Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20100803

Aug 3 2010

"Sounds like you need an escape goat. With ropes on its horns and a headlight. And no fear of tunnels."

 or click here

Hahaha, escape goat, get it?
"That's the most stunning thing in the world. No really. Well fuck you, fuck-turd! Princess Birdfish Monkeyface is beautiful. Just beautiful."
 or click here
"I speak shit? You must be listening through your ears. Arsehole."
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Adam didn't want me to include this one, he thought it was lame. But I think it's hilarious that he goes for this joke-- presumably about someone's brain being shit, or listening through their ass-- and utterly fails. I mean, how else would you be listening?
"I thought about quitting. I also thought about driving my fist through your skull. Not sure which I'll do first."
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Tony, Vince, that's just STM talking. Adam loves his job and has never expressed an urge to either quit or to beat either of you up.
"This is my story. It starts with me. And it ends with me. And everything in the middle is about me. Greatest fucking story ever written."
 or click here

47 comments:

  1. Wow, what a plethora of psychadelic phrases.

    But I say that it is time! It is indeed time for the goats — escape goats in particular — to join the STM menagerie and take their rightful place beside the vampire penguins, guinea pigs, koala men (Fosters optional) and tea-deprived big-headed lizards. And they shall be led and ridden by a figure of legend, one whose very appearance will melt the hardest of hearts. Yes folks, their goatly vanguard shall be mounted by none other than Princess Birdfish Monkeyface. Fuck-turds beware!

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  2. Animals, insults, ego. This is the essential STM. And I'm sure Princess Birdfish Monkeyface is just beautiful.

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  3. Also, how sad is it that even after reading Karen's "Haha, escape goat, get it?" it took me several seconds of staring at the screen before I did finally get it?

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  4. ummm the last one needs to be printed on something absolutely hilarious !!!

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  5. I would so buy a shirt with the last comment on it. Not only that, I'll put it on one of my characters (I write). And I know just which of my characters would wear that shirt. Not only that, "escape goat" has given me an idea. Like I really need more ideas . . .

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  6. I would think that it was supposed to be 'you must be listening through your arsehole'

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  7. LOVE the escape goat! :o)

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  8. I would definitely wear the last one on a shirt. Definitely make it!

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  9. Hahahahaha! Escape goat!

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  10. Escape goat?? That was said on Big Brother 3 in 2002. OMG, Adam is channeling Jade Goody.... Send for the Exorcist without delay!

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  11. I think he's implying that the person is listening through their arsehole instead of using their ears to really listen. I thought that was hilarious!

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  12. Prof. ZzzMAN-ylizer3 August 2010 13:55

    The 'infamous STORYTELLERS JOURNAL'
    writes on the menu:

    ---> Sleep Talkin' Man - ADAMf*tastiCALL -
    The One*Man! Theatre Review is a running non-stop
    ShowStopper SHOW of DREAMS <---
    ... all about

    "Me, Me, and Only Just...MEeeeEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

    . . . with starring credits including Karen, Molly & The Kids...

    is a raving success and mighty fanbase, a force to be reckoned with, there's no telling n'or stopping this travelling journey to nowheres one knows, but ADAMzzZ himself, as we bunk into sleepmotion from the past heading into the present and futures lookin' at ya; but it's a truly thrilling ride of the ages - - -
    if one dares; escapade!
    - - - Destinations U n k n o w n!
    ~ ~ ~ revielled day.lea...Way! ~ ~ ~

    ( 'a stroke of the pen, a stroke of Genius,
    a Stroke of Adam and His Ego*nius'
    ...keenius, heinius meanius and mineius...
    all fineius, to inbetwineius, All )

    - dinner, dance, wine and roses reception to follow, all pets, especially, included -
    a black tie'in event, cloths optional; in this world - fur flies

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  13. you remember what was said in big brother three years ago? oh dear oh deary me.

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  14. i still don't get "escape goat" :(

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  15. The last one is great material! Could be a line from a movie scene in which a tough guy talks to another.

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  16. Desert Heather3 August 2010 15:19

    Escape goat = scapegoat, Whitney

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  17. Ahhh, they are all wonderful but the one about quitting. Haven't we all had at least one horrid boss that we could easily apply this thought to. Adam, from your subconscious to one of my former bosses ears.

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  18. The last one is the true prize - love it!

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  19. Adam have you ever read Piers Anthony? Some of the things that come out of your sleeping brain would be right at home in the Xanth books!

    Hi from Victoria BC! Let me know if you guys ever come visit!

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  20. Great post and on my birthday! Thanks for the present Adam,

    "This is my story. It starts with me. And it ends with me. And everything in the middle is about me. Greatest fucking story ever written."

    I'm such a Leo!

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  21. Love the last one especially. Brilliant.

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  22. "I thought about quitting. I also thought about driving my fist through your skull. Not sure which I'll do first."

    Sounds Like everyone I've ever known who's quitting smoking

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  23. "This is my story. It starts with me. And it ends with me. And everything in the middle is about me. Greatest fucking story ever written."

    It is -so- like his STM persona to say something like that. XD

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  24. These are some of the funniest installments yet!

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  25. On the nights that you go into the "nest-egg" does Adam seem LESS rested the next day? Meaning if he doesn't talk for a night, does he sleep better (REM) or does he only get (REM) on the nights he talks..............OR NO CORRELATION. Just wondering.

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  26. i love your crazy sleep talking - i would love to know what you say when you are awake!

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  27. scapegoat = escape goat. That is actually where the word came from. Back in the day, villagers would compel all of the evil/bad spirits to enter a goat that would then be driven from the village taking the unwanted spirits with it.

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  28. I'm sure 'Supervillain STM' *always* has an Escape Goat fueled and ready, in case the Dream Police decide to come knocking...... 7@=Q

    Princess Birdfish Monkeyface - now *there's* a hybrid of high breeding, indeed.......

    @Di: Too true, too true - especially when confronted by militant non-smokers......

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  29. I can see it now: "Sherlock Holmes and the case of the Princess Birdfish Monkeyface". But only if it includes STM as the star of the story of course.

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  30. I want a "Princess Birdfish Monkeyface" T-shirt. I'd wear it everywhere. BTW, bought some STM merch for myself and my boyfriend (both Leos.) I gave him the "Awesomeness now has a name..." T-shirt for his birthday. He LOVED it! I can't remember Adam's sign, but STM is DEFINITELY a Leo.

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  31. Congrats on your interview on Kevin & Bean, KROQ!

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  32. Todays last two comments have kind of a film noir-ish quality, don't you think? I can just see STM in a black and white movie, with a fedora, a cigarette, and a gun saying something like that. Maybe just a demented film noir.

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  33. "This is my story. It starts with me. And it ends with me. And everything in the middle is about me. Greatest f****** story ever written." I must have it on a shirt. I must. I found this site recently after it was mentioned on MTV and it's added spice to my life. Y'all ROCK.

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  34. He works for guys named Tony and Vince? Are you in the mafia or something? Because that would be a dangerous profession for someone who sleep talks. I'm just sayin'.

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  35. @Heather: that's actually a valid point. And if he is indeed a made man, and his... condition, is known, is it part of his name? Like, Adam "Sleeptalker" Lennard?

    On another topic, in the spirit of the Koala Man craziness of last week, I say we have a Princess Birdfish Monkeyface animation day :)

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  36. I love goats! I want an escape goat!

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  37. Ooooh, escape goat drawings, too :)

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  38. "adam lennard said...

    you remember what was said in big brother three years ago? oh dear oh deary me. "

    Haha! It was seven years ago & I actually saw the clip very recently, had to google it to get the details!

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  39. the "this is my story" MUST MUST MUST be a shirt. it's superb :-D

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  40. This action proof to be a win, win situation. This is a true art work, which will be
    a success story.
    =======
    Seo Project Available

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  41. This conversation is going no where. It’s lacking the place of a good leader to
    head the things to come out on conclusion.
    ===============
    out sourceing project

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  42. You two are hilarious! I just heard of you after your interview with Kevin & Bean on KROQ! I love it I cant stop reading your blog! I will be naming my next animal Princess Birdfish Monkeyface!!! Adam you are too funny and Karen you are Brilliant! Without your perfect commentary this would only be half as funny! Keep up the pure brilliance both of you!!!

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  43. I've taken to quoting STM on my Facebook page, it's too funny. What will we ever do if he stops talking in his sleep? Oh, the horror...

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  44. Adam, I'm curious: have you ever been on a narrowboat? I'm curious because the "escape goat" quote contains imagery of ropes, horns, headlights and tunnel. This is something that likely came from someone familiar with the UK canals. I'm an ardent canal boater so I would think of these things.

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  45. I know it might be a small seller, but I'd seriously buy two 'Princess Birdfish Monkeyface' shirts... if they were available for men.
    I'd wear it skin tight, but it's the _shape_ that's the issue.

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