Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100109

Jan 8 2010

"Flap's on fire. Your flap's on fire! Chili in the vagiiiiina. I'm a bad bad boy."

"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

 or click here

Karen's note: you guys have to image "chilli in the vagina" in a child's sing-song cadence. Creeeeepy

It has been a crazy 24 hours since we went viral. Thanks to everyone for your amazing comments and support. We are working really hard to get the t-shirts ready in the next few of days.

130 comments:

  1. Chili in the vagina? Ow. I'd pay to watch a noodle-dumpling fight, dude.

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  2. You and your husband are amazing. Keep the roads rollin'

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  3. I hope you put that on the shirt - "chilli in the vagiiiiina".

    Fookin priceless.

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  4. this is the discovery of the year!!!!!!!!!
    well your husband really has a scorching grudge against vegetarians!! Lol your husband is the master yoda of the fuck off!! xD

    Say no to therapy and KEEP POSTING!!

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  5. This is the funniest site I have ever seen. I wanna share that my mom has told me that her two great aunts (great great to me I guess) talked to each other in their sleep. They were rather prim and proper ladies but would trash talk other in their sleep. Which was amazingly funny from two old ladies.

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  6. Dennis & Bianca9 January 2010 10:29

    you guys are so awesome. thank you very much for these delightful quotes. we really enjoyed reading them. :-)

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  7. So much hilarity!

    You should think about getting some audio recording done! Then people can do awesome things that include one (or all) of the following:

    1. Laugh while working/driving/fighting ninjas.
    2. Make awesome techno remixes of things said and dance UNTIL THE END OF TIME.
    3. Giggle like silly people as they declare, 'It's funnier because he's British!'

    Just a thought or three. ;)

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  8. this is fracking GENIUS!

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  9. I can't stop giggling. so funny. Thankyou. :)
    I talk in my sleep but nothing as funny as this.
    I also agree with the recording idea. x

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  10. Matthew Hopkins9 January 2010 10:58

    Having read lots of comments, I've decided it doesn't matter a jot if it's true or not. It made a lot of people smile...

    Well done for posting up, and putting up with him!

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  11. You... sleep next to this person?

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  12. This is hillarious. I may have just wet my self a little bit! I agree audio recordings would be awesome. Does he ever remember any of this when he wakes up, like dreaming about noodles in a boat?

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  13. I can well believe these are true, my partner is exactly the same and it's great to find someone else that does it too!

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  14. this is brilliant beyond belief. my kid says some pretty odd things in his sleep, but i've never though to write them down. have you heard of Dion McGregor? apparently he narrated his entire dreams - his room-mate recorded them and released them on record in the 60s. theres some clips floating around the net, they are damn wierd.

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  15. What can I say... Thank you both !!! This day looks far better now after reading your posts.. far better!

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  17. Your 'flaps' are on fire, oh lordy, that's very naughty British slang for a part of the vagina (I'm sure you can imagine which part!!!). Your husband is priceless! Ever thought of video recording his midnight obscenities and posting them on youtube?

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  18. This blog is classic and will soon be taking it's well deserved spot among pop culture. You can't make this $h*! up!! It's only a matter of time before Saturday Night Live and/or a similar sketch comedy show in other countries comes across this blog and creates a hilarious skit. I just hope you and your husband are ready for all the attention and semi-celebrity status over the next year. It's already taken off pretty fast in a short amount of time but I know the ride has just started.

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  19. Corporate marketing scam. Simples.

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  20. Fantastic. Its making me giggle a lot!

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  21. This is without a doubt the funniest thing I have ever encountered. The insults are priceless.

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  22. "Corporate marketing scam. Simples."

    The irony of this posting is utterly hilarious.

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  23. Get a webcam and Ustream it

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  24. Brilliant! You'll be getting a link from my blog.

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  25. Do you record at the night what he is talking about or do you only write down what you hear yourself?

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  26. hahahaha this is funny as hell! I would totally try to get audio of this.

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  27. Thanks, everyone!

    I DO record him, although I'm a light sleeper, so I usually wake up to hear them as well. But it takes the pressure off to know that my voice-activated recorder is taking it all down, and I can just lie there and laugh to myself!

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  28. I would leave the audio/video running all night and edit it later. You're going to sell a lot of DVDs.

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  29. Hmmm.... wouldn't video be really boring? I mean, audio I understand, but he really is just lying there in the dark.

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  30. HAHAHAHA I'm so following this blog!!!

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  31. Dammit, this blog is killing me with laughter

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  32. Hello and good day all together. I wish you a beautiful Day and all good. Your Bailon. Verry nice blog will back soon Big Hugs and Take care... Bailon Mayby exchange? This is my site www.magicznerodzenstwo.ownlog.com

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  33. Recently my fiancee was lying next to me in bed while I watched a DVD and fell asleep. Suddenly she very clearly said "When you're it you're it and you can't find your ass."

    I wasn't sure if she was awake or not. "What?!?"

    "When you're it you're it and you can't find your ass."

    "You can't find your ass?..."

    "From a hole in the ground."

    By now I was really intrigued. "When you're it you're it and you can't find your ass?"

    "From Shinola!" she barked.

    At this point I turned off the TV and put out the light.

    She has no memory of this.

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  34. Oh, this is so wonderful, Karen. I also have an English boyfriend who occasionally talks in his sleep (usually only when he is really exhausted though.)
    Him: Where is the frame? Godammit. (Feeling the wall.)
    Me: What frame? the picture frame?
    Him: No, the frame with the walls in it.
    Me. You're asleep.
    Him: I'm not asleep! For fuck's sake.
    Me: Then why do you need a frame?
    Him: Because it has all the ducks in it.

    While asleep, he's also tried to fold up a pull out couch while we were sleeping on it and tried to pee on my feet while in bed. (I stopped him.)

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  35. Great blog.. You have a new follower.. hope he keeps talking in his sleep!

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  36. Fuck t-shirts, get audio.

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  37. SOOOO FAKE! grrr this annoys me and if nots fake, this guys got some major problems. pack your bags and RUN

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  38. Oh God, I'm crying with laughter. He's amazing, keep posting!

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  39. This is briliant. I talk in my sleep too, occasionally. My husband finds it amusing and annoying, as sometimes when he's asleep and I'm sleeptalking, he thinks he's fallen asleep during a conversation...!
    The wierdest thing I've said so far during the night went a bit like this:

    ME: Haddock!
    HIM: What?
    ME: Haddock!!!
    HIM: What do you mean haddock?
    ME: 'Cause it's always been that way....

    I promptly then rolled over and went quiet, leaving my husband bewildered and awake.

    Looking forward to reading what else your husband shouts out as some of your post have had me doubled over with laughter at the randomness!!

    If you're going to the cinema at any time and need a film review, check out my blog, which I just started... Only a couple of posts so far, but will hopefully build it up soon!

    Squeeze.

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  40. Love it! And laughing at the people who believe it's fake...they're personally offended and threatened. Just enjoy the humor people!

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  41. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Unfortunately, my husband might actually start doing this to me, since I talk in my sleep NONSTOP! Like someone else's post, I apparently get very angry when he starts to question me and tell me I'm not making sense. A few years ago...
    ME: Taxes...
    HIM: What?
    ME: Taxes!
    HIM: What about Taxes?
    ME: What's the state that sounds like Taxes?
    HIM: Texas?
    ME: NO! Not Teh...Teh...(a few seconds pass)...TAXES!!! IT'S A STATE!!!

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  42. Found you through the viral event. This is amazing!

    My ex spoke in his sleep, too, but was never so interesting!

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  43. Favourite blog discovery of the year so far. Really enjoying this stuff - it's so quotable. Keep up the good work, don't be overwhelmed by the attention, and keep it real - by which I mean, keep that man sleeping and talking.

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  44. i DID wet myself reading these. what does your husband have against lentils? not that i don't agree with him.

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  45. This is great! My girlfriend has always talked in her sleep, but it has become more and more frequent. Just last week I started responding to her to se if I could figure out what's going on in her dreams. Just last night this happened:
    Her: Will you pass me that?
    Me: Pass you what?
    Her: The heavy cream! You've go to mix it in?
    Me: what are we making?
    Her: Hurry up! Wait, what?

    She is often sleep-pieing I believe.

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  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  47. Love it! My best friend also has another life in her sleep. When we were in high school she had an entire conversation on the phone with another friend. At the end of the conversation she got very quiet. When our friend asked her if she was ok, it woke her up; she had no idea why she was on the phone or who she was talking to (or what she said, which was pretty filthy *grin*)! She used to do stuff like this in her sleep pretty much every night. We slept at each other's house all the time, so I can totally relate to what you deal with while hubby is sleeping.

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  48. This made me laugh hysterically! I must get a T shirt that says 'I haven't gained weight. Your eyes are fat.'

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  49. Fricken hilarious! Thank you for posting these!

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  50. videotape him one night then crop the funny quotes and post it please.

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  51. I've been told that I once blotted upright in bed and said, "You better watch out for Mr. Big, kid. He lives in the woods and his truck is bigger than mine."

    Also, I've woken up to a someone trying to climb the walls while muttering, "how can I preform the surgery if I can't reach my tools?"

    Thanks for this site, it is brilliant. This comic might be funny to you. Cheers to both of you.

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  52. Oh, I die! I love this, my friend posted this on her facebook, and I'm totally hooked! A freind I had in highschool did something similar. I was sleeping over at her house and we were getting ready to go to bed and mid conversation she started saying "Princess, oooooh Princess! Where are u Princess?". Now Princess was her pet cat that was laying nex to me,so I became very confused. Then she started snoring like a chainsaw ripped to life and I realized she was talking in her sleep.

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  53. I agree—what the world needs is audio of this gold mine.

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  54. Chilli in the flaps is NOT good. Don't ask me how I know, just trust me.

    LOVE this blog, my other half chats complete bollocks in his sleep too. An example:

    HIM: Snake eyes!
    ME: What?
    HIM: (very slowly, as if talking to a complete idiot) Snake eyes. It's two ones on the dice.

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  55. Haha! Love this. My husband does the same aswell... Only he is a butcher, and in his sleep he's usually at work... Scary, right?

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  56. wow, i feel sorry for you, do you get any sleep!?

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  57. This would be amusing if it didn't sound so utterly contrived and fake.

    Post actual video and you'll make me a believer.

    Otherwise, this blog is full of BS.

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  58. It's like a sleep version of Tourettes Syndrome. Does make you wonder how much the average person suppresses in their psyche when awake.

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  59. OK... has anyone challenged you that maybe you write in your sleep?

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  60. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  61. omg your husbands given me so much ammo everything is gold

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  62. Amazing! You've got a veritable gold mine there!

    Back when my sister and I were still living at home, I'd catch her sleep talking/walking all the time. Bizarre behaviour.

    Would love for hubby to give consent for just ONE night of footage.

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  63. Wow this blog is great! How entertaining!

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  64. This is my new favorite blog. Sadly, my favorite thing he said was not on the poll:

    "I haven't gained weight. Your eyes are fat!"

    Effin' priceless. LOVE IT!

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  65. Funny but you'll have to excuse me if I don't believe the whole premis of this site. Don't write them down, video tape them and it'll magically become more entertaining. Its a little too similar to shitmydadsays after that got insanely popular.

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  66. You got me worried. I think I talk too..... I definitely hum when I sleep and wake myself up.

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  67. This blog is awesome! Does your husband remember these strange dreams he has that make him say these strange things? He should start his own blog describing them too!
    ~Tammy
    How to be a Tightwad

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  68. For god's sake, if you do make a chili in the vagiiiina shirt, spell it right! (One L!)

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  69. One of the funniest blogs I've read. I wonder if it is all true? But then who cares, it's amusing!

    -----
    markmentality.blogspot.com

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  70. Your husband (sleeping) is the best writer of our generation.

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  71. Hi everyone, thanks again.

    To answer a questions back there, no, Adam does not remember a single dream. You can imagine how utterly bizarre it is for him when we listen to the recordings together!

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  72. Argh, I hate typos. "questions" = "question"

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  73. Your chili TURNS blk as u approached it!

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  74. Hi,
    interesting blog! I have just started my own blog about moving to Sweden. Have a look if u want to, it is right here:

    Things I Do When U Look Away

    http://thingsidowhenulookaway.blogspot.com/

    K.

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  75. lol this is bullshit

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  76. I think this is insane.
    Stupid!
    Why do you think this is so good?
    This is so stupid why is this so popular???
    Ugh!
    I wouldn't even spit in ur direction.

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  77. Wow! I am amazed! Hahahaha! Oh, I'm so following this blog!

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  78. Genius idea for a blog! How do you capture all this material? Just writing it down as he goes? I think audio, or better, video, for some of the more pronounced and dramatic phrases would be something to look into!

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  79. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  80. I totally agree, what a genius idea for a blog! Btw Kris (a few steps up) - welcome to Sweden.

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  82. I love it! I wish my husband talked enough in his sleep for me to do a whole blog. But I'd probably never sleep...

    The other night he rolled over and said, "Have you mipped, ripped? There's a calvin on my face!"

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  83. I think I_Mean_Memories is jeeeealoussss;]

    Funny funny stuff here! My ex would sleep talk and wave his arms around in front of him, why do the boys get so violent and angry in their sleep?!

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  84. your blog is full of fun stuff.

    love that all

    congrats!! being blog of note.

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  85. I, as well, have a sleep talking man. He tends to awake me quite often convinced I am trying to kill him. (Often I am trying to poison him with my glasses or the remote control)

    My 10 lb miniature dachshund is also commonly awakened with a jolt when he claims her to be a "spiky, furry monster"

    Men...idiots in dreamland as well as the real world. I love it!

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  86. Oh dear! Chili in the flap = not good! But damn, this gave me one hell of a giggle. The noodles are bullies!! <3

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  87. priceless. <3 it HAHAHAHA

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  88. hahhaahahaa.. very funny.. and it will great if available on free stream online video :P

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  89. i too have a sleep talking man, so i find your blog thoroughly amusing! please keep 'em coming! :)

    the people saying these are made up have probably never had the joy of observing or participating in a sleeptalk conversation. my husband once shook me awake at 4am(!) to inform me that there "weren't enough butts for the orgy." um? lol

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  90. This blog is utter brilliance - I laughed so hard reading it I thought I was going to hurt myself. Incidentally, I actually know someone who had a "flaps on fire" incident with chilli oil. So this made me laugh all the louder.

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  91. I love the one about Noodles and Dumplings!! The noodles are bullies!! LOL

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  92. Okay, tell me you're making a "Chili in the vagina" t-shirt.
    With nursery rhyme musical notes.

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  93. I envy you! My husband used to talk in his sleep, but has stopped for years now. I miss it. It was so fun having non-sensical conversations with him and laughing about it the next day.

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  94. Don't you think it might be "chilly" in the vagina?

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  95. Artsyfartsygyrl11 January 2010 21:04

    Died laughing and when I was reincarnated I was still laughing my whiskers off! Pure gold. You can't make this stuff up. You're sleeping next to a genius - and you're a genius for putting up this blog!!! Forwarded to all my friends and I believe you have a cult following in Dallas, Texas! Keep 'em coming!

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  96. Awesome stuff. My husband is now threatening to record my weird night-time ramblings. He says it's often hard to tell whether I'm asleep or not as I usually have my eyes open when I talk. The fact that most of it is mad babble usually gives it away rather quickly, though.

    During a particularly memorable one I sat up, made gestures with my hands as though I was holding guns and shouted in a thick cowboy accent 'Yeh've got two seconds to sign it!'

    Coming out of a petite Australia girl, I expect that was weird indeed.

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  97. Brilliant! Why are people complaining that it's fake? How/Why would you make this stuff up? My ex used to drop off to sleep whilst talking and the conversion would get more and more surreal until eventually she fell asleep. I used to get a conversation going and she would reply complete with facial expressions. Talking with someone who is half dreaming is quite a challenge as the dream logic would kick in and the conversation would get more and more disjointed. Keep Posting :-D
    Error

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  98. Who cares if it is a fake - I haven't laughed as much for ages!
    Personally knowing how strange my dreams are i can quite beleive the posts
    I do wish somebody would invent something to record dreams!

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  99. wow.. i thought my sister's rambling in her sleep about telling off someone to "get off her f**kn string".. BUT THIS IS JUST GOLD!!

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  100. Love it!!...All of it!!.
    Thanks for sharing this madness..:-)

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  101. I really can't think of anything to say really, just gobsmacked and laughing so hard Ive nearly peed myself.

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  102. GOOD LAWDY!!!! I so thought I was the only one with the talking hubby!! Mine likes to trow the blankets over my head as yell, " Duck... their wings are big oh so big! Go away! Damn flying monkeys!" Keep it coming this is so worth getting on the net...hahaha

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  103. OMG - You just keep outdoing yourself, Adam! I think last night's ramblings are the funniest yet!!! Choke on THAT!

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  104. Well I saw this on our news not on the good morning news and I was interested so I began to read and it is hilarious!
    But the Chilie and vagina thing creeped me out because there was an article in a magizine I read about these parents who sold their children to sex camps and a five year old girl was saying she didn't want to go to this one guy because the look in his eyes were just evil and he ground up pepper and put it in her vajina then grabbed one of those metal BBQ poker things that you put meat vegi's and other things on in her vagina as it was red hot!

    So yea thought I'd put that out there it was creepy but i don't know maybe he read it or heard it at work or something *shrugs* keep talking it's great! xD

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  105. OMG thats funny! I can see how you would find it hard to sleep, you would be too busy laughing lol You definately made my day, i am cryin i am laughin so hard. You guys are awesome!

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  106. OMG i love this one XD ur husband must be a real horny one. I dont want to know wat you guys do at night O_O is it possible to hear this one on audio? this is is HILARIOUS i love ur husband's rambling

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  107. he really likes this word: f***ing, doesnt he!!! lol

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  108. Of course, it takes on a completely different meaning when read: "Chilly in the vagiiina."

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  109. HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAAAAAA chilli vagina ah that made my day i laughed so hard i pissed my pants!!

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  110. "Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings." Gotta be a shirt!! Please!

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  111. The poor dumplings didn't have a chance. *shakes head* LOL

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  112. This is FAKE, so so fake, it doesen't take a a rocket scientist to work out that it is are the same people that probably believe that Wrestling is real. Losers.

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  113. hi, i saw this on this morning and thought it was fab, i talk and move in my sleep, my boyfriend thinks its hilarious.
    i have actually said some rather strange things and also had a conversation with someone while asleep; didn't remember a thing! keep this going i think its amazing and nice to know that someone else is doing it too!! :D

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  114. So you work in advertising right? How come there's no audio/video of the sleep talking? Voice activated recording is really easy (and cheap). I used it on my dad about 10 years ago. He was a conman as well.

    Did I mention that you work in advertising?

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  115. For personal reasons, I MUST have a 'flaps on fire! chili in the vagina!' t-shirt. Please?

    This website makes my day.

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  116. "So you work in advertising right? How come there's no audio/video of the sleep talking? Voice activated recording is really easy (and cheap). I used it on my dad about 10 years ago. He was a conman as well.

    Did I mention that you work in advertising?"

    Atleast i don't need to think of anything to say anymore, this guy just said it all for me.

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  117. This website is brilliant!!

    Are the T-shirts restricted to phrases you've come up with, or can I make some sh*t up myself & have you pretend he said it?

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  118. I liked it at first but now it's getting boring. The whole thing would be a lot more amusing if it was genuine but unfortunately it's got fake written all over it now.
    You're very good at marketing that's for sure. I read somewhere that you work in that industry so I guess it all makes perfect sense.
    But while people out there continue to believe it I suppose you'll do ok and make a bit of money out of it so good luck to ya

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  119. Cooper Harkins16 June 2011 03:15

    Fake or not, its entertainment. Asleep or awake I don't think I could make half these things up. I would like to believe it is real, I will chalk it up to a very severe case of sleep talking. Some people fall asleep and wake up with a different accent for no reason. So I will go on enjoying it for sure! I never really do pay attention to others opinions, or even facts for that matter!

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  121. Haha! My sister was just sleep talking!! This is what she said: oh my god... bshcujec.....Chinese. Totally random with the Chinese thing rite?!

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