Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Feb 18 2013

"Zombie rugby could be a lot better, but they keep passing their arms!"

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The following is one of those first-thing-in-the-morning conversations that happened to get captured because the recorder was still on. I know that it's a) irrelevant to Adam's sleep talking, and b) probably more info than any of you want to hear, but I was so amused that I'm posting it anyway. Note of explanation: we refer to the baby in my belly as "the monkey."
KAREN: I just had a really creepy notion.
ADAM: Hmmm?
KAREN: If we have sex, then for a little while, the monkey has pets.
ADAM: That “if” just got bigger.
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Feb 13 2013

Listen up, people! Want to win a signed copy of Sleep Talkin' Man, the book? Enter the contest at for your chance. Entry closes on Feb 15, so get to it!

Wednesday Rewind
"Next time I lend out my chest hair, it won't be to a dick-face like you. You've got it covered in lots of stuff. It'll take ages to clean up. One hair at a time."
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"No emails? Is it working? Don't you want to speak to me? (whines pathetically) Communication paranoia!"
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Feb 11 2013

"Straw is for pussies, and sticks are for pricks. Bricks! It takes balls to use bricks. Big piggy balls. Respect to the third piglet."

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Perhaps STM is brushing up on his fairy tales in preparation for our upcoming new arrival!
"I look good in hair. Which is lucky, I suppose, 'cause I've got hair... by the bucket-load."
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I can attest to this being an accurate representation of Adam's furriness.


Feb 6 2013

Wednesday Rewind
"Good morning. I just wanted to be the first person to call you a twat. Enjoy your day."
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"Little hands can't manhandle. No. They can only minihandle. Oh, pity those little digits."
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Feb 4 2013

"The bagels have declared independence. The bakery is up in arms! There's a giant flour cloud enveloping everything. Don't trust the macaroons."

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And our discussion concerning those untrustworthy macaroons:

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ADAM: What’s wrong with macaroons?
KAREN: I can answer that so easily. Generally, macaroons have coconut in them, and are repulsive. So they are NOT to be trusted.
ADAM: It’s not their fault, they’re made that way.
KAREN: You could say that about anybody.
ADAM: You can’t distrust—
KAREN: You can say about anybody that who they become, that they’re a product of their experiences and environment, but that’s still who they are.
ADAM: That’s not a product of their experiences and environment, that’s their ingredients. That’s their DNA.
KAREN: Exactly, the same as people!
ADAM: No, it’s not the same as people at all. It’s not fair to say you can’t trust them ‘cause of who they are, or what they are.
KAREN: I’m just saying, that doesn’t change that you can’t trust them. Perhaps you can say, it’s not their fault that they were made that way, they didn’t choose to be made that way, but that’s still how they are.
ADAM: Well, you know, I tend to agree that I find macaroons disgusting. But I wouldn’t say they’re distrustful. I just don’t want to hang out with them.
KAREN: Do you know what? They are, because they look like they’ll be nice, but then you eat them and they’re disgusting. They’re dishonest.
ADAM: It’s not their fault. They don’t realize they are being dishonest. They just see themselves as quite an attractive, cakey biscuit. You need to give ‘em a break. You need to give macaroons a break. I’m not saying you should try them and like them. I’m just saying, you know what, leave them alone. They’ve got their own little corner of the bakery, no one’s bothering them, there are people who love them AND trust them. I think you just need to give ‘em a break.
KAREN: Sleep Talkin’ Man obviously understands what I’m talking about.
ADAM: Well, it may be because of the Republic of Bagel, that they’re, you know, the macaroons are starting to get a bit uppity and want their own independence. And that’s just gonna cause complete chaos.
KAREN: Oh, they can HAVE their independence.


Feb 1 2013

"I'm the fucking center of the universe. Everything revolves around me. Astronomers can kiss my gorgeous ass."

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