Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Apr 22 2011

"Go on, cry mother-fucker. I'm gonna dip my dim sum in your tears."

 or click here

We did, in fact, have dim sum for dinner last night.
"I think you're gonna work much faster with a gun against your head. Here: Pythagoras' theorem. Quick, quick! Lock and load."
 or click here

Well, STM may not be a very sensitive teacher, but he certainly gets results. I'm sure that you all remember the Pythagorean Theorem. How to calculate the sides of a right triangle? a2 + b2 = c2? Come on, this is geometry 101, people!

And finally, Adam's delightful awakening:

 or click here
STM: No. No, monkey. No! No. Don't you fucking dare, monkey. Bastard, no. MONKEY SNOT!
KAREN: (breaks out laughing, then) Baby, do you know what you just yelled?
ADAM: Yes. He was wiping it on me! I remember.
KAREN: Awww. That's terrible.
ADAM: He was so big, and it was coming out in these huge globs.
ADAM: And he was just pinning me down, and it was dripping onto my face.
KAREN: That's horrible!
ADAM: He's a bully! And he was laughing.
KAREN: Oh, Baby.
ADAM: He was going ah ah ah ah as it was dripping out of his really horribly filled up nose.
KAREN: Aww. Are you alright?
ADAM: It's okay. I'll go back to sleep and I'll kick his fucking arse.


  1. I have frequently said I couldn't remember the Pythagorean theorem if my life depended on it. Little did I know that, if STM is any example, some day my subconscious' life might...

  2. LOL! That last line is just awesome, go Adam!

  3. Gooooodddddddd... I hate geometry!!! thanks for bringing that nightmare back for me!!! lol
    do love the sayings though lol

  4. Dream violence! The best kind! Go kick his arse STM!

  5. This talk of dream violence reminds me of this video from the Onion News Network:

  6. *gaffaw* LOVE this unfinished dream business!

  7. I love the "dip my dim sum in your tears" utterance!

  8. It's okay. I'll go back to sleep and I'll kick his fucking arse.

    Priceless! LOVE it!

  9. yikes...hop to it! rrrribitt...22 April 2011 at 17:40

    not so sweet Mr. Stm...
    super sour, and salt on our wounds...dimsummit!
    dang-nabbit...happy eatster to y'all!

    Quick, quick - DRAW yer gunz, prepare for imminent action, magazine chamberound!
    Sands of Iwo Jima ---
    readying to load'n'lock...
    a2 + b2 = c2?...a sexy position... hmmm...hmmmm...Lock and load, prepare to fire, rapidly, awaiting further orders; Private STM
    ...quickquick, slowslow...a dance for your life

    Lock, Stock and Barrel, Saving Private Ryan!
    ---load and charge, ready to go...
    Stay armed...lock and load...stay safe!
    monkeybehaviour around monkeybread, whata stikky-gooey situation, ohhhh push-pull; how sweet it is, STM style ;}

  10. sounds like the battle of the boogie least he didnt make a bogie pick a boogie...he just blew one on him..........and ewe...i hate dim sum!!!

  11. actually i have noticed more poo poo platters than dim sum on scalar lol...

  12. Must've been a Proboscis Monkey..... 7@=Q

    Meanwhile, at the STM Academy: "Thesquareofthehypotenuseofanisocelestriangleequalsthe-"


    There go the Scarecrow's brand new brains....... 7X=G

  13. My father was a math teacher so Pythagorean Theorem is no big deal to me. Wait until STM starts in with Fibonacci numbers and what it has to do with nature. Then I'll be impressed. LOL

  14. Thank you for that horribly disgusting mental image, Adam! You kick that monkey's ass! >:D

  15. Terrific post!I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more.

  16. you guys are STILL my favourite part of the day (for more than a year now) - sometimes i save my visit to your page until evening - so i can end the day with a hearty laugh...
    go get him, adam!

  17. That monkey snot bit could have been so much worse...I've been to Monkey World and have seen what is smeared all over the walls of their enclosure ;-)

  18. I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have bookmarked your site to check out the new stuff you post.

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