Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100105

Jan 4 2010

"Let me hold you in my arms. Feel me squeeze the living fucking breath out of your bastard body. Bliss. Lovely."

"Skipping to work makes everything better."

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

"I'd rather peel off my skin and bathe my weeping raw flesh in a bath of vinegar than spend any time with you. But that's just my opinion. Don't take it personally."

"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."

"Lentils are evil. Pure fucking oozing evil. Take them away from me."

"My vision of hell is a lentil casserole."

"By the way, washing in rose water doesn't stop you smelling like a piece of shit."

"Avocados? You can shove them up your ass as well."

"Be happy happy happy happy."

"Now fuck off and let me bask in the glory of being me."


Karen's note: Wow. This was a goldmine of a night. Eleven entries, a new record!

299 comments:

  1. Please never stop doing this, you have no idea the joy it brings me hahaha

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  2. please can you put some of these on t shirts

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  3. The t-shirt line is days away from being released!

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  4. You really need to make audio recordings of these.

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  5. VIDEOS AND RECORDINGS!!!

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  6. VIDEOS AND RECORDINGS AGREED!

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  7. Yeah gee, his "original" sleep talk sessions just keep getting longer and longer! Funny how that happens when you get a little exposure.

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  8. I agree with the last comment. I'm also calling shenanigans on this.

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  9. This is all bullshit, nobody sleep talks this cogently.

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  10. I really want to believe this is true. Is it possible for you to record a video?

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  11. How do you not die laughing every single night?

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  12. not buying it, need proof
    you can balloon boy me once, but you can't balloon boy me twice!!!

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  13. I don't know if this is real or not, but yes, people do talk like this. I've had two roommates sleep talk and have sleep conversations with me.

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  14. I had sleep conversations with my sister when we were kids - people definitely talk like this!

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  15. i just found this page, and my eyes are watering from laughing so much. great idea to document this!

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  16. My Ex was known to commentate entire sporting events in his sleep,.. really sucked for me, >>> non sports fan... :/

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  17. obviously photoshopped..

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  18. I was once at a at a summer camp with a friend who suffers from insomnia. One morning we all had papers by our sides where my friend had documented what each of us said in our sleep, the funniest of which was "no, I don't want asians in my pickle sandwhich". This kind of stuff is epic.

    By the way if the owner of this blog is wondering why they suddenly got a huge traffic spike, its because their page hit reddit.

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  19. Coby 1gb Voice activated recorder (google it): $31

    Otherwise I'm calling shenanigans

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  20. just trying to get a deal like shit my dad says

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  21. You just made my day. :)

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  22. I'm surprised how many people suggested this might not be genuine. I can't bring myself to care-- either way your husband (or you) has done a great service for the cause of hilarity. Bookmarked.

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  23. Yeah I don't care if it's real or not - it's super, super funny!

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  24. Hey guys, this is STMs wife, Karen, and keeper of the blog. It totally thrills me that so many people find joy and hilarity on this page.

    To answer some queries here...

    1. I actually do have a voice-activated recorder, and record Adam every night. He always wakes me when he starts talking, so I hear things first-hand, but at least this way I don't have to desperately fumble to get the computer open and get every word down like I used to. Also, when I was doing that, Adam would start incorporating the typing into whatever he was saying. Now, once he starts chattering, I can just lie back and laugh silently.

    2. I once did post recordings... for about 30 minutes. It was too... weird, and oddly intimate. However, that was a while ago, maybe I'll go through and choose just a few choice ones to include.

    3. I DO die laughing. I lie there with my hand clamped over my mouth trying not to wake Adam... not because I'm a caring wife who wants her husband to get plenty of sleep, but because then he'll stop talking! Adam always knows when he has been talking because the moment he does wake up, I burst out laughing.

    4. For those who don't believe it's true... well, there is probably nothing much I can say.

    Thanks, guys!

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  25. This is just too FUNNY! So glad I found this and can share a laugh.

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  26. This blog is pure genius. The ramblings themselves are hilarious enough but picturing you covering your mouth as he's making them just puts me over the top.

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  27. Who cares if it's true or not? It's bloody funny

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  28. I don't think it's real but it still made me piss my pants laughing.

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  29. Thank you for giving me a good dose of the laugh treatment! You married a winner, right there.

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  30. I'm just glad there are others out there like me. Sleep talking/walking and genreal somnulant lunacy have entertained many of those around me.

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  31. Good god, I apologise for my horrible spelling in that sentence.

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  32. Even if he thinks up these things, he should forsure get exposure. These lines are amazing...

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  33. Yeah I don't care if it's real or not. but sounds funny

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  34. The funniest of which was "no, I don't want asians in my pickle sandwhich

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  35. As a sleep talker (and used to be walker) myself, having had some of my comments reported back to my in the morning, I totally believe this is real!

    And good on you for sharing; it's hilarious!

    I only wish I had some way of recording more of my own!

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  36. Include "Now fuck off and let me bask in the glory of being me." in the poll

    What's his day job?

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  37. Karen
    Thank you so much for sharing these. I haven't laughed so much in a very long time.

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  38. My ex chattered like this ( "I'm standing in a cul-de-sac because my boyfriend won't shut up!" is one that springs to mind ).
    Not as prolifically, but very coherently. So I believe. Hilarious. Thanks

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  39. Someone asked about Adam's job: he manages advertising campaigns (TV commercials, stuff like that).

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  40. Pics or it didn't happen.

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  41. I'm sorry but this whole site is BS. Do you have video evidence of him saying those things while he is asleep? It all seems made up to me...

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  42. This site is pure comedy gold - GOLD I tell you! Please keep this up as you have a new loyal follower here! I have honestly laughed so hard at my desk in the office that I have been looked at strangely by my colleagues all morning! I also really did nearly let out a wee at the precious flower comment on 21st December!

    Cheers - Thud :o)

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  43. I love this! keep it up! :D

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  44. This is a complete crock of sheeet.

    There is absolutely no way that somebody is sleep talking this coherently.

    How convenient that is was 'too weird' to post the recordings.

    Also strange how site volumes go up and so do the amount of ramblings.

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  45. pretty sure this is fake... the ramblings are too coherent and well spoken. when people speak in sleep its a lot more messy. these are all just too perfect.

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  46. I speak coherently in my sleep, especially as I'm falling asleep on the phone. I say really wacky things, but they are audible and clear.

    How could you make this stuff up?

    Kudos, Karen. You're adding a bit of happy to the world!

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  47. Hey guys - it's your Greek neighbour! LOL
    Adam dear WTF? I need to hear those recordings Karen! LOL you are f*cking unbelievable! ha ha
    Thank you for a fab fab new years! Hope you cu soon x Eleni

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  48. Oh, I know that these have to be real. I sleep next to a man who, in one night said:

    "Duude! It's a TURTLE! (giggling)"

    (Jumping up and standing in the middle of the room at 2am):"COME ON! Let's go! Let's go right now!"
    Me: "No, we're not going anywhere. It's the middle of the night."
    Him: "Oh. Stupid night." (getting back in bed)

    I'm just sad that I didn't think of posting them all first! I'm bookmarking this site.. Thanks for the laughs!

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  49. i am so subscribed to this one now.

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  50. Still in tears after reading this page for the second time. Thank you so much!

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  51. I don't care if he's actually asleep when he says these things. They're amazing anyway.

    I'm jealous, Karen - where can I get one?

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  52. Thanks for making this blog. I haven't laughed this hard...ever!
    Poor guy, doesn't he mind being exploited on the internet?!

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  53. Audio clips or it didn't happen

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  54. You need to set up a live stream! :D I stay up late all the time. I think it would be funny to just leave it on in another window while I browse reddit or something, and occasionally hear something insane.

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  55. hi, have you ever tried conversing with your hubby when he's sleep-talking? if you asked him a question, he should answer back. i knew this first-hand.

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  56. Fantastic... he really seems to hate vegans :P

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  57. she keeps saying "im find one i'll find one" or what ever... and then says she cant coz there too explicate or whatever... this is just bullshit!

    if he really was "sleep talkin" she would have the audio..

    and if she does put the audio whos to say he really asleep?

    and the guy is in advertizing LMAO this is just part of his work. only hes got his "wife" in on the deal. prob just to make a few more pretty pennies.

    this is a joke! nothing more

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  58. You got at least two new fans, thank you!

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  59. I once did post recordings... for about 30 minutes. It was too... weird, and oddly intimate. However, that was a while ago, maybe I'll go through and choose just a few choice ones to include.


    wheres these 30 mins then?

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  60. Hysterical. I could care less whether this is real or not. I repeat, it's hysterical!

    To the author, thank you for this moment of surreal hilarity. My best friend and I are prolific sleep talkers and wish someone would've taken the time to jot down our statements while we were in the Land of Nod. As it stands we only have a few that people have remembered but they're absolutlely funny.

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  61. I think she meant that the posting with audio was up for 30 minutes. Then she took them down as it was too weird.

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  62. Dear Karen,

    You are doing a great service by posting this stuff. You deserve a medal. Or a trophy. Or some sort of formal recognition of your awesomeness.

    Thanks for making my life better.

    -amanda

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  63. yea but still if it was "oddly intimate" then why start postin stuff what hes "said" in his sleep

    there is no proof to this there isnt even proof that she even uploaded an audio is there? were just goin on what shes saying......

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  64. "Ooh! My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"

    laughed so much, everyone in office stared at me.

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  65. the dude..... has crabs XD

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  66. I also sleep next to a sleep talker/walker. My husband has said some gems to me as well. My favorite was this past Christmas night, he passed out early and I tried to wake him, as more family came over and he said, "No I can't get up, I will blind them with the ice cream"... I keep trying to get him up and all of them witnessed him repeatedly saying "No I will blind them, blind them with the ice cream". We were dying. He is very coherant when he talks to me.

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  67. To those who don't believe it and HAVE to have proof and even seem a bit annoyed: If you don't like it, leave. The internet is a really neat thing where you're free to NOT come to this page and read it. I've got two things to say to you people: fuck and off. Capish?

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  68. video or doesn't happen.

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  69. I reviewed your blog on Blogger's Cafe: http://avarchives.blogspot.com/ this morning, about two hours ago and then Stumbled it. Seems to have brought some results for you. Good luck. I love the blog.

    AV

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  70. Shared this with a dozen folks already and will add to my blog roll - I have said the oddest things in my sleep, and so did my siblings, so I can believe it, and if I'm being taken in as some seem to think it's totally worth it. I and several of my friends have these randomly appearing on our status messages todays to spread the joy.

    "..lentil loving, bean burger shitting wanker..."

    ROFL!

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  71. This is hilarious. As the husbond of a sleeptalker I've never had the time (or courage) to write down what my confused whife occasionally lets out during sleep. I know for a fact that she has signed papers in her sleep as well (and no I didnt abuse that), but usually she just talks. I can only remember a few lines of what she's said but stuff like : "U know!! (She often sounds like she's invented the solution to everything) If you take these Tic Tac's, and turn them around like this.. it wont be the same for the other people that shops here." (Loosely translated from my own language)

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  72. Don't worry about the people asking for proof, because as soon as you post audio or video most of those same people will say you faked those as well. There's no real way to "prove" this, short of having all of us attend a scientific sleep study of your husband. Which would be ridiculous.

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  73. I'm getting the impression that your huspand is a very nice and lovin guy in real life and handles stress by becoming his dream self. Just letting off steam you know :D

    Someone really should create a movie character or something like that based on these. Some kind of anti-hero. Resentful, weathered and a bit depressed maybe. Could be funny :D

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  74. According to wikipeida, this is disorder is called Somniloquy. Have this been investigated by a doctor to determine the cause, and whether or not it could lead to any other issues if left untreated?

    Based purely on the Wikipedia description and the profanities in the quotes (I know, not the most medically sound diagnosis), it could be rapid eye movement behavior disorder, which is treatable.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somniloquy

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  75. Can you please capture the time when these utterances are made? It will be amazing to see if there is a patter.

    Please, please please.

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  76. Thank you to everyone who was so supportive. I especially liked this one:

    "To those who don't believe it and HAVE to have proof and even seem a bit annoyed: If you don't like it, leave. The internet is a really neat thing where you're free to NOT come to this page and read it. I've got two things to say to you people: fuck and off. Capish?"

    I wish I had thought to say it!

    And to whoever wrote: "I'm getting the impression that your huspand is a very nice and lovin guy in real life and handles stress by becoming his dream self. Just letting off steam you know"

    I think that is exactly right. He NEVER talks like this when he is awake. I mean, this is totally a different person. Now I'm thinking that he handles some really shitty circumstances so calmly precisely because he gets all this catharsis in his dreams.

    Thanks, guys!

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  77. this is the most wonderful blog i've ever found. i think i lost weight by laughing so hard... please never stop this.

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  78. If you post video/audio people will just say that it's fake. In the end, no one can prove anything, so we might as well enjoy.

    You might try asking personal questions like name, location, occupation just to find out a little more about his dream-self.

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  79. People defintely talk clearly in their sleep- I was once told I said "Layers of Butter" over and over....my family's favorite is from my younger brother...."Three People and the Who-Who machine." The mileage we got on that one was great! Keep 'em coming

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  80. Well, I don't know if they're true or not but I think your husband's night-time ejaculations - ooo-er! - are very funny and very creative. I'd love you to post a recording of some of them, if only to hear his tone and expression as he utters them. Good luck!

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  81. Truly awesome. I haven't laughed that much for quite a while :)

    Please keep it up, this is hilarious!

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  82. This is my kind of stupid. I've just leaked a little bit laughing.

    Don't stop this

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  83. I too, talk in my sleep but according to my spouse, I don't speak clearly until the last few words or so, especially if I manage to wake myself up. I do question the validity of this as the time stamps from Feb 19 2009 to Oct 11 2009 are sequential, even though Oct 18th is out of order. Look at the time, people.

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  84. This is amazing! I went into a fit of crying, non-stop laughter, right in the middle of work. Coming from a family of sleeptalkers, all I can say is that I wish (how I wish!) I had the ingenuity and forethought to have recorded our own ramblings!

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  85. I feel sorry for your hubby but at the same time - thank him for us. He has really brightened up the day of my sleep-deprived Mrs, who was up most of the night with the 3mo old son!

    Thank you for sharing!

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  86. Congrats on blog of note!

    This blog is genius. I do have a couple questions though: 1. How is your hubby so fucking smart, even when he's sleeping? and 2. Do you ever sleep???

    Keep it up. This is lolz. Please check out my blog if you have some free time :)

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  87. All you nitwits who accusing her of faking it: if you don't like it, kindly just go away. There's utterly no reason to lob accusations, except of course that your petty egos need a boost. Besides, let's see any of you come up with shit half this funny!

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  88. My girlfriend does some pretty clear sleep-talking too. One night I was coughing and she instructed me to go and get the nebuliser, thinking she was still at work in hospital

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  89. If you're going to post some audio then please make it's the one about the badger, dog, cat, and sack.

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  90. Formulaic. Predictable. And probably completely false.

    Someone's angling for a coffee table book and her day on Oprah or The View. Stay tuned.

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  91. For everyone who expresses feeling sorry for Adam: he definitely appreciates your concern. Not too worry, though! Believe me, he gets at least as much joy as you guys do when we listen to the recording every morning (you can imagine how weird that is for him), we laugh our asses off together every time. And he doesn't feel put upon or exposed at all, he is actually pretty proud of the blog.

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  92. To the people insisting on audio or video "or it didn't happen":

    I'm afraid the universe doesn't work like that. Reality isn't based on whether YOU as an individual get to see and assess proof.

    That whole "if a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" thing isn't relevant here, and what's more it's not needed!

    If you can't believe this is real without proof, go find some other internet site that you do believe or that can bring some joy into your sad, cynical lives and let the rest of us enjoy this stuff!

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  93. Well I dunno if it's false or not, I had a friend who i swear to god would have film Naur (sp) mysteries in his dream and he narrated them to a degree. At least fifteen to twenty coherent sentences

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  94. Oh my gosh! I just discovered this blog today from a reccomendation from a friend. It is SO FREAKING FUNNY AND AWESOME. Don't stop! And I agree, recordings would be incredible!

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  95. I don't care if it's false or true! it's a stroke or pure genius...

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  96. Your husband single-handedly destroys every single theory of psychodynamic psychology and makes Freud spin in his grave.

    Be proud of him. :p

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  97. You and your husband really ought to say just one thing to the people crying fake:

    "Now fuck off and let me bask in the glory of being me."

    Brilliant stuff, I laughed so much at all of these.

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  98. Oh horseshlt. Noone expresses this much plot in a sleep outburst. No proof, and people are gullible.

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  99. Whether it's fake or not, I don't give a shit. It made me laugh and I can only assume that it's either 100% real or the author is just plain fantastic.

    Both have absolutely no impact on how funny every post on this blog is.

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  100. I think this is hilarious. I love it! If it's not true then oh well. My boyfriend talks in his sleep and it's annoying but I can't imagine what it's like to have it happen that many times! My boyfriend usually says stuff about video games but one night he said "Thank God, just thank God." and sometimes he'll say an entire sentence and when I wake up I say "What?" and he'll repeat it again for me.

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  101. Wow...are you sure there isn't a gas leak in your house?

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  102. I am stunned that people would even post if they thought it wasn't real. Too much time on our hands?

    This is the funniest thing I've read in ages. Thank you! I think I hurt myself laughing. But it was worth it!

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  103. Add me to the don't care if it's real or not group. I laughed until I cried. I'm passing the blog on and will definately be back!
    TOO FREAKING FUNNY!!

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  104. Okay this has to be an English thing.

    A buddy of mine whose ancestry is English has this problem. His wife will IM me and say XXXX woke me up last night when he yelled in his sleep "Die you fuckers!" or other completely hilarious random shit.

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  105. AMAZING STUFF!
    Please record this in audio and video! :D

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  106. People who think this is fake:

    I'm laughing my ass off and I was miserable this morning. Does it matter if it's real or not? It's goddamn hilarious!! Try to just enjoy the nice thing going on here, okay?

    Thanks, Karen & husband! You made my day.

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  107. When man mek himself lika suga everybody use him

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  108. Either he’s fake sleeping and she’s an idiot or its just all around lies

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  109. Add me to the "real or not, it's f-in' hilarious!" camp! I'm sorry, but even if it is fake, you're incredibly ingenius to come up with these on your own!

    I used to talk in my sleep myself and have been told what I said in the morning. I totally believe these.

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  110. Hahahaha!
    I love this site.

    It's clever, real or fake.
    Either you are clever for making it up or your husband is just a funny guy.
    dig it!

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  111. just sound like a bunch of non-sequiturs. where are the recordings?

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  112. My wife talks in her sleep, especially when she's been drinking. Unfortunately it's always in Polish (her parents were immigrants after WW2) so I haven't the slightest idea what she's saying.

    You've sparked my imagination, but I'm still not going to learn Polish!

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  113. You know, from a psychological point of view, there is some damned interesting shit going on in your husband's head!

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  114. I haven't laughed this hard in a month!!

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  115. Comedy gold! He comes up with better one-liners in his sleep than you hear in most sit-coms.

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  116. My wife over the years has relayed to me in the morning some gems I uttered in my sleep, though nowhere NEAR as funny as these here. She always says they are very coherent, as if I was awake but just saying bizarre non-sequitor things. The weird things is, I usually remember my dreams when I wake up, and nothing she has told me I've said ever seems to mesh with what I had been dreaming. It always makes me laugh! And come to think of it, I'm an American mutt with English ancestry in the mix... hmmm....

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  117. Do people not laugh at jokes 'cause they're not real? C'mon...this is just plain funny.

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  118. At last! Now I feel rested and as if I got a lot off my chest. Thanks.

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  119. Absolutely hilarious! For all the haters, this stuff really does happen. When I was a kid, my brother walked into my room in the middle of the night, clearly asleep, and started talking about his wallet. The sentences were coherent, but strung together in such a nonsensical way that I couldn't help but laugh.

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  120. This is hilarious and wonderful. Thanks!

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  121. Regardless of whether or not this is all true, whoever's writing it needs an HBO comedy special.

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  122. This is hilarious! Gold, I tell you!

    It even inspired me to draw something.

    http://i48.tinypic.com/303h7oh.png
    http://i50.tinypic.com/2s95fl1.png

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  123. I just discovered this today. At first I thought "No way...", but after reading through 30 or so I am now convinced this guy's unconscious is a comedy genius. I wannna see him in a MRI machine... or somebody train him in lucid dreaming. I want more backstory! :)

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  124. that's some funny stuff!!i especially like the one...f off and let me bask in the glory of being me...priceless...i wanna quote it on my blog....

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  125. Make ONE YouTube recording or it's fake.

    One would be a damn fine actor to fake sleep talking.

    Posting an audio recording on YouTube is not that hard... even adolescent can make a YouTube post.

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  126. Your husband is a riot and you are a genius for sharing.
    I am crying from laughing so hard.
    I forwarded this to about 20 people.
    Thanks

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  127. Thanks everyone!

    To the person making the amazing cartoons, please get in touch! You can email us through Sleep Talkin Man on facebook.

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  128. Thanks for sharing this! Though my girlfriend is hardly ever so talkative ;)

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  129. Karen, thank you. It's ace.
    So sorry about the eejits that want proof (like you owe them anything) but those of us who sleep next to people who do the same KNOW.
    Keep 'em coming!
    Thank you again!

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  130. Who cares if its real or not its really funny. REALLY FUNNY! Keep it up.

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  131. This is some of the best stuff I have ever read. I'm SO glad you are sharing these with the world. Awesome!

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  132. This site would be better as a Twitter profile, mainly because I don't believe anyone says 90% of that shit in their sleep.

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  133. Had a boyfriend like this once - my favorite was "How are we going to kill two people in such a short amount of time?!"

    He also tried to answer the alarm clock in his sleep when the phone was ringing, held it up to his face at eye level shouting "Hello? HELLO?" Almost died laughing, thanks for the reminder!

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  134. Why does it matter to you if it's real or not? Just ENJOY it cause it's friggin hilarious! My husband just did something like this the other night, I thought he was messing with me, but I asked him in the morning and he didn't remember it. He woke up and turned over and his eyes were fully open and asked "Where did you put the peanut butter babe?" I said, "Peanut butter?" he said, "Yeah, the peanut butter." i said uh, "it's in the kitchen?" He said, "well what the hell did you do with it?" I said, "are you sure you want the peanut butter?" At this point he became aggitated and said, "YEAH BABE THE PEANUT BUTTER!!! THE STUFF FOR THE X-RAY, YOU KNOW.... WHAT I DO ALL DAY!!!" I was like "babe you are dreaming.. go back to sleep..." he was like "I HATE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT..." and went back to sleep. It was so funny! But I can attest that, yes, people can actually form sentances in their sleep!

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  135. To the naysayers that this isn't real, I'm sure it is. I absolutely have a friend that will talk like this in his sleep, in addition he is very open to suggestion while he's sleeping. If you tell him he's swimming and being chased by ravenous sharks he'll start thrashing about and try to get away. I feel so bad but it's freakin' hilarious.

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  138. I agree with others...real or not it so damn funny I don't really care. I do, however, believe it's genuine.

    THANK YOU!

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  139. I'm glad I'm not the only person who thinks sleep talking is hilarious. My husband hates it when I tell him what he said in his sleep...thinks it's creepy. He's got nothin' on your husband though. Once my college roommate said, "Ugh I give them SO many rewards. You don't understand. I HATE them."

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  140. Redditsaurus brought me here. Very funny stuff.

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  141. I have two friends who talk in their sleep. Sometimes you can exchange the odd question but still nothing like this.

    Haven't laughed *SO* hard in months! THANK YOU!

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  142. Hi Karen,

    Am in tears--thank you for that.

    Have you considered publishing this in book form? I'm a literary agent based in NYC (please take a look at the linked URL if you're interested).

    If this is something that appeals to you, please drop me a line at:

    query@dgliterary.com

    Many thanks!

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  143. This is hilarious. Neil Gaimen RT it on twitter and I'm glad I followed the link!

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  144. Do you ever sleep honey? I LOVE IT, Can I have your husband for a couple of nights?

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  145. Friend linked this on facebook. This is the funniest thing I've seen all year! In fact, it's given me the idea of recording all the absurd things my boyfriend says in his sleep.

    I'm so glad you and your husband is sharing this with the world! Keep it up!

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  146. Real? Not real? Who cares! Creative, laugh out loud funny, a nice break in the day.
    Cynics needs to lighten up and enjoy the process of just having a good giggle.
    I stumbled upon your blog and have added it to the favorites. Thanks!

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  147. Does he remember saying any of it upon waking? :)

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  148. Is Adam's boss/important client a vegan? That would make sense!

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  149. OMG. i really haven't laughed this hard in about a year. no joke. my ribs hurt. thank you Adam and whatever crappy Brit-food you eat before you hit the sack.

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  150. Guys, it doesn't matter if this is real or made up, it's still hilarious.
    And yes, I've heard ppl talk in their sleep and it was perfectly coherent, which made it all the more creepy. :D

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  151. Oh C'mon, didn't any of you ever have sleepovers/go to sleepover camp? You can get people to say ridiculous things in their sleep. I once had a camper tell me I couldn't leave because he lost the key to heaven. Gold.

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  152. Go to YouTube and search "sleep talking." Continued hilarity!

    Karen -

    Your blog is the best thing in the universe! Well, vampire penguins are pretty cool too.

    Could somebody post a recipe for lentil casserole?

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  153. Totally real. My wife talks in her sleep all the time. Full sentences and clear words, although not nearly as funny. Great Blog!

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  154. never get caught again to your wife! i dont know what makes him talk like this. dreams can be hot sometimes.

    webmaster from www.xobuta.com

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  155. This is going viral now... I got this goldmine of absurd humour through facebook. I laughed aloud couple a lot reading these, hilarious!

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  156. Another follower from Neil Gaiman's Twitter. Very Funny!

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  157. Another believer here. I've had conversations with sleeping people, my own British (ex) husband included. Keep it up!

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  158. Now that's why the internet has been invented !
    Pure comedy !
    I'm a sleep talker too and have hypnagogic hallucinations so I know what it's like to see gummy bears and evil lentils !

    Keep it up !

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  159. I laughed a LOT; in fact laughed so much the tears were starting and I had to keep cleaning my glasses.

    I also found this via Neil Gaiman's Twitter.

    I once lost a friend through talking in my sleep, but she wouldn't tell me what I had said.

    Having heard some weird stories about what people say in their sleep, I totally believe these are real - and besides I don't think you could make them up (though Adam's subconscious clearly does!)

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  160. WOW! I just logged on to Blogger to work on my own blog and saw this as a Blog of Note. I clicked and suddenly have lost at least an hour. I read every single post and then called my boyfriend in and read them all again. We couldn't stop laughing. Thanks so much for sharing, keep up the good work! I'm telling all my friends about this one!

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  161. This is the funniest stuff I have ever read! I have said a few silly things but generally I just sleep. I do have a friend who says crazy stuff but not that crazy. I am jealous that you get to witness this stuff first hand! You must have a good laugh.

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  162. Thanks everyone, for your support. And Adam thanks you as well!

    So, hold on a sec.... are you guys saying that THE Neil Gaiman is following us? WHAT is his Twitter name?!

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  163. Karen, I'm a dream researcher from CA and so delighted to see this go viral. would you be interested in a quick email interview? contact me through twitter @ryanhurd

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  164. This might be the best blog in the world.

    The Neil Gaiman, yes. His Twitter name is @neilhimself

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  165. This is currently the best thing on the internet. You've given us all some fantastic laughs.

    Hold on to your seat though... I think this just went viral.

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  166. Absolutely hilarious. Read the entire thing, didn't stop laughing once. I've no doubt as to its authenticity, as my sister and I (when we were much younger) used to sleep in the same bed. She would often talk in her sleep, sometimes with her eyes open.

    Once, she sat up and started tugging on my pajamas, yelling "MINE THESE ARE MINE STOP THAT". We (my parents and myself) couldn't convince her that no, they were not hers, and to please shut up and go back to bed.

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  167. "Formulaic. Predictable. And probably completely false.

    Someone's angling for a coffee table book and her day on Oprah or The View. Stay tuned."

    Hey and guess what, if she gets it, she damn well earned it. Cry less and go out and get your own Oprah show if you're so butthurt over stuff like this.

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  168. so.. this makes me happy. Just sayin'

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  169. Absolutely by far the funniest thing I've ever read! I can't wait for the next post!

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  170. Love the blog. I am a big supporter of the men and women in uniform and came across a website that I had to mention. Found at http://www.visioin-strike-wear.com for those interested in cutting edge graphics. I had to share.

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  171. I'm reading this now with my partner. We can't stop laughing because I DO THIS TOO!!
    I've said some of the most unbelievable things.... like calling people 'cunts', etc. And I have NEVER used that word in my every day life.
    Oddly, this makes me feel better knowing I'm not alone.
    My partner wakes me up laughing too!!! He just can't believe that this stuff comes out of my mouth.
    The funniest thing was when I screamed out.. "Son of a fucking Bitch"... LOL..

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  172. Sorry. meant http://www.vision-strike-wear.com sorry for the typo

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  173. Why dont we have audio of this? im sure theyre much more amusing with a british accent and the drawl of sleep.

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  174. Hilarious! I've scrambled many a time for pen and paper when my own husband sleeptalks. His sentences can be very elaborate, very focussed. Unlike you, however, I often tarnish the science by engaging him in conversation. I've posted some of them on the internet too, but not on a dedicated website like this. Such a great idea! Hope you get a book deal out of this. (People would buy it in droves.)

    As for the sceptics, maybe they just don't know many articulate, succinct people with great comic timing in waking life, never mind the dream world, but I went out with a Brit. There's no mutual exclusivity between the coarseness of their banter one minute and their being submerged in a basketful of fuzzy kittens the next. The naysayers are getting a bit irritating, though, and a little bit embarrassing to read. They seem very invested, very resentful. As if they'd been taken for a ride while they were busy laughing. Boo-hoo, etc. Post more!

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  175. I was just chastised by my husband for laughing so loud. He wasn't reading with me :(

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  176. Madam, your husband appears to be Warren Ellis in his sleep.

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  177. Neil Gaiman?? Karen, you two truly are famous now. One in the eye for the sad sack doubters.

    Thank you Adam for, um, being you.

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  178. Wow, it looks like this is a fake, but I think this is real!

    Reza from Blogumulus

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  179. hi, this is fucking gold. cheers!

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  180. This is AWESOME! All the sceptics are irritating as hell, but ignore them, because nothing you can do will satisfy them short of inviting them to come visit and stay in your room overnight, and that-- just no.

    My OH does this occasionally (my fave convo with her was something about how the Himalayas get higher every year because of the snow that piles up on them!) but most of the time I'm too out of it to write it down. And apparently I once held a complete conversation with a friend in barks and growls. He was awake, but I was dead asleep, and when he barked or growled something, I would answer!

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  181. Hilarious! Thanks so much for sharing... can't wait to read more!

    To the people suggesting the author post "proof": way to identify yourselves as idiots. If someone was going to fake this, what would keep them from also creating fake audio recordings or video? Believe it or don't, but at least be consistent with your paranoia.

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  182. Of course British people talk like this! I refer you to Charlie Brooker, who he's clearly channelling in that vinegar one.

    There's also a record from the 1960s, The Dream World of Dion McGregor, which is someone being recorded by his roommate.

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  183. My sister would sleeptalk, especially if she had taken Ambien and the things she said were perfectly clear and in full sentences. Also if you asked her questions she'd respond. The next morning when I'd repeat to her what she had said in her sleep, she wouldn't have any recollection, but thought it was hilarious nevertheless! I was her caretaker for two years and experienced this sort of stuff quite often.

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  184. This is the best blog in the world. Period.

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  185. First thing I thought, was T-shirts.

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  186. I can believe that this is real. My sister and I used to have full on arguments in our sleep. Occasionally my sister would snitch on herself (or me) and my mom would go find proof in order to punish us the next day. I also walked and, at least once, drank a full glass of water in my sleep.

    I had a friend that worked in fast food for a long time and we could get her to take your order and give us the total all while she was dead asleep.

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  187. "Now fuck off and let me bask in the glory of being me." on a t-shirt might get you beaten up, but I like it.

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  188. Real or fake, its great. I kinda do believe it. According to my girlfriend and friends I have talked in my sleep. Contrary to Adam, I am myself and very open at my job, I don't have to deal with people in which I have to suppress feelings. So I've been known to shake hands and greet people in my sleep, and even teach a class. Many, many, many times, I've woken myself up doing situps.

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  189. ONE YouTube audio or it's fake.

    I'm surprised so many people like to be lied to.

    Maybe you can hook up with Balloon Boy.

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  190. God the internet is full of shit.

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  191. You totally need to put some ad's up and make some $$$ from your CrAzY DH's night time antics!

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  192. Hilarious! My used to do the same thing. Unfortunately, it changed to a sort of a loud moan/grunt sound a few months ago. I still think she talks in her sleep, but I just can't make it out anymore.

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  193. fullofsheightthelotofit

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  194. this is the funniest thing ever. ive sat here for hours reading these and pissing my pants laughing. what a great idea for a blog. i sleep talk at night too and found this absolutely hilarious.
    good job : )

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  195. this is hilarious!!! thanks for posting and please don't stop!!!

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