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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20120227

Feb 28 2012

"Okay, Captain Salad, time to meet your doom! And your little sidekick Garnish Boy can just fuck off."

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Sometime, when I hear Adam talking in his sleep, I have trouble understanding exactly what he's said, and he has to help me decipher it from the recording in the morning. This was a particularly disastrous example of that:


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KAREN: (plays recording of quote) So, I understand the words...
ADAM: Do you know what garnish... you know what garnish is.
KAREN: Like, of a plate? That kind of garnish?
ADAM: Yes, like of a plate.
KAREN: Right, okay.
ADAM: The little salad, a mini salad.
KAREN: Yeah, yeah.
ADAM: So Captain Salad and his—
KAREN: Oh, SALAD! Captain Salad! Well now I understand everything. Because I thought you said "Captain Solid".
ADAM: Captain Solid?
KAREN: That's why I couldn't make sense of anything.
ADAM: Listen to me. Listen to my voice.
RECORDING: Okay Captain Salad...
KAREN: You can't hear how that would sound like "solid"?
ADAM: Nope.
RECORDING: Captain Salad
KAREN: Saaahhh, sahlid, you do say, you don't say "salad"
ADAM: I say salad!
KAREN: Saaaahlid.
ADAM: No.
RECORDING: Captain Salad
KAREN: Sah! Sah!
ADAM: Salad! No, no, no. You're trying to turn it into—
KAREN: No! I'm showing you how even now it still sounds like "solid" even when I know you're saying "salad".
ADAM: Say it again.
RECORDING: Captain Salad
KAREN: Saaaaaahhhhhlid... Saaaaaaaalllad.
ADAM: Saaahhhlid? Captain Saaaahhhlid. Nope.
KAREN: Well now it makes sense to me anyway.
ADAM: Yay.
KAREN: Let me write it down. (typing it out) Okay Captain Salad, time to meet your doom...
RECORDING: And your little sidekick garnish boy
KAREN: Okay, here's another problem. I thought you said.... (sigh) "Sidekick" sounded to me like "psychic".
ADAM: Captain Solid and his psychic Garnish Boy!
KAREN: Yes!
ADAM: "But Garnish Boy, you said the children would be down the well here!"

9 comments:

  1. I rarely make comments, but, well... I thought you'd be intrigued to hear that Captain Salad has a theme song. It's called 'Salad of Doom.' And apparently he's quite notorious.

    Full track: http://music.sjtucker.com/track/salad-of-doom

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  2. that was entertaining. psychic sidekick.

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  3. Sorry, Karen... but it's definitely Captain Salad. I wonder what sort of costume Garnish Boy would wear?

    MMMM... tasty!

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  4. Oh my gosh! XD I am reading this in class, had to near suffocate myself to keep from laughing out loud and disrupting everything. I love accents...!

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  5. Salad and solid are much more similar in an American accent

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    Replies
    1. Quite the reverse - the English Home Counties accent has a very rounded "a" that is similar to an "o". The "a" in General American is flatter. I can completely understand Karen's confusion - but then, I'm a Yank.

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  6. "As the evil Dr. Rindfleisch and his meaty minions light up the Barbecue of Destruction, will our Herbivorous Heroes survive or wilt? Find out next week, in our exciting episode: 'A DESPERATE STEAK' ...." 7@=Q

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  7. Well! I'm sure Graffiti Monkey might have some time on his hands, since the Iguanas are sipping their tea. Perhaps he might be imposed upon to come to the rescue of the sad and trapped Salad Man, and his psychic sidekick. You'ld think being psychic and all, Garnish Boy would have seen it coming!

    So Dr. Rindfleish drug out the old Barbecue of Destruction again! Must have blown a rod in the Veganator. I keep telling him to give it more gear, and cut down on the RPMs, but you know those doctor types! Always spouting off about something in Latin, and cackling maniacally at nothing whatsoever!

    I remember The Mad Doctor Underbite! Built a perfectly good machine in the Mandibulator! I know, I plumbed the hydraulics! Bones of the victims popped right out the back! Nice and neat for the henchmen to pick up later, but OH NO!

    The good doctor had to put a bone grinder in and overload the frame! Well! THAT worked out nicely for him, didn't it! The damned thing broke down, halfway to town, and Saladman came and handed him his ass on a dirty plate! No return work there!

    Oh well, it could be worse! We could have that Batman running around here! A millionaire driving around in a hot rod wearing a rubber suit! With a teen-age boy in the car wearing leotards! If that doesn't send a chill up your back, you need help!

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