Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20101204

Dec 4 2010

"Oh, it looks like I'm going to have to skin this peanut myself. If you want a job done well, call me."

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This was around 3:30 am. Adam had me pinned down under his arm. I suddenly couldn't remember if I had turned the recorder on, so I tried turning over carefully to take a look...
"Stop struggling! Just enjoy it. Bloody hell."
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And then he woke up as only STM can:
STM: Arseho-o-ole!?!?
KAREN: Hi.
ADAM: Whatever.
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And, as usual, I shared with him what he had said:


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KAREN: You said, "I guess I'll have to skin this peanut myself."
ADAM: Can you skin a peanut?
KAREN: Well, I guess if you think of it, like, not the shell, but you know the really thin little skin around a peanut, inside the shell?
ADAM: No... You're thinking of monkey nuts. Peanuts don't come in a shell... Oh, hang on... brown, it's brown, isn't it....
KAREN: Oh my god.
ADAM: What? Shut up.
KAREN: (laughing) "Peanuts don't come in a shell."
ADAM: Shut up shut up shut up!
KAREN: By the way, what are monkey nuts?
ADAM: You don't know what monkey nuts are?
KAREN: No.
ADAM: Oh, they're nuts. They're like... are they peanuts?
KAREN: Adam!
ADAM: We call them monkey nuts.
KAREN: There's nothing. What—
ADAM: They're not real nuts.. They're nuts... I don't know... (in desperate confusion) What's monkey nuts?! I grew up with them... Are monkey nuts peanuts? I'm getting so confused and worried right now... um... Peanuts... they come in... monkey nuts.
KAREN: What?!
ADAM: I don't know... hang on... they... why do we call them monkey nuts?
KAREN: What ARE they? What are you talking about?
ADAM: They're not real, I mean, they are real, because you eat them, but they're not real—
KAREN: You don't mean that they're imaginary—
ADAM: No.
KAREN: Can you describe them?
ADAM: I'm dribbling. I'm getting so nervous I'm dribbling.
KAREN: Could you describe monkey nuts, please?
ADAM: Hmm... monkey nuts... normally containing two nuts... so far so good—
KAREN: Ok...
ADAM: Contained within an outer shell. I suppose in a way it looks a bit like a dumbell, because you've got a nut at each end.. oh, fuck it, I don't know. No, it's not a dumbell. I'm rubbish... They're held in a shell...
KAREN: Adam, I think you're describing a peanut in the shell.
ADAM: Yeah, I think I am. The shell's kind of like, all bobbly... not bobbly, it's got dimples in it...
KAREN: Let me guess: is it light brown?
ADAM: Yeah.
KAREN: Is it waffle patterned?
ADAM: Yeah. And soft, cause you break into these.
KAREN: Mm-hmm.
ADAM: Yeah. You know, monkey nuts!
KAREN: Mm-hmm.
ADAM: Yay! You've got them too!
KAREN: In America, we call those peanuts, that just happen to not yet be shelled.
ADAM: Oh. That's sensible.
KAREN: Mmmm.
ADAM: I don't know why... well, give me your computer. Look up monkey nuts.
KAREN: I'm just doing this once for you, and then we're going to sleep. (types "monkey nuts" into Google images)
ADAM: There we go. Thank you!
KAREN: Peanuts.
ADAM: Monkey nuts!
KAREN: Peanuts.
ADAM: Monkey nuts!


56 comments:

  1. Ah, you lovely crazy people.. you are both right, the ol' UK/US English strikes again!

    Thanks for the giggle :)

    Lydia

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  2. in Russia, we call it "arachis"
    but, well, monkey nuts sounds kinda fun )

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  3. Loved listening to your conversation. Such a lovely funny couple.

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  4. I get really nervous and disoriented when I wake up sometimes, too.

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  5. We usually call it a Pinda, but apparently we sometimes call it a monkeynut (apennoot) too. I find it so cute when you talk like that in the morning, I also love language confusion.

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  6. AHahahah! Best wake-up yet. And Karen, when I typed "monkey nuts" into google, the first thing that came up was the wikipedia article for... PEANUTS! (Sorry to say, STM... but it certainly makes for good giggles!)

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  7. that is the strangest conversaton, but in a totally good way! lol! i had never heard of monkey nuts before, but it kinda makes sense. organ grinders used to feed peanuts to their monkeys, i think, so maybe that's where that name came from.

    hilarious as always guys!

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  8. Best. Conversation. Ever!

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  9. It's times like these you two need a British To American dictionary.

    Sadly, none of the online ones seem to have "monkey nuts" in them.

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  10. Haha, that conversation made me laaaaaugh!!

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  11. This was around 3:30 am. Adam had me pinned down under his arm. I suddenly couldn't remember if I had turned the recorder on, so I tried turning over carefully to take a look...more about sleep positioner

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  12. Straight away I new what you were on about when you mentioned monkey nuts. This guy eats lots of them and the bits of shell get everywhere.

    http://i1017.photobucket.com/albums/af291/Sparky362/Paddy1.png

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  13. Suddenly, there's a surge on Google of "monkey nut" searches.

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  14. OMG! You two are the best! Your little conversations crack me up... What would I do without you to start my day?

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  15. I suppose it's too much to ask for the whole conversation to be on a Tshirt . . .? Or at least "monkey nuts!" ;-) Best post ever.

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  16. They're probably called 'monkey' nuts because of their popularity at zoos, at least where feeding the animals is allowed; peanuts being associated strongly with monkeys and elephants. The thought that they're not nuts may be the fact that they're not; they're legumes, more closely related to beans than nuts. But we're probably all nuts when it comes down to it.

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  17. Just the "Arseho-o-ole!?!?" would make an excellent phone ringer or computer alert sound. You'd get crazy looks and it would be awesome. I love the almost yodel-quality to it.

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  18. Well, I am older than everyone in the universe (and having another birthday on Tuesday) but I remember real monkey nuts which were tiny and had a thin, smooth and very brittle shell. They were real nuts--unlike peanuts--and they must have another name but I never heard them called anything but monkey nuts. Haven't seen them in the stores in decades.

    Would appreciate it if anyone else knew what they were called and where to get them.

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  19. Never heard of peanuts being referred to as 'monkey nuts' before... But Brazil nuts are sometimes referred to as 'monkey toes'.

    "I'm dribbling. I'm getting so nervous I'm dribbling." On a travel mug or maybe clothing of some kind.

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  20. http://www.sugarrae.com/pictures/monkeyballs.jpg Monkey nuts

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  21. I was going on the lines as Drmgiver - Yup - they have to resemble something - Monkey Nuts :o)

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  22. urban dicyionary:monkey nuts:monkey nuts is when a person is so unfortunate to not change out of a bathing suit after going to the beach and the sand, salt, and sweat gathers on and around the ball sack and no matter how much your sack itches it will not go away
    dude i went surfing and then out to lunch and now i have monkey nuts *itches ball sack*

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  23. dictionary, my bad...

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  24. The Arseho-o-ole sounds kind of like scooby-doo. Except a little more foul-mouthed of course.

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  25. I was so looking up peanuts the other day to prove to my dad they're not technically nuts, and monkey nuts was so on the list. ^.^

    I rather like the "Just enjoy it" one.

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  26. I had this realisation in Sainbury's they were selling "Monkey Nuts" and I was just like "Aren't they just peanuts?"

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  27. Monkey nuts are better than peanuts for many reasons, including;
    clearly we can now confuse American's by talking about them

    you get 2 peanuts in one monkey nut shell

    less non-recyclable packaging

    you can feed them to squirrels in the park...

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  28. I definitely agree with the majority; that was by far thee best conversation/reveal between you two yet! I am so glad I came across this site some time ago! Awesome, hilarious!

    Cheers to Peanuts!

    Canadian STM reader :-)

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  29. My English husband thought monkey nuts was familiar too, but couldn't place them exactly...he thinks maybe they are pre-shelled peanuts in a bag, unroasted or salted, that you might feed to animals at a zoo. ???

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  30. The real question is if peanuts are monkey nuts then what do you call the brown stuff in a jar (peanut butter)?

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  31. I will never look at a peanut the same way again. This is definitely one of my favorite posts.

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  32. I think they're called monkey nuts because that's the stereotypical image that used to be around of little circus monkeys in their little red suits, shelling peanuts.

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  33. Well, that's what I think of anyways, haha. Maybe it's just me, because I just tried looking for something like that in google images, but didn't really find anything depicting the two together.

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  34. Oh, man! I almost missed this one today! But it was quite a delight to come home to after a 14 hour shift at a teddy-bear store...

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  35. Oh. My god. That poor, poor man. He dribbled.

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  36. @Daydreamersdaughter - are you thinking of Tiger Nuts? They are delicious but I haven't seen them in the UK for a long time.

    Peanuts are only called monkey nuts when they are in their shells. I *think* that during my parents' childhood (WWII and just after) that was the only form of peanut available

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  37. I think I found my "monkey nuts" on-line and they are pinion nuts (from the American west) and $29 a lb!!!!

    I think in New Mexico you can get pinion nut carmels.

    I think I have to think a lot more before I spend $29 on a lb of nuts....

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  38. Wikipedia: "Peanuts are known by many other local names, like earthnuts, ground nuts, goober peas, monkey nuts, pygmy nuts and pig nuts."

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  39. Funnily enough, I, despite being American, have heard "Monkey Nuts" before... but thought at the time, it was just the writer being twee and funny! Ahh, Britishisms.

    I think "Arseho-o-le!?!" is STM's best intonation since "Mudlark!"

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  40. My goodness @daydreamersdaughter, $29 a lb?! That's ridiculous! Around my home town (Southeastern Colorado) they sell them for next to nothing on the side of the road.

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  41. On a complete random aside, My mother once invented a car game called Monkey nuts to shut her three squabbling brats up. Basically, one person had to pick a target the car was coming up to fairly soon (for instance a bridge) then one person (generally not the caller) would act as judge (normally Mum!) and everyone else would close their eyes and shout Monkey Nuts when they thought they had reached the target. Winner was the one closest. The driver didn't play for safety reasons.

    This was a far more interesting game when we were little. Obviously we were easily entertained.

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  42. I tried to stiffle a laugh and ended up snorting.
    Karen - don't know how you can keep from losing it when he starts. I would have been laughing so hard I wouldn't be able to breathe. I think I know why you have insomnia sometimes. anticipation of what he is going to say.

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  43. oh yeah.... monkey nuts... *snort*

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  44. My new phrase of exasperation: 'Monkey Nuts!'

    -I had a friend who used to call his coworker: 'Dog Balls'.

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  45. I laughed until I cried!

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  46. Here's another funny name. In some southern U.S. States they are also known as "goober peas" And yes I have actually heard them called that.

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  47. I've often heard peanut oil referred to as "ground nut oil" in non-American English as well.

    As for monkey nuts, I suspect this is a case where one particular brand name came to be used as the name for all items of that type (other examples include Kleenex, Xerox, Hoover, etc.).

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  48. "What's monkey nuts?! I grew up with them... Are monkey nuts peanuts? I'm getting so confused and worried right now"

    Love that moment, when the realisation dawns... yup, they're the same thing.

    Next time: how "langoustine" is a way of making you buy unshelled scampi at three times the price...

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  49. Monkey nuts. Best. Conversation. Ever.

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  50. I've never heard them called monkey nuts O.o I've always called them peanuts

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  51. I actually love this!

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  52. I have never heard of this. I will share this enlightening info :'D

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  53. I don't think i've ever laughed so much in my life :') ahhh dear!

    In the UK, monkey nuts & shelled peanuts are the same thing, with 2 names! :) confusion sorted! x

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