Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100203

Feb 3 2010

"Fuck me, fuck you. Simple choice, really."

"Everybody wriggle. Everybody wriggle. It's maggot mayhem."

"My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

__________

Karen's note: "Maggot mayhem" is dedicated to my brother, who cannot bear to hear the word "maggot" under any circumstances. Just think of all that wriggling, Jason!

87 comments:

  1. Adam and Karen this blog is fantastic, I was just told about it this morning and have spent the better part of today reading it through in it's entirety and giggling myself crazy!

    Hehe Maggot Mayhem is fantastic!

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  2. "Everybody wriggle. Everybody wriggle. It's maggot mayhem."

    That could become a craze?!?!

    HAHA!

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  3. Is it possible to get purchase a ring tone of any of the quotes? I would love to have a quote of the "Kittens" sound bite on my phone :o)

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  4. "My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

    priceless! LOL

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  5. Russia read you too. This blog is awsome! Yeah!

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  6. "Fuck me, fuck you. Simple choice really."

    Wow...that IS a simple choice

    "Everybody wriggle. Everybody wriggle. It's maggot mayhem."

    That should SO be on a shirt.

    "My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

    Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

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  7. Love the comment about the arse!!!! I want that one on a Tee

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  8. The ass/personality...omg, thats me alrighty!

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  9. I bet the majority of posters on here are religious.

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  10. "Maggot Mayhem!" - interesting. This could be developed into some kind of game show.

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  11. I'd love to have audio of the maggot one. Well, actually I'd love my best friend (a dance music producer) to have it - I can see her doing some really... weird... but fun stuff with that hehehe.

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  12. I was able to make use of the personality one as soon as I read it ------ I am still smirking!!!!!!

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  13. roflmbo I am with your brother I loathe those things lol..

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  14. The last one cracks me up... no pun intended!

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  15. I am using that ass one .. probably tonight at work ...
    Loving the work!
    Paul

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  16. You make my day! :) It's a good thing Adam doesn't sleep walk! Now that together would be a trip...LOL!

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  17. Just when I think I found my fav of all time (i.e. butt cheeks ahoy, then yesterday's stupid fucking cunty bullocks (lmao!!))then he goes and says something else ingenious!!! Ass/Personality!! CLASSIC! lmao!

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  18. Today's Quotes: WOW!

    A couple days ago I posted some of my favorite Adam quotes that I thought should be on merchandise; I went through the blog again and I am adding these to the list:

    "Being in the same room with you makes me want to suck the pus out of a rancid nasty rectum."

    "My snorkle! My snorkle! Judge won't like it if I don't have my snorkle! You PLANT it... Don't want baby snorkles."

    "I'd like to tell you what a wonderful person you are. But that would make me a septic gash of a cunt who quite frankly had no concept of right or wrong."

    "Awesome. Teddy bears bungie jumping."

    "Of course the zombie loved me. She gave me her heart. Mmmmm-hmmm. And her hand in marriage."

    "Oh, we're going to be late for the pogo ballet, stop it!"

    "You keep looking at the sun until your eyes dry up like raisins and fall out of your skull."

    "Look at you up there on your pedestal. I bet you're proud of yourself.... Twat."

    "Robots making sweets? But they've got no taste buds! Metal smarties."

    "This fish has got big floppy lips. Floppy lips. Fishy kissy fishy kissy. Oop, took one on the mouth! Not nice."

    "I've got a badger, a dog, a cat, and a sack. Now that I've got 'em you can fuck off. All mine."

    "Look out! Marshmallows!"

    "It's definitely time to get up. Yes. My dog needs a new tutu."

    "I love the fact you're a moose. Yes. So soft, so soft."

    "The plumbing doesn't help with the cucumbers anymore."

    "Consider yourself fired................ dickhead."

    I am sure there are still more... basically everything Adam says should be on a T-Shirt!

    Today I woke with the thought 'It is a fossil cake'. Usually I only wake up with music in my head... I think this blog has infiltrated my dreams!

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  19. I'm a substitute teacher, so I have to get on the computer by 6:00 am every day and wait for a job to open up. While I wait, I love to check out your website every morning to see what's happened while I slept!

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  20. Thank you so much for this blog. It brightens my day and my teenage daughter and I howl with laughter at them. Keep them coming and have a lovely honeymoon.

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  21. thank you for the new audio setup! works like a charm!! ~Adam, you really are a wonder!! I enjoyed Karens giggling through trying to tell you what you said~I love that you let us all start each day with a chuckle and a smile!!question tho-Adam, are you such a potty mouth [with the swearing-] when awake as well? just wondering- and boy am i glad I dont talk in my sleep- i unfortunately do remember most of my dreams- and they are messed up!! :) Love the blog- thanks!!~J

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  22. To answer above: No, Adam does not do ANYWHERE NEAR the swearing he does in his sleep. He's really a very mild-mannered sweet guy.

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  23. Karen...

    I think what makes it even more fun, is that Adam is a nice, mild-mannered guy. It is so obvious in the couple of video clips I saw of the two of you. And on the audio clip of 'alidocious' I LOVE his reaction, "what?" in a sleepy tone, and then asking if he REALLY said that. Him being surprised and a bit shocked at his own words just makes it so much more amusing.

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  24. I pity jason!

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  25. Awwwwesssooommmme! Vest tops! :)

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  26. Great set today!! It's incredible how witty they all are!! I love it :) Especially love the maggot dance :D

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  27. i just love you guys every morning the 1st site i come to is here i cant wate to see what Adam had come up with LMAO you guys make my day keep up the good work :)

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  28. "My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

    I laughed so hard I peed my pants! Seriously 7 months pregnant and reading this is NOT a good mix, but my God do I laugh!

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  29. Hey Karen

    Is Adam this witty when he's conscious? I guess he must be, but do you hear it?

    Also, I really wanted to listen to the 'reveal' but you haven't added it now that you've fixed the audio for those of us that use IE! :-(

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  30. AHAHAHAHAH, love the ass comment, priceless! I love this blog, every morning it gives me a nice little pick me up. Keep it up and love the audio!

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  31. Sweden loves you! more audiofiles <3


    /Daniel & Jenny

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  32. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer3 February 2010 15:53

    "My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

    oh the picture, the PICTURE!...that's TORTURE!
    Zooming in, zoneing out...look'away, away

    your words comin' at us...can't stop the-the letters, huge, small, twisted, broken english, crazy talk, blending, meshing, the boldness, tongue twisters, the ! wording,..nowa'the homework to keep it together...no,no,no, the LETTERS, THE LETTERS...can't breathe'n can't concentrate...

    make it stop... NOT...

    days all shot to pieces, will try to stitch myself back together and compose myself out of this stuper...see what sleepin' Adam does to us...shame shame SO shameless

    good thing other mixup of his words are somehow stuck in my head now saying:

    RISE AND SHINE, ITS YOUR DAY TO SHINE
    and now ...it's JUST THERE... that subliminal message ...

    Bad!Adam has turned us into Vegetables of another kind, and Good*Adam keeps us sane knowing He really just can't help/stop it...p'or English Adam...not sure which one! ;)

    The rock and a hard place 2bein, one fine mess on your hands and Karen the evilish-instigator of the caring kind that spread all this wave of emotion we never knew existed within us and the who/what/where/when/n/why are the 5 factor questions that it did...happen.s.ed.ing. still...the all-time ! ? ! and we're happy 4 it from the 2 of U...oops.omphpahpah...make that 3 of you's.

    WOW...the lingo of linguistic ADAMS is stormin' into OUR Vocabulary!
    YIKES! INVATION!
    (how sweet itis...all of a sudden, i was seeing chicken dots in my chicken soup right now and i'm sane =<>

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  33. Haha omg.. soo funny! I check it every morning to see what new funny saying he came up with this time :) love it! i hope u never stop posting!

    [my husband talks in his sleep too, but not nearly everyday :D]

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  34. Wow, what a truly horrid thing to say to someone. Keep on laughing - you and your baby have just as much right to be here on this earth as that very hurtful person.

    Karen and Adam...LOVE that you make people laugh and bring joy to this world!!

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  35. Wow, that was a little harsh. Chill Dude.

    Love this blog, brightens my work day... and I must say, I am glad my husband does not keep me up with talking like this. How do you get any sleep? ;-)

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  36. I'm with Jason on this-totally grossed out!

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  37. I'm a bit like you. I too am wealthy, intelligent and attractive. Or at least intelligent enough to know how to spell 'pity'. I also pity the human race. I do not care for people generally, I'm quite indifferent. But I don't think her comment called for quite that much contempt. I very much doubt you're a happy person.

    P.S. I just peed my pants reading your reply.

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  38. You are a fountain of self confidence. In a society in which obesity is beginning to be looked down upon your words have pierced the veil of self doubt. I like how you compare your buttocks with your personality; you throw both your obesity and personality into the faces of critics and persecutors. You are indeed at the front of a revolution. A revolution in which the obese people are the ones acting as the persecutors. A revolution in which the obese are not the ones being looked down upon but are the ones looking down at everyone else.

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  39. @ 16:13

    Sorry, was this supposed to be a vote for or against empowering obese people?

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  40. To Anon at 16:11

    Well, thanks for updating my spelling of 'pity'.

    You're very much in the right; my criticism was quite possibly undeserved. It was simply a random selection of the 95% of similar comments on this section.

    Sometimes I feel the need to vent my anger and the naivety of some people, and luckily I have freedom of speech to help me with that :)

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  41. I love this blog!! It is simply delightful. I find myself busting out in spontaneous laughter during the day when one of Adam's talkings pops in my head.

    I also am amazed at how many people are no fun meanies. Don't like the blog? Don't read the blog. Simple as that.

    Have a GREAT day.

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  42. Me too. Do it somewhere else.

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  43. The ass/personality comment HAS to go on a shirt. Or even better, panties. :)

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  44. Just read the last few days worth (been off line for a bit) and I am crying with laughter!!) Fantastic!!!!

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  45. Great idea, KeepinItReal! On panties!

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  46. I just showed my housemates your blog and we all laughed and cried so much! Love the recordings! Will be keeping an eye out for more. Absolutely brilliant! :D Cheers for the giggles

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  47. I've only just realized, a lot of his more random comments (especially this one about maggots) remind me of Jhonen Vasquez's Happy Noodle Boy comics...

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  48. I agree with Jason. Maggot is such a gross word. But in this instance, it's great!

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  49. The Maggot saying should be used on CSI!!

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  50. would it be possible to make the audio files available for download? you could look into the Creative Commons license for distribution, if you care about that?

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  51. Maggots: more evil than Adam thinks lentils are. Seriously. They're Satan in a little slimy, creepy, crawly, icky body thing. Just reading that one made my skin crawl...pretty sure I don't wanna know what poor Adam was dreaming about on that one, haha!

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  52. hahaha! These posts give me a daily laugh. I tell everyone I know about this website, and to visit it as soon as they get home!

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  53. Maggot Mayhem could be the next trendy dance like the macarena..."Hey Maggot Mayhem-oyi"

    Anyway, Thanks for the laughs and the diet motivation..."butt cheeks ahoy!" has chased me back to the gym!

    Keep sleeping.

    Devon (from Chicago)

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  54. you guys should put these on one of those "joke a day" type calender once you have enough. These are hilarious!!!!!!! I love them. I check back every day to see what insane and side splitting things the sleep talkin man has said. Its great. Keep up the good work guys!!!

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  55. I NEED "my ass and my personality are the same thing. HUGE and in your face" on a tee shirt ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  56. These are hysterical. I added this blog and another (Sexy People) in the sidelines of my own, for people who need a side splitting laugh to lighten their day.

    Keep it up and Kudos to you both for posting it all here.

    Adam you are a great sport and I hope you are getting as much entertainment out of this as the rest of us are.

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  57. this ass think is my favorite so far.
    thanks for all the giggles!

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  58. Oh my god, Maggot Mayhem should be a band name. They will play grindcore and deathmetal ONLY.

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  59. OMG! How creative swearing. I wonder if he is as funny as this while he is awake. Feels like, he lives in a funnier world ı want to be in it too.

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  60. Hey could you look into putting out Mp3 tha cna either be baught and put on an ipod or something? It would be an awesome pick me up if you are ever having a bad day.
    Andrea Mchugh

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  61. I'm just catching up on a couple days:

    From Karen: "However, from now on, we will remove anything abusive or aggressive."

    From me: BIG Thanks! I'd been wishing I had an Angermometer to detect nasty intent before I had read enough words for the negative energy to sink in.

    It's your blog, after all. Why should those who clearly want to spoil the party be given free rein to do so every day? You wouldn't invite them to a party at your house, after all. Not quite the same, but still.

    The Anger Mongers obviously haven't got a beard. Not that I don't wish they'd grow one - I'm truly sorry they aren't willing to enjoy the fun! But not sorry enough to want to listen to them bitch while they shave. :)

    Re Mary Poppins with tourettes and today's quotes: HAHAHAHAHA!! That last one - STM's getting downright reflective, isn't he?

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  62. Great to see the sounds issue sorted out :-)

    I refuse to move to Firefox and become 'sheeple' like the rest of em so great to see the sounds work in IE :-)

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  63. Awe, I lost my audio today. Only kittens and pirates are appearing:(

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  64. I note that you've transcribed Adam's words as "my ass …" Did he really say that, or what he would say as a conscious British man, "my arse …" ?

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  65. Hmmm...... "Maggot Mayhem" probably IS a game show already - in Japan.... 7X=Q

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  66. terry, interesting. i will have another listen. i believe i would have said arse, but then i have come out with americanisms before.
    however, karen might have written ass, thinking i simply pronounced it 'arse'.

    silly english language and its bastardisations!

    adam

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  67. Could you have Adam do a test, or several tests, that monitor his levels of sleep, while he's talking? You could have a private doctor/clinic (that we or the media can check on) verify that he was asleep while he said those things. A news broadcast would be best. And post the broadcast, if there is one.

    I'm not sure that you could do this, but it would resolve the "he's faking it" issue once and for all. Unless some of it is real and other comments are fake, but that would be unlikely if the themes on the blog recurred during the test.

    I was wondering if it was fake, mostly because it's so unbelievably weird in a very funny way . I'll admit I want this to be true, so I am probably prejudiced in the blog's favour.

    My favourite is "I think you should sit down. Surely your ankles can't take the wait." This split my sides.

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  68. Thanks Anon@19:03 for:

    "Maggots: more evil than Adam thinks lentils are. Seriously. They're Satan in a little slimy, creepy, crawly, icky body thing."

    It would make a lovely gardening shirt...

    "Maggots: they're Satan in a little slimy, creepy, crawly, icky body thing"

    I'm not sure how I can work 'icky body thing' into a sentence, but I think I may have to try.

    :>

    And to Anon@00:33 I have to say I have a pet peeve with this notion:

    "...but it would resolve the "he's faking it" issue once and for all".

    Karen and Adam are not asking your opinion, they are not making some sort of claim that is being inflicted on the world. They have a blog. They say this is the funny thing that happens that we are blogging about. There is ample evidence that people can a)sleep talk clearly b)do it quite frequently c)be vary random and funny. So, Adam is not doing anything 'new' or unbelievable. Karen just had the idea to put it on a blog. They don't HAVE to prove anything, and the only people it is an 'issue' for don't seem to get this. Everyone else just loves the site for what it is, even some people who do think it is faked, or are undecided, have come forward saying they don't care and they love it anyway. Soooooo... please, just enjoy it as you seem to be doing, and don't give any more encouragement to the nasties out there who are all about ANGER and PROOF and SHEEP and MERCHANDISE. Poor Adam does not need to be hooked up to third party scientific equipment. Next thing you know the hoard of nasties would be calling for him to sleep LIVE ON TELEVISION or something.

    *stops ranting, catches my breath, goes to listen to more audio*

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  69. I know your brother!!!! He's the drama teacher at my high school!!

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  70. I think the ass quote at the end is definitely a t-shirt quote to end all t-shirt quotes! Great stuff!

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  71. SeattleGirl24044 February 2010 05:03

    My husband is a sleep talker too!! I am so glad to know that I am not alone. I've heard such gems as "I just love the feel of a woman's breast" in a completely creepy voice that sounded nothing like his own and the great "Well, it's recurrent things about Mexico. So don't be suprised...amigo."

    While asleep, he also yells in various nonsensical languages that are vaguely Eastern European. This is one of the best websites I've ever found. I think I found a place to get a quote a day! Thanks!

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  72. well...who wouldn't "just love the feel of woman's breast"...
    what a nice dream...

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  73. This makes me laugh out loud and am in the midst of depression and anxiety! It gives me the shits and giggles just like Americas Funniest Home Videos, which is avery stupid show and it makes me laugh! Something that makes me smile andgiggle!!!! THANKS!!!!

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  74. My boyfriend also sleep talks (very clearly) and also screams in his sleep (which scares the hell out of me!). My previous boyfriend talked in his sleep as well, but only in German (his first language is English). My ex-husband would argue with me in his sleep (which is probably part of the reason we are divorced! lol)

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  75. "My ass and my personality are the same thing. Huge and in your face."

    Perfect for a t-shirt!!

    No, something even better: a tattoo! I'm going to put that it ink on my upper back.

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  76. Oh LOL please get the ass quote on a mug PRONTO. :P

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  77. This man's a genius.

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  78. Yes I agree, the ass quote is my new favorite! I just heard about your website and it is seriously super funny!

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  79. the my ass line MUST be a shirt!! by boyfriends a big guy, can you make it and some other shirts avail in 3XL and up ???

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  80. The Ass and Personality saying MUST go on a t-shirt. Or maybe undies.

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  81. Just want to accknowledge that Sweden is reading and loving you too! This is a morning ritual at work now, just to boost the day! Thank you for sharing this with the world!!

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  82. Love the ass/personality one so much, its been my facebook status for a few days now! LOL

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  83. That last one was so funny I actually slapped my knee. I've never done that before. Wow.

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