Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts.
Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam.
Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)


Oct 31 2012

Very Manly Wednesday Rewind
"My balls are itchy. Have you got the cheese grater?"
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"Peeing standing up rules!"
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Oct 29 2012

"So, bacon-sniffing bar-mitzvah boy, we meet again. Dry cure, or no dry cure? Ball's in your court."

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And here, STM again wakes Adam in that rude way that he has.
"CUNT CHUNDER!" (rest of transcript below)
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KAREN: Mmmm-hmmm.
ADAM: I gave myself a fright.
KAREN: Yeah, that was loud and quite rude.
ADAM: Was that word "thunder?"
KAREN: Wait, what do you think you said?
ADAM: "Thunder."
KAREN: It rhymes.
ADAM: (after a long pause) I've got think of a more efficient way of rhyming than going through the alphabet and putting a new letter in front of "thunder."
KAREN: I'm pretty sure you said (small groan of disgust) "cunt chunder."
ADAM: I said what?
KAREN: Oh, you're gonna make me say it again, I can't believe it.
ADAM: With pleasure.
KAREN: "Cunt chunder."
ADAM: You see, there's something the way you said it, that with your voice, it just makes it sound polite. "I'd like some cunt chunder, please."


Oct 26 2012

"Watching you put on make-up reminds me of when pigeons shit on statues."

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Oct 24 2012

Wednesday Rewind
"My vision of hell is a lentil casserole."
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"Your mum's at the door again. Bury me. Bury me deep."
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Oct 22 2012

"It was such a good idea giving the guinea pigs wings. Flappy flappy flappy. Fat bats! Fat bats!"

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And here is Adam's awakening, with a fearful shouted query concerning our cheese status (transcription below):

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I'd like to preface this reveal by saying, in my own defense, my entire palate is not white trash. But, nostalgia goes a long way. Also, Kraft singles are delicious.
KAREN: Was that... "no cheese" or "old cheese?'
ADAM: I honestly can't help you. You're gonna have to review the recording. What I do know is that I've been left with a feeling of stress.
KAREN: Stress?
ADAM: So maybe what I shouted was stressful.
KAREN: Well, what's more stressful: no cheese, or old cheese? Personally, in my world, no cheese would be way more stressful than old cheese.
ADAM: Hmm. Having not heard the recording, and only knowing the last bit being "EESE," I would have to assume "old."
KAREN: Really? What makes you say that?
ADAM: Nope, nope, nope. I'm saying that because I'm falling asleep. Sorry.
KAREN: Well, you said something sensicle, though. Usually, if somebody talks as they fall asleep they say something really weird.
ADAM: Well I didn't mean to say "old." The word "old" just appeared in front of my eyelids.
ADAM: (clearly falling asleep again) No, it should have been "school cheese"...
KAREN: School cheese?!
ADAM: I said the word "school."
KAREN: Wow, "school cheese."
ADAM: They're the Kraft slices. Yes, we have Kraft slices.
KAREN: You do not.
ADAM: Well, we had something similar, shut up. That fake plastic cheese in individual plastic wrappers.
KAREN: Kraft singles are amazing!
ADAM: If you take them out of the cover and flung them at the ceiling, they could just stick there. They were so plasticky, even with the plastic wrapper taken off.
KAREN: No, you're wrong. That's because yours, here, sucked. If you had had Kraft singles, you wouldn't be saying those thing.
ADAM: Listen: It's not everybody's taste. You have a very particular palate when it comes to certain food stuffs.
KAREN: No matter what, there's nothing in the world as good as a grilled cheese sandwich made with—
TOGETHER: —Kraft singles.
ADAM: Ok. I cannot argue against that.


Oct 19 2012

"If you were the last person on Earth you'd still update your fucking status."

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Oct 17 2012

"Set lasers to 'cheese'. We're gonna gouda these mother fuckers. It's fondue time."

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I suspect that this one can be explained by the fact that Adam has spent two crazy weeks working on a huge display for the upcoming Star Trek convention. Also, we made the irreversible mistake of watching
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones on TV Sunday. It doesn't get better the second time around, I can tell you.

Now, does anyone want to try to make sense of this one? I've taken a crack at it:
"Wobble chops. Wobble chops and bubbly steak and ass monkey! Mmmmm."
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Oct 12 2012

"I'm only gonna take the staples out of your mouth 'cause I can't stand the humming."

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Oct 10 2012

Wednesday Rewind
"If I wanted to see a long nose and a big ass, I'd look at a horse."
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"Pork chops are most satisfying. Mmmmmmm. Dangle them from the ceiling."
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Oct 8 2012

"That's it. I'm gonna get pancakes right up in your giggle box. You won't be laughing then, rabbit munch monkey!"

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"Do the donkey face. Do the donkey face! Awww. I love you. (chuckle) Big ears...."
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Oct 5 2012

"I swear, I'm totally gonna fuck the carpe out of this diem! Let's have it."

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Oct 3 2012

"It's times like these you wanna punch an alien in the face."

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Yeah! Right in the face!
"Cock-a-hoop! That's ten in a row! Stand still, I've got two more hoops."
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And here is the ensuing discussion. Below the transcript, you can take a look at my heart-breaking attempt to illustrate the new party game, Cock-a-Hoop. When I emailed this to Adam he said, "Why have you drawn Big Bird climbing a mountain that is about to go straight up a giant ass?"

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RECORDING: Cock-a-hoop!
ADAM: Cock-a-hoop.
RECORDING: That's ten in a row.
ADAM: Ten in a row.
RECORDING: Stand still, I've got two more hoops.
KAREN: Do you think you throw hoops over a rooster's head?
ADAM: Funny you should say that, 'cause I was thinking penis.
KAREN: Ohhhhhh. Y— Yeah. Do you think it's your own penis, or somone else's penis?
ADAM: Well, no, I think it' somebody else's. But, rooster will do, actually. Rooster's a nicer image in my head.
KAREN: No, I think you're probably right.
RECORDING: Cock-a-hoop! That's ten in a row. Stand sti—
ADAM: Cock-a-hoop means, um— Isn't that when some— It's like an expression of— "I'm cock-a-hoop about it. I'm"—
KAREN: What?!?!
ADAM: I'm sure it's an expression, like "Yee-haw."
ADAM: Look it up.
KAREN: Okay, I'll look it up. (typing)"Cock-a"— Well, it's coming up as a suggestion. "Being in a state of boastful elation or exultation."
ADAM: Cock-a-hoop! Not only is it an expression, it's now a game. And when you win, you go, "Cock-a-hoop!"


Oct 1 2012

"I'm a full-time bad-ass. I just don't have space in my life for a pathetic post-fuck dribble like you."

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And poor Adam had one of his unpleasant STM awakenings:
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