Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100713

July 13 2010

"Shhhh. Don't make noises in the kitchen like a tortoise. It attracts all sorts."

 or click here
__________

Karen's notes: Molly (the cutest dog that ever lived) was moving around on the bed right before this. I've never thought of her as particularly tortoise-like, but what do I know?

Irrelevant advice solicitation: Anyone know a great place to go camping in East Sussex? Preferably where you don't pitch your tent in a big open field among a bunch of other tents?

27 comments:

  1. I never knew tortoises had the gift of noise-making? After a look around on the web, it seems like they only make noises when they're mating...!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, if you really think about it (and I use the term "think" in the broadest possible sense), Molly, like a tortoise, has 4 legs, a head, a body, a snout, a mouth, eyes. Quite possibly she also has many of the same internal organs as a tortoise (do tortoises have pancreas? Search me). Ergo, she is a tortoise! QED

    Also, STM's last comment reminded me of a bit from one of Terry Pratchett's books. Something along the lines of:

    "He knew about tortoises. They could be called a lot of things: vegetarians, patient, thoughtful, even extremely diligent and persistent sex-maniacs. But never, up until now, fast. Fast was a word particularly associated with tortoises because they were not it."

    Granted, he was talking about their devilishly high speeds, not their cacophonous tendency to cause an ear-shattering ruckus, but I think the same principle applies.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Gez Quinn said... "it seems like they only make noises when they're mating...!"

    *****

    In the kitchen no less!!

    Can't help with the camping spots unless you're heading to western Canada - sorry! Hope you find a great place and have a lovely time.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hey Karen, there are a bunch of good places to camp in East Sussex. In fact I used to live in arguably the nicest country place there!

    Send me a facemail if you like (don't want to let everyone in on the nice places to camp or they will get swamped!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Tortoise noises? Certainly different!

    As to camping:
    http://www.blackberrywood.com/

    One of the most horrible websites I've come across in recent years but you can camp in little glades that are somewhat more private than a big open field!

    ReplyDelete
  6. That gave me the biggest sense of deja vu - either STM and I had the same dreams last night, or there was something on a humour blog somewhere. Gah, why can't I remember?! Something about two tortoises making noises... Nope, the more I try to remember, the fuzzier it's getting.

    ReplyDelete
  7. East Sussex? in NJ

    ReplyDelete
  8. Well, I guess Molly's been warned.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tortpoises mating is indeed a very loud noise. I happened upon a mating pair at the Zurich Zoo a number of years ago, actually heard him well before I arrived at the exhibit. My thought was that it might be a very painful experience for the male tortoise given the volume of his cry when he entered the female.

    But a tortoise in the kitchen, probably just bumping into things.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Irrelevant advice solicitation: Anyone know a great place to go camping in East Sussex? Preferably where you don't pitch your tent in a big open field among a bunch of other tents?

    Posted by Karen Slavick-Lennard at 07:25

    Don't go to the Black Forest:

    A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest: IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE. :-))

    I'm sure that you and Adam did not marry for the purpose of sex in the Black Forest so you better not go there....

    ReplyDelete
  11. Live tortoise sex, and in the kitchen, no less! Wow! And I thought we Yanks were kinky!

    One does have to wonder exactly what "sorts" this noise would attract? Indeed the scholarly types might come with their spy glasses, and note books, to observe and notate the proceedings. Of course the school lads are keen for anything the least bit off color! Afterward, they of course will eat the kitchen right down to the wainscoting, and pick their teeth with the nails! Perhaps this is the sort of adventure Adam wants to avoid!

    To tell the truth, and having observed several tortoises, nothing they do is particularly exciting! The cry of the male tortoise that Marti experienced, is probably from frustration at having the hots for something that looks like a helmet, or perhaps from utter joy at finding a helmet with a hole in it!

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  13. LOL - daydreamersdaughter! Don't you just love how some signs are worded by people who don't think about how it's read by others!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer13 July 2010 at 18:23

    liken to a 'bull in a china shop' this one has running waters and deep pockets for hidden treasures---all sorts of things. An array of fittingly sophisticated organs with all sorts of knick knacks undercover...just saying...there's gold in them shell covers, turtle flavoured, no armourall, an irritant, to cause something to that effect, i suppose it takes, curiosity; all sorts. it's really, do not disturb, in disturbialand, or its forge-steam-ahead, road blocks and yield turns do not apply if agitated beyonder comin'years, upturns required if push comes to shove, kickin' and 'screamin'...how rude...a table stand. sordid down and dirty, pool. ssshhh, turtletales, just noise to distract attention while crossing the road in a timely manner. attention: doors shut for uninvited guests.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I agree with The Explorer - Blackberry Wood is really pretty and each tent has it's own little clearing with places for a fire, and the people who run it are v friendly.

    ReplyDelete
  16. all i have to say is <3 <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
  17. http://www.dernwoodfarm.co.uk/Wild-Campsite.html

    This is a lovely site, and I'm sure the nature would bring out some great sleep talkin comments!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'll second the recommendation for Blackberry Wood. Very cute!

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love how clearly he enunciates tortoise

    ReplyDelete
  20. Whilst camping in East Sussex you should spend the day in Brighton (I'm from Hove, actually) but we've got great shopping in the Lanes and great resturants as well! Oh and the kids will like the Pier. Hmm somehow I have a feeling you've been before!

    ReplyDelete
  21. tortise sex! considering how slow they are the noise is probably from frustration.

    ReplyDelete
  22. ARE there any camping spots in the UK that aren't a field with a bunch of tents on top of each other? I moved to the UK from Canada to marry my love, been here 8 months, and that is the ONLY kind of camping I have seen. It's like camping has a different definition here than it does in Canada...

    Camping in Canada rarely ever involves a field. Or cows and/or sheep. Or twelve thousand other tents crammed right next to yours.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Coincidence? I think not:

    http://engrishfunny.com/2010/07/09/engrish-funny-noisy-tortoises/

    ReplyDelete
  24. I have to wonder... do tortoise noises attract "all sorts" (of people) or "allsorts" (as in licorice)?

    ReplyDelete
  25. http://www.wowo.co.uk/

    Amazing place! Go there. Right next to the bluebell railway as well.

    ReplyDelete
  26. http://www.ashburnham.org.uk/camping_festivals
    I used to go here as a kid; it wasn't a christian thing - you could just turn up go in their lake/ visit the 17thcentury spring and ancient forest it was wonderful. Had no amenities then...

    ReplyDelete