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Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20120402

Apr 2 2012

"You're gonna have to shave your pubes. It's like fighting an army of permed spider legs down there, and I'm gonna lose. I'm gonna lose."

 or click here
"I swear, do that once more, and I'm gonna make you look like a prawn."
 or click here

Prawn is the word that Brits use for shrimp. Like, to eat. Anyone want to offer a theory as to what STM meant?

Shortly after these two declarations, Adam woke up... sort of. It's rare to catch him in this half-asleep, half-awake state, but always amusing.

 or click here
ADAM: What are we doing here? We're doing it— Baby, we've got work in the morning, what are we doing here?
KAREN: (keeps quiet, thinking he is asleep)
ADAM: Baby?!
KAREN: Yeah?
ADAM: Baby, what are— (pathetic whine) We gotta go home.
KAREN: Where are we?
ADAM: We've got work in the morning! (whimpers) Oh gaaaaaaaaawwwd. Cocky pants, we've gotta go home. Do we have to go? Do we?.... BABY!
KAREN: Yes.
ADAM: We have to go?
KAREN: Yes.
ADAM: Ohhhhhhhh. Such a fucking ball ache! (suddenly sits up, eyes open) Hang on. I'm confused.
KAREN: Yeah, me too. Where did you think we were?
ADAM: Where are we?
KAREN: We're in bed.
ADAM: Of course we're in bed! Why did you wake me?
KAREN: Baby, I didn't wake you. You woke you.
ADAM: That doesn't make sense. You don't make sense.
KAREN: What makes you think I woke you?
ADAM: Huh?
KAREN: What makes you think—
ADAM: Why are you talking all the time!? Always with the talking. Talking talking talking. Shhhhhhhhh. You need to— You need to internalize, you know? Just— just— Shhhhhhh. Help yourself. You gonna do that for me?
KAREN: Mmm-hmm.
ADAM: There's a good girl.
KAREN: I'm doing it now.
ADAM: What are you doing?
KAREN: I'm internalizing.
ADAM: What? Well, don't keep it to yourself, y'know?
KAREN: I have to pee.
ADAM: That you could have kept to yourself. Well, you definitely can't internalize that. Go pee. (GASP!) Did we leave Molly at Mum and Dad's!?!
KAREN: Baby?
ADAM: FUCK!
KAREN: What are you talking about?
ADAM: MOLLY!
KAREN: She's here!
ADAM: WHERE?!
KAREN: Here!
ADAM: Oh, thank god for that. Panic! ... Where are you going?
KAREN: To pee!
ADAM: I'm so confused! Molly? Molly! Molly, wake up! Wake up. Play with me. Play with me! She's not playing!
KAREN: Molly, come see Daddy.
ADAM: Yeahhhh. She's got the licky on my hand now. Is licking kissing, or is licking you think I'm food? Either way, there must be an element of love. I'm, like, really tired. With you waking me up earlier—
KAREN: I didn't wake you up earlier!
ADAM: Why did you call me?
KAREN: I never called you! You were talking to me, and you asked me a question, and I didn't answer because I just thought you were babbling in your sleep, and so then you called me again.
ADAM: I don't remember.
KAREN: Well good thing the whole thing's on tape.

19 comments:

  1. I think I love those wake up discussions more than STMs strange shout outs! You could copy these to any comedy show directly without editing :-)
    Love your blog.
    Thanks / L

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  2. Wow! Was he ever out of it. lol. Have to agree, the "wake up" conversations are the best! (usually lol).

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  3. yepp
    definetly more funny than most of the st's

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  4. This: "Well good thing the whole thing's on tape." is the best part of it all. This imply you can prove you're right simply by rewinding and play it for him in the morning. ;)
    Poor Adam sounds so confused!

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  5. oh man, I'll bet he is even more confused when he hears this after he is fully awake! lol. Great stuff!

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  6. You need to internalize, you know? Just— just— Shhhhhhh. Help yourself...
    KAREN: I'm internalizing.
    ADAM: What? Well, don't keep it to yourself, y'know?

    *sigh* Yup - Karen, that's definitely an example of damned if you do and damned if you don't. Just set Molly on top of his chest and she'll lick him into submission.

    And as far as the 'turn you into a prawn' quote goes, I have no idea!

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  7. they gotta leg up on us...so creepy...2 April 2012 at 17:58

    i swear, all riled up, he was taunted with that razor provoking sleepstateTM to ready-bully a sucker punch to the gut - shrimp style - compounded already, knowing against all odds; this forest was a given defeat, i-spideily sense this from afar, maybe wakeyAdam concurs.

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  8. Maybe he meant to butterfly someone like you butterfly a shrimp? Cut down the middle and splayed out?

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  9. Ever see Sector 9? the people in the movie called the aliens Prawns....

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  10. I;m sorry - it was DISTRICT 9, not Sector 9

    http://www.listoid.com/image/26/list_2_26_20101214_093037_602.jpg

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  11. Ever see Sector 9? the people in the movie called the aliens Prawns....

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  12. roflmao... love the exchange between you three. I think STM made a show twice there. once at the beginning, then Adam when he suddenly sat up saying he was confused, then STM when he started on you about talking and internalizing, then Adam when he gasped talking about leaving Molly at mom and dad's.

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  13. Um..... yeh, during the last conversation there, did anyone start picturing Ozzy Osbourne?

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  14. I think this clip represented your marriage in a nutshell LOL

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  15. Living in a former British colony (Hong Kong), I come to know that "prawns" are the big bulky ones, at least as thick as a finger and with a hard shell, while "shrimps" are the smaller ones. To make someone "look like a prawn", would that mean to punch him hard in the abdomen so that he curls in pain?

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  16. LOL, permed spider legs.

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  17. Prawns and Shrimp are different, Americans, Prawns are NOT Shrimp.

    Prawn is a type of Dendrobranchiata, Shrimp is a type of Pleocyemata.

    Prawns are larger in size, and have larger legs with claws on three pairs. They have branching gills.

    Shrimp are smaller, have shorter legs and have claws only on two pairs. Their gills are lamellar, i.e. plate-like.

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