"Christ, I'd rather be afflicted with permanently infected hairy arse grapes than be subjected to another minute of your drivel."
or click here"It's moving. You can hear it. Ooooh. It's big 'un! It's a big 'un. We're gonna have to use two mallets on this one. Take out its knees! No, won't be doing that again in a hurry."
By this time, I'd already been awake for a while with insomnia, so I got up to go to the bathroom. As I shifted out of bed, Adam chimed in with:
or click here"She's opened up the floodgates again! Christ almighty."
By the end of that, I'd made it to our en suite bathroom and settled down to pee. From the bed, I heard:
or click here"baGawk! Bok... baGawk!"
After I'd crawled back into bed, my husband began channeling his dinner:
STM: MINGE MUNCHER!
ADAM: Ooh… I daresay, that could have been embarrassing. Was it?
KAREN: (laughing) Do you know what you yelled?
ADAM: Umm, I’ve got a horrible suspicion it was nothing I could repeat to my mother? (Karen laughs) Oh, fuck. (more laughing) What was it?
KAREN: Um… Minge muncher?
ADAM: Hmm… My head hurts. Did I bang it?
KAREN: No. No.
ADAM: Mmm. Makes a change.
KAREN: You also clucked like a chicken. Twice.
ADAM: Excuse me? I did what?
ADAM: You-- You misheard.
ADAM: You must have misheard.
KAREN: Nope. What could I possibly mistake that for?
ADAM: Having a stroke? Maybe I was having a stroke, I don’t know!
KAREN: Oh Baby, you were having a stroke and I didn’t do anything!
ADAM: I was clucking like a chicken, for fuck’s sake! I think that’s the warning sign you should wake me up. I’m sorry, when your husband starts clucking like a chicken in bed, call 9-9-9! It’s not healthy.