Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100915

Sep 15 2010

"Kissing's good for your health. So pucker up, Baby, I'm gonna make you live past a hundred!"

 or click here
"I'd drink diet water if they made it. But they don't. I'll drink fat water. Regular fat water."
 or click here
"Oh, you wanna turn me into a waffle, without cream? Ha. I don't think so."
 or click here

A while later, the alarm went off, and we were between snoozes. I snuggled in closer, and got this response:


 or click here
STM: It's got furniture polish built in.
KAREN: What?!
ADAM: What? Oh. I think I was having one of those dream things.
KAREN: I thought you were awake.
ADAM: I was kind of dozing.
KAREN: Yeah, yeah.
ADAM: Where's Molly? Molly! ... Hello. Oh god, she's got the worst morning breath ever.
KAREN: That's not her morning breath, that's her all-the-time breath.
ADAM: Oh god, imagine that. Uch. ... They do like being stroked, don't they?
KAREN: Well, I think so.
ADAM: They don't just lie there going, "Oh god, they're doing that thing again with their hands, for god's sake. I'll just lie here 'til he stops."
KAREN: You're wondering if centuries of humans have just totally misjudged all of dogs' actions?
ADAM: Mmm-hmm.
KAREN: Of course she loves it.
ADAM: You say that with such certainty, but look at her. She's lying there, for all intents and purposes, dead.
KAREN: She's sending me all kinds of vibes. She's sending me love vibes.
ADAM: Are you sending Mommy love vibes? (breaks into song) Love vibe Babeeeeeeee! Love vibe Baby!!

34 comments:

  1. if laughter is the best medicine, you guys are going to live forever.

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  2. STM had a good night, didn't he? I love this set! The "Kissing's good for your health" one just demands to be on something! It makes such a perfect card to a loved one!

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  3. lol @ dogs hating being patted

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  4. I must add this here, as I have already had this debate with many people (albeit only Americans as that is where I live).

    "for all intents and purposes" is correct, it is not said "for all intensive purposes", no matter how many times you have used it that way. Please see these links for clarification.

    http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_the_saying_%27all_intents_and_purposes%27_or_%27all_intense_purposes%27

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=For%20all%20intensive%20purposes

    Thank you Karen and Adam for sharing the reveal again. Two days in a row is a special treat I must say! This is the only website I check every day besides my email. Thanks for always making me smile.

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  5. You guys have the best mornings ever! I am a little bit jealous now.

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  6. That fat water quote is gold!

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  7. What's the 'right on the nose' bit about, when you're talking about Molly?

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  8. He's almost as funny awake as he is asleep!

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  9. "Anonymous said...

    What's the 'right on the nose' bit about, when you're talking about Molly?"

    She dived right at his face to give him a kiss.
    -Karen

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  10. "Hey, you wanna turn me into a waffle, without cream? Ha. I don't think so." This is brilliant. I'mnow imagining a mad scientist trying to turn someone into a waffle. ;D (And I think it sounds more like 'hey' than 'oh' so I changed it in my quote).

    The first one...put it on something! :D

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  11. "Love vibe baby"... way better than the original lyrics to that song...

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  12. The kissing one would make a good V-Day card :)

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  13. The whole doggie discussion bit today was hilarious and Adam's singing LOL...I now have Love Shack in my head...ta for that ;-)

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  14. the last few weeks have been rough and i haven't checked in for my daily laugh. today's post are just what the doctor ordered... i don't know what it is, but STM singsongy voice can make me laugh when nothing else can.

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  15. LOVE the fat water one. Hilarious.

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  16. Silly STM. Diet Water does exist, in Japan!

    http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/diet-water.jpg

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  17. Hah! You could have misunderstood your conversation xD

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  18. I enjoy waking up every morning and reading you blog. STM is downright amazing. It would be awesome to interview STM and be able to understand his view on many issues. Has Adam considered hypnosis to see if it brings out STM and if it would be possible to interview him. Just an Idea.

    Shameless plug but I have started a blog to Help people find cool and interesting dinner ideas. The blog will rely on others to submit their dinner ideas. Check it out and submit an idea if you have recently cooked something delicious. www.shareyourdinner.blogspot.com

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  19. "Love vibe baby"... LMAO. This is honestly just priceless. I am so jealous of you guys and your morning conversations.

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  20. No wonder diets don't work, especially if you've been glugging down fat water.

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  21. doggy kisses in the morning.... gotta love 'em. - adam

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  22. What on earth is he dreaming about that involves him being turned into a waffle? Without cream may I note so that makes it slightly more normal.

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  23. Adam, is that low fat or full fat cream?

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  24. m night shyamalan twist killed me rofl

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  25. "Love vibe baby" is so not going to make a best selling t shirt

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  26. I need that kissing t-shirt now! :D

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  27. I used to get dog kisses in the morning from my hundred pound Stafordshire Terrier, who had a heart as big as the rest of him! Every morning when the alarm clock went off, he would come barreling in to the bedroom, jump up on the bed, and lay on the tongue!

    I had installed a pet door at my old garage apartment, and since he adopted the young skunks when their mother kicked them out of the nest, they were usually next!

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  28. We love the blog, STM reminds us why we don't say everything that comes to mind. Also, dog breath is horrid, we use Pedigree Breath Busters. IDK if they are available there, as we are state side but worth a look if it's a problem.

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  29. I soooooo want the kissing one! I just sent it to my boyfriend in a text. Priceless! I think I want it on an apron. That way I can wear it while teaching him how to cook. :)

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  30. I've had that same question while petting my dog... hmm... And is it being a waffle that STM objects to, or being a waffle without cream?

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  31. http://blog.gayleleonard.com/2008/09/bad-bottle-16-after-the-pastry-water-comes-diet-water/

    It's a real thing.

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  33. If Adam thinks Molly's breath is bad he needs to get a whiff of my Minnie's breath! I don't know Molly's history, of course, but Minnie is a rescue dog - she was kept as a breeder in a puppy mill. Due to poor care and nutrition she lost all but 7 of her teeth. (Her upper and lower canines, two back teeth on the left side - one upper & one lower - and one lower tooth on her right side.) Despite having them professionally cleaned, brushing them myself twice a week before her bath, and spraying with a special doggy breath spray, Minnie has the WORSE dog breath I have ever smelled.

    Bitty - my first dog - didn't have breath this bad. Audrey - my second dog - didn't have breath this bad. I guess it's because we had them from puppies on and gave them good food and cleaned their teeth. But Minnie - she's got breath that could kill a camel with a head cold.

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