Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)

20111110

Nov 10 2011

"I swear, your vagina needs a use-by date. Stinky snatch."

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Adam wants me to tell you all that he has never used the word "snatch" to reference female genitalia in his (waking) life.
"Zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom. Zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom. Bada bada bada bada bada bada. Bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada. Bada bada bada ba— BING! Bada bada bada bada bada bada bada bada. Bada bada ba— BING! I hate those bings. They stop my rhythm. Bastards!"
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And then, poor Adam had another one of those unpleasant awakenings care of STM:


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STM: (holds arm up in air, makes fist, and brings it down on Adam's head wth a dull thunk.)
ADAM: (gasps awake, then stares at hand for a long moment).
KAREN: Baby!
ADAM: WHAT? What?
KAREN: You just clonked yourself on the forehead with your fist!
ADAM: That was crap of me, wasn't it?
KAREN: You went like this (demonstrates, eliciting a similar thunk). That's what you did! Why did you do that?
ADAM: I don— I— Well— Considering the fact that I don't know I did that—
KAREN: What did you think woke you up?
ADAM: Well, I knew I got clonked on the head, and then, noticing my hand ON my head, I realized it was me. But I needed to determine whether I was in full control of my arm, hence me staring at my hand for a while. And once I realized I WAS in full control of my arm I kind of gathered that I must have clonked myself in the head and I was left with just a great sense of shame and embarrassment.
KAREN: Oh, baby.
ADAM: It's okay. I live with it every day. And then you share it with the world every day.
KAREN: Yeah.
ADAM: Thank you, darling, I love you. Spread the shame, spread the shame.

29 comments:

  1. can a waking/Adam comment be a shirt? because "spread the shame, spread the shame" sure seems good

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  2. you guys make me smile everyday. thank you.

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  3. You need to start doing videos now. If Adam is hitting himself in the head, no telling what form of self inflicted injury will happen next.

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  4. thank you Logan, it is really lovely to hear that.

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  5. This is brilliant..love it..ELiza Keating

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  6. Totally t-shirt worthy - "Spread the Shame, Spread the Shame"

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  7. I agree. Spread the shame should totally be a shirt.

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  8. Hahaha I hate those Bings.... great.

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  9. "It's okay. I live with it every day. And then you share it with the world every day."
    "Yeah."
    "Thank you, darling, I love you. Spread the shame, spread the shame."

    LOL! This is just brilliant! :D And I love those bings. ;D BING!

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  10. then the world gets to laugh at STM beating poor Adam up in the mornings. to bad there is no video of it. more to laugh about. lol

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  11. Karen, after that do you feel the least bit guilty? I, of course, don't want you to stop but that was soooo sad.

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  12. You guys are awesome! ..first read about you in my daily paper a couple days ago, your comment about 'being any more annoying' made me laugh outloud in public! ..thanks for sharing.

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  13. This just called for a picture, so I've done the best I could on short notice.

    "Spread the shame..."

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/69638666@N03/6331532389/in/photostream

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  14. Okay folks, who, besides me, weirdo that I am, imagined a huge army of Bing Crosby clones marching along to interrupt STM's rhythm?

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  15. Actually, JamiSings, I imagined John CLeese saying "Ah, I see you've had the dream that goes *BING*!"

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  16. Don't know how but I got the "zoom zoom zoom" song from Zenon stuck in my head...but like the Bing Crosby army visual

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  17. Hi,
    I really like your blog....I created a blog this month and need your personal opinion on what you think of my blog....Any comments or suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks.
    Blog: http://freelots.blogspot.com/
    Contact: bluelinkbargains@gmail.com

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  18. Well, Adam, it finally happened! STM is trying to attack you in your sleep!

    DAMN those lentils! They have turned him against you!

    Look on the bright side! You still have the Gerbil Pirates! You didn't let them escape did you? *sigh*

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  19. Oh my... I've been reading this for over a year now and this awakening just made me laugh more than anything has in QUITE some time! Haha :-)

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  20. @Stoney: Actually, that might be a good premise for a horror film with comic overtones... 7@=Q

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  21. LA/wts,

    I can see the newspaper headlines now! "UNFORTUNATE YOUNG MAN BREAKS BOTH LEGS, KICKING HIS OWN ASS! MILLIONS WONDER WHY!

    That could be the lead in scene of the film. Have to be CG though! I mean DAMN!

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  22. You two are so adorable! It's too bad STM seems to have it in for you. :)

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  23. hahahaha! I loved the sound effects one :) The bada bada bada bada BING! reminded me of this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2LJ1i7222c

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  24. Down with Bings! and spread the shame!

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  25. As much as I love STM's ramblings, these awakenings are usually the most fun.

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  26. every time stm comments on female genitalia i wonder if you guys have this "commercial" over there....

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWBS4kR3UhM

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  27. I keep coming back to the wake up. He is such a great sport about this. :)

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  28. Tom Becker (New York, USA)29 March 2012 17:37

    by far THE best of STM!!!

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  29. "spread the shame, spread the shame" Your husband is awesome. =D

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