Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100518

May 18 2010

"That's it! That's the last fucking time we're ever going on holiday with beavers. Can't take their chattering. Always chattering!"

 or click here
"What the fuck's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me."
 or click here
(as I'm peeing in our en-suite bathroom) "What are you pouring that away for? I wanted that. Christ you're a selfish fucking cunt. I don't care. Cold tea is still tea nonetheless."
 or click here
"Why aren't you making me warm, hmm? Hmm? Why aren't you making me warm? That's your one fucking job, to make me warm, why the fuck are you not doing your job?... Being dead is no fucking excuse, you make me fucking warm!"
 or click here
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Karen's notes: All of this chattering occurred around 2 in the morning. It ended with Adam waking himself up, tangled up in the duvet, thus:
 or click here

75 comments:

  1. This guy is a freakin' BLAST I must say. Cheers me up a good bit each day I remember to check up.
    Goodness. <3

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  2. Brilliant as ever.

    "What the fuck's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me."

    I don't know why I love the insults so much! If there was only a way to combine sleeptalking and stand-up into the Stand-Up Sleep-Talking Man - I'd definitely pay good money for that show!

    Definitely the best way to start any morning - with a smile. Cheers Adam and Karen.

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  3. "Christ on a bike" - lol.

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  4. I have to say I really really REALLY love these little recordings where you two discus the sleeptalking. :)

    Also, I think "Christ on a bike" should definitely been used for some products!

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  5. This is my ultimate favourite website, it's the last one I check so the hilariousness will linger in my brain. The insults are so imaginative - I could never have thought up christ on a bike! Tee hee hee. I've been having a sh*tty few days and today's posts have given me the belly laugh I've needed so thanks guys. Much appreciated!! :)

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  6. ...can't stop laughing...
    i listen again and again and again..
    thanks so much for your blog

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  7. STM is brilliant, I love how he plays with words - parsnip = half a snip, I love his animals - on holiday with beavers, elephant trunks for elephant things, and I love his insults - put it in an email so I can ignore it at my pleasure. You need to work on a daily desk calendar of insults. But Karen you are also brilliant for putting this whole thing together. I also look forward to the sweet moments when STM wakes up.

    I would like to thank the three of you, STM, Adam and Karen for the most entertaining, amusing and original site on the internet.

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  8. The rest of us gals can only hope that we find someone who makes us laugh so much.

    *dreamy sigh*

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  9. I just love it! I check up every day and I can't stop laughing! I've told everyone I know about this fantastic blog...

    Cheers!

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  10. I'm loving the clips of you telling him what he's said and him apologizing. I particularly liked today's "Don't put me saying funny things ahead of your own personal comfort." hahaha what a sweetheart

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  11. the one about smiling has to be about Gordon Brown, surely.

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  12. god, adam's such a sweetheart. and yet STM is such an arsehole...

    funny arsehole, though.

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  13. Just great. Thank you for the blast of humor.

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  14. Oh god, that second one cracked me up!

    And you guys are so cute in the recordings when Adam wakes up! :)

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  15. "Cold tea is still tea nonetheless"
    yup, he's british. minus all the f-bombs, that reminds me of my mum.

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  16. Haha, my old history teacher used to say "Christ on a bike". The first time he said it no-one in the class had heard it before and we made fun of it for ages.

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  17. OMG! All of these are just too funny! I couldn't begin to say the best one!

    Love the extra post of "what happened after!" those are priceless!

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  18. I'm glad to hear that your pup apparently sleeps in your bed. ;-)

    And yes, "Christ on a bike" is pretty unusual, but it's an existing interjection all right.

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  19. Okay, I lied, yes, I can name my favorite! You make me fucking warm! Love the insisting demand of his voice!

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  20. I have to disagree with SleepTalkinMan. Any Brit knows that cold tea is an abomination that should never be drunk.

    Right, Adam?

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  21. I love listening to the two of you together. :)

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  22. stuart, i couldn't agree with you more, cold tea is revolting and the thought of it makes me shudder. adam

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  23. I can't get enough of STM... makes me smile every single morning.

    But I have to say this, though: cold tea is blah, but ICED tea is heavenly. :)

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  24. This has totally cheered up what was a very dismal day for me today. Yay for STM!

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  25. OMG! These are some real gems today! The duvet incident is a riot!

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  26. I want Christ on a Bike on a T Shirt!

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  27. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE... "Being dead is no f*ing excuse!" Really glad I was not drinking at the moment I read that or I would have had WARM tea through the nose! As the radiator in my house, I love STMs insistence that "you" make him warm.

    Please keep sharing the reveals as well, they make me laugh so hard, sometimes more than the lines themselves!

    You two are so sweet! Makes me smile even more to go from "being dead" to "don't put me saying funny things ahead of your own personal comfort". Thank you both for sharing!

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  28. "Cold tea is still tea nonetheless" I`m sorry but STM has crossed a line there,heh heh heh

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  29. hahaha :D Awh.. arent you two totally awesome together :] STM takes me back to my childhood years when I used to sleep talk too.. I remember I once told my mom that pirates took my macaroni :[

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  30. Loved these! Great audio! Always love the bits where you two are giggling together.

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  31. I have never heard the phrase "Christ on a bike" before! I laughed so hard! I believe I will be adding this to my own repertoire.

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  32. "Being dead is no excuse!"
    Hahahahaha
    That could be for all the "Twilight" fans.

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  33. Oh I love that a cantankerous prick Adam is when he's sleeping and sooo sweet as soon as he wakes up! Thanks for sharing your intimate moments as well. Love from Victoria, BC Canada!

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  34. I meant to say *what*, not *that*

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  35. There was actually a comic book called "Christ on a Bike" that I came across once!

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  36. ah, cold tea. come to texas, boys and girls and you'll see why we like ours chilled.

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  37. HAHAHAHAHA one of my in-laws says "Christonabike" all the time...

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  38. I love "Christ on a bike", hilarious phrase xD

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  39. This has to be the best one yet. I've tweeted it to all my friends. :D

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  40. Christ on a bike...I'm still laughing...I don't know how you sleep! I would be in a fit of giggles every night.

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  41. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer18 May 2010 20:32

    oh christmas, a commentation, in that toothy grin, a smile from ear to ear, beavers and buttails, take
    it or leave it, a chitterin' and a chattering, a chompin' ona woodbin, let's face it,
    forewarning and fairwarned; peepee tales in the works, to teas or not two teas,
    cold pressed to warm'n fuzzy feelings, till death do us part...u start,

    one warmin'cushy job, asleep at the wheel, incubation to cacooning, tangled in a worldwideweb of a security blanket, duvet'd to be pullled, from head to toe, it's been quite the shoe in
    for our amuzin',

    yet, private, personal and red, read all over...
    from a twosome to a threesome, and then there's Molly, the tie'in; and then some,
    Nice presence, a present presented, represented each and every day;

    the daily giggies giving us the wiggies,
    unlike anything else, it's been to our health...
    say... che-e-e-s-e, STM to grin~chagrin~
    to bear <3 hug The IT, he's got.
    herezzZ to shitti, chitty, bangbang, the unwilling inventor, toot sweet.
    - takes to the air again, this time, without wings, it's baaaack---groov'on, . . .eons.

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  42. i have a feeling the conversation didn't stop there..... did you leave the really juicy part out? *wink wink*

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  43. Karen, your personal comfort comes after our fun :)

    Cracking!

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  44. "Christ on a Bike" - That's the funniest thing I've heard all day. I'm so using that.

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  45. I agree with Ethan! It's so cute to hear you both giggling together over what Adam says, and very sweet of Adam to tell you to wake him the fuck up when he steals the duvet...

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  46. Thank you both for sharing, thank you for making me laugh at least once a day. It's precious!

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  47. LOL! STM is back! Cracks me up all the animal inferences... STM evil villian in wonderland!

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  48. That's brilliant. Hilarious. XD

    I want that "What the fuck's wrong with your face?! Christ on a bike, next time you're smiling, warn me." on a t-shirt. And a mug. And a FLAG TO GO OVER MY HOUSE.

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  49. Definitely one of the best in days! Cold tea is still tea nonetheless, Adam, but really only good for the compost pile. :-) As for the Texan cold tea, methinks it might be Long Island Iced Tea.....

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  50. As a Canadian, I must defend the beavers, Adam. They might be chatterers, but they are oh so cute!

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  51. LOL, Christ on a bike, brilliant as always

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  52. I wish I could be this witty (when awake though).

    I'm going to write some down to use in future.

    (One I can't wait to use - in jest of course - is: "They're not smile lines, they're stretch marks. Cock sucker")

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  53. I'm loving "Christ on a bike." That's fabulous.

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  54. I've been having a super crummy day and this made me smile. As it does every day. Thanks for that. :-)

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  55. What's up with the beaver comment? lol it was quite funny!

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  56. i have never hear these in my life

    http://www.messagesfree.com

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  57. Awww. Bless his heart. Little duvet thief. :o)

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  58. Really funny today guys. Love it love it love it.

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  59. 2manywhiskers19 May 2010 04:52

    Freakin' Hilarious!!! "Christ on a bike..." and "Being dead is no excuse, you make me f*cking warm!" LOL!!!!

    Thanks as ALWAYS for soooo much fun!

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  60. Come to the midwest USA in say August and you'll know why we have ice tea. Or better yet, iced sun tea!

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  61. I've certainly heard 'Christ on a bike' before, it is certainly a known english expression, not an adam-creation.

    But a good day for this!

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  62. Lol, Christ on a bike takes me back to the 60's. I remember seeing a t-shirt with that on it. It was a cute one done with a stick figure Christ. Of course I had to do a search to see if anyone was doing t-shirts with that saying on it. I actually found several sites with various designs of Christ. Some had Him riding a bicycle and some had Him riding a motorcycle. Here are just a couple of links if anyone is interested.
    http://www.zazzle.com/christ_on_a_bike_tshirt-235576749781965619
    http://griggers.spreadshirt.com/christ-on-a-bike-A5517153
    Adam and Karen, as always, thanks so much for the daily giggles. You two, excuse me, make that 3, we musn't forget STM, always turn my frowns upside down.

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  63. Adam by day... STM by night. Karen, make sure Adam doesn't have too much coffee at night. We do want him to sleep talk more every night.
    It also looks like Adam is responding more and more to other noises (eg u peeing). I think in the future Adam will be doing that more. More talking=more laughs= bettering everyone's day!!

    Thanks so much to you guys!

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  64. I use Christ on a Bike quite regularly to express surprise or astonishment, its actually quite a flexible exclamation. I used to live in Yorkshire where it was pretty common, particularly the Barnsley area.

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  65. Laughing hysterically this morning. What a great way to start the day! Karen, thanks so much for sharing the 'surprise' recordings of you and Adam. Hearing you repeat back to him what he said and him trying to minimize any possible damage to the relationship is hysterical.

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  66. The tea one is hilarious! Thanks for your blog...it always makes me laugh!

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  67. Karen, I think he said "Cold tea is tea nonetheless", without the 'still'.

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  68. Oh another reveal! Thank you! Perhaps mostly because Karen, your laugh is so fun and infectious, even when it's 2 AM and he's stolen the duvet.

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  69. These seem like the best nights haha. Love this blog.

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  70. I had to come back and comment on this again because this just has to be my all time favorite STM post. I can't stop giggling!

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  71. I love the 'whats wrong with your face' one, had a laughing fit at work! Really enjoy the reveals too, you guys are so sweet!

    Karen, do you know if the UK shop will do mugs at any point? I work in IT support and would love to have 'put it in an email' quote on a mug!

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  72. "Why aren't you making me warm, hmm? Hmm? Why aren't you making me warm? That's your one fucking job, to make me warm, why the fuck are you not doing your job?... Being dead is no fucking excuse, you make me fucking warm!" - He sounded dead serious when he said that, I love it.

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  73. the beaver line is my absolute favorite!... always chattering!

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  74. Oh, Karen....as much as I love Adam's sleep talking (I am often laughing so hard that I end up in tears), I love even more the snippets of you sharing Adam's little speeches with him and his reactions. You are both so very precious. It is lovely to hear such a loving husband, as in, "Don't put me saying funny things ahead of your own personal comfort." Just a gorgeous, gorgeous man. Thank you both.

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  75. Awww...>u< The last one is so cute. He does care.

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