Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20110125

Jan 25 2011

"I'm gonna keep this simple, for your sake: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE. Okay? Okay."

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"Don't— don't— don't let the midget out of the wardrobe. No. He doesn't come out until Thursday… Not until Thursday."
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And the reveal:


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transcript below
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Merch news: In response to a bit of clamoring, I put "I'm so happy I could shit a puppy" into the shops as quick as I could. And don't forget that there's free shipping on shirts right now!


KAREN: You said, "Don't let the midget out of the wardrobe. He doesn't come out until Thursday."
ADAM: He's got to polish all my shoes. Cleans my shoes, straightens my shirts, and guards against moths. Thursday is his day off.
KAREN: Are moths afraid of midgets?
ADAM: He eats the moths.
KAREN: Oh. Does he get to eat anything else?
ADAM: Moths and dust.
KAREN: Dust is mostly human skin cells.
ADAM: He eats dust.
KAREN: So, you're saying he's a cannibal. Aren't you afraid of keeping a cannibal around the house?
ADAM: No, I don't keep him around the house. I keep him in the wardrobe.
KAREN: Where does he go on Thursday?
ADAM: I let him out so he can stretch his legs. It doesn't take much. He likes to skateboard.
KAREN: Does he?
ADAM: Apparently so. I see him going up and down the hill. Then at six o'clock in the evening on the dot, he bounces back into the wardrobe. He likes it there. It's cosy. He's made a little nest in my t-shirts.
KAREN: No wonder your t-shirts smell like that.
ADAM: I love you, midget! Next year I'll give you a name.


30 comments:

  1. Oh my, the reveal is incredible. I'm starting to love Adam as much as STM!

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  2. Agreed!! He's very clever and quick on his feet (extra impressive since he's just woken up!!)

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  3. I still don't get it. regardless, the Tale of the Midget is deeply entertaining.

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  4. now I get it! but I'm not going anywhere :)

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  5. I think Milton. Or Bruce.
    Bruce the Closet Midget.
    STM should have a naming contest!

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  6. Adam has so much creativity, he can't contain it all, and STM was born!

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  7. 9 million hits.. grts

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  8. "I LOVE YOU, MIDGET!!" hahahahahahaha Love it.

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  9. lol. "Next year you get a name!" poor midget. he only gets a name as a bonus.

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  10. i wake up everyday to stm and for the most part start my day with laughter. today i am literally crying. thank you to my younger brother for introducing me to your blog a month before he passed away and thank you to adam and karen for sharing their lives and laughter with us.

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  11. I'm fairly certain that if someone did a scientific study on pleasure and the internet, they would prove this is the best site ever because it contains a high concentration of laughter, midgets, cakes, puppies, and insults.

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  12. I'm rather fond on the name Erik, which was the real name of The Phantom Of The Opera. You should name your midget Erik.

    Or, since he skateboards, you could call him Tony after Tony Hawk.

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  13. Well STM has done it now, he has offended/insulted this reader. As a dwarf, I prefer to be called as such and not spoken of in a derogatory way and referred to as a midget. That word, midget, means something that is incomplete and guess what, I think I am pretty complete as I am!

    Don't get me wrong, I love STM and will continue to read this blog every day, but can we please make an effort to remove the work midget from our conscious stream of language?

    Thanks!

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  14. According to QI the majority of dust is not skin cells, it is just that - dust.

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  15. I thought we weren't supposed to say dwarf either because the "accepted term" is little person?
    (If I was one, I think I'd find that a bit patronising, but anyway!)
    Can't blame STM for coming out with it in his sleep but I guess we can try & replace it on this bit if it's upsetting.

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  16. Anon, I think the last thing that Adam or Karen would want to do is cause genuine offense. I can understand you being upset by the term though and we can all learn a lesson at times by realising what may hurt another person.

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  17. Adam, are you sure it's the same midget? He might be hiring out subcontractors from the other side of the Wardrobe........ 7@=Q

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  18. @Anon... technically, little person is the accepted term, however it varies from person-to-person and you should use whatever the person you are speaking of prefers, when possible. At least that's the rule we use in journalism.

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  19. Adam wasn't speaking of anyone, howevder, so the question is - do we slam STM for saying midget, or even Adam and Karen for laughing about it afterward? And is England as hypersensitively PC as the US? Different words as we have seen (cunt is a prime example) are taken much less offensively in the UK than they are here.

    I can understand the dwarf who commented being upset if they personally view midget as a bad word - I have, however, personally known dwarfs who used the term midget to self reference, and didn't have a problem.

    (I'm assuming dwarfs is the correct plural as spell-check accepts it and doesn't recognize dwarves - my apologies in advance to the dwarf if I used the incorrect term.)

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  20. It's not really about being PC though, it's about not causing offence to another human being! I don't have dwarfism, but I can understand why the guy/girl was upset. And I'm English, so this is nothing to do with being hyper-PC.

    I think there are certain things that Karen/Adam wouldn't publish as they would be thought of as offensive and I personally think this is one of them. Most of us have the luxury of laughing at this, without actually suffering from the condition.

    There, rant over!

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  21. Well, I don't understand why they're upset. It's something someone said in their SLEEP. Doesn't mean that Adam is a closet heightist.

    Some people just need to get the sticks out of their butts.

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  22. YOU NEED TO WATCH THE SHOW LITTLE BRITAIN! lol There is a character in a sketch sort of poking fun at Weight Watchers and she tells the fat people they can only eat DUST (but he/she says it with a super emphasis on the "s" in the word). Absolutely hysterical lol.

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  23. Well he is keeping it in his wardrobe, so there is a good chance that STM is not acualy refering to a dwarf/little person but to a completely nonhuman entity who prefers the term midget to describe himself.
    Also, this is a site that uses swearwords as much as breathing and has on numerus occations threatened to kill all vegetarians, not to mention the disclaimer at the top, so while I can understand being offended at being called a midget one should not demand that it be taken off the site, let's all face it, this is a pretty offensive site.

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  24. It all depends on the person. Some people get offended by using the term 'blacks' yet I know someone who was offended by the politacly correct term 'African American' loosly quoting them "I have never even seen Africa before, why do I only get to be half an American. I am black."

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  25. I think the first one should be an Anti-Valentine's Day card! Please?

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  26. Wow...see I read that post as completely tongue-in-cheek and not as the person actually being offended.

    It wouldn't be the first time I've been wrong, but wow. Half a page of comments over something a man said in his sleep is beyond PC and into the realm of "that's not skin; it's Saran Wrap."

    If the OP was actually offended, Karen's clear this site is not for the easily offended. Personally, I am exceedingly short to the point that all of my friends laughingly (and lovingly) call me midget and I found it tremendously funny. Seriously...lighten up.

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  27. I just now caught the typo in the post made by the dwarf "Can we remove the work midget from our conscious stream of language" ROTFL!!(since Adam's wardrobe friend is indeed a work midget...)

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  28. I don't think anyone who is easily offended should be on the internet. It is a very offensive place for those with sensitivities. I have none, or at least very few (I would not enjoy being called a "cunt" for instance.)
    And the "Dwarf" or "Little Person" or "Miniature person" (as in "Miniature Horse") Should realize that STM is not speaking from "Conscious stream of language" but the SUB conscious, or nearly UN conscious!

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  29. I vote for Horatio as the name of He-who-minds-the-wardrobe.

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  30. L.M.A.O.
    I'm sitting in my house in south-western Ontario (Canada), with a busted furnace. Thank you SO much for midgets in the wardrobe. It'll get me through the night.

    So - what have you got up your sleeve for my morning? Cause it's gonna SUCK here. :D

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