Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100511

May 11 2010

All of the following occurred around 3 in the morning. I was already awake when it got going, as I'm in one of my insomniac phases. It began like this:
"Going to husband school. Yeah. Always having to do better. The teacher's a bitch and there's no chance of graduating."
 or click here
"You and me, we're an item. And like an item, you can be exchanged in the future."
 or click here
At this point, I carefully slip out of the bed to go to the bathroom. As I tiptoe quietly across the room, I hear:
"Where do you think YOU'RE going, eh? Got somewhere better to go to? Better be fucking amazing! Cause I'm fucking brilliant."
 or click here (the last word was too quiet for the recorder)
So, I come back from the bathroom, and as I'm sliding back into bed, he chimes in with:
"Whoop! Elephants landing!"
 or click here
And then, Just as I've settled back in, he whispers in my ear:
"Shhh. I can smell you. I hear through my nose."
(That was just too quiet for the recorder to get.) This is about the point where I'm hyperventilating, trying to keep my giggles under control.

Shortly after this, I feel Adam wrestling with the headboard. Yes, we had another episode of him getting his hand caught between the slats. It was a silent struggle, no biting ponies this time, but he woke himself up nevertheless. Here's a bit of the "reveal":
 or click here
(Adam wants you to know that this is his woken-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night voice. He doesn't always sound drunk and whiney.)

A delightful time was had by all.

85 comments:

  1. Adam sounds like such a delightful husband :)

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  2. THAT IS TOO FUNNY !!!!! It is 3:00 Am here in the States and I came on to hear yesterdays and got treated to this. I love Adams pleas in the reveal !!!! But I love you ! LOL. This Always makes my day or night and I am glad I found this blog !!!

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  3. "I love YOU. Get me a drink of water. Make it cold"

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  4. Fellow Insomniac of the Canadian Variety11 May 2010 at 08:14

    You guys are the greatest. Cheers! ^_^

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  5. hahaha I love how concerned he got, "But I love you!"

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  6. thanks guys
    i love you too

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  7. turns out he's just as funny when he's awake then lol

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  8. I just can't imagine going through my day without checking in with you guys first! As always, thanks for sharing your lives with us.

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  9. as you can see, the i love you's were just a lead up to "can you get me a drink of water"

    make it cold =.=

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  10. Yes, delightful is quite the word, or is it? He was so ridiculous; but given that this guy is different than the real Adam, I had a delightful time reading this post.

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  11. By the way, Karen, how does it feel to live with two men at the same time? I am talking about the Adam, and STM.

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  12. I love this blog, it's part of my morning routine, get coffee, read emails, check STM.

    p.s Missus STM's voice is hot! :D

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  13. anonymous 10:18 my morning routine is sleep, talk, wake up, have wife laugh at me, go to work, have work colleagues laugh at me (because of the blog i might add).

    karen does have an incredible phone voice. one of her many stand out features.

    adam

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  14. Adam's just-woken-up self has a grand sense of comic timing too, it seems!

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  15. I adore the "behind the scenes" comments and audio clips. :)

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  16. Please, I'm begging you, do NOT put that first one on a T-shirt!!!

    You guys are a riot. Thanks for the morning laugh.

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  17. To me, the funniest part of the reveal recording was after he'd said "I love you" repeatedly, asked for a drink of water, said "I love you" again all sweet and then, plainly very serious, "make it cold." Serious as in sarcastic-serious, not really-I'm-an-asshole serious.

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  18. This was absolutely hilarious!!!
    Love the explanations and reveal!!

    You guys are the best!

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  19. I've never posted a comment before, but I read this blog everyday and it always cracks me up.

    The reason I am posting is because the "behind the scenes" bit from today was hilarious and easily on par with some of the better quotes from STM.

    So, just wanted to say thanks for posting that too.

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  20. Oh my gosh, I think I just giggled hard enough to wake my neighbors. I love all of the background "storyline" info, and the last clip of awake talking was simply priceless. You guys made my morning (: "Make it cold." HA!

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  21. I love the "I really love you make it cold!" Too funny.

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  22. These are GREAT!

    I was wondering what happened to the "Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only" shirt. I was hoping to buy one, is that one still around?

    Thanks guys!

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  23. "I love you incredibly! ... get me a drink of water please. Love you. Make it cold."

    LOL sounds like my own boyfriend.

    Anyways, that whole series of events was just amazing. I love the running commentary about what you were doing, to put things in context. And the "husband school" comment is SO funny!! Possibly one of my favorites ever.

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  24. I just found this blog and think that its brilliant!! Keep posting!

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  25. Oh my God! He is a genius!!!

    I do think you guys are very sweet together, and it makes me happy that you, Karen, don't let his talking get under your skin. I'd probably run out of numbers if I had to count the women I know who would be offended by the comment "Elephants landing!" under the circumstances you described.

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  26. All of which reminds me - everyone talks about Adam's mad skills (and rightly so), and not enough take the time to say thank you to Karen for posting the stuff daily and...well, just being cool with Adam's often "mean" rantings.

    I think that's just peachy. So thank you Karen.

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  27. i just wanted to say thank you to both of you for creating this blog. it lifts my spirits when i am having some bad days, of which there have been many lately.
    last night's antics were the best!

    hugs and love!

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  28. Ditto to all that's been said. Plus, "we're an item" has got to go on a Valentine's card.
    Thank you both for brightening my mornings. MMH-KY

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  29. LOVE the reveal and commentary!!

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  30. the first 2 sound like my husband when he's awake. he's "serving life without possibility of parole but at least he gets to sleep with the warden." and he's "going to trade me in on a newer model."
    Loving it!

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  31. "Shhh. I can smell you. I hear through my nose."

    Reminds me of Grandma, "Turn on the lights, I can't hear you." No sleep talking, wide awake and totally serious =D

    Hearing Karen snicker in the background, and the two of you laughing together makes my heart smile.

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  32. I think "husband school" should be a t-shirt! :) LOL

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  33. OH MAN! The reveal was so funny, and how he quickly goes from saying "I love you" to "Get me a drink of water, make it cold" I can't stop laughing! :'D

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  34. Forgot to say, the reveal should be on a shirt! Thanks a lot Karen and Adam!

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  35. Thanks to both of you! You have put some humor back into marraige. Wish more couples would laugh as you too do.
    I played the Waking up Adam for my husband. He and I shared a great laugh.. " I do love you" get a glass of water, cold.." Wifely duties never end. LOL
    Thanks STM...

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  36. I love you guys and the "reveal" was so great! Hope to hear more of those in the future :) I especially liked his tone of voice when he's asking where you're going when you get out of bed! I'm still laughing.

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  37. Brianna - I did take down some of the older quotes because the shop was getting so unwieldy. But, I can easily put a product in for you specially. Just email and tell me 1. which version (plain text or speech bubble) 2. which kind of shirt (t-shirt, tank top, spaghetti tank, etc.) and 3. what country you are in. That's it!

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  38. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer11 May 2010 at 17:45

    ...do swear STM could sound so ghosty knowsty, he can smell and tell in all the wrong places, a nose for inhaling sound, an ear for voicing his mind at the speed of sound, quite the detective he is, sensitive to a pin drop!

    ... it'z all in the itemizing details...checklist: there's psychology, mythology and astrology -for thought,
    in his reversing ways too... to nip an inflection of source, before it's nonsensical time,

    ... he is one brilliant species in the human chain...and forever wrapped in a hypertelltale sign of venting~craftyness in the love story of sleep/wake/insomnoMANania, a whirlwind romance of the times and what a great newshow magazine read.

    Thanks for sharing and caring the time to bare yourselves to any and every one of us for your addicted giggles and suspenseful anticipation,
    - times squared!!

    { and don't mind these gobbledygookin' in jargonese, it's just...well, it's just here nor there...
    - - - - - - - - laughadaisy! ;}

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  39. Karen - thanks so much to you and Adam for sharing this with the world. Even though my late husband did not talk in his sleep I do miss his snoring and reading Adam's nightly comments somehow makes a connection for me.

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  40. "I really love you! Make it cold."

    He is so romantic ; )

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  41. You're a good woman, Karen! I'm not sure if I could have not been a bit annoyed with my husband for that "Whoops! Elephants Landing" comment as I got into bed.

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  42. Awesome to hear your voice, Karen. Thank you for your hard work to bring this entertaining and hilarious blog together!

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  43. Adam sounds like my father. I swear he had children so he'd have fetch-its for glasses of cold water...

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  44. Awww, you two are so sweet! He's adorable, making sure you feel loved. Reminds me of me & my man... Thanks for posting, you guys make me smile every day!!!! :-)

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  45. Okay, you cleaning out the older quotes from the shop makes sense. I just spent a chunk of my tax return buying tee shirts for my family, and was looking for the elephant things shirt too. Not to worry, I still got a bunch that will make the family happy! Can't wait to get home to hear the audio on these :)

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  46. I'm just gonna say 2 words: F**kin' brilliant!

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  47. "Get me a drink of water, make it cold"

    Could STM be trying to take over "Awake Adam"?

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  48. ROTFL, the 'reveal' was hysterical...
    Adam (slightly shocked and appearing concerned) "But I love you!"

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  49. Oh so funny!! Best parts for me:

    "Shhh. I can smell you. I hear through my nose."

    All the giggling...

    "Make it cold" and

    "Adam wants you to know.... He doesn't always sound drunk and whiney." That last one got a snort!

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  50. LOLOLOL Ohhh, Adam.

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  51. This is so funny! Shortly after I got married, I discovered that my hubby talks in his sleep. The second time this occurred, he rolled over and said,"You're fat". Which sent me giggling, b/c if you knew me, you'd realize that he definitely wasn't talking to me. Any other woman would have probably thrown a fit; I've always had a hard time gaining weight. I responded with "I'm fat?" to which he said," Yeah, Fat Lard". To this day, I wonder who he was really talking to!

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  52. Ahhhh that's so sweet. I think he's earned a PhD. in husbandry; even if it's honorary.

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  53. You should add more audio of him finding out what he said. I think its one of the best parts. You can tell in his voice how shocked he is that he said somethings lol. All my Family and friends love waiting to hear what he say next.

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  54. Perhaps you should invest in a new headboard. Sounds like he's going to hurt himself one of these days.

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  55. LMAO - the husband school one is something my husband would say AWAKE!!! Oh please please please make that one into a shirt!!!!

    I cannot tell you how much laughter you are creating with these - I have sent this blog to all my friends and we do Jager shots and laugh until the tears are running out of our eyes - and then we sneak away and write the best ones down to fantasize about using them on people we aren't very fond of...

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  56. Best one in a long time, Adam! I read this to my sister-in-law (who had a wakeful night last night) and said she should respond that at least Karen had something to do during her insomnia. My brother is not so entertaining!

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  57. I would say this is my favorite post yet, but really, I love them all so much. My boyfriend thanks me on a regular basis for turning him on to your blog, Karen. The first time he read them he called me right away, to tell me he'd laughed so hard he was in pain.
    It was delightful, as many have said, to hear you laughing together. All this time of his crazy nocturnal chattering and you can still giggle together about it. I love it. Almost as much as Adam loves you.

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  58. hahaha aww, he sounds so apologetic and cute during the reveal.

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  59. @T: Reminds me of Grandma, "Turn on the lights, I can't hear you." No sleep talking, wide awake and totally serious =D

    I never realized how much I lip read until I tried to watch an online video where the picture was slightly out of sync with the sound. I found it totally unwatchable because people's lips were not moving exactly in time with their talking. I have above average hearing, but for some reason I often need to be able to read the speaker's lips to make sense of speech: I can hear them just fine, but it comes across as meaningless noise.

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  60. I sent the Husband School quote to my husband and one of his coworkers added the comment "and you're in detention 90% of the time"...LOL.

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  61. I hope husband school will teach him how to get his own glass of water soon! Cold!

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  62. ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! You should play the reveals ALL the time!

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  63. My first time commenting as well. This one might be my fav too. The behind the scenes was brilliant! You should post the reveal more often. Too adorable.

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  64. Well after these ones, he can't be mad at you for humming at him anymore, LOL!

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  65. This is by far my favorite post on here to date.

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  66. HAHAHAHA! He truly does sound drunk when he wakes up... sounds very much like my Aussie husband does when he *IS* drunk. And my husband usually says "I love you" repeatedly when drunk. I'm dying. This is priceless.

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  67. @jackie31337 - yes! I agree, I find my older self in the same situation, needing to see a person's face to "hear" what they are saying.

    It just brought back a cute, happy memory of Grandma.

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  68. Your blog keeps me so amused! I think it's fab that you have a relationshop where you know his sleepy ramblings are not personal...my husband loves the "Husband school" quote. He also constantly sends STM's anti-vegetarian quotes to me, seeing as I am one!

    Keep it up you guys!

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  69. A good laugh is the antidote for just about anything so bless you guys for being a great go-to place for those moments!(Hugs Smikette)Lovin' this one! xox

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  70. Hahaha i was just as amused by the waking up bit as the rest of it! :D

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  71. Claire - Essex13 May 2010 at 10:13

    Hi,
    Me and my boyfriend check this site nearly every day and I had to share with you our giggles at todays audio...

    My boyfriend is ALWAYS complaining that when i get him water it isn't cold enough! So the last audio really made us chuckle!

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  72. o god!!))thank you for my laugh and nice mood too!))

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  73. I must have listened to "elephants landing" at least 5 times. I love it! especially "WHOOP!"

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  74. I've been a fan of the site for a while now, though I never commented. Had to do it on this post because it was brilliant! I still cannot believe that this is real. But, I mean, even if it wasn't, you'd have to be a damn good comedian to come up with these lines! LOVE it. The "elephants landing" is making me laugh just thinking about it. Please continue posting!

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  75. I think this is my favorite night of rambling to date. I'm glad Adam loves you Karen!

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  76. Aww... Adam is so sweet :)

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  77. I agree with Anon @ 03:54. Out of the few months visiting the blog, this one is the best!

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  79. haha naw you guys are so cute. i love how he's genuinely concerned that he might offend you with something he says haha.

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