Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20110123

Jan 23 2011

"You didn't leave me any ice cream. Why didn't you leave me any ice cream? You shit-head mother fuckers, you never give me any ice cream. Well happy fucking birthday. You're fucks, the lot of you. I only wanted some ice cream. With chocolate sauce. And oreo. And marshmallow. And some chocolate sprinkles. Yeah, that's all I wanted. AND A SPARKLER. Couldn't even do that for me. I hate you all. FUCK BAGS!"

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Last night, we had a slumber party for Adam's son's birthday. Five kids. And for dessert, we served— yup—ice cream with crushed oreos and chocolate sauce. I suppose STM thinks we should have taken it further, with the marshmallows and sprinkles and all. The thing is, Adam chose not to partake. Sounds like STM was feeling rather indignant about that. A bit harsh for a bunch of little kids, though.

Here's what followed:


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STM: FUCK BAGS!
KAREN: Ummm....
ADAM: They didn't hear anything, did they?
KAREN: I don't know. I don't think so.
ADAM: What time is it?
KAREN: It's early. Could we go back to sleep please?
ADAM: I'm already halfway there, Baby.
KAREN: I'm gonna do puzzles to put myself to sleep.
ADAM: I've got a puzzle for you: How can I empty my bladder without moving. And without destroying our marriage.

17 comments:

  1. Adam's last line is priceless!

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  2. just a little bit harsh :D

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  3. You had a kids' sleepover with that in the background? Wow... I wonder if any of those parents regretted asking their kids 'so, how was your night?'

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  4. Adam's last line is hilarious x) It is quite a puzzle, though, isn't it?

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  5. I'm thinking the indignation is originating from a case of lactose intolerance, but did you ever solve that last puzzle? :-)

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  6. "I've got a puzzle for you: How can I empty my bladder without moving. And without destroying our marriage."

    Can we please have that on a super extra large Tshirt, for sleeping purposes?

    PLEEEASE?

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  7. What a perfect way to start my 27th Birthday today! Thank you STM!

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  8. Love Adam's last line, and if you find an answer please let me know, I hate getting out of a nice warm bed in the middle of the night! lol

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  9. I know the answer to adam's puzzle. Found out about it when I was 15 and hospitalized for a surgery. It's a 1 liter bottle with an angled head and a screw on cap and a wide mouth. Seriously, it is designed to be used while still in bed. but you must roll on your side. In Iraq, my fellow soldiers and i used gatorade bottles, cuz the walk to the head was a little far from our sleeping quarters. you just threw it out when you got up.

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  10. With a very long hose, Adam. With a very long hose! Just run it out the window, and it will work just fine!

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  11. You're assuming a long hose or a bottle with a special head on it wouldn't destroy their marriage!

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  12. Good question.

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  13. Ok, this is gonna sound mean...but you need to partake in more yummy things in front of adam so STM feels left out because this was one of the funniest things i've read on this blog! seriously...its so awesome :)

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  14. actually, I wonder if STM is the type who would quite happily decline to participate in the occasion, as long as he could sneak back afterwards and enjoy icecream with oreos, sauce, marshmallows, sprinkles and a sparkler - all by himself... But they didn't leave him any!

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  15. that was the best thing i have ever heard! i wish i could think up lines like that! i don't even care i'm meant to be revising, this is awesome

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  16. accusation in court too neat with regard to words! :)
    congrats!
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