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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20110106

Jan 6 2011

"Oh, hamsters don't give love like guinea pigs. No, no. Guinea pigs are a love package, all wrapped up in little squeaks."

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"I'm telling you, you can't dance. You just look like a fat pogo stick, now sit down!"
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Karen's notes: I must say, I am in agreement with STM on this one. No, not the dance critique. I'm talking about the comparative analysis of rodent love. Guinea pigs are way more adorable and affectionate than hamsters. And here we have the ensuing conversation in which I do my best guinea pig impersonation, and Adam tells a story that many people who bought themselves more than one guinea pig (having been told at the pet store that they were the same sex) have experienced.
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KAREN: Do you want to hear my guinea pig impression?
ADAM: Go on.
KAREN: WHREEE WHREEE WHREEE WHREEE WHREEE
ADAM: (chuckles)
KAREN: Are those my socks?
ADAM: No! It's my black and white little ones.
KAREN: What?! Those aren't black and white little ones.
ADAM: They're black and grey little ones.
KAREN: They're not even little. What are you talking about?!
ADAM: They're my socks.
KAREN: What did you think of my guinea pig impression?
ADAM: I thought it was very guinea pig-like.
KAREN: Was it?
ADAM: Yes. I got put off guinea pigs when I had thirteen of the fuckers. Three were fine. I could live with three. They were good at cutting the grass. But when thirteen came along, I was... No.

Another note: When Adam says "They were good at cutting grass," he's talking about the fact that he used to have the guinea pigs mow his lawn for him. He set up a four-sided barrier which he would lay on the grass, put the guinea pigs in, and go about his other business. After a while, he'd come back and move the barrier (and guinea pigs) to another square. He'd repeat this until the whole lawn was perfectly trimmed.

Oh, and, I just want to explain that the socks Adam was putting on were striped black and dark charcoal grey, and they were regular length, halfway-up-the-calf socks.


31 comments:

  1. Yush, my guinea piggy died recently. I'ma miss the squeaky little rodent love package.
    Keep working on that impression, Karen! XD

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  2. So true! Hamsters are mean! Attacking you when trying to add more food to the dish or clean the cages. They eat through their plastic cages and tubes...and escape and scare you in your sleep. (or maybe it was just mine)

    My aunt wad told that their guinea pigs were girls.... Yup definitely not the case!

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  3. I'm going to get my son a couple of guineapigs for his second birthday. I hope they're the same sex!

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  4. Rats are the best rodent pets. Smart, loving, clean, they never bite, and you can see their testicles from space. No surprises on gender there!

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  5. Rats totally win. I've had guinea pigs, hamsters and rats - no contest. I used to take my rat to class with me. She even came to graduation.

    The testicles are, I must admit, a bit startling.

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  6. Cass - You just need to know that, no matter what they, they don't really know at the pet store.

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  7. rats may be smart, loving, clean and they never bite but they are rats, too smart, waiting for the day when you are weak and THEN they will bite, neverendig tension to live with them if you know their nature, smartness always has its downsides if go and show everyone their testicles, even astronauts, they keep themselves clean just to give a good impression and keep up the trust...

    and they end up being rockstars and depressed if treated unwell.

    true story.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GFO-GYlg9VE

    gps ftw.

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  8. <3 Guinea pigs.

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  9. I just have to ask? How big was Adam's yard and how long did it take for them to "cut" it? That's the funniest, cleverest grass cutting scheme I've ever heard! We live in the country and I'd be shepherding vast Montana size herds of GP's if I tried that :) Just picture it... seriously, try to picture herding thousands of GP's

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  10. I am now convinced that you both are certifiable. :))

    Keep up the good work! x

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  11. We have a golden teddy bear hamster named Ginger - and she bites! My toddler came to me all teary-eyed after opening her cage and trying to feed her a CheezDoodle: "Bad Zhinzer! Bad Zhinzer! Kpow! Kpow!" (making a gun out of his finger and shooting 'bad Ginger').

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  12. Hmmmm, can they be rented out the neighbors after they're finished with my yard? Potential source of income. But what to do with them during the long cold Boston winters, unless they also capture and eat mice, then they could have the run of the basement.

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  13. So happy for the GP love. I have two adorable little guys and they are the best pets- so loving and bouncy. Lloyd and Dougal love. <3

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  14. I'm going to stick with dogs and cats. Maybe a turtle but at this point, it's possible for a turtle to outlive me.

    My holiday travels installed me as a guest in a number of homes, including a stint snowed in and staying where I would have preferred not. The nights when I was truly tired and needed a solid sleep to face the next day, I ended up in rooms with either ferrets or Guinea pigs that would stir just as I fell asleep.

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  15. What a coincidence! As I was listening to this, my guinea pig decided that it was time for cuddles (she was lying in my lap) and jumped up to my neck. Guinea pigs are definitely a great pet :

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  16. So true! Hamsters are nocturnal and the only ones I have known have bit me! Or died prematurely. Guinea Pigs are sweet, my daughter has one named Martha. I have though had the unfortunate occurrence of getting two "sisters" only to have one give birth! And once we did get two females, but one was already pregnant! The one we had that gave birth lost her squeak afterwards.

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  17. I prefer rats. They are much smarter!

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  18. my yard wasn't that big, maybe 15 foot square of grass. i put the GP's in a run and when the grass was eaten in that run i moved the run over to the next section. all in all it took a couple of hours. never had to buy a mower. but then there was the fox.

    damn you bushy tailed dog. DAMN YOU!!!

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  19. Guinea pigs may give better love, but they also give me hives. I'm not joking; I'm allergic to guinea pigs, of all creatures.

    My boss at Petco didn't really believe me until she saw me all hive-y after coming in contact with GP hair - not a full, live GP, just the hair - on a thing the customer was returning.

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  20. Oh, and rats are awesome. Used to let them sit on my shoulder at work - great for startling customers when that little nose would peek out from the collar of the polo shirt.

    Though for true customer freak out, a baby boa wrapped around your wrist is best. Especially when the customer completely misses it until you reach for their money.

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  21. I actually bought a pregnant hamster when I was about 11. I came home from school one day to find six baby hamster in the cage (she even had two more later on although we didn't know she was still in labor at that time). It freaked me out at first. They ended up being easy to raise though, and we had friends and family willing to take most of them.

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  22. @Marilyn I used to have a box turtle as a kid. He wandered the backyard freely and pretty much fed himself. Snails, tomatoes, etc. He was awesome. Then one day he disappeared. The pet store guy told me he probably buried himself to hibernate (which he hadn't done before) and died.

    I miss that turtle.

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  23. As awesome as his sleep talking is, the wake ups and the conversations are always funnier.

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  24. Well, if you've ever read the classic story "Pigs is Pigs", you wouldn't be surprised........... 7@=Q

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  25. O, that's how I used to "mow" the lawn when I was younger! (They also fertilize the lawn as they mow, BTW.) Though I only had one pig, who was skittish and dumb as a loaf of clay.

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  26. I've got 74 guinea pigs here and they are all just lovely. Had 4 pups born this morning and they are just the cutest pets ever. Love it when the popcorn all over the cages/hutches and wheeking loudly when they hear a rustle of a food bag. The pigs share the house and garden space with 5 cats, a dog and 4 rats as well as a husband LOL

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  27. The lawn mowing scheme is commonly done with chickens on hobby farms, and is called a "chicken tractor"

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  28. Don't mess with a wild hamster (or a pet one for that matter).

    http://bit.ly/evjRGZ

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