    ReplyDelete
  5. Legs time!- that is so so funny! This blog id the funniest thing ive ever seen!

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is hilarious! You need to make a video. ;P

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have to say. I'm bound to visit daily...great stuff...my best friend did utter one time while sleeping.." Are you sure you don't want to use that bath tub...it seems to be the most invisible"...Dreamland sounds facinating...I hope your hubby never develops insomnia...we will all be sad...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love this blog, makes me laugh so much!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Once when I was staying with my mum and a teammate in a hotel before a volleyball game, my teammate and I carried on a complete conversation about going to Hawaii in our sleep. My mother said it was hilarious...

    Teammate: Where should we go?
    Me: Hawaii
    Teammate: Why there?
    Me: Warmer than here, damn.
    Teammate: Cold here.
    Me: What about the game?
    Teammate: Screw it....

    Apparently this went on for like 15 minutes. My mum got tired of writing it all down. The funny thing is we were in Southern California in July and it was 110 degrees Fahrenheit...

    ReplyDelete
  10. this is the best blog! sooo funny! 'Everybody get your legs' hahaha

    ReplyDelete
  11. This is the best thing I've stumbled upon on Blogger. AWE-FREAKIN-SOME

    ReplyDelete
  12. Entertaining as this blog is and how outrageous some of the night-time comments of your husband, I think, and you are, of course, quite entitled to disagree, or even tell me to 'go away' in the strongest terms, that what happens in anyone's bedroom should stay there.

    To be quite honest, this blog makes me feel very uncomfortable.

    Best regards to you both.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This entire fantasy reads like a subpar Young Ones script. Either you're incredibly selective about what you post (because it's not going to be 100% lulz every time he closes his eyes), or you're hoping for a big reveal that will get you some kind of fame/writing contract. If you actually put some effort into it you could potentially come up with something amusing, but as it is you're coming off as a seventeen year old who's just had their first taste of Alexei Sayle.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I have a new hero!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Just read through all the posts in one go. I have laughed so hard I have given my self a ( very treatable ) asthma attack !!!

    Sooooooo worth it !!!

    ReplyDelete
  16. My wife used to talk rubbish in her sleep but unfortunately seems to have stopped. I still tease her about 'Oh No! Not the penguins!'

    ReplyDelete
  17. It doesn't sound to me as if your husband knows about this blog. Which could be a big problem for you both, especially him. I hope that's not a real photo of him. Did you know that the www is, um, world wide? and public?

    ReplyDelete
  18. There are quite a few sleep talkers in my family, so this seems plausible to me. I don't think my mom ever said anything in her sleep that wasn't really zany.

    My sister has had entire conversations with people in her sleep, some fairly normal, but usually kinda off in some way.

    I'm more of a sleep mumbler, so no lulz from me, sadly!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Okay I've read the FAQs now, you sit together and listen to the recordings so I assume he also knows about the blog and is cool with it. The comments he makes are priceless. It would just suck if he didn't realise they were going online. But if he wants to see one of the tshirts walking past him... then he must know about the blog. Right?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Can't wait till he starts mouthing off about his wife or maybe starts talking about his girlfriend...then there might be a final end to these shanaigans. Just because there is a recording doesn't necessarily make it a fact. This seems to follow in with the "shit my dad says"....just trying to ride the money train....

    ReplyDelete
  21. Lol i absolutely LOVE this made my day lol

    ReplyDelete
  22. Jeez some people.. you know if you don't think its real, go read something else!

    Ive enough first hand experience of the things people can do in their sleep to believe this is real. My mum used to talk about stuff, sadly I really can't remember much but one recurring theme was the 'cheese factory' which concerned her greatly. Most of what she said was proper words and sentences, just nonsensical stuff/hilarious stuff, often quite aggressive as well.

    We also used to have to chase her down the street because she was capable of unlocking the front door (even if she had to get the keys from somewhere else and put the right key in!) and going outside, from there she would either try to get in her van!!! or try to get into other peoples houses.

    I have also had semi sensible conversations with several friends before realising they are totally asleep - one friend lit and smoked a cigarette in her sleep!

    Anyway I am loving this, keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  23. The husband is aware - Karen has mentioned this in other posts.

    Love love LOVE this blog.

    ReplyDelete
  24. I now have the Deerhunter music going round my head, along with an altered version of the early part of the film...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Mom used to be very concerned that we were throwing spaghetti around the house when she was asleep!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Wow - I now read this 1st thing when I get up and I dread the morning when he hasn't sleeptalked!

    PLEASE ignore any nasty and disparaging messages - you are providing something hilarious here and its such an original idea.

    Thanks so much and happy snoozing.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Fucking hilarious! I woke up extra early this morning to see what he's said today! I love you guys! Keep it going! This is a way to brighten my day even when my heart has been broken! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Anonymous said...
    Can't wait till he starts mouthing off about his wife or maybe starts talking about his girlfriend...then there might be a final end to these shanaigans. Just because there is a recording doesn't necessarily make it a fact. This seems to follow in with the "shit my dad says"....just trying to ride the money train....
    ------------------------------------------
    Oh sure because EVERYONE knows the real money is in internet blogging! Bollocks. Lighten up ya panty.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Max the sax Holloway10 January 2010 16:12

    This is the source of all my facebook statuses for the foreseeable future :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Legs time?!? What happens when it's NOT legs time? Nobody has legs? Lol!

    STM is great! Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  31. STM is just awesome. Totally my new addiction. Thanks for the laughs!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Totally awesome reads! Thanks for the laughs

    ReplyDelete
  33. is this the British version of "Shit My Dad Says" on Twitter?

    ReplyDelete
  34. Does your husband know that all of his uncontrolled thoughts are being read by everyone on the internet.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Hi im jessica im new to the blogging world and was just snooping around i was wondering if u cud help me promote my blog

    thanks!
    heres my link





    http://jessicanoonan-life.blogspot.com/search?updated-min=2010-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&updated-max=2011-01-01T00%3A00%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=2

    ReplyDelete
  36. STM is fantastic, and I think the people who make disparaging remarks are merely jealous of the goldmine of posts you hace coming from your, frankly, adorable husband each night. Keep it up it made me laugh so much. REad the positive comments and bin the negative, they are just sad people with no concept of joy.

    ReplyDelete
  37. my ex had parasomnia, where he would talk or get up, seemingly awake, but not. nothing quite THIS funny happened when i was sleeping with him, but i do remember one time he sat straight up, thought he was driving a car, and was very upset because he had to figure out what kind of car it was so he could tell his boss. he works at Enterprise, which is a car rental agency. it took me a few minutes to convince him he wasn't at work, and then he went right back to sleep.

    :-D i kinda love this blog now. def adding it to my favorites!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Besides tshirts, a daily desktop calendar would be great! This stuff is a great way to start your day! Freakin Hilarious!!

    ReplyDelete
  39. This is WAY better than my friend whose ex husband didn't sleep talk...he wet the bed.

    Wetting the bed, not a funny blog.

    ReplyDelete
  40. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  41. i love you wife
    and sleep talkin man

    ReplyDelete
  42. This. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever.

    ReplyDelete
  43. how do u manage to get any sleep next to him? id be laughing and laughing all tru the nite. love the blog!!!

    ReplyDelete
  44. haha I wonder what kind of dreams he has
    seriously you would question that after hearing "COCK HUNTER", wouldn't you?

    ReplyDelete
  45. I'm so glad I clicked on this from the "blogs of note." Seriously, have not stopped laughing. I wouldn't get any sleep if this were my husband. It's just too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I read some of your older posts, and all I can say is... OMG!

    Awesome Blog!

    Liseanne
    http://calicofiasco.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  47. http://theobservances.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  48. oh my god these are AMAZING!

    ReplyDelete
  49. I think Adam has Sleep Tourette's. ;}

    ReplyDelete
  50. this dude has serious issues

    ReplyDelete
  51. For what it's worth - I think the disparaging comments are always the funniest. Uncomfortable with it? Don't like it? Think it's made up? Jolly good. Now piss off.

    This is fab and I salute you, and Adam. Long may he shout in his sleep. Oh, and this is much funnier than the Young Ones.

    ReplyDelete
  52. My husband has an alter-ego when he sleeps as well (normally a quiet super polite guy), not just talking, but sometimes jumping out of bed & freaking me out. Now I'm SO happy to find out I'm not the only wife who puts up with it, this just really encouraged me to just see the humor in it, and possibly record it as well for future laughs. Too bad he's so embarassed of it! THANKS again for the awesome blog!!!

    ReplyDelete
  53. This blog is awesome, and for all the uptight people with the negative comments, they need to get a sense of humor, as long as your husband is cool with it this just an AWESOME BLOG! Plus, look at the nifty community of sleeptalkers you have created, people now have a place to feel at home with their crazy stories!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Lovin' this stuff, it's as funny as fuck, although I'll be buggered if I going to tell Mrs GOT about this blog. You see, according to her, I'm always talking total bollocks in my sleep. She takes the piss out of me about it most mornings so I'm fucked if I'm going to let her tell everyone else too ;-)

    GrumpyOldTwat

    ReplyDelete
  55. http://listonic.pl/justynaaaa/choinka

    ReplyDelete
  56. When I found you guys yesterday, I read everything. I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you; it's been a long time since I laughed so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  57. I have to say thank you. I now have random things to post as my status on facebook. =]] oh and i guess i give out phone numbers in my sleep..

    ReplyDelete
  58. LOVE your blog! Kelly at www.whatupduck.com

    ReplyDelete
  59. You have another convert, now where's this RSS thingy...

    ReplyDelete
  60. You guys have no idea how wonderful your comments make us feel. Thanks so so so much for taking the time. The internet is a beautiful thing.

    Oh, I'm going to put a page together of OTHER people's sleep-talking stories, so keep them coming!

    ReplyDelete
  61. One more thing: we're hoping the t-shirts will be ready to go by Tuesday!

    ReplyDelete
  62. I love you guys! lol

    Does your husband even know you blog about him? haha

    ReplyDelete
  63. Well it's good to know the Oompa Loompa's are doing something up there.

    ReplyDelete
  64. That's quite amusing. You now have one addition to join your fan wagon!

    ReplyDelete
  65. haha this is funny! I have a friend who talks in his sleep and one time he said he eats children for breakfast! lol

    ReplyDelete
  66. This blog is brilliant. I'm brand new to the world of blogging and already I've found a gem. I showed this blog to my boyfriend to stop him complaining about my night time chatter.

    So far the only night musings of mine he can currently remember are:

    "Nothing is covered in potatos!"

    "Frying pan ... FRYING PAN"

    And the rather spookly prophetic ...
    "Beware the pregnant lady" - said whilst unknowingly five weeks pregnant.

    Keep them coming.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Hilarious blog! Can't get enough!

    ReplyDelete
  68. I am laughing my a$$ off at this blog!!! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  69. I am loving your blog. I have learned all sorts of new insults...lol. It's great! Thanks for the laughs. Keep it coming.

    ReplyDelete
  70. He usually shouts an animal species before waking! I love this blog very much. =)

    ReplyDelete
  71. this is too funny, could easily be real dopamine defficiencies, parasomnia etc. but frankly I don't care if it's real or fake it's making me laugh and brightens my day so.. LONG LIVE THE SLEEP TALKING MAN!!

    ReplyDelete
  72. I just found this site on Buzzfeed, and can safely say this is the funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time.

    ReplyDelete
  73. Haha I love this.

    ReplyDelete
  74. More night-time musings from my partner:

    "I don't care who stole the car!"

    "I like your pants."

    "Arrrgh! It's all so red!"

    "You don't have to pay."

    I lurrrrve "Legs time". PLEASE never stop writing this blog, I have genuinely never laughed so much at a blog before I found this :D

    ReplyDelete
  75. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. My sides hurt! This is fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  76. My family's favorite from my dad:

    Dad: It's slappy hour.
    Mom: What the hell is slappy hour?
    Dad: When the two and a half temptations sing and dance.

    He then got up and tried to pee on the wall.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I have so enjoyed this blog. I found it due to a post on FB. To the nay sayers I have two words and I quote, "fuck and off!" Capish?

    ReplyDelete
  78. I am so glad you were spotlighted as a Blog of Note! Freakin' hilarious!! :):):)

    ReplyDelete
  79. Poor Adam--he's clearly up the stream of consciousness without a paddle

    ReplyDelete
  80. Has Adam tried to make his dreams lucid? I try to remember to look at my hands in my dreams, reminding myself before I go to sleep. Maybe that will stop the torment.

    ReplyDelete
  81. This is probably THE funniest thing I've ever read.
    Thanks for the laugh.

    emmaodettebarnett.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  82. I lived with a guy for a few years who used to talk in another language,creepy. The thing was he didn't know another language!

    ReplyDelete
  83. Honestly, love this! I have a sleep-talking husband as well, but he never says anything as hilarious as anything on this blog. Oompah loompas!

    ReplyDelete
  84. One time, my husband woke up to me saying repeatedly and insistantly:

    "Take it...TAKE IT...Come ON, TAKE IT!"

    I had lifted a heavy picture off the wall above our bed and although I was lying down, I was holding it up and over to him (I guess I was redecorating in my sleep)

    It was years before we agreed that I could hang another picture over the bed!

    (hey, this is going on MY blog!) LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  85. Oh, My, Word!

    Hysterical!

    This has the ring of truth to me, when I was younger, my sister would discuss her dreams at the breakfast table. We would sit there, jaws on the table, wondering what kind of weird creature had replaced our sibling. Her stories had the same strange, almost logical, flavor to them.

    ReplyDelete
  86. @Non-workingmonkey,

    "Don't like it? Think it's made up? Jolly good. Now piss off."

    Perfect! Took the words right out of my mouth!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Undoubtedly the most entertaining blog I've come across in many a moon. Brilliant!

    ReplyDelete
  88. My uncle once exclaimed in his sleep. "Give that man a fur-lined banana!"
    Susie Sharp
    Shaker Heights, Ohio USA
    susiewyk@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  89. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  90. TG4 blog of note....love love love it....i will forever post in FB...maybe even a tweet or 2 - hillarious!

    ReplyDelete
  91. "Cock Hunter"...lol. sounds like a new HBO series

    ReplyDelete
  92. I know i talk while sleeping but nobody understands it..it is gibberish language

    ReplyDelete
  93. I used to talk in my sleep and my EX-husband would ask me questions to find out if I was telling the truth during the day. He never said he caught me in a lie, but that was just dumb luck.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Ypu need to get this on tape and maybe you will win on americas funiest videos....

    ReplyDelete
  95. Have you given any thought to posting the audio on the blog, too?

    ReplyDelete
  96. This is some seriously hilarious shiz! Phenomenal blog! Thanks for the laughs! We'll be back to see what else he comes out with!

    ReplyDelete
  97. Thankyou, just thankyou

    ReplyDelete
  98. Great blog congratulations on Blog of note.

    ReplyDelete
  99. What will the T-shirts be like?

    ReplyDelete
  100. How hilarious, I wouldn't be able to sleep if my hubby was this funny in his dreams!! love it

    ReplyDelete
  101. Hillarious! This is such an insight into the wierd crap we all dream. It is so funny because it is so true when you are with a sleep talker you lie there and think how hysterical it all is and you are desperate to tell someone or to hit them!
    http://myothershoes.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  102. this blog totally makes my day

    ReplyDelete
  103. "Please just walk away. I don't want to have to stand here and say something so awesome that I'll have to remember it the rest of the day. Thank you!"

    The most awesome one I've seen sofar.

    ReplyDelete
  104. Your husband watches porn. You know how I know? Google, "Cock Hunter, Brazzers". It was a new episode done last week.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Frigging EXCELLENT!!

    This is going to keep me entertained for hours!

    Ha ha!! B xx

    ReplyDelete
  106. omg so funny :) Should post the recordings haha

    ReplyDelete
  107. Oh dear this is hilarious!!! And I agree, some recordings would be awesome

    ReplyDelete
  108. Wonderful! I've been having a really rough time lately, and this was the first laugh I've had in days, and it was a big laugh! People walking by were looking at me funny. Thanks so much for posting these!

    And don't listen to the haters. I'm sure STM could come up with pleanty of colorful ways to insult them...

    ReplyDelete
  109. thank you for sharing such hilarious moments. I truly enjoy reading your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  110. wow,crazy unrealistic sounding sleep talking!
    loves it!


    www.patrickcourtney.blogspot.com
    Fashion|Food|Art|Lifestyle

    ReplyDelete
  111. to all those who think this is a money-scheme or a lie or something:

    why would anyone make something like this up? how could they? it's all too cheshire cat.

    it's funny. thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  112. For all the non-believers:

    As someone who pretty much never talks in my sleep (as far as I know) and doesn't really know anyone who does (coherently), I can see why you would be doubtful. But one time I was extremely tired and was sleeping in the car while my mom was driving, with the directions to where we were going in my hand. She asked for them and I told her I didn't know where they were, getting louder and more frustrated the more she asked, to the point where I was waving my hand with them around yelling "I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY ARE"

    She grabbed hold of my arm and shook me until I woke up, and I have absolutely no memory of the incident, and this is from someone who doesn't regularly sleep-talk whatsoever. So think what you want, but it certainly is (physically) possible. Furthermore, if is IS made up, Karen is obviously quite creative. I don't see the point in hating :P

    ReplyDelete
  113. Okay - it's official. Your hubby is the new replacement for Simon Cowell on American Idol! It's in his DNA or he wouldn't say have that wild stuff in his sleep (a time that the "other than conscious mind" is at work). Auditions should be coming up soon.

    ReplyDelete
  114. Just checking but isn't cock hunter on clebrity big brother (UK) at the moment...

    ReplyDelete
  115. I love it! First time reader, probably life time reader.

    PS - He's always right it seems. Oompa Loompas really don't sing in heaven.

    ReplyDelete
  116. You really need to make videos of this. I don't care too much about all the rest, but I absolutely NEED to see a youtube montage of *wakes up* "Cock Hunter!" *wakes up* "Stop the panther!" *wakes up* "Bright lights!" and so on. OMG that would be so awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  117. Please do an oompa loompa shirt!!!

    ReplyDelete
  118. Too funny! Love the blog - discovering it as a Blog of Note made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  119. Just discovered this blog through a friend who stumbled across it! It is fantasitc I have not laughed so much for ages!!

    Keep up the sleep talking Adam!!

    N xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  120. Believe it or not, but there actually was a skit several years back called the Cock Hunter by a drama troup down in Tallahassee.

    ReplyDelete
  121. Just to add to the chorus of well-wishers, I like the blog. My wife also sleep talks - she's usually not as silly as your husband, but it is a fascinating phenomenon. It is funny how fantasies about aggression come out, or how they try to make "sleep jokes."

    The one thing I'd suggest is start editing out the really banal ones.

    ReplyDelete
  122. Charlotte 'Coxy' Cox16 January 2010 00:58

    This is bloody hilarious, when i first read it all i was in floods of tears laughing, keep up the good work! loving it!
    i think i find it so hilarious because sometimes my fiance talks in his sleep.
    utterly brilliant! i have book marked the page and cant wait to read more hahaha
    all the best to you both!

    ReplyDelete
  123. Charlotte 'Coxy' Cox16 January 2010 01:01

    P.s Dont change any of it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  124. ooohhhhh - that clapping one is my favorite of all of them!

    ReplyDelete
  125. You guys are awesome. My husband talks in his sleep but the funniest thing he has said was "Its not so much a purse as it is a bag... its just got so much material." He said this during the first night we ever spent together (well the first night sleeping anyway haha.I know, too much information.) I was immediatly worried that he might be secretly homosexual.

    This site is great. It brightened up my gloomy day. Thank you so much, Keep posting. I hope you guys make a lot of money off this because making people laugh is a great service!

    Thanks so much. Jennifer Farren ~ Wilmington, North Carolina.

    ReplyDelete
  126. Oh, Cock Hunter. I think that beats the time I woke up screaming "THE MONKEY MADE ME STEAL IT!! THE MONKEY MADE ME STEAL IT!!!"

    ReplyDelete
  127. If you don't have a Monkey Power t-shirt you MUST make one!
    "No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much." Another great one for a t. Too hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  128. We need a "Cock hunter" t-shirt!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  129. Hilarious! Had to post one as my facebook status! Brilliant idea!

    ReplyDelete
  130. Ok, I laughed until I cried (at work, mind you) about your last line re: cock hunter. Did I just shout cock hunter? Ok, i'm crying again! Stop!

    ReplyDelete
  131. hHoly shit,... i've never laughed so hard in my life at that one... I'm not exaggerated I couldnt breathe and I was crying all the same time...

    How do i hear more audio?

    ReplyDelete
  132. Welcome to http://www.mmoggg.de website to buy RS Gold, offer a lot, of course, Diablo 3 Gold or Diablo 3 Gold Kaufen and WoW Gold, to be purchased at any time, at any time shipment, and look forward to your visit!

    ReplyDelete