Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100819

Aug 19 2010

"It's time to don our cow masks and scare the salad out of her. I love Veggieween."

 or click here
come to me my penguin brothers
  and penguin sisters
and dance your dark winter dance
  and flap
    and flap
those fin-like wings
 or click here
"I've waited my whole life to meet somebody like you. Now fuck off and let me get on with my life. You're a disappointment. Always a disappointment."
 or click here
__________

Karen's notes: I love how STM gets all poetic and then, 30 seconds later, remembers himself.

This morning, Adam spent quite a while brainstorming the antics that transpire on Veggieween. I was so sorry that I had turned the recorder off. I'll do my best to recreate some here:

"Veggieween! When the meat eaters get dressed up in animal costumes to torment vegetarians. It's a celebration of all that is good about eating meat. You go knocking door to door, with an enormous skewer, and people slide pieces of meat onto your stick. Then, everyone gets together in the park for a huge barbeque. Any vegetarian households, you tar and fur the house, and you— no, you can't throw blood at people's places, that's just too much— …fat! Yes, you drizzle fat all over their doorstep."

I just want to say here that Adam totally respects vegetarianism and loves animals (even though he sometimes eats them).


29 comments:

  1. I Would love to hear some of these as my sister is a vegetarian and we like winding her up...please post more if you heard them?...thank you. from Ms H x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Is it wrong that i find the idea of Veggieween so appealing?

    ReplyDelete
  3. The cow costume thing wouldn't work on me. I like animals. It's why I don't eat them.

    ReplyDelete
  4. wow i come off really band in that final exchange. i really am not a bad person. oh the guilt! - adam

    ReplyDelete
  5. So, are we declaring August 19 as Veggieween? I look forward to "scaring the salad" out of a Vegan or two. Let me get the skewers and I'll be ready to go!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Veggieween sounds like fun, but I'm worried something's bound to go bad if you go around carrying raw meat out in the open for two hours or so. A pity, really. Why must all the best ideas get those little kinks...?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Why not celebrate Veggieween on December 19? That way it will be cold, and the raw meat will last longer!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ah, the Canticle of the Penguins. Book of Antarcticus, Chapter XVII, verses 8-13. Always a classic.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Looks like Aug 19 is forever going to be Veggieween...

    Now, where's my cow mask?

    ReplyDelete
  10. penguin poem is the best thing i've read in a while...
    and I love the british pronunciation of "dahnce" :D

    ReplyDelete
  11. Over the top!

    Maybe if veggieween has to be in August and not December, you could eat candy made with gelatin, including circus peanuts, peeps, many gummies, most candy corn...it's a sad list because I love circus peanuts, peeps, and candy corn. At least you won't get food poisoning.

    The rest of us (the vegetarians) will sit around eating lentils and awaiting the next Festivus.

    Loved the penguin passage and the brilliant anon comment above.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer19 August 2010 17:53

    veg...gieWeen! wee wee weeeee, all hallowed out, the meet and greet stuffed meat. Allo! watchur back, weening out the fat goods in a dripdry by candlelight.
    - On a cold winter day where penguins fly flappin'about-bowtuxed, here veg-go-agan this road in a swordance'
    ...watchyurstep, wound-up with winged cows'erving salad, masked to perfection, through the lookin'glass of a door2door wholefood life experience; in a barb;BQued to lesson the appointment to dish it out, while drizzling it for all it's worth, raw dressing in fatigues with resounding fun, yet,
    in august of wind, this weeny was only a dreamy, and never the two shall meet; did one say, never the two shall meat...all middle fingered lickin' good, a sign of the times and another silly willyweenie stringbit to add to the stirring potonthis weenday of daze.
    - Soups Up---hold the lettuce or was that
    moremeat or less ...raise the glasses, 2uppity, that souperduper dupissssity.

    ?weeeeeeennnnnnotwhutugot. sidedish. service challenged. tipping ouwt. whooooshithatwasilly.

    (smilemilesgoesalongwaycliquingwithleannardizing)
    headshake:) (:madeul@@que =P q;

    ReplyDelete
  13. You know, August needs a holiday in the US. Veggieween would be awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Trick or Meat! 7@=E

    And the poetry....... tell you: if Adam had been around 90 years ago, he would be a shining star of the Surrealist pantheon by now, up there with Dali and Magritte and Breton.........

    ReplyDelete
  15. i am all for making Veggieween an annual tradition. and as a lover of all things Penguin....that poem is awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Both my daughters are vegetarians...
    The youngest just realized marshmallows are a 'meat' product. Boo hoo!
    Now where's my cow mask?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think STM dwells on vegetarianism so much because subconciously he knows he wouldnt eat your lovely dog Mollie so why should he eat any animals? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Awesome stuff!

    Love the Veggieween idea! Too funny!

    How exactly is a marshmallow a meat product?? just curious.

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Snugs72 Most marshmallows are made with gelatin, which is most definitely not vegetarian! There are a few varieties made without gelatin, like Dandies by Chicago Soy Dairy, and the handmade ones by Sweet & Sara, but they are much more expensive. We splurge on them for camping trips & such :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Veggieween is extremely appealing. hahaha - sucks to be in the northern hemisphere. August 19 is winter in the south, so no off meat for us (well, Australia is still pretty warm so...)
    Ahhh, barbequeing them in the park good idea! make august 19 veggieween!!!!

    TC

    ReplyDelete
  21. trick or meat! trick or meat! put some meat on my stick!!!
    Veggieween!!!! oh boy that's a holiday meant for me!!! I don't care for most veggies, I prefer meat and potatoes.
    we need to partition the world or the U.N. to create veggieween. carnivores need to unite against the veggans of the world, what better way?

    ReplyDelete
  22. Could the "Penguin Calling" poem please be a ringtone? That's just awesome.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Those are some of the best ones yet!!!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Oh! Oh! Could we have a Veggieween bonfire in the park, and throw bags of lentils on the fire?

    ReplyDelete
  25. Oooh! A lovely poem! Nice presentation, Karen :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. That last one, "you're a disappointment" is too funny! You guys should team up with someecards.com because alot of STM sayings would be perfect for an e card!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Things got real in that last one!

    ReplyDelete