Some content on this page is not suitable for young eyes or faint hearts. Views expressed by Sleep Talkin' Man rarely reflect the opinions of waking Adam. Especially the desire to exterminate all vegetarians (but he does hate lentils.)
I'm so sorry I've missed a week of posting, folks. I've been in the States away from Adam, suffering from ongoing jetlag, a bad cold, and constant over-eating. But I'm back in the saddle, and looking forward to going through all of the audio that's been accumulating on the recorder while I've been away!
"Jumping's for pussies. You gotta try leaping. It takes balls to leap."
Isn't there meant to be a great coffee made out of monkey poop?
KAREN:
Uh—
ADAM:
I'm sure I've heard something—
KAREN:
Not made out of monkey poop, but they do something where they—
ADAM:
Oh, isn't it that monkeys have eaten the coffee beans, and then—
KAREN:
Yeah. I've heard that.
ADAM:
You gotta Google that. Monkey shit coffee beans.
KAREN:
Well, I think I probably have to use different words.
ADAM:
That'd be an interesting blend to use at Costa. "I'll have a monkey shit macchiato, please."
KAREN:
(typing into Google) "Coffee… monkey…" (results!) "Coffee Monkey beans: The world's most expensive coffee is from beans cycled through an Indonesian monkey's digestive system." There are other things, there's something called Kopi Luwak, "made from the beans of coffee berries which have been eaten by Asian Palm Civets, and other related civets." Yeah! You see, Sleep Talkin' Man, he's a man of the world.
You said, "How am I supposed to fit a liger between the phoenix and the unicorn? Oh, fuck it, I can't read Noah's handwriting anyway."
ADAM:
It's my fault. None of them are here.
KAREN:
Awww. There are still ligers.
ADAM:
(whimpering) It's my fault!?
KAREN:
No, there are still ligers, don't worry!
ADAM:
But the unicorns!
KAREN:
That's true.
ADAM:
Well, phoenixes, you know, fuck it. They rise from the dead anyway.
KAREN:
So we can only blame the unicorn on you.
ADAM:
Are there definitely ligers?
KAREN:
Yeah. But they don't occur naturally. They happen in captivity. They're extremely intelligent.
ADAM:
Really?
KAREN:
Oh, yeah, they're much larger than either a lion or a tiger, and extraordinarily intelligent.
ADAM:
Can they do crosswords? No, they can't, 'cause they can't hold the pencil, 'cause they haven't got an opposable thumb. Not that clever.
KAREN:
It's not their fault if they don't have an opposable thumb.
ADAM:
Okay. I'll concede that point. But can they do crosswords? No.
KAREN:
I bet if we made a crossword in Ligerese they could.
ADAM:
Oh. Ligerese. One across, four letters, a loud noise. Oh, "roar," there we go. Another four-letter word, five down, anything that moves. Ah, "food." And that's a cryptic crossword.
It’s another moose! (desperate, terrified panting) ANTLERS!!
KAREN:
(snort, giggles)
ADAM:
Hello.
KAREN:
There was a sound outside, like, maybe around the rubbish bins? And you said, "It’s another moose!" And, this very fearful, questioning yell, "ANTLERS!"
ADAM:
They’ve got big antlers, don’t they? M— Moo— Mooses? Mice? How about a mouse with antlers? They’ll keep failing over head first with the weight of it.
KAREN:
Not if they were to scale.
ADAM:
They’ll keep running into their little home and smacking them. They can’t get in because the antlers are too big.
