Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100305

Mar 5 2010

"Good morning. I just wanted to be the first person to call you a twat. Enjoy your day."

"Cheese and pineapple on a toothpick... Why?!"

 or click here

235 comments:

  1. Why? Why not?

    The first one should be an alarm clock greeting.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WOW, Thank you STM, that really did make my day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. On the same toothpick?

    ReplyDelete
  4. On the same toothpick?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree! It would be a fantastic alarm clock greeting! :D

    ReplyDelete
  6. My translator tells me that twat is the same thing as c*nt. That doesn't seem right to me..forgive a stupid Swede but I thought that twat was something like "idiot" or "moron"?

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anon - twat is slang for vagina. Just like c*unt, p*ssy, and several others.

    It is also used as a definition of an idiot or moron, but it's first and only true meaning is vagina.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Where I live, twat is always a synonym for moron/idiot. Never heard the other meaning before...

    ReplyDelete
  9. @Anon 8:06 - Cheese & Pineapple on a toothpick was (I don't know if it still is) a British canapé at parties. In the 1970s a potato would be wrapped in foil and then the toothpicks would be stuck into it. It was called a hedgehog. Damn, can you believe I'm only 21? What can I say? I'm wise beyond my years.

    ReplyDelete
  10. in the UK twat is generally used for calling someone an idiot, prat, numbskull, dumbass etc....

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was just about to Email my friend a Good Morning at work (5:22 AM): I wonder if she would ever speak to me again if I repeated STM's sentiments!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Every time I see/hear the word 'twat' all I can think of is my gramma, telling me as a child during bathtime, "Clean your twat!", or telling my young skirt-wearing cousins, "Cover your twat!"

    I do curse [OFTEN], but 'twat' seems vulgar to me, and I'm always a bit shocked to see it uncensored and used in everyday conversation on the net/in British shows/movies.

    That, of course, makes it funnier.

    ReplyDelete
  13. @James Clayton: I think on some mobile phones you can customize the alarm tone to be any of the ringtones. So if you use your mobile as an alarm clock, all you need now is the ringtone!

    ReplyDelete
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  15. Oh my god, that is the funniest line yet (the twat line). Please, please, please, please can you make this a ringtone. I need this on my phone!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Add a maraschino cherry and the treat gets EVEN tastier! I dream about them too!

    ReplyDelete
  17. 'Twit' is a person, 'Twat' is a body part, at least in the U.S.

    ReplyDelete
  18. LMAO @ the morning twat one!!!

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  19. I miss the honeymooners!!!!!!! It just doesn't seem the same!!!!!!! I appreciate that Adam and Karen left us in good hands and were honest about the goings-on; but I just feel like an orphan.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I LOVE how he ends the first one with "enjoy your day!" LMAO - Like he's just making a polite observation,"It's a beautiful morning and by the way you're a twat!"
    Sherri

    ReplyDelete
  21. Cheese and pineapple on a toothpick is my favourite party treat. I used to take like five at a time (can you believe I'm a Brit size 10?) and keep running back.
    That and the cocktail sausages.
    Parties in the 90's were awesome

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh my god, usually the quotes get a good chuckle out of me, but the twat quote got a big belly laugh out of me. I love it!!

    ReplyDelete
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  24. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer5 March 2010 18:02

    - - - another daily dose of delicious with a nice and subtle STM greeting,
    BUtT then,,,,,,,, still a fart about it.

    - with my thumbs up in the air
    and my fingers down the stairs, twit' err..make that'twattling more again, down on the trusty keys

    while sleepyadam is throwing cheese dart bits and pinapples spears from the the top to refreshen the house of cards we are at; in this site--- is the 'why' factor...
    but secretly. . .

    after seeing the new movie trailer of the cheesumptuous chaos to fight for these
    delights; of all taste palates, some quite on the pricey side even --- these cheesies,
    (some due to cheesy inflation about that - but others gotta make a living as it goes),

    the smoked ones are my favorite as they screen the moldies that try to filter in and left out in the cold to only see through hazy windows to the funnyhouse party goings on inside.

    ...It was a long day last night, and the toothpicks are helping to prop up the eyes...
    it's really eyepoppin'

    - unlike sleeper Adam who just might be toothpicking his mind for more gems to throw at us and eyeing the public forum with a pick in each hand constantly throwing targets at all the food scattered throughout the foodfight and us hammin'it up

    --- but it twas that play fulfilling the child within, he's really aiming to be reaching for -

    - those tasty cherried ones, the canape'd ones from the anonymous and spiritlessblood sources...then theres Marisa et al's pigs-in-blankets even on top of baked foiled potatoes dripping with butter cheese broccoli, the sour cream and sprinkled green onions from the Wendy's chain he discovered...

    ...are great treats for the honeymooners to enjoy when they arrive back from the orphanage
    as to not feel too overly orphaned out in a wannadanc kindaway...there'll be much to celebrate as...

    - all the while as Karen is toothpicking and proding him for more
    ...sleep adam is quite enjoying every minute of it, he sez it's like
    "Badger tickling: proceed with caution"

    - there he goes again pipe ing in, "Ooh! My balls are itchy.
    Have you got the cheese grater?" tonight and quite demanding too for Karen's scrumptious cheese "Cake. Mmmmm.
    I want one more piece. Just One. More. Fucking. Piece." today. and then...

    it'll be a good nite... to more, eat.treats you'all... .tweets now!

    ReplyDelete
  25. In responce to the meaning of the word twat
    'It is also used as a definition of an idiot or moron, but it's first and only true meaning is vagina'

    The true meaning of the word is actually 'a baby fish' ie just hatched from the egg.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer5 March 2010 18:36

    - - - another daily dose of delicious with a nice and subtle STM greeting,
    BUtT then,,,,,,,, still a fart about it.

    - with my thumbs up in the air
    and my fingers down the stairs, twit' err..make that'twattling more again,

    down on the trusty keys while sleepyadam is throwing cheese dart bits and pinapples spears from the the top to refreshen the house of cards we are at; in this site--- is the 'why' factor...
    but secretly. . .

    after seeing the new movie trailer of the cheesumptuous chaos to fight for these
    delights; of all taste palates, some quite on the pricey side even --- these cheesies,
    (some due to cheesy inflation about that - but others gotta make a living as it goes),

    the smoked ones are my favorite as they screen the moldies that try to filter in and left out in the cold to only see through hazy windows to the funnyhouse party goings on inside.

    ...It was a long day last night, and the toothpicks are helping to prop up the eyes...
    it's really eyepoppin'

    - unlike sleeper Adam who just might be toothpicking his mind for more gems to throw at us and eyeing the public forum with a pick in each hand constantly throwing targets at all the food scattered throughout the foodfight and us hammin'it up

    --- but it twas that play fulfilling the child within, he's really aiming to be reaching for -

    - those tasty cherried ones, the canape'd ones from the anonymous and spiritlessblood sources...then theres Marisa et al's pigs-in-blankets even on top of baked foiled potatoes dripping with butter cheese broccoli, the sour cream and sprinkled green onions from the Wendy's chain he discovered...( hold the tomatoes...)

    ...are great treats for the honeymooners to enjoy when they arrive back from the orphanage
    as to not feel too overly orphaned out in a wannadanc kindaway...there'll be much to celebrate as...

    - all the while as Karen is toothpicking and proding him for more
    ...sleep adam is quite enjoying every minute of it, he sez it's like
    "Badger tickling: proceed with caution"

    - there he goes again pipe ing in, "Ooh! My balls are itchy.
    Have you got the cheese grater?" tonight and quite demanding too for Karen's scrumptious cheese "Cake. Mmmmm.
    I want one more piece. Just One. More. Fucking. Piece." today.

    and then...its just another tale [as time permits]to waddle through the day puddling in a puzzle of adam.the.man'sleeptalk party of the '90's, in 2010

    it takes a village to rake in this lake to quake us up, and different takes for different makes
    ...they say...and different dates here, altogether, everyday :)

    it'll be a good nite... to more, eat.treats you'all... .tweets now!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer5 March 2010 18:50

    ohh, double duty indeed...either the connections are crossed or something odd, or slow processed -
    --- so had reposted a bit later with updating and now you're all crossedx.xeyed ...so snorry about that...zzzz over it, please!...another day another one at bay for the haypile to layin.

    ReplyDelete
  28. but..but...but...cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick is the best thing ever! I disapprove...but will keep coming back for more!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I love this guy!! Thank you both for this blog. You just made me belly laugh!!! My roommate and I check this out all this time and you guys never fail to entertain. Thank you!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. 2manywhiskers5 March 2010 22:27

    18:33 LOL!! "Good morning. I just want to be the first person to call you a baby fish, just hatched from the egg. Have a nice day."

    spiritlessblood - wise indeed! Think I'll have a hedgehog. :)

    wannadance - Miss them too! They'll be home soon.

    And for the scintillating "twat" discussion:
    *******
    twat
    1656, of unknown origin. A general term of abuse since 1920s.

    The T-word occupies a special niche in literary history, however, thanks to a horrible mistake by Robert Browning, who included it in 'Pippa Passes' (1841) without knowing its true meaning. 'The owls and bats,/Cowls and twats,/Monks and nuns,/In a cloister's moods.'

    Poor Robert! He had been misled into thinking the word meant 'hat' by its appearance in 'Vanity of Vanities,' a poem of 1660, containing the treacherous lines: 'They'd talk't of his having a Cardinalls Hat,/They'd send him as soon an Old Nuns Twat.' (There is a lesson here about not using words unless one is very sure of their meaning.) [Hugh Rawson, "Wicked Words," 1989]

    Online Etymology Dictionary, © 2010 Douglas Harper
    *******

    ReplyDelete
  31. In the U.S. "twit" is a spoiled mouthy child.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Ah..... Now I see...... 7@=e

    Adam's inner Zen master has just posed us the Ultimate Koan: as we struggle to justify the existence of a simple, yet insubstantial, cocktail appetizer, we are suddenly struck with the essential meaninglessness of that single syllable - "why?".

    Enlightenment.

    There is no "why?": the Universe is a timeless, ego-less cycle of harmony, balance and bacon-wrapped scallops........

    (Oh, dear, I think the Prof. is rubbing off on me..... anybody got a napkin?)

    ReplyDelete
  33. 2manywhiskers5 March 2010 23:05

    Oh LA/wts... LOL!!!!!

    Just heading out and so glad I caught that!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Goddamn, Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer, please shut up. You're so pretentious and annoying.

    ReplyDelete
  35. I've never figured "why" either. Excellent question. Give that man a gold star.

    ReplyDelete
  36. @ anon 18:33
    yes, twat is slang for vagina and u\is also used as substitute for moron etc..

    however the word TWIT means pregnant goldfish.. twat doesnt..

    ReplyDelete
  37. I love the comments about a word's "true" meaning. Especially those that say "In the US, it means" IMHO experience, many words have multiple meanings even within the same country. Therefore a twit is an inane person. A twat is slang for female genitalia and also slang for an unpleasant person, perhaps also a stupid person. Basically, except for the pregnant goldfish explanation, I've heard and understand all of the definitions on this page for both words.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Nothing spells out a good morning like getting out the word "twat". Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer6 March 2010 05:41

    LA/wts and et al ...oh good, it's not only me...hehehe...i just knew i caught something
    from this site and it wasn't a pretty picture in a wordy way...2manywhisker is not far behind...

    talkin'bout speaking our minds like the
    word-twisting garbles, meanings and gleanings being created here,
    makes for a new dictionary like the one 2manywhiskers uses...i think we're gonna
    need a few to clarify the indiscretions or was that indescrepancies of out of body
    or out to pasture, mind experiences :) i love google it's helped me imensely with the words that are throw here ...like ! bookends !
    - sumtimes 2 at a time, when the going gets ruff and tumbler


    the twosomes have spread a funnybone virus and i know it's spreading.
    That was funny your quips and for that matter many of the above were too;

    that's probably why it's a catchy thing and however time custuming it is...
    - we try to make it here just one more time by days end for tomorrow will be another day to
    rolf our tissues 'n appetite for giddygoodies


    ...i just giggle it out the
    senseless.fullof.iffyness yet, there is something to it..
    i can't quite pinpoint it, to put a ring on it...of course, that's pinapple talk
    ...the one Beyonce sang about to SleepyAdam in his dreams.....

    but it's all open air and the seeing stars above; after being knock out one
    by an annonymous patron of these arts a bit ago, who is a touch tantrumizing if not traumatized by the wordalicious stream walking up and down the colume...
    i hope one doesn't forget to do major skipovers anytime if it doesn't float the boatride,
    it may help to keep those rocks handy for water skipping if one treads where they don't feel to...but still drifts about...
    i get that drift of:

    pre - ( before ) tent - (canape or was that canopy ) ious - ( the suffix of addition or subtraction )
    --- i do fall under the spell of addition i think...cause i've somehow joined the loonytoons gang of sleepadam deciferers )

    then...
    a - (singular, but it's really the 3ofme...me.myself.and.i ) no - ( means no and opposite of yes - dude - day and ying - ( that the other 1/2 balance of mr. yang who pangs for some ying in this whole thing )...

    hope that helps some. to brighten the horizon of non-do-or-die opinions of...as they are what they are than what sleepadam hides in his stash of teatottling the conversation of
    " the why factor " THE opposite of Simon's " X " - - - - where its a hit or a booboo miss and we just run along, run along...toothy pickin' to pineing for mini-apples and hearing ' cheese ' after the paparazzi catches one to the bad side printed in a tabloid expose from this dinner party ---

    the telltale signs of a bad dream....oh my goodness,damnnitdoyle....
    ...i'd better shut up the blinds.

    ReplyDelete
  40. ^^^ ...wtf?

    ReplyDelete
  41. It might be an idea to establish a site called Twatter, instead of Twitter...

    ReplyDelete
  42. A Good Moroccan said...

    It might be an idea to establish a site called Twatter, instead of Twitter...

    and I am sitting here grinning and agreeing!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  43. OMFG! Good Moroccan - Twatter - Love it!
    Sher

    ReplyDelete
  44. It sounded like he said "peas and pineapple" to me. Which, even though I've never had either, sounds way more gross.

    ReplyDelete
  45. I just want to know who STM is so rude to in his dreams. Surely it could not be his wife!!

    ReplyDelete
  46. K, so my roots are from England and Scotland...and my parents love to make a thing we call "pickadillies" its a Peice of sasuage, with a peice of sweet pickle, a peice of pineapple, then a peice of cheeze...it sounds really grose until you try it... but theres something about the sweet, sour, salty taste that is amazing!!

    ReplyDelete
  47. Anon;
    wood thoze bee "pieces"? And is a sasuage similar to a massuage? I bet it goes gross wid cheese, unliss the cheeze grose fungoid. Theres, theres, itz orrite. Am yoo thare?

    ReplyDelete
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  56. I was just about to Email my friend a Good Morning at work (5:22 AM): I wonder if she would ever speak to me again if I repeated STM's sentiments!

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