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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100720

July 20 2010

"I'm sure you'll be thrilled and ecstatic at the thought of going out with me. But look at it from my point of view: Leeches attached to my testicles and a mass of flesh-eating caterpillars and ants over the rest of my body, gorging themselves on my flesh. A slow and ultimately painful death. So I hope you can see my point of view. It'll be a no to going out with you. Now run along and poison somebody else's life."

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Karen's notes: This was from Sunday night. Ya'll cannot imagine the power of will it took for me to hold this one back. But I really felt it deserved to be all on its own.

33 comments:

  1. That's right, STM. Just lay it all out, nice and orderly :). The man is more loquacious and eloquent in his sleep than I could hope to be wide awake, even when putting down a would-be suitor...

    As an aside, Karen: you have an "if" instead of an "of" right after the caterpillars and ants.

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  2. STM, you are one heartless SOB! ...But you definitely know how to (hilariously) put someone in their place!

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  3. STM...you should tell the girl how you really feel lmao!
    That has got to be one of the best insults yet!
    Too bad it's so damn long!
    Love it though!

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  4. Rest 'of' my body...typo

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  5. Oh my goodness! I don't believe I've heard him do such a long dialogue as this one. And such vivid descriptions too, lol.
    One thing's for sure....when he tosses an insult out, it's a doozie!!!

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  6. I love this one :)

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  7. Love the tone STM uses - he sounds like David Attenborough describing something in the animal world! Had you been watching wildlife documentaries?

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  8. so, it's a rain check then?

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  9. I want to be STM when I grow up.

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  10. That is one long put down! Is this the longest audio snippet you have of STM so far?

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  11. althestane, i think it could well be the longest single piece i have said.

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  12. HAHA! Wonderful! I'd love to have THAT on a t-shirt! :D

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  13. Wow, STM doesn't do nice, simple and gentle let downs does he? On another note I once got bitten by an ant and it seriously hurt for such a little barsteward.

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  14. T-Shirt, again to see how you would pull it off -all of it, no cheating! -But this time I am more serious: I think I want one! (As well as Your Voice, My Ears: Bad Combination.)

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  15. Oh we get it, Karen! I think I vote this the best one of all time!

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  16. off topic - i ate termites once. tasted of peppermint, actually quite refreshingly tasty!

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    Thank you for your time reading, do not give up the chance to even know, know no loss to you!

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  18. So the whole long put-down was actually the verbal manifestation of a dream about the termites exacting their revenge upon you?

    In other news: you may need one of those shiny new spam filter thingies. This particular spam message is at least amusing: "No friends, relatives, neighbors, or ..."? What exactly are you implying, spammy? Eh? It's an odd experience, having both my social life and my... moral fiber, called into question by spam :)

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  19. my goodness, if the sleep talkin man's quote wasn't wonderful enough, I agree, the spam is quite amusing! "Even if you don't have friends relatives etc, do not give up the chance to even know, know no..."! English majors are cringing the world over. Perhaps STM has a few choice words for our spammer friend...?

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  20. At this very moment I suspect someone is writing a film script about a demon which gradually takes over Adam's body in his sleep, and then spasmodically appears in his waking life - until it turns into a horror story.

    In fact, if this had happened 500 years ago, you'd have long since been burned at the stake.

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  21. Oh, wait, it could be a storyline in Inception 2!

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  22. A horror story? I see it more as a screwball comedy. You know, the ridiculous kind that Jim Carey did (before he became an actual actor) or Brendan Frasier still does (think Monkeybone and Furry Vengeance).

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  23. Every day, it just gets better - a good thing since it's one of the few smiles in my day right now. Adam, Karen, thanks SO much... and especially for the audio. Makes my day.

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  24. grace, i am so happy to hear that my subconscious has the ability to spread joy to those in need. keep smiling. adam

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  25. Wow...guess he really doesn't want to go out with her lol

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  26. I just want a t-shirt that says " Now run along and poison somebody else's life"

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  27. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer20 July 2010 at 17:25

    Now that's a glaringly memorable STM way to say - get lost, don't look back and never come around again; a poisonish picture conceivable to a poisoning mindform of thoughtworks ---output from the poised penmanship aka, Karen! to peel back the layers within a jackpot of jewels,crown ones for that matter, transcribed, warm and fuzzy NOT's, knotted and twisted thoughts...
    ...sleeping Adam... he's so IN (tuned) to oneself, to be outcastable inwards, in such, at whim, churning insides @ outsiders that heartfelt message of get it. got it. gone. donewith. in the bag, it's down with STM. pass the butter. (poison arrow averted)

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  28. DAMN!!!! I mean.... Just.... DAMN!!!!

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  29. How did we get here from a happy Ninja, who attacks with sweets! and ducks described in song! To... Well... THIS!

    I am serious! Men have DIED in America for less than what was said here! Amazing that in a house where knives are kept, he bleeds not! You have the patience of Job, Karen!

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  30. I really want to know what Adam's work life is about and who he may sub-consciously be speaking about! A lot of the best ones have been about work and his grandiosity. And thank you Adam for making everyday I read your blog so much better as well!

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  31. Adam, I hope you're happy. I just sprayed ginger ale all over my shiny (formerly) pristine laptop. Funny bit of sleep-talk EVER :D

    *dies of lulz*

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