Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100826

Aug 26 2010

"Pay homage to toast. Prostrate yourself in front of it: hot, crunchy bread slice thingy. We shall celebrate with tea! Iguana tea."

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There is an explanation for how this one ends. On July 8 STM was asked to remove his iguana from afternoon tea. Ever since, one of our readers, Stony13, has been campaigning daily— quite eloquently, I must say&mdash for tea rights for iguanas everywhere. As soon as Adam said, "We shall celebrate with tea," I thought to myself, "Oh, Stony's gonna have a field day today!" The fact that Adam then made the same leap just shows how successful Stony13 has been in bringing Iguana tea rights into public consciousness.
"I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you."
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Some time after that, I got up to go pee. As I slipped out of the bed, I heard:
"You think you can get away from me that easy? You'll be back. You'll always come back."
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"Oh. Do I have feelings for you? Hmmm. Let me give you the short and accurate answer: No. That's all really."
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Perhaps this is how STM responds to abandonment?
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Reminder: Last day on the sleeveless shirt special!

34 comments:

  1. I love the first one, not least because over the July 4th weekend I attended CONvergence here in Minneapolis and became a convert to the wonderful insanity known as House of Toast. HoT is a party room at the con where you can go in and order any three of their toppings on your choice of white or wheat bread. So you might see a con-goer walking down the hall munching a slice of bread topped with blue frosting, M&Ms, and peanut butter (or whatever!).

    I twice ordered one of my favorite combinations (that I'm currently unable to make at home due to lack of toasters): butter, Marmite, and cottage cheese. Mmm!

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  2. ButMadNNW, I love that combo too!

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  3. I'll take the blue frosting, M&Ms, and peanut butter anyday!

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  4. Hahaha, I've never heard of Marmite before so I googled it.. this is what I found:

    http://www.marmite.com/

    A quite amusing site, which kinda sums up the first post and Karens reaction quite well ;P

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  5. Please, please can you do a shirt/mug with the 'I'm sorry that's gravity...etc' comment. STM made an awesome science joke ...gravity..physically...or is that just my inner nerd talking?

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  6. I think "I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity...." might be my all-time favorite Sleep Talkin' Man quote.

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  7. Anonymous, Marmite has been marketed in the UK for years under the idea of "You either love it or you hate it" so yeah, we have both sides of that coin in a nutshell! I have never tried that combination, but I'm totally going to now.

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  8. Ok, Ok, I'll get "I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity..." into shops by tomorrow.

    I often misjudge what you guys will like. Adam and I had a debate this morning about whether "gravity" would be popular. He won.

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  9. I WIN. I WIN. I AM THE WINNER. YESSS. IN YOUR FACE WIFE!!!!!! love you.

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  10. oh.. now I have to keep checking today to see stony13's comment. Personally, I like "...you'll always come back."

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  11. After reading the first one, I thought that STM was talking about "Iguana tea"... not about iguanas drinking it?

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  12. AH HAH! Take that oh ye fascist Iguana deniers! You, who's evil deeds are scribed by Graffiti Monkey in places most public! You who's underwear drawer deserves scorpions, and shrubbery deserves the bottomless appetite of Guinespigasaurus!

    Let the Simian Youth rejoice! For soon your father will return to praise your art projects! Let his heart be filled with pride, and his belly with bananas, for surely he has earned his due!

    NOW, you insolent knaves! You who seek to keep tea from the sad iguanas! Down before toast! Put your heads to the ground, and cry for forgiveness, for your sins are plain and many!

    Repent of your high handed ways and put on the Earl Grey to steep! Gather the lizardly masses, and lay out scones and biscuits! AT LONG LAST THE IGUANAS SHALL HAVE TEA... and a bit of cannabis! Ah! Cannabis!

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  13. So is Toast responsible for granting iguana tea rights?

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  14. I kind of thought when the "Iguana tea" came the iguanas had lost.... Chamomile tea is made from chamomile, so wouldn't iguana tea be not for iguanas, but made out of them?

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  15. Looks like STM might have something against iguanas to make tea out of them! lol

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  16. Karen and Adam: I just saw yesterday's XKCD comic. It reminded me of the kinds of things STM says: they start off sweet, then they turn on you.

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  17. I love how he sounds like a hippie when he's talking about gravity!

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  18. I'm waiting to buy the collaborative illustrated book cowritten by stoney and adam. Illustrations to be done by the winner of the on-line STM contest.

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  19. No, no, no! Chamomile tea is made from a plant!

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  20. http://www.bonjourgourmet.com/chai_tea.htm

    looks like one can find their tea right here, night of the iguana

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  21. Chamomile tea is made from the flowers of the chamomile plant.

    The ongoing struggle is for tea FOR Iguanas! Not for tea FROM Iguanas!

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  22. "We shall celebrate with tea! Iguana tea." Yay! equal tea rights for iguanas.

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  23. "prostrate yourself" as an homage to toast... kinky!

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  24. Marilyn B, No! Toast is only the instrument that the knaves shall prostate themselves before! They must repent their elitist manners before they are redeemed!

    It was by the works of Graffiti Monkey who listed their iniquities, and showed their sins to the world! Likewise was the hunger Guinespigasaurus, whose mighty jaws made mischief in their shrubbery which led them to repent! By all their endeavors and others! THE IGUANAS SHALL HAVE THEIR TEA!!!

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  25. The gravity one is AWESOME! SO funny. And yes, thanks for catering to the nerds in the audience.

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  26. I just read the shout out under the first post! Thanks! I start off my day with STM every morning before work, and sometimes sneak a post in during lunch and breaks.

    I figured you've given me so many good laughs at times when I really REALLY needed them, I would repay the favor, so I came up with the TEA FOR IGUANAS campaign! Glad you all liked it!

    TEA FOR IGUANAS would make a really cool T Shirt, but of course I might be biased ;>)

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  27. A fellow blogger friend sent me a link to your blog last week after posting about my own sleep walking and talking. Since then, I've visited every day. This is a riot and makes me smile every day. Thanks for posting and I'm glad STM is so good natured about you sharing.

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  28. I can't say which is more brilliant and funny...
    STM's quotes for this day or Stoney13 and his responses!

    <3 em both!

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  29. Stony's post was somewhat less effective this time due to the "who's" instead of "whose"...

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  30. Liberty!
    Fraternity!
    Iguana tea! 7@=E

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  31. As an expat Brit married to a Californian who is convinced that English cuisine is "anything on toast" we just about choked laughing over this one....

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  32. I'm sorry Baby, that's gravity. I can't help it that I'm physically attracted to you.
    Best. Pick-up line. Ever. XD

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  33. I hope you don't mind, I put up the "iguana tea" MP3 on my tea blog. High-larious. ( http://39steeps.blogspot.com/2011/10/iguana-tea-from-sleep-talkin-man.html )

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